


The University Life Fairies

by DandelionFields



Category: Rainbow Magic Series - Daisy Meadows
Genre: F/F, Parody, and more shipping than I ever intended, more plot than this premise deserves, more political jokes than anyone wants, that gets taken increasingly seriously
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-05
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:27:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 36
Words: 104,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23027782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DandelionFields/pseuds/DandelionFields
Summary: Kirsty and Rachel, now 18, couldn't be more excited for their first year at the University of Rainborough - but not long after arriving, they discover that everything seems to be going wrong. Jack Frost is at it again, having stolen seven magical objects from the University Life fairies. The girls are going to have to help get them back if they're going to have the best year ever!But man, life sure is a lot more complicated now, compared to when they were kids...
Relationships: Rachel Walker/Kirsty Tate
Comments: 110
Kudos: 51





	1. #1 Felicity the Fresher's Flu Fairy - Ten Years Later

**Author's Note:**

> Some backstory, in case anyone who doesn't know me comes across this:
> 
> Last Christmas, my mother and I were talking about the Rainbow Magic books - I loved them growing up, and she now works in a library, where they're apparently as popular as ever with young girls. We got to joking about a parody series with Kirsty and Rachel as young adults. I said someone should write that.
> 
> She said that someone should be me.
> 
> I said absolutely not.
> 
> And then I did it anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [ Now with an absolutely wonderful illustrated version](https://1drv.ms/b/s!AiBWLuccZu2qgVkq0TP87YuCpMd1) by [ GJCashew](https://archiveofourown.org/users/GJCashew/pseuds/GJCashew)

“I can’t believe we’re finally at university!” said Rachel Walker, looking up at the accommodation hall she would be living in for the next year.

“Me neither!” said Kirsty Tate, placing a hand on Rachel’s shoulder. “I’m so excited!”

Rachel and Kirsty had been best friends since they were eight years old and met on a summer holiday. Despite living in different parts of the country, they had stayed close friends over the last ten years, and now that they were 18, they were finally going to the University of Rainborough together!

“We’re even in the same flat!” said Rachel. “I can’t believe how lucky that is! It’s almost like...”

The girls glanced at each other and grinned.

“Magic!” they said in unison.

Rachel and Kirsty weren’t just best friends - they also had a secret. Ever since the day they first met, they had been friends with the fairies, magical creatures that lived in Fairyland and used special magical objects to look after humans. Unfortunately, the wicked Jack Frost and his goblins kept stealing from the fairies. The girls had helped the fairies out more times than anyone could reasonably keep track of over the years.

As they got older, Rachel and Kirsty had decided to request that the fairies find help elsewhere, in order to let the girls focus on their academics and social lives. Since then things had been quiet, but the two still often found themselves having extraordinary luck from time to time, as the fairies apparently still wished to show them gratitude for all their help. The girls appreciated this.

Rachel and Kirsty headed into the building, chatting excitedly, where they were greeted by a student representative who showed them to their flat.

The flat opened from the building’s stairwell into a small hallway, with three bedrooms along the wall facing the main door. At the end of the hallway was another door, leading to the kitchen and common area.

“I wonder when our other flatmate will get here?” wondered Rachel, as the girls unpacked their kitchen supplies. She tested the taps, jumping back as water blasted out of one of them unexpectedly and splashed her shirt.

“Here,” said Kirsty, reaching into a box and pulling out a tea towel, “you don’t want to be all wet.” She started dabbing at the damp spot, careful to avoid catching the towel on Rachel's locket. Rachel, though somewhat surprised, shifted to offer easier access.

“Hi... are you two my flat mates then?”

Kirsty and Rachel broke apart and turned to see a girl standing in the doorway. She was tall and thin, with an oval face and golden hair tied into two long plaits that draped down to her waist. She wore jeans and a dark blue shirt, unbuttoned to show the bright red tank top she was wearing underneath.

“I’m Ruby,” she said.

Rachel snorted.

Ruby looked somewhat taken aback and Kirsty stepped in, gently slapping Rachel on the shoulder and speaking hurriedly.

“Sorry, it’s just... you remind us both of an old friend,” said Kirsty.

“Yes! So sorry!” said Rachel guiltily, doing her best to school her face into a less amused expression.

“Alright...” said Ruby. “Does that mean... you already know each other, then?”

“Yeah, we’ve been friends since we were kids,” said Kirsty. “We met on holiday and we stayed in touch.”

“Oh cool,” said Ruby, not looking like she thought it was cool at all. “So, uh - what are you guys studying?”

“Archaeology!” said Kirsty, enthusiastically.

“Maths,” said Rachel, significantly less enthusiastically.

“Cool,” said Ruby.

“What about you?” asked Kirsty.

“I’m doing Political Economy,” said Ruby.

“Oh,” said Kirsty in a high-pitched voice, this being the only appropriate reaction to learning that the person she was going to spend the next year living with was not only political enough to waste £9,000 a year studying the subject, but also hated herself enough to do it with a focus on economics.

“Where are you from?” asked Rachel, trying to make things less awkward.

“I grew up around here actually,” said Ruby. “How about you two?”

“Kirsty is from Wetherbury and I’m from Tippington,” said Rachel.

“I’ve never heard of either, where are they?” asked Ruby.

“Well, Wetherbury is in-“

There was a knock at the front door. All three girls glanced at each other, and headed out into the hallway.

It was the student rep, back to bring the three of them downstairs for an orientation meeting. The girls followed him.

After the meeting, Ruby went back upstairs to finish unpacking, but Rachel and Kirsty decided to have a look around the building’s courtyard first. It was small, with a few neat flowerbeds and a couple of benches. From the very back of it, where a small copse of trees framed the space, they could see onto the flat roof of the building. The wall next to the door had a pattern of extra bricks that stuck out oddly, all the way to the top - likely an architect’s attempt at being artsy, the girls assumed.

“I know I said this already - but I seriously can’t believe we’re finally here!” said Rachel, grinning.

“We’re going to be together all year,” said Kirsty, smiling just as wide and putting her arm around Rachel. “It’s going to be so much fun!”

Looking up at the sky, she let out a cheer. Rachel found herself laughing, and Kirsty joined her.

“This is going to be the best year EVER!” shouted Rachel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My degree is Politics and International Relations, so I can tell you better than anyone that politics students deserve mockery. And I *will* be mocking us, at every opportunity


	2. #1 Felicity the Fresher's Flu Fairy - One Month After That

“This is the worst year ever,” said Rachel.

“Aw, don’t say that Rachey,” said Kirsty, “it’s just fresher’s flu.”

“One,” said Rachel, and then stopped to cough before continuing, “never call me ‘Rachey’ again. And two, we’ve been sick since our second week! It’s been a month.”

She crossed her arms sulkily.

“Well sorry,” muttered Kirsty, sniffing, “I was only trying to make you feel better.”

Rachel sighed. “No, I’m sorry. I’m just so sick of this! It sucks, these are meant to be ‘the best years of our lives’ and we’re just...”

She gestured around them. The girls were sat at either end of their flat’s sofa, curled up in dressing gown and blankets, a collection of various half-empty cough medicine bottles between them. The bin at their feet was filled with used tissues. Rachel was shivering.

“Are you cold?” Kirsty asked, reaching out towards her.

“Yes, very. But also, excruciatingly hot. Don’t touch me.”

“Are you two still sick then?” asked Ruby, coming into the common area from the hallway.

“Are we ever!” Kirsty groaned. Rachel tossed another tissue in the bin.

Ruby nodded and headed across the room to the kitchen area to make herself some breakfast.

Ruby, so far into their university experience, had mostly kept to herself. Rachel and Kirsty had tried to be friendly, but it appeared like Ruby just wasn’t interested, so after a while they had given up. Ruby had her life pretty together anyway, it seemed to the girls, so it wasn’t like she needed them. It did make it slightly awkward when they ran into each other though.

“This is your fault anyway,” said Rachel. “That we’re both sick, I mean.”

“How is it my fault?” Kirsty exclaimed.

“I’m not the one who went to all those parties during Freshers Week and kissed a million complete strangers. And then you gave whatever you caught from them to me!”

“It was two strangers, and- well- how do I know you didn’t do the same behind my back?” said Kirsty, raising an eyebrow.

“Ah. Yes,” said Rachel, “parties, kissing strangers, and my crippling social anxiety - a truly fantastic combination.”

“Oh, come on. It’s not crippling. It is, at very worst, debilitating. Don’t be dramatic.”

Rachel leaned forward and gave Kirsty a playful shove, before falling back on the sofa once more.

“Ugh. That was exhausting. Moving hurts.”

“At least we’re not the only ones,” said Kirsty, “I don’t know anyone who isn’t as sick as we are. Well, except obviously...”

She limply reached up to indicate across the room at Ruby. Ruby was, seemingly, the only student at Rainborough University who hadn’t come down with fresher’s flu. The girls had no idea how she’d managed it.

“You know what we could do with?” said Rachel.

“What?”

“A little bit of the good old fairy magic.”

“Agreed,” sighed Kirsty.

“The what?” asked Ruby, carrying a plate of toast back across the room.

Rachel and Kirsty glanced at each other, not having realised Ruby was listening.

“Um,” said Rachel.

“It’s nothing! Just... nothing! A joke! An old inside joke! Ha,” said Kirsty, plastering on a smile.

“...right,” said Ruby, reaching to open the hallway door.

“Are you going out somewhere?” asked Rachel, scrambling for a subject change, and suddenly noticing how Ruby was dressed. She wore a jersey and shorts, and was carrying a sports bag. All were various shades of red.

“Just got back actually, from the climbing gym on campus,” said Ruby. “They don’t have a changing room.”

“That sounds fun!” said Rachel.

“Mm, but it also sounds dangerous though, what if you got hurt?” said Kirsty, addressing Rachel.

“There’s all kinds of safety measures - helmets and mats, and you’re clipped in if you’re doing the big wall. I’ve been climbing for years, it’s nothing to worry about,” said Ruby.

“Still,” said Kirsty, now giving Ruby’s outfit a proper look. “Everything you’re wearing is red,” she said, very observantly.

“It’s my favourite colour,” said Ruby.

Rachel choked back a laugh. Kirsty glared at her, and then gave Ruby an awkward smile.

Ruby, face neutral, opened the hallway door and left for her room.

The girls looked at each other guiltily.

“Um. About that fairy magic...” said a small, silvery voice from behind a half empty gin bottle.

Kirsty and Rachel snapped their heads round to stare as a small figure flew towards them from the counter.

The fairy had long, dark blonde hair, tied back in a messy ponytail. She wore a pale pink dressing gown over a light blue t-shirt and black pyjama bottoms. On her feet she wore fluffy white bunny slippers.

“Hi,” she said.

Kirsty groaned.

“Oh no. Oh no, no, no this isn’t happening. This can’t be what’s going on.”

“I’m afraid so,” said the fairy.

“But it’s been years! We told you, you needed find a new way of dealing with this stuff so we could live our lives!” said Kirsty.

“We did,” said the fairy, “we found two lovely girls, they’ve been very helpful - but they can’t help this time. They’re children, like you were, they’d be no good for this.”

Kirsty frowned.

“Why? What’s going on? What kind of fairy are you?” asked Rachel.

“I am Felicity the Freshers Flu Fairy. I am a University Life fairy and we need your help before university is ruined for everyone.”


	3. #1 Felicity the Fresher's Flu Fairy - Return to Fairyland

“I’m pretty sure university was already ruined for everyone back when the tuition fees were raised,” said Kirsty, unimpressed.

“Yes, and Tasmin the Tuition Fee Fairy is working on that - but there are other aspects to university life that can go wrong too! Like health, you two are both sick, right?”

Rachel and Kirsty both gestured wordlessly at their general appearance.

“Right, stupid question,” said Felicity apologetically.

“Can you make us better?” asked Rachel, perking up significantly at the thought.

“Not yet,” said Felicity. “Jack Frost has stolen my magical object that helps me keep students healthy. Without it, no one’s going to get better - but if I get it back, I can make you well in no time!”

“What’s your object?” asked Rachel, still much cheerier than before at the prospect of getting better. Kirsty narrowed her eyes.

“It’s a bottle of nasal spray.”

Kirsty wrinkled her nose. Rachel’s face fell.

“I feel like the objects were more... whimsical when we were kids” she said quietly.

“Welcome to adulthood,” said Felicity, shrugging.

“So - I suppose we have to go to Fairyland now don’t we?” said Kirsty.

“Well, yes, we that would be preferable,” said Felicity, flying over to whisper in Rachel’s ear. “Is she always this grouchy? I was told that you two were nice.”

“No - but don’t worry, she’ll warm up to you. It’s probably because she’s sick,” Rachel whispered back.

“Can we just get this over with?” said Kirsty.

With a wave of Felicity’s wand, Kirsty and Rachel were shrunk to fairy size, delicate sparkly wings sprouting from their backs. Rachel twisted to admire hers, grinning. Kirsty gave her wings an experimental flutter.

“Yay! Flying!” said Rachel.

“Yay. Flying.” said Kirsty.

“It’s been so long, I hope I can remember how this- whoa!” said Rachel, flapping her wings and overshooting, narrowly missing the overhead light.

Kirsty floated up behind her and grabbed her by the shoulders, steadying her in mid-air.

“You alright?”

“Yep! Thanks Kirsty!”

“Ready to go then, girls?” asked Felicity, flying over to the girls and hovering expectantly. 

Kirsty and Rachel nodded, and followed Felicity as she flew out the open window.

“Why are you being so grumpy?” Rachel whispered as they flew through the sky behind Felicity. “Aren’t you excited to see the fairies again? It’s been so long!”

“My nose is stuffed, my throat’s on fire, my ears are ringing, and my head is imploding - forgive me if I don’t feel like chasing goblins,” said Kirsty.

“So it is because you’re sick - does that mean you’ll be excited once we’re better?”

“Sure,” said Kirsty, grimacing. 

Soon, the familiar image of the kingdom of Fairyland was within view. The greenery was as green as ever, the lakes as gleaming as before, the toadstool houses dotting the landscape as vibrant as always. Fairyland Palace sparkled in the sunlight.

Kirsty sneezed.

The three landed outside the palace, and walked inside to find six fairies standing in the entrance hall.

“There they are – those are the other University Life fairies who need your help!” said Felicity.

Kirsty and Rachel were somewhat surprised by the appearances of the University Life fairies. In their previous experience, most fairies dressed very stylishly, but two of this group looked like they were dressed for business, another was in a cheap looking t-shirt with an unidentifiable logo on it, and another two had outfits similar to Felicity’s. Only one had the fashion sense the girls had come to expect of the fairies.

“Kirsty, Rachel - meet Olive the Overdraft Fairy, Beth the Bad Break-Up Fairy, Susan the Seasonal Depression Fairy, Hester the Hangover Fairy, Petra the Procrastination Fairy, and Steph the University and College Union Strikes Fairy,” said Felicity.

“Wow, some of those are really... specific,” said Kirsty.

“I thought you said there was a tuition fee fairy?” said Rachel.

“There is,” said Felicity, “there are hundreds of University Life fairies. Luckily, it’s only the seven of us that have had our magical objects stolen.”

“Do any other fairy groups have more than seven members?” asked Rachel, surprised.

“Most do, with some obvious exceptions - Rainbow Fairies, Fun Day Fairies, so on. You would have only ever met seven at a time, though - Jack Frost has always preferred to steal in sets of seven, for some reason,” said the well-dressed University Life fairy - the girls hadn’t quite caught which one she was.

“Didn’t he start stealing in fours after a while though? When we were kids?” wondered Rachel.

“Well, that was just down to laziness. On Jack Frost’s part, I mean,” said Felicity.

The throne room doors opened, causing the group to turn. Out stepped King Oberon and Queen Titania, looking no different than they had ten years ago.

“Kirsty, Rachel – it’s so wonderful to see the two of you again,” said Queen Titania.

“Great to see you too!” said Rachel. Kirsty nodded.

“How are you?” asked King Oberon.

“Sick,” said Kirsty.

“Ah, yes – that’ll be...” the queen looked to Felicity, who shuffled her feet awkwardly.

“Felicity will have told you that Jack Frost is up to no good again,” said King Oberon.

“Yes. The usual loosely justified thievery, I’m assuming – what’s his reason this time?” asked Kirsty.

“Ever since Fairyland got the internet, Jack Frost has been somewhat addicted to Netflix. Recently, he has been watching a lot of the NBC sitcom Community, and has grown resentful that he never had a fun university experience like on that show. He has therefore decided that no one should get to have fun at uni,” said the king.

The girls paused to consider how to react to that.

“That’s got to be his most weirdly specific excuse yet,” said Kirsty.

“You guys get Netflix?” asked Rachel. “Have any of you seen The Good Place?”

“Oh, I love that show!” said one of the University Life fairies.

Queen Titania cleared her throat.

“We intercepted him before he could get away, so he threw the objects into the human world. We then managed to redirect them to all end up at your university. They’re very well hidden, it should take a while for them to be found. So, we need you to work with the fairies to get-“ 

“To get them back before the goblins can wreak havoc and ruin university for everyone, yeah, we remember the drill,” said Kirsty.

“That’s good to hear,” said the queen. “But one new thing we should warn you about - Jack Frost has used magic on his goblins to make them the size of the average university student, in the hopes that it will make it harder for you to spot them.”

“Hmm... bad skin, poor hygiene, terrible fashion sense - as long as they stay away from the computer science department, we shouldn’t have any problems,” said Kirsty.

“Kirsty!” exclaimed Rachel. “The computer science students are nice, don’t be mean about them. If you’re going to make that kind of joke, say it about a type of student who deserves it. You know, like business students.”

“Or political scientists.”

“Exactly.”

“Well, it sounds like you’re ready, so we’ll let you get to it,” said King Oberon.

“Okay!” said Rachel.

“Let us, huh...” said Kirsty, darkly.

Kirsty, Rachel and Felicity walked towards the entrance to Fairyland Palace, ready to fly back to the university. 

“Oh, girls!” Queen Titania called out from behind them. The girls turned around.

“Remember - the magic will find you.”

“Clearly,” said Kirsty.


	4. #1 Felicity the Fresher's Flu Fairy - The Campus Goblins

The girls and Felicity arrived back at the University of Rainborough, having flown straight to campus in order to look for the goblins. They landed behind a set of dustbins, at the edge of a car park without any people around.

“Turn us back to normal size?” requested Kirsty. Felicity obliged.

“Aw,” said Rachel, “I’d forgot how much I like flying.”

“There aren’t very many people around...” said Felicity, sitting on Rachel’s shoulder as they walked onto the main quad.

“It’s half past. Lectures start on the hour, it’ll get busy in about twenty minutes,” said Kirsty, sniffling. “This stupid illness...” she muttered under her breath.

“Speaking of lectures, I’m supposed to be in one in a couple hours,” said Rachel.

“Well, all the more reason to try and get this done quickly, then,” said Kirsty.

“So, should we try to search for it?” asked Rachel. “I mean, ‘let the magic find us’ and all that, but I’d really like to just find it and get better, if possible.”

“Can’t hurt,” said Kirsty, and turned to look at Felicity. “What does it look like?”

“Like a bottle of nasal spray. But sparkly,” said Felicity.

“Why did I ask,” said Kirsty, wandering off to look through the bushes. 

***

“Rachel,” said Felicity after several minutes, as the two investigated the benches, “that student over there – she’s dressed kind of funny. Could she be a goblin in disguise?” 

Rachel looked where Felicity pointed. The girl in question had bubble-gum pink hair with blue streaks, and wore a cropped jacket that was half denim, half leather over a pink mesh turtleneck dress. Her knee-high boots were covered in paint. 

“Maybe...” said Rachel, “although she could – yeah, no, she’s got a sketchbook, see? She’s just an art student. Harmless.”

“Mm hm, I see,” said Felicity. “What about that one?”

This boy wore a tweed jacket, argyle jumper, and khakis. All that appeared to be missing was a tobacco pipe.

“Oh, no, he’s definitely a politics student. Almost certainly a young Conservative,” said Rachel. “Really smug and annoying, but also harmless.”

“What about that one?” asked Felicity, pointing across the quad at a figure approaching Kirsty from behind. It wore a University of Rainborough hoodie and plain jeans. A green hand reached for her shoulder. 

“Not harmless! Not harmless! Kirsty!” 

Kirsty turned around, but it was too late. The goblin shoved her aside, causing her to stumble. As she regained her balance, he shoved his hand into the bin she’d been standing next to. As he pulled his hand back out, something in his fist glimmered. 

“Kirsty, that’s it! Get him” cried Felicity. Rachel started running over to them. Kirsty tried to grab the goblin’s arm, but he was too fast, and took off sprinting. The girls took chase. As they ran, students began appearing out of the buildings, allowing the goblin to disappear into the crowds.

“Don’t let him get away!” said Felicity.

“We’re trying,” said Kirsty, taking heaving breaths, “but I’m a bit... a bit...” 

“Me too,” said Rachel, stopping to bend over.

“Didn’t you do track and field in sixth form?” asked Kirsty.

“Yes, but I wasn’t usually this sick,” said Rachel.

“Sick...” said Kirsty. “Hey!” 

She stepped up onto a bench and, after another moment of heavy breathing, looked over the crowds. Most were moving lethargically, coughing and groaning. Only a small group of four heading towards the road to the accommodation villages appeared to be moving normally.

“I see him!” said Kirsty. “Looks like he has friends.”

“Well, if we’re not strong enough to chase them... maybe we can sneak over there?” said Rachel.

The girls moved through the crowds, following the goblins up the path. As the groups of students thinned, they began walking more carefully, ducking behind pillars and bushes strategically. Eventually, they found themselves hidden in the trees behind the garden outside their own accommodation hall. 

The goblins had evidentially decided to take a break, and were standing around the courtyard talking quietly. They could identify the goblin with the nasal spray – he was the only one wearing a hoodie, and his fist still sparkled. 

Kirsty assessed the situation. 

“Okay... on three, I’m going to try and tackle him. When I do, I’ll grab it from him. Felicity, you fly over, and I’ll pass it to you. Then you and Rachel run.” 

“Kirsty, I should do it, I’m stronger than you,” said Rachel.

“No - it’s too dangerous,” said Kirsty.

“Exactly, which is why I should do it, because I’m stronger,” said Rachel, pouting. Kirsty looked briefly flustered, before shaking her head.

“It was my idea, so I’m doing it – on one, two- “

Rachel sneezed. The goblins all looked up. 

“The roof!” one of them said.

The goblins bolted for the building. Using the bricks that stuck out of the wall by the door, they were all able to start climbing up to the rooftop before the girls could even make their way out of the woods.

“How are they so fast?” cried Rachel.

“Well... that’ll be my nasal spray,” said Felicity, looking a little guilty. “It makes people healthy, so...”

“Since they have it, they’re super healthy. Great,” said Kirsty, staring up at the roof, where all four goblins now stood, jeering. “What are we supposed to do now?”

“We can’t climb all the way up there – we’re barely strong enough to run!” said Rachel. 

“And neither of us are climbers anyway, it’s much too dangerous,” said Kirsty.

“So what now? Are we stuck?” asked Rachel, staring up at the building. Kirsty continued to do the same, deep in thought.

Through one of the windows, the girls both spotted a quick flash of red. Kirsty and Rachel turned to each other, eyes lit up, and without speaking rushed for the stairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [The jean/leather jacket (jeather jacket) is real and I have seen it. ](https://imgur.com/a/oVXXts2)
> 
> Found it in a charity shop last year. It's the worst thing I've ever come across and everyone must know of it


	5. #1 Felicity the Fresher's Flu Fairy - Ruby

“You knock,” said Rachel.

The girls were stood outside Ruby’s door, neither certain of how they were going to handle this.

“Are we sure this is actually a good idea?” asked Kirsty. She’d been certain on the way up, but faced with having to explain everything, she was starting to have doubts.

“What else are we going to do?” replied Rachel. “We can’t go after them. We need to get it back. It’s the only way.”

“I agree,” said Felicity, from where she was hidden on Rachel’s shoulder behind her hair. Rachel had explained who Ruby was on the way.

“Well. Okay then,” said Kirsty, raising her fist to knock – but before she could, the door opened.

“Hi?” said Ruby.

“Hi!” said Rachel and Kirsty simultaneously.

“Do you... need something?” asked Ruby.

“We kind of wanted to- oh my _god_ , what is with your _room_?” blurted Rachel, looking over Ruby’s shoulder.

Ruby’s bedroom looked like a rubbish tip. The desk was covered in a stack of empty pizza boxes and dirty plates, the floor was covered in clothes and sweets wrappers, the blankets and pillows on the bed were all shoved up into one corner, the rest of the bed covered in bags, books, and yet more empty food packaging. 

“ _Rachel,”_ said Kirsty. Ruby turned as red as the shirt she was wearing and moved to shut the door.

“No, wait, Ruby, I’m sorry please don’t – is that a banana peel in your bed?”

“ _Rachel!”_

Kirsty stuck her foot in the door to stop Ruby from closing it, smiling at her guiltily. Ruby looked miserable.

“Yes, I’m messy, okay? It’s none of your business.”

“But – what if you have friends round?” asked Rachel.

“I don’t have friends?” said Ruby, now extremely annoyed.

“What do you mean you don’t have _friends_?” said Rachel.

“ _Rachel have you ever in your life heard of something called ‘tact’?_ ” hissed Kirsty.

“I mean exactly what I said!” said Ruby.

“But – how- I mean?”

“Rachel, why do you think I’m one of the only people at this entire university who doesn’t have fresher’s flu right now?”

Rachel and Kirsty both paused. They _had_ been wondering.

“I.. don’t know,” said Rachel.

“I don’t have fresher’s flu because I haven’t had anyone to catch it from. I have no friends, I don’t get invited to any parties, all I do is go to lectures and come back home. I eat all my meals alone, the whole of last weekend the only person I spoke to was the cashier at the off license, and I’ve watched five seasons of _Supernatural_ this week _alone_. It’s not even a good show! I just have literally nothing else in my life!”

Ruby buried her face in her hands in frustration.

“...were you watching the okay seasons, at least?” asked Rachel.

“No! Season 7 onwards!”

“Yikes,” said Rachel.

“Yeah, I haven’t seen it, so this is meaningless to me,” said Kirsty.

“Well, in season 7 they introduced these really stupid ancient monsters called the Levia-“

“Rachel, I love you, but I don’t care.”

“But Kirsty, I tried to tell you years ago, you need to understand, they ended up doing this stupid fake-out and- “

“Rachel, I have mentally blocked out everything from when we were thirteen for a reason. Please don’t remind me of your _Supernatural_ phase. I had an anime phase, Rachel. Don’t make me remember my anime phase, Rachel. Do you want me to go back to that? I can’t risk going back to that.”

“And I live with two people who’ve known each other forever so I’m always reminded of just how incredibly alone I am whenever I’m around you guys!” cried Ruby.

“Oh, Ruby, you don’t have to- we’re not trying to- we’re friends!” said Rachel.

“Uh, no, we’re not,” said Ruby.

“Sure we are,” said Kirsty, attempting to disguise her false cheer. “We’re totally friends with you!”

“What’s my surname?” asked Ruby.

Kirsty and Rachel paused.

“Lewis!” said Kirsty.

“...Wiiiiinchester?” said Rachel.

“ _Cahill,_ ” said Ruby.

“Wow, not even close,” muttered Kirsty.

“What did you even want?” asked Ruby, looking close to tears.

“Oh! Right!” said Rachel. “We sort of wanted to ask... a favour?”

“Forget it,” said Ruby, “I’m not in the mood.”

“Please, you’re the only person we know who can do this,” said Rachel. She looked Ruby in the eyes and smiled gently. “Please, Ruby.”

Ruby bit her lip, and sighed.

“Well, tell me what it is, and we’ll see.”

“We... we need to tell you something first. See... well...”

“Fairies are real, and we need your climbing skills to help one out,” said Kirsty, seeing no point in beating around the bush.

“What,” said Ruby.

“Fairies! You know, little people with like, wings and-“ Rachel started.

“I know what fairies _are_ ,” said Ruby, “but they’re not _real_.”

“Maybe I should help out here,” Felicity whispered to Rachel. She pushed Rachel’s hair aside and flew into the space in the air between Ruby and the girls.

“Hi Ruby!” said Felicity.

Rachel and Kirsty looked at Ruby expectantly. Ruby stared at Felicity. Felicity smiled and gave a little wave.

“ _Whatthefuck,_ ”whispered Ruby.

***

“You want me to climb up there?” asked Ruby, looking up at the building. The girls could hear the faint laughter of the goblins at the top.

“You’re a climber, right?” said Rachel.

“Yes, but... I’d normally be clipped in when climbing something this high!”

Rachel sighed.

“Well, we can’t do it, we’re too sick. I would try normally, but with this flu-“

“No you wouldn’t!” said Kirsty, scandalised. “I wouldn’t let you! What if you fell?”

“Oh, but it’s okay if _I_ fall,” said Ruby.

“That’s not-“

“Ruby, if you fall, I’ll turn you into a fairy and you can fly back down, safe and sound,” said Felicity, trying to ease the tension.

“You can turn people into fairies?” asked Ruby.

“Yes, it’s very easy,” said Felicity.

“And fairies can _fly_ ,” said Ruby.

“Yes,” Felicity, Kirsty and Rachel said in unison.

“Well, forgive me, I’m new to this so maybe I’m missing something, but why,” asked Ruby, “can’t you just turn into fairies and fly _up?_ ”

There was a silence.

“This illness is making us stupid,” said Rachel, finally.

“Sorry for bothering you Ruby, I guess we don’t need you after all,” said Kirsty.

“Hang on! No! There’s no way I’m just- just going back up to my room and letting you deal with this alone! Fairies are real! _Magic_ is real! I can’t just- “

“Of course you can stick around,” said Rachel. Ruby relaxed.

“Shall I turn the three of you into fairies then?” asked Felicity.

“Go for it!” said Rachel.

Felicity waved her wand and the three girls shrank. Ruby twisted her neck, and then her back, trying to get a good look.

“I have _wings!_ ” she exclaimed. “So I can- I can really- “

Kirsty fluttered up into the air in demonstration, Rachel following.

“It’s really easy!” said Rachel. “Give it a go!”

Ruby concentrated and found herself in the air. She stared at Rachel, Kirsty and Felicity, grinning wildly, plaits swinging across her body.

“I’m actually- I’m actually _flying!_ This is all _real!_ ”

Her oversized t-shirt flowed around her body as she hovered and bobbed about, trying to get used to being airborne. It almost resembled a short, red dress.

Rachel giggled. Kirsty elbowed her.

The girls and Felicity flew to the top of the building, where the goblins were standing around muttering to each other.

“Turn us back to normal again,” said Kirsty. “I don’t think we’ll be able to do much in fairy form.”

“To be honest, I don’t think we’ll be able to do much in human form either, since we’re still so weak,” said Rachel.

“Well, good thing you’ve got me, then!” said Ruby.

“Don’t get cocky now, newbie,” said Kirsty.

Felicity waved her wand, and the girls grew back to normal size.

“Twice in one day – I’m a little dizzy,” said Rachel. “Or is it the flu?”

The goblins all turned to the girls. The one in the hoodie stood in the middle, the other three standing behind him.

“Oh, great, it’s those two,” said the goblin on the far-left. “I thought we’d seen the last of them years ago.”

“Why didn’t you say it was them?” asked the goblin on the far-right, addressing the hoodie goblin.

“How would I know, I never met them!” he protested. “I’m new to this!”

“He’s useless,” said the centre goblin. “You know, he actually _paid_ the humans for that jumper. With _human money._ ”

“Workers deserve to be compensated for their labour and the commodities they produce!” said the hoodie goblin angrily.

“The person working in the uni shop probably didn’t _make_ the hoodie...” said Ruby. The goblins all turned to look at her.

“Who’s this one? I don’t recognise it,” said the far-right goblin.

“I’m Ruby - and I’m not an ‘it’!” said Ruby.

“Ruby?” said the centre goblin. “Like- “

“Are we going to stand around talking or are we going to get what we’re here for?” asked Kirsty.

She lunged forward in attempt to grab the hoodie goblin’s fist, but he dodged easily, sending Kirsty staggering.

The goblins seemed amused by this. One reached for Rachel’s face. She tried to move out of the way, but he was too fast, and flicked her on the nose.

“Hey!” she cried, rubbing the sore spot.

The goblins cackled, and began dancing around the girls, delighted in this new power they had over them.

Kirsty and Rachel, still weakened by their illness, were doing all they could to avoid getting hit – they were little more than nuisance attacks rather than any real danger, but it still hurt. Ruby, faring somewhat better, was trying to be useful and grab the hoodie goblin, but was still so struck by the bizarre nature of the situation that it was throwing her off. Felicity flitted about, attempting to distract the goblins, to little avail.

“Hey- wait a minute! I’m missing my lecture!” said Rachel, suddenly stopping.

“Really? You’re worried about that _now_? This is _not_ the time!” said Kirsty, kicking at a goblin to try and get him away from her.

Rachel shook her head, trying to shake off the distraction, still feeling a little dizzy. In the same moment, one of the goblins rushed towards her. She unthinkingly stepped backwards in attempt to avoid him, and hit air. She wobbled on one foot over the edge of the building, and tipped back towards the ground.

“ _Rachel!”_ Kirsty screamed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You may be assuming that Ruby is my self-insert. She isn't. I have no interest in writing a self-insert character. I spend enough time in my own head already - the point of writing is to get into someone else's.
> 
> But, admittedly, I would be lying if I said her first year experience isn't pretty heavily based on what mine was like


	6. #1 Felicity the Fresher's Flu Fairy - One Down

“Got you!” Ruby shouted, grabbing Rachel’s arm and pulling her back to her feet. She staggered, but this time managed to hold her balance.

“Thanks, Ruby!” Rachel said. “Phew! That was- “

Kirsty had grabbed her and hugged her close.

“Oh my god oh my god you’re okay, you’re okay.”

Ruby stepped aside awkwardly.

“Yeah, Kirsty, I’m fine. Not like it’s the first time something like that’s happened,” said Rachel, surprised.

Kirsty hugged her even tighter.

“Kirsty... the goblins- “

“I don’t care, that doesn’t matter, you nearly- “

“I’m fine, Felicity would have kept me safe anyway, Kirsty we have to- “

“No, we don’t, I said this was all too dangerous, this is why we- “

“Um... guys?” said Ruby.

They both turned to look at her.

“Is this it?” Ruby held up a bottle of nasal spray. It sparkled a little.

“Must be!” said Rachel. “Felicity?”

“That’s it!” said Felicity, flying over to Ruby and floating over the hoodie goblin. He was lying face-down on the roof, out cold.

“I, uh... I tripped him?” said Ruby. “And then the others all climbed down off the roof and ran away before they noticed what had happened? Is it always this easy?”

Kirsty and Rachel looked at each other.

“Beginner’s luck,” said Kirsty.

***

Later that evening, after getting the goblin off the roof and hiding him out of harm’s way, Kirsty, Rachel and Ruby were back in their flat. The girls were standing around the kitchen eating cereal, Felicity hovering in front of them.

“Isn’t that a breakfast food?” asked Felicity.

“Breakfast is a social construct,” said Ruby.

“Yeah – plus, it goes great with vodka,” said Kirsty, as she poured herself a second glass. Ruby raised an eyebrow.

“I just really like Coco Pops,” said Rachel, picking pieces of dry cereal from her bowl with her hands and nibbling on them with a serene smile.

Felicity, realising this was an area of human culture she was not destined to understand, decided to move past it.

“Thank you so much for your help, all of you!” she said, smiling widely. “Now, as I promised...”

She waved her wand, sending sparkles flying around the room and out the window.

“I can breathe again!” said Rachel in delight.

“My vision is normal and my brain isn’t rotting!” said Kirsty, the happiest she’d been all day.

“Oh hey, I’m not tired for once,” said Ruby. “Thanks, Felicity.”

“You may not have been sick, but it was the least I could do,” said Felicity. “The rest of the students here should be feeling better too!”

“So. One down, six to go. I guess we’ll be seeing another fairy pretty soon,” said Kirsty.

“Six?” said Ruby. “You didn’t say it was that many.”

“Is that a problem?”

“No- it’s... well, it’s kind of exciting, isn’t it?” Ruby grinned.

“Who says you’re invited?” said Kirsty.

Ruby’s smile dropped and Rachel scowled.

“Of course she’s invited, Kirsty, don’t even joke.”

“Fine, fine,” Kirsty said, smiling. “Welcome aboard, Ruby.”

“To answer your question – yes, another one of us will be along soon,” said Felicity. “Now, I’ve got to head back, so goodbye!”

“Bye Felicity!” the girls said in unison. Felicity flew towards the window, but stopped, considering something.

“Oh, wait, hey, before I go - I may specialise in fresher’s flu, but general health is important to me too, and there are all kinds of ways you can get sick at university! For example, I want to make sure you guys know about the importance of safe se- “

“No! No! No no no no no! I’m sorry, Felicity, but no, you guys represent childhood innocence and wonder to me, you are not allowed to say the s-word!” said Rachel, covering her ears.

“I’m with Rachel on this,” said Ruby, wrinkling her nose. “This day has been weird enough already. Getting the Talk from a pixie in a dressing gown might break my brain.”

“Okay, okay, but just remember - eat lots of vegetables, don’t skip meals, get plenty of sleep, use condoms, bye!”

Felicity vanished in a shimmer of glitter.

“Well that was literally traumatising,” said Kirsty.

Ruby put her bowl down in the sink.

“You know - I just keep jumping between being excited that magic and fairies are real, and being freaked out of my mind that magic and fairies are _real_ ,” said Ruby.

“You’ll get used to it,” said Rachel.

“I guess I will. Alright, well - I think I’m going to go to bed. It’s been a day. But - one more question?”

“Sure,” said Kirsty.

“Why does Rachel keep laughing at me?”

“Oh! Oh I’m not laughing at you!” said Rachel, “It’s just... well...”

“You look like a fairy we know - Ruby the Red Fairy, first we ever met actually. Seriously, you look exactly like her, it’s uncanny. Plus, you know. Same name,” said Kirsty.

“What,” said Ruby.

“You’re not much alike aside from name and appearance though. And the red thing,” said Kirsty, smiling as though she thought that would make Ruby feel better.

“We’ve sometimes seen her around since then when we go to Fairyland. She’s usually pretty busy, but it’s always nice to say hello,” said Rachel.

“Maybe you can come and meet her next time we go,” said Kirsty.

“To- you’ve been to- I could go- no. No, no, I’ve barely wrapped my head around fairies being real, and I haven’t even begun wrapping my head around this ‘I have a fairy doppelgänger’ thing, I am not going to touch ‘Fairyland’ existing until the morning,” said Ruby, walking out of the kitchen with her head in her hands.

“So,” said Rachel, turning to Kirsty, “now that you’re all better, aren’t you excited for another fairy adventure? It’s been so long!”

Kirsty looked at Rachel and smiled softly.

“Yeah, of course I am,” she said.

“Great! And with Ruby coming along, it might just be the most fun yet!”

She gave Kirsty a quick half-hug and headed for the door, taking her cereal with her.

“Night!”

“Night.”

Kirsty, left alone in the kitchen, let her smile drop, and placed her bowl in the sink. She picked up the vodka and took a swig directly from the bottle.

She frowned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's 'Book' 1. Stick around for parties, overspending, abuse of fairy magic, and the most unbearable character I've ever written


	7. #2 Olive the Overdraft Fairy - Halloween

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some discussion of anxiety in this one, mostly chapters 2 and 5

“Happy Halloween!” shouted Rachel Walker, bursting into her university flat’s common area and throwing her arms in the air. 

“Happy Halloween!” replied her best friend, Kirsty Tate, from where she was sat on the sofa. Rachel sat down next to her. 

“The same,” said Ruby Cahill, Rachel and Kirsty’s flatmate, from the kitchen across the room, where she was cooking her lunch. 

“Aren’t you excited for Halloween?” asked Rachel, surprised at Ruby’s uninterested tone.

“Well, I mean - I love all the mythos around the holiday. Ghosts, and werewolves, and all that stuff. That’s cool. But I grew up here, in a university town, remember? I know what students get like on Halloween, it’s just a whole night of drunkenness and shouting and wrecking stuff.”

“Sounds fun,” said Kirsty. 

Ruby turned off the stove and poured her soup into a bowl, joining the other two on the sofa. 

“That smells _good_ ,” said Rachel.

“I know right? It’s a fancy brand, haven’t tried it before. Was kind of an impulse purchase.”

Ruby ate a spoonful, and leaned back, closing her eyes and humming in pleasure. Then she sat back up, a thought having occurred to her.

“Hey, so- Halloween’s like, a big deal right? Is there a Halloween fairy?”

Rachel and Kirsty had had a secret since childhood - they were friends with fairies! They had helped the fairies out many times when they were kids, stopping the evil Jack Frost from causing trouble. As they got older, they had requested that the fairies find other help, so they’d be able to properly live their lives in the normal world. But shortly after they arrived at the University of Rainborough, the University Life fairies had come to request their help once again. The two had ended up needing to get Ruby involved when they helped Felicity the Fresher's Flu Fairy, and now the three girls were all working together.

“Yes,” said Kirsty, in answer to Ruby’s question, “her name is Trixie.”

“Her job was to make sure Halloween wasn’t too spooky for the kids,” said Rachel. 

“Huh. That’s kind of lame, isn’t it? Does that mean she’s basically like a... I don’t know, a tiny flying censorship board?” said Ruby. 

“I think it was more about making sure the holiday was fun-scary rather than, you know, traumatising-scary,” said Rachel, getting up to grab a snack.

“Fair enough,” said Ruby. “So, are we going to see another fairy? It’s been a couple weeks.

“We will at some point... this is actually pretty strange,” said Kirsty. “When we were kids, fairy adventures usually wrapped up within a week - one fairy a day.”

“Titania did say that the objects were extra well-hidden this time,” called Rachel from behind the fridge door. 

“Okay... but why aren’t we out looking for them, then?” Ruby asked. 

“The fairies always say ‘let the magic find you’,” said Kirsty. “Actively searching never seems to do much. Best to wait for when a goblin gets hold of one and starts causing trouble - one of the fairies will... I don’t know, sense it or something, and show up and help us out. They’ve always been a bit vague about how exactly it all works.”

Rachel returned to the sofa with a jar of jalapenos, and laid her feet out on the coffee table. She began eating straight from the jar, licking the brine off her fingers every so often. Kirsty and Ruby stared at her in silence.

“What?” Rachel asked. 

“I don’t like what independent living is doing to you,” said Kirsty. Rachel scoffed and flicked her fingers, spraying Kirsty’s face with brine. Kirsty yelped.

Ruby looked on, vaguely amused. 

“So, you’re coming with us to the party tonight, right?” asked Kirsty, addressing Ruby.

“The party...?” asked Ruby.

“You know, the one on campus?” said Rachel.

“Oh... I’d heard about it, but I didn’t realise... I mean, if you want me to- if it’s okay with you- “

“Of course!” said Rachel, smiling. “Unless you don’t want to? I get it, if you don’t like parties, I don’t really like them that much myself – but I’ll be okay as long as Kirsty’s with me!”

Kirsty smiled softly.

“No, I like parties, as long as it’s not too intense or anything, I want to go! I just... wasn’t sure if you guys would want me...” Ruby trailed off.

“We’re friends, it’s only natural we’d want you to come with us,” said Rachel. “Oh, but we’ll need to get you a ticket, if you weren’t planning on it...”

“I’m on it,” said Kirsty, standing up. “I’ve got a seminar, I’ll ask around on the way and while I’m there. Someone’ll be selling.”

“Well... okay!” said Ruby. “See you tonight!”

“Oh,” said Kirsty, as she headed out the door, “and make sure you’ve got a costume!”

***

“So... what exactly are you supposed to be?” asked Ruby. She and Kirsty were standing in the flat’s hallway, waiting for Rachel. Kirsty was wearing a long sleeved, knee length black dress, black boots, a black pointy hat, her usual locket and a jean jacket covered in badges.

“I’m a witch, isn’t it obvious?” said Kirsty. “I know it's not the most creative, but I thought it looked pretty good.”

“You look fine – I just didn’t think witches wore jackets like that.”

“Well, it’s cold outside - it’s practical,” said Kirsty, crossing her arms defensively.

“What are all those buttons anyway, I don’t recognise most of them?” asked Ruby.

“Oh well, this one’s anti-climate change, this one’s for a charity in my hometown, this one’s bisexual pride, this one’s for the band Green Day, this one- “

Rachel stepped out of her room, interrupting them.

“Oh, hey Rachel, you’re ready! What... are you?” asked Ruby.

Rachel was wearing a short, sleeveless black dress with a ribbon tied around the waist, heels, and a headband with round, grey ears attached to it.

“I’m a mouse, duh,” said Rachel. “...you know. Like in _Mean Girls_?”

“Ohhh, I get it,” said Ruby. “You look cute!”

Kirsty blinked.

“Yes! You look really cute Rachel!” she said, somewhat more aggressively than was necessary.

“Thanks!” said Rachel. “I just bought this dress the other day - it was kind of pricy, but I think it was worth it. So, Ruby, what are you?”

Ruby was dressed in a long overcoat and wore fedora on her head.

“I guess I’m a detective?” she said. “I don’t know, I had to put this together so last minute, I was just working with what I had.”

“You just... _had_ a fedora?” asked Kirsty.

“Do detectives wear fedoras?” asked Rachel.

“I don’t know, maybe? Probably some do. Aren’t fedoras cool? I think they’re cool...”

“Well... I mean... you pull it off,” said Rachel, smiling. Ruby smiled back, relieved.

The girls headed out of the building and down the road to campus. Rachel shivered a little in the cold air.

“Want to borrow my jacket?” asked Kirsty.

“No, it’s okay – it’s a short walk, and it’ll be warm inside,” said Rachel.

After about ten minutes of walking they reached the student union building, where the Halloween party was already in progress.

“Sure you’re okay with this?” Kirsty asked Rachel.

“Yeah... just stick with me, alright?” Rachel said, taking a deep breath.

“Promise,” said Kirsty, squeezing her hand, and opening one of the building’s glass doors that lead into the main hall. Inside, it was loud and crowded, groups of already drunk students cheering as popular song came on.

“Lot of people here!” Ruby shouted over the music.

“I didn’t notice!” Kirsty yelled back. “Drinks? I’m paying!”

They made their way over to the bar in the corner, where it was marginally quieter. Kirsty waved to get a bartender’s attention.

“One Diet Coke, four peach Bellinis and – what do you want Ruby?”

“You’re ordering four cocktails for _yourself_?” asked Ruby, incredulous.

“Yes. What do you want?”

“Can you afford that?”

Kirsty paused, considering.

“Screw it, who cares. What do you want?”

“...one of the same, I guess,” said Ruby.

“Popular choice tonight!” said the bartender, offering Kirsty the card reader. Looking around, Ruby noticed he was right. Most people seemed to be holding cocktails, or something equally expensive looking.

After receiving their drinks, the three moved away from the bar, Kirsty carrying the tray they’d been given.

“You’re not drinking, Rachel?” asked Ruby.

“Alcohol doesn’t mix well with... me. And I don’t even like it that much, anyway,” Rachel yelled back.

“Let’s go find a table!” shouted Kirsty.

They pushed through the crowd, there now being so many people that it was difficult to move. Kirsty eventually spotted a small table with only a few other people sitting at it, and three chairs available. She set down the drinks.

“Hey, seats! Ruby, Rachel!”

She turned around. Ruby was right behind her, looking pleased at Kirsty’s find.

Rachel was nowhere to be seen.

“Rachel...?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not drink, so every reference to alcohol was run past a panel of three of my friends that do. Nothing in this story has been as heavily scrutinsed for accuracy as the alcohol. Priorities, am I right?


	8. #2 Olive the Overdraft Fairy - Out in the Cold

Rachel was alone. 

The party was loud, and Rachel was alone.

It was loud and crowded and hot and there were people and the music was in her lungs and it was hot and she was alone and it was loud and the sound was in her lungs and there were people and it was crowded and she was alone and the noise was in her lungs in her lungs _in her lungs in her-_

She stumbled back towards the main doors, gulping the cool air outside, leaning hard against a bulletin board.

“Hey... hey, you okay?” said a voice from behind her.

Rachel opened her mouth to say ‘no’, but found herself unable to speak. Her tongue felt too big.

“No, I don’t think you are. Deep breaths, okay?” said the voice.

Rachel complied. 

“Can you concentrate on the bulletin board? Read one of the posters for me?”

“T-t- the Vice Chancellor’s wallet was stolen last month. Other staff members’ wallets also reported stolen on campus. Please be careful of pickpockets while on-site.”

“Good, another one?”

“Drama society production of _Seussical the Musical_ , December 2-7, tickets £10. That sounds bad,”

The voice laughed.

“Respondents wanted for survey, must be over 35 and married - why advertise that _here_?”

“Are you feeling better?” asked the voice.

“Yeah, I am,” said Rachel, turning around to see who had been helping her.

A fairy hovered in the air before her. She had light brown skin, dark brown eyes, and shoulder length curly brown hair, with subtle blonde highlights. She wore a smart, dark green jacket over a white shirt and dress trousers. 

“Hi Rachel. I’m Olive the Overdraft Fairy!”

***

“We need to find Rachel, where is she, we need to-“

“Kirsty, Kirsty – calm down, you’re panicking, it’s okay. Rachel will be fine, she can look after herself,” said Ruby, placing her hands on Kirsty’s shoulders.

“No, she won’t, she can’t, she’s really not good in situations like this, and I promised I’d be there for her, _I promised, Ruby!”_ Kirsty exclaimed, distraught.

“Okay. Let’s look for her, then. Where would she be most likely to go?”

Kirsty glanced around, and spotted the open door. She wordlessly started pushing through the crowd. Ruby followed, feeling a little perturbed at Kirsty’s single-mindedness.

When she reached the exit, Kirsty ran out the door, only to find Rachel sitting underneath a bulletin board, chatting to a fairy.

“Oh! Hey Kirsty! This is Olive,” said Rachel, gesturing to the fairy. Olive waved.

“Are you okay, Rachel? I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to-“

“It’s okay,” said Rachel, smiling. “I got a bit overwhelmed, but I came outside, and Olive helped me, so it’s all good.”

Ruby, finally having managed to catch up with Kirsty, made her way outside and immediately spotted Olive.

“Oh my god!” said Ruby, pointing.

“Yes, we see her too,” said Kirsty.

“You must be Ruby,” said Olive. “It’s nice to meet you. Felicity spoke very highly of you.”

Ruby blushed.

Behind them, a girl stumbled out of the building, sobbing. Rachel got up and ran over to her.

“Hey! Hey, what’s wrong, are you okay?”

“My- my card got declined and- “ the girl started crying again, and shoved her phone into Rachel’s face.

“Whoa!” said Rachel, staring at the screen. The girl’s bank statement was displayed. “I... I didn’t think it was _possible_ to end up in that much debt...”

“ _Rachel_ ,” said Kirsty.

“And that fast...” said Rachel, still in awe.

“Rachel,” said Kirsty, walking over, “you really can’t- oh my _god,_ that is a _lot_ of debt!”

The girl glared at them both and walked away.

“Sorry!” Rachel called after her, feebly.

“I’m guessing this is to do with you?” said Ruby to Olive. Olive grimaced.

“Yep...” she said. “I help people avoid reckless spending. Without my magic bank statement, people start making every impulse purchase they think of!”

“Well, at least that’s less gross than the nasal spray,” said Ruby.

“I guess I have been more impulsive recently,” said Rachel, having walked back over. “It started when we got here, but especially in the last few days...”

“Yes... some of that will just be a natural result of you being independent,” said Olive, “and some of it will be since my bank statement went missing – but if it’s got really bad, the goblins must now be closing in on it! It’ll only get worse if we don’t find it soon!”

“Okay, but - are we sure that one girl wasn’t just particularly careless?” asked Kirsty. “Which would mean that maybe we don’t need to worry about this yet, and we can just have a good time tonight?”

Ruby frowned, considering.

“Hmm... Rachel, you said you just bought your dress, and that it was pricy. How much did it cost?”

“£700,” said Rachel.

Kirsty and Ruby stared at her. Rachel blinked, as if leaving a trance.

“Oh my god I spent £700 on a dress I was only planning on wearing once, to a _university Halloween party_ ,” said Rachel, horrified.

“That’s half your maintenance loan!” said Kirsty, almost equally horrified. Ruby frowned.

“And Kirsty... your drinks- “

“They were £9 each!” She frowned. “And I left them inside...”

“Oh yeah, that’s the same as me losing _seven hundred entire pounds_ ,” muttered Rachel. Ruby patted her on the shoulder sympathetically.

“Okay - we definitely need to sort this out, _tonight_ ,” said Kirsty. She turned to Olive. “Any idea where the bank statement might be?”

“I can’t be sure – but I have a strong feeling that it’s somewhere in there,” said Olive, pointing back inside the party. “Which means there must also be goblins about.”

“And it’s Halloween, so they won’t stick out,” said Kirsty, sighing. “Naturally.”

She looked over at Rachel, who was staring through the glass doors, biting her lip.

“You can stay here if you want - Ruby and I can handle it.”

Rachel looked at Kirsty, surprised.

“No way. I’m coming with you.”

“But- “

“I’ll be _fine_. I’m not just going to sit around and wait for you guys.”

Kirsty didn’t look convinced, but nodded.

“Just let me know if it gets too much for you again.”

“Of course.”

The girls opened the door, and re-entered the party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which Rachel takes a turn in the 'definitely not my self insert' seat (I have similar issues with parties)
> 
> Also - I'm not great at coming up with character descriptions, so I based Olive's appearance entirely on a woman I briefly worked with last year. I mention it because if I ever disappear, it should be assumed that it's because she somehow found out about this, and in response I have launched myself into the sun


	9. #2 Olive the Overdraft Fairy - Taking Chase

They pushed their way back to the bar, as it made for a good vantage point to search the crowd for goblins, and also meant they could hear each other. It had gone briefly quite – only one other student sat alone at the other end. He ignored them as they sat down, broodily twirling his straw in his drink, and fiddling with the cuffs of his hoodie.

“Were your drinks really £9? _”_ asked Rachel. “That seems like a lot for a university bar to charge.”

“I know, right – especially considering our fees, really, they should be giving them away,” said Ruby.

“Focus, guys,” said Kirsty, scanning the room. “This is really frustrating, like a third of the people in here are painted green.”

A couple walked past, covered in green body make-up, as if to prove her point.

“Get some original costumes!” Kirsty yelled after them.

“Kirsty!” said Rachel, appalled. Olive, staring up from where she was sitting on Rachel’s shoulder, looked similarly upset.

“What? It’s getting in the way of us getting this over with and enjoying a perfectly good party. And hey, since when were you the fairy taxi?”

“Just a minute ago you thought I shouldn’t come back in, and having her here means no one will see her, and anyway, I like it when the fairies sit on my shoulder, so _there_.”

“Guys,” said Ruby.

“I said that because now we’re doing a fairy adventure, so it’s going to get complicated and we might get separated- “

“You _already_ lost me, and there weren’t any fairies around then!”

“I didn’t _lose_ you, and that’s not the point-“

“ _Guys_ ,” said Ruby, a little louder.

“No, the point is you’re being grumpy again, and last time you said it was because you were sick but you’re not sick now so- “

“ _Guys!”_ shouted Ruby. “Look!”

Lying just a few seats down the bar, where a place mat should have been, was a sparkly piece of paper. Eyes lighting up, Kirsty lunged, only for the bartender to pick it up before she could reach it.

“Give me that!” shouted Kirsty.

“What?” said the bartender, pulling the paper close to his chest and away from the angry girl, who was now making grabbing motions at him.

“I- just- give it to me, you- “

“Hey!” shouted the guy at the end of the bar. “Don’t be so rude! Customer service workers are the backbone of the economy and should be treated with respect!”

“Uh- thank you,” said the bartender. The guy removed his hood and nodded at him.

It was not a guy. It was a goblin. It appeared, in fact, to be one of the same goblins from last time.

The goblin looked at the girls, and his eyes narrowed in recognition. He turned back to the bartender.

“Can I please have that paper?” he asked.

“Sure, since you’re being so _nice about it_ ,” said the bartender, glaring at Kirsty.

“Thank you,” said the goblin. “Your work is greatly appreciated!” He hopped off his stool, and took off running out of the main hall and into the rest of the student union building.

“After him!” Kirsty yelled, sprinting after him. Rachel followed behind, Olive clinging on to the straps of her dress to keep from falling.

“Sorry,” said Ruby to the bartender, before jumping up and giving chase. The bartender shook his head, and rolled his eyes.

“Students.”

***

“How- are you two- so fast?” Ruby asked Rachel, as the girls bobbed and weaved through the masses of people. “And in _heels_!?”

“I did track and field back at school!” said Rachel, dodging a stray elbow. “And during Kirsty’s anime phase she was really into this show called _Naruto_ \- “

“ _Rachel!”_

“Sorry, Kirsty.”

The goblin leaped up a flight of stairs and the girls sprinted after him, Rachel yelping as Olive grabbed her hair to keep held on. No longer in the main room, there were fewer people around, but it was still crowded enough to make running awkward.

“So, can I ask,” shouted Ruby, ducking under the arm of a tall student, “what exactly is the deal with the goblins?”

“They’re minions of Jack Frost,” Kirsty called back, narrowly avoiding spilling a girl’s drink and earning a glare.

“And he is? You never really explained”

“He’s this... ice... demon... man... thing?” said Kirsty, realising, to slight discomfort, that she was not totally sure exactly what her enemy of over a decade actually _was_. She decided not to think about it. “He’s bad. He’s a bad guy.”

“Odd that we haven’t seen him, actually - when we were kids, he would almost always show up right at the start of our adventures,” said Rachel.

“Well, I guess _someone_ forgot about that,” said Olive. “And by someone, I of course mean Jack Frost, he’s really quite stupid.”

“If he’s so stupid, then why is he a threat?” asked Ruby.

Kirsty, after leaping over an overturned chair, glanced back and rolled her eyes. “Surely you, of all people, should know how dangerous a powerful, stupid person can be? Don’t you study politics?

“...touché,” said Ruby. 

They had reached the other side of the building, and therefore, another stairwell. The goblin launched himself down, seemingly unbothered by the drop, and raced back towards the main room. The girls followed, somewhat slower due to not wanting to fall down the stairs.

“So Jack Frost is bad – but are the goblins really so awful?” asked Ruby.

“ _What?_ ” said Rachel, horrified. “Yes, of course they are!”

“It’s just that one seemed kind of... I don’t know. Socially aware?”

“The goblins are _evil_ , Ruby,” said Kirsty.

“She’s right,” said Olive. “They’ve done a lot of bad things. Like what happened to my friend, Sky the Blue Fairy - she had to spend ages doing sessions with Theresa the Therapist Fairy after her encounter with them back when these two were kids. I mean, Sky nearly died!”

“Wait, there’s a therapist fairy?” asked Kirsty. 

“Yes – but only the one, though. Her waiting lists are years long.” 

“Just like in our world, then,” muttered Rachel.

“It’s just, I guess was thinking- “ Ruby started.

Kirsty whirled around.

“Ruby, they have tried to kill us. _Kill us_. More than once. When we were _children_. They are bad, we stop them, that’s how it is. It’s the same every time, and we’ve done it a _million_ times. Do you know how bored you would get if I tried to describe every time we’ve dealt with them? You would die. You would literally die from boredom, _we_ got bored and we were _living_ it. But it means we know what we’re doing, so - don’t question anything, and just let us get it over with.”

Ruby shut her mouth and nodded. Rachel slowed her pace to match Ruby.

“It’s okay Ruby, don’t worry, Kirsty’s just stressed because she wanted to party tonight,” she whispered. She glanced down at Olive. “And _I’m_ really happy to see you guys again and be having an adventure, and I’m glad I got to meet you!” Olive smiled.

They were back at the main hall, where the music was, if possible, even louder than it had been before. Olive floated off of Rachel’s shoulder as the girls desperately peered through the crowd for the goblin.

“I see him!” said Olive. “Over there!”

She pointed to the other side of the room, where a closed door led to a small, fenced off patio, covered by an awning. Olive, from her higher vantage point, could just about spot him through the window, standing next to a bench in the far corner of the space.

“He’s just standing there,” she mused. “I wonder why?”

“Who cares! Let’s go get him!” said Kirsty. Olive retook her place on Rachel’s shoulder, and the girls started to push their way through the crowd. As they neared the doors, Rachel let out a cry.

“My _heel!_ ”

It had snapped. She wobbled, about to topple over. Kirsty turned around to grab her, but before she could, a pair of arms had already wrapped themselves around Rachel’s waist.

“Whoa there, little lady, you ought to be more careful!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh god here he comes


	10. #2 Olive the Overdraft Fairy - Trevor

It was a boy. Rachel smiled up at him, grateful.

“Thank you,” she said, giggling.

“Clumsy, are you? I suppose you can’t help it. Can’t say I mind catching you, though.”

Rachel giggled again. Olive, who had been thrown off of Rachel’s shoulder when she fell, settled on top of Ruby’s fedora, and looked out at the patio.

The goblin was gone.

“You maybe want to let her stand up?” said Kirsty.

“ _Feisty_ ,” said the boy, helping Rachel back to her feet, but still holding her waist. He addressed Rachel. “She your friend?”

“Yep!” said Rachel. “That’s Kirsty, and Ruby, and I’m Rachel!”

“It is an absolute _pleasure_. My name is Trevor.”

Trevor was tall, with dark hair, bright blue eyes and a deep voice. He was the sort of guy who should have been very attractive – but there was just something slightly off-putting in the way he smiled. Somehow, it never seemed to be directed outward.

“Okay, that’s great. Now let her go,” said Kirsty, sharply.

“It’s fine. I don’t mind,” said Rachel.

“Hey, guys, don’t we have to... you know?” said Ruby.

“Yes!” said Kirsty, looking over at Ruby gratefully. Olive, still sitting on Ruby’s head, shook her head sadly, and indicated out the window to the empty patio. Kirsty’s face fell. She and Ruby moved close together so Olive could speak to them both.

“The goblin is definitely still around here somewhere,” said Olive. “I would know if he’d returned to Fairyland, since he’s still got my bank statement.”

“What’s he waiting for, then?” Ruby mused.

“Who knows? Goblins are weird,” said Kirsty. “We’ll just have to find him again.”

“He must still be in this area,” said Olive. “He wouldn’t have had time to get very far from where I spotted him.”

“Well, maybe if we stay here we’ll spot him again,” said Ruby. She, Kirsty and Olive all turned back to Rachel, who was still talking to Trevor. He had finally let her go, but hadn’t moved away from her.

“So what’s your costume?” asked Rachel.

“I’m Tyler Durden, from _Fight Club_. It’s my favourite movie,” said Trevor, preening a little.

“Oh cool! My costume is based on the one Karen wears in _Mean Girls_ , my favourite movie!” said Rachel.

“Ah, ‘chick flicks’. You know, as a _feminist_ , I oppose the concept – to suggest that your gender is beneath the likes of, say, Tarantino or Scorsese, it’s so condescending. You should really be engaging with works of higher calibre, rather than relegating yourself to fluff pieces _simply_ on the basis of your sex.”

“Oh. I mean... I just like it because it’s funny... and stuff...” said Rachel, slightly deflated. “Um... why is that guy your favourite character?”

“Well, actually, my _favourite_ character is the Joker – he’s from _Batman_ , you might not have known that – but, alas, I was unable to get a hold of the appropriate make-up.” He sighed. “It’s such a shame – he’s so _relatable_. But I could say the same of Durden, so it works out.”

“Oh Christ,” said Kirsty.

“So, Trevor - what do you study?” asked Ruby, desperately grasping for a subject change.

“Political Philosophy,” said Trevor. “I _had_ considered doing Film Studies – but I thought my musings would be more valuable in the political field, ultimately.”

“Oh... uh... neat! I do Political Economy!” said Ruby.

“Ah... a useful discipline, I suppose – a shame you’re not a _big_ picture thinker, though. I might have otherwise enjoyed a reasoned and stimulating debate with you. It’s been so hard to find anyone willing to do so properly here.”

“Oh _Christ_ ,” said Ruby.

“That’s _so_ cool,” said Rachel.

Ruby and Kirsty, in effort to maintain self-control and not break Trevor’s nose, tuned the conversation back out and began scanning the room. It was still completely packed, the cheering becoming increasingly slurred. Kirsty leaned back against the wall next to the patio door, sighing. Ruby, meanwhile, was lifting her foot up to examine the sole of her left shoe, wrinkling her nose to find it beer-sticky and coated in glitter.

Something shifted in Kirsty’s periphery. She glanced out the window beside her, trying to figure out what had moved. Her eyes widened as she spotted it.

Poking out from underneath where the awning met the far wall, she could just spot a couple of long, green toes.

She twisted herself to a better angle and peered out the window again. She could see him now – braced against the corner, clinging onto the awning frame with one hand and pressing against the wall with the other. The bank statement poked out of his hoodie pocket.

Ruby, confused as to what Kirsty was looking at, moved into the same position and gasped. She straightened back up, and quickly walked over to Rachel and Trevor.

“Rachel. We’ve got to go outside.”

“Just a minute, Ruby, Trevor’s telling me about why he doesn’t like Rey from _Star Wars_.”

“It’s not that I don’t _like_ her – as I have mentioned, I am a feminist – it’s just that I think her power is unjustified and a blatant attempt to virtue signal. And I don’t see any reason _why_ she needed to be female, it doesn’t serve the story- “ 

“Ah ha ha, that’s so cool, okay, Rachel, we seriously need to go, _now_ ,” said Ruby.

Rachel looked at Ruby, and recognised that she was serious. She smiled at Trevor.

“I’ll find you later, okay? Wait for me at the bar?”

“Of course,” he said, mock-bowing. “I will await your return to my most humbled presence with bated breath.”

Rachel giggled. Ruby shook her head in disgust, and dragged Rachel out the door to the patio, where Kirsty was already waiting for them.

“Ugh, it’s _cold!_ ” said Rachel.

“You can borrow my jacket if you- “ said Kirsty.

“No, it’s okay. Are we supposed to be out here?” asked Rachel. “It’s weird that there’s no one else around.”

“Except him,” said Kirsty, pointing up at the goblin.

“Ha!” said the goblin. “You’ll never get me up here! All I have to do is wait until morning for the others to get here, and then this bank statement is all ours!”

“Why do you have to wait for the others?” asked Rachel. The goblin’s gleeful expression soured.

“Well, apparently, I’m too _junior_ to be able to engage in the _grand honour_ of presenting a magical object to Jack Frost. Even though I’m the one who actually did all the work, I now have to let my superiors take the credit. All because they’re more powerful than me – it is classic exploitation of the weak by the strong in this unjust, oppressive, hierarchical sham of a system.”

He spat.

The girls, not quite knowing what to make of that, turned around and walked to the other side of the courtyard.

“You know, it’s really weird seeing them this big,” said Rachel. “Hey... didn’t there used to be a rule about that? Something about Fairyland creatures not being allowed to be taller than the castle’s highest tower?”

“King Oberon and Queen Titania renovated,” said Olive. “Now the highest tower is roughly the height of the average university student.”

“How convenient,” said Kirsty. “So - how do we get him down? And without anyone noticing?”

“Turn into fairies?” suggested Ruby, somewhat eagerly.

“No, then he’d be much bigger than us, he’d just swat us away.”

“Then... how about climbing up and grabbing him?” Ruby tried. Kirsty turned back around and stared up at the awning appraisingly. The goblin stuck his tongue out at her.

“I don’t think it’s strong enough for two people. Or rather, one person and one goblin.”

“And I definitely couldn’t do that even if it was, I can’t risk damaging this dress,” said Rachel. Ruby raised an eyebrow.

“Well, if anyone was going to, it would be me- “

She cut herself off as Rachel sunk to the ground, then widened her eyes and shot back up.

“What’s up?” asked Kirsty. Rachel covered her face, tears forming behind her hands.

“I only now - this dress, it’s just hit me how much £700 really is. My parents will kill me. How am I going to afford to _eat_?”

“It’s _just_ hit you?” muttered Ruby. “Don’t you study maths?”

“I’ll help cover your meals, don’t worry,” said Kirsty.

“I don’t want to be your _charity case_ though, Kirsty, it’s my fault, I’m such an _idiot_.”

“It’s not charity and it’s not your _fault_ , it’s fairy stuff, you know that.”

“Then why was my overspending so much worse than yours or Ruby’s?”

“I don’t know, but still-“

“If I may interrupt,” said Olive.

The girls turned to her.

“I was going to surprise you with this when it was all over, as thanks for helping,” said Olive. “But I can just revert your bank accounts to what they were before my statement went missing. The other students who’ve been affected, too.”

“What- but- _how_?” said Ruby.

“I’ll magically cause a system error at the banks. And then make the people working there decide to overlook it. It’s not something I would _normally_ do, but just the one time isn’t a problem.”

Somewhat in awe, the girls were quiet for a moment.

Kirsty furrowed her brow, walking over the window, and looking back into the building. The others watched her as she pressed her face against the glass, and then turned back around, shoulders straight, grinning.

“So, just to be clear,” said Kirsty. “Any purchase we’ve made after the statement was stolen – we get our money back?”

“Yes,” said Olive.

“Until we return the statement?”

“...yes?”

“Well, then. I have an idea.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you think Trevor is unrealistic, I envy you so, so much


	11. #2 Olive the Overdraft Fairy - Some Reckless Purchases

“So, are you going to tell us the idea, or are you doing that movie thing where you try to be coy and mysterious?” asked Ruby.

Kirsty gave her a look.

“I haven’t worked out the whole plan, but... if we can buy anything without losing money – that means we can buy _anything_ without losing money!”

“Yes, well done,” said Ruby.

“Technically you can only buy what you can already afford with the contents of your bank accounts, plus overdrafts,” said Olive.

“What Kirsty means is that we can just go and buy basically anything we might need to get the goblin down, without anyone noticing, and it’ll end up being free,” said Rachel.

“See! Rachel gets me!” said Kirsty, grinning.

“It’s after midnight, though. What’s even open this at time?” asked Ruby.

“There’s a 24-hour mega store in town,” said Kirsty, having already pulled out her phone to look for answers to that very question. “About a half hour walk from here... but there’s a way we could get there faster...”

“Flying?” said Ruby, now extremely eager.

“Yep,” said Kirsty, putting her phone away. “Olive?”

Olive obliged.

***

“Hey, why do you have your phone out?” Ruby asked Rachel.

They were flying through the residential area between the university campus and the main town of Rainborough. Below them, they could spot stragglers of various parties. A group of boys on the main road appeared to be dragging a stolen traffic cone.

“We get back any money we spend tonight! I’m buying a Wii!” said Rachel.

“Well, that’s just taking advantage...” Olive muttered from up ahead. She and Kirsty were trading purchase ideas.

“So...” said Ruby. “Do you... um... do you mind if I ask what your thing with crowds is?”

“No, just- one second.”

Rachel slowed down so they’d move out of earshot of Kirsty and Olive. Ruby matched her pace.

“Basically, it’s an anxiety thing,” said Rachel. “I joke about it being life ruining or whatever, but it isn’t really. I’m mostly just not good in places where there’s lots of people. It’s just- it’s like, it’s all really, really intense, in a bad way, and then I can’t breathe, or even move, sometimes. It’s as if... all the noise and the people, they’re pressing down on my head and body and... crushing me out of myself? If that makes sense?”

“Uh... not really, to be honest? But, like, that doesn’t mean you don’t feel it, what you feel is- “

“Yeah, I know, I know, don’t worry,” said Rachel, laughing a little.

“How long have you been dealing with it?”

“Uh... I don’t know, around when I became a teenager, I guess? I’m afraid there’s no exciting reason for it. My dad’s the same way, so it’s probably mostly genetic.”

Ruby frowned.

“So why come out tonight then?”

Rachel looked surprised at the question.

“Because Kirsty’s with me! I know I’m always safe as long as Kirsty’s with me. She’s my best friend.”

“She’s, uh, she’s very protective of you,” said Ruby. Rachel laughed.

“Yeah, she is,” she lowered her voice, “and it’s kind of annoying sometimes. Like she still thinks I’m nine, or something. Which I guess makes sense, we were nine for a really long time.”

“What?”

“Uh- I mean, you know how when you’re nine it totally feels like it lasts like, thirteen years or something?”

“...kind of?”

“Sure you do, it’s a universal experience!”

“If you say so.”

“The point is,” said Rachel, “sometimes Kirsty can be a little overprotective of me. But I know she means well. So it’s okay. And when I need her, I know I can always rely on her.”

“Which is why you decided to come out tonight, even though it’s hard for you?”

“Yep!” said Rachel, flashing Ruby a wide grin. “I know Kirsty would do anything for me. So I can do anything for her!”

***

The girls touched down in front of the massive shop at the end of the town’s main road, across the street from a club. They could hear music pouring out the club doors, contrasting uncomfortably with the mega store’s almost eerie silence.

After returning to normal size, they entered. The store was empty aside from a very tired looking cashier, who didn’t even bother to hide the fact that he was on his phone when the girls walked in. As Rachel walked past, she snuck a look at his screen. He appeared to be reading fairly explicit _Avengers_ fan fiction.

“Okay – I have almost everything figured out. Ruby, what are you wearing under your trench coat?”

“...jeans and a t-shirt. Why?”

“I need you to go to clothing and find a nice white shirt and black trousers, like the kind the bar staff wear.”

“Uh, okay?”

“Rachel, you need to go to electronics and find a speaker and microphone. Oh, and an extension cord!”

“Right!” said Rachel, saluting.

“Olive and I are going to go and find something long and pokey. Meet back here in ten?”

The girls all nodded, and split up. Ten minutes later, Rachel had dragged back a speaker set and cord, and Ruby had found clothes in her size. Kirsty, however, was still searching.

“It’s no use!” she said, frustrated. “There is _nothing_ in this entire shop that is the right size and shape to prod a goblin!”

“To be fair, that’s probably not a common need...” said Olive.

They had made their way to the sweets aisle. Kirsty sighed, surveying the racks.

“Maybe my whole plan’s useless, then,” she said. “Maybe I should just buy all these sweets and eat them in sorrow.” She picked up a roll of fruit polos and sighed again.

Then her eyes lit up. She whirled around to face Olive, who was hovering behind her.

“Olive!”

“Yes!”

“Fairies can make things grow and shrink!”

“Yes.”

“And you can make anything as big as roughly the height of the average university student?”

“Yes?”

“How much distance would you say there was between the ground and the goblin?”

“Hmm...” Olive considered. “I think it was about... one and a half average university students.”

Kirsty clenched the polo roll in her hand and raced for the entrance.

***

“You know, we haven’t actually spent that much,” said Rachel, the three now back outside.

“Oh, we will – we have one other stop,” said Kirsty.

“First, are you going to explain to us what all this is for?” asked Ruby. Kirsty grinned.

“Rachel and I will create a distraction to get people outside, using this,” she gestured to the speaker set. “Meanwhile, you, Ruby, will go inside and block off the door and window to the patio, just to make sure no one sees what’s going on out there. You’ll be dressed like staff so people won’t question it – you can hide the outfit under your coat until it’s time. Then, I’ll go back inside and join you, and we’ll use this,” she held up the polo roll, “to knock him down!”

“Yeah, I have a couple issues with this plan?” said Ruby. “Like, how are we going to use that- “

“It’ll be bigger by then,” said Kirsty.

“Okay, fine, be vague, whatever. What’s the distraction?”

“That’s the other stop.”

“And what am I covering the door and window with?”

“...that’s the one bit I haven’t figured out yet,” said Kirsty. “But I’m sure it’ll- “

She broke off as she glanced across the street at the bar. A girl about their age had just walked out. She had crimson red hair, and wore nothing but caution tape wrapped strategically around her body.

Kirsty stared at her.

“Uh, Kirsty? Not the time to be ogling pretty girls?” said Ruby.

“I swear I’ve seen her somewhere...” said Rachel.

The girl shivered slightly in the cold, and pulled a jacket out of her bag. It was half denim, half leather.

“Oh!” said Rachel.

“Is that...” said Ruby, squinting. “Is that a... _jeather jacket_?”

“Caution tape!” said Kirsty, suddenly, and ran across the street. Ruby and Rachel watched as she caught up to the girl and tapped her on the shoulder. Kirsty waved her hands animatedly and pointed at the girl’s outfit. The girl laughed, and reached into her bag, pulling out a roll of extra tape, handing it to Kirsty. Kirsty grabbed the girl’s hands, clearly in thanks, and she laughed again. She tapped Kirsty gently on the shoulder, winked, and walked away.

Ruby raised her eyebrows as Kirsty walked back over, grinning at her prize.

“ _Kirsty Tate_. You little seductress!”

“What?” said Kirsty.

“Jeather Jacket Girl was totally into you!” said Rachel.

“No she- what?”

Ruby and Rachel both nodded. Kirsty glanced desperately at Olive, who also gave her an amused smile.

“That’s why she gave you the tape, right?” said Rachel.

“No, I asked where she got it, and she said she had extra to fix her costume with, but that she’d give it to me because she I’m... um...” Kirsty blushed a little.

“Did you get her number or anything?” asked Ruby.

“No- I wasn’t- agh!” Kirsty had now gone bright pink.

“To be fair, you’ve never been good at noticing when people like you,” said Rachel.

“Neither have you!” said Kirsty, having reached a point where she was as red as the girl’s hair. “So- I- the bank statement! We’ve got one more shop to hit, so let’s– uh- just follow me!”

Kirsty marched up the street, deliberately pulling the most serious face she could muster. Rachel, Ruby and Olive followed behind, still giggling.

***

As the girls touched down after the flight back to the student union, Olive waved her wand to immediately transform them back to human size. Everything they were carrying returned to normal size as well, Olive having shrunk it to make it possible to carry in fairy form.

“I hope this works,” said Rachel, looking down at the bags. “We emptied all three of our accounts getting this much.”

“It’ll be fine,” said Kirsty, confidently. “Ruby, take Olive and go get changed. Then put up the caution tape all over the door and window, make sure the view of the patio is completely obscured. I’ll join you when we’ve got as many students out here as possible.”

“Wait,” said Ruby. “You’re planning on leaving Rachel on her own in a crowd?”

“I don’t like that,” said Rachel, frowning. “Plus, I’m a lot stronger than you, I should really be on goblin duty.”

Kirsty’s face fell.

“I can’t believe I didn’t- I’m so sorry, Rachel, I was just worried the goblin would hurt you that I didn’t think-“

“Oh, but once again, if I get hurt, that’s no problem,” said Ruby, shaking her head. “I’ll see whoever you decide on inside, I guess.” She picked up her outfit, and headed into the building, Olive once more atop her fedora.

“I will go deal with the goblin with Ruby. It makes the most sense, and anyway there’s only one of him, I’ll be _fine_ ,” said Rachel, a little exasperated. She picked up the bags and started removing their contents.

“Are you sure? Last time you nearly fell off the roof-“

“And Ruby grabbed me, so it was okay! Anyway, this time there won’t be a roof to fall off.“

“That’s not the point-“

“Problem, guys!” said Ruby, interrupting them. They both turned to her.

“What’s up?” asked Rachel.

“There’s a group of girls on the patio now. They don’t seem to have noticed the goblin, but how do we get rid of them? They’re really deep in conversation, I don’t think they’ll notice your distraction.”

Kirsty frowned, deep in thought – then her eyes lit up.

“Is Trevor still at the bar?”

“Uh, yeah, I think I saw him- oh!” said Ruby.

“Rachel,” said Kirsty, “I need you to go and tell Trevor that those girls out there _really_ want to hear his _Star Wars_ opinions. Tell him he should go talk to them, that they’re shy, but he shouldn’t take no for an answer.”

“Uh, okay?” said Rachel, putting down her bag and following Ruby inside.

“Oh, and _Game of Thrones_ opinions, too!” Kirsty shouted after her.

She picked up the speaker set and opened it, setting it down on the ground. She went over to the building, and carefully plugged the extension cord into a socket by the door, then walked it out of the building. She plugged both it and the microphone into the speaker. After a few minutes, Rachel ran back outside, and nodded at Kirsty. Kirsty nodded back, tapped the microphone, and cleared her throat.

“FREE BOOZE!” she screamed.


	12. #2 Olive the Overdraft Fairy - A Long Walk Home

A few people near the doors looked over questioningly.

“That’s right! Totally free alcohol, come and get it! No cost at all, we’re giving it away!” Kirsty continued, gesturing to them to come over. Slowly, people began trickling towards them. Rachel opened a bottle and began pouring its contents into a cup, handing it over to the first guy to reach them.

“Come on, no joke! Just free alcohol, right here, first come first serve!”

“Are we actually allowed to do this?” whispered Rachel, as more and more people started heading towards them.

“Probably not, so let’s make this quick. Hey, what do you guys want, we’ve got it all! We’ve got prosecco, we’ve got vodka, we’ve got rum, we’ve got- well, I don’t know what this is, but it’s lime green and 75% alcohol and we have it!”

Over near the doors, Kirsty spotted a group of annoyed looking girls leaving the building, closely followed by an extremely animated Trevor. If she strained her ears, she could just hear something about “forced diversity”. Meanwhile, the swarm of students was beginning to outnumber those still inside. Rachel had given up pouring drinks, and had begun thrusting whole bottles and cups at groups of people.

“Go!” said Kirsty.

Rachel nodded, passed off the bottle she was holding, and pushed her way into the crowd.

It was hot, and loud, and she was alone. Her chest tightened.

She glanced back at Kirsty, and made eye contact. Kirsty, realising Rachel’s situation, looked horrified, and started making to follow her.

Rachel took a deep breath, smiled firmly at Kirsty, and gave her a thumbs up. She continued to make her way through, refusing to let herself be jostled about. She made her way back inside the now mostly empty building, and headed straight for the patio door.

Ruby had finished putting up the caution tape.

“I’m not sure this was even necessary,” she said. “Pretty much everyone’s out at the front.”

“Well, better safe and all that.”

“Got the polos?”

Rachel nodded. They both ducked under the tape and stepped back out onto the patio.

“You again!” said the goblin. “I’m still not coming down!”

The girls grinned, and Rachel pulled out the polo roll. Olive flew up from the brim of Ruby’s hat, and waved her wand.

The roll began to grow, widening until both Rachel and Ruby had to wrap their arms around it, only stopping once it was about the size of the average university student.

“And what are you planning on doing with- hey!” cried the goblin. The girls had lifted the tube between them and shoved it into his stomach.

“This!” yelled Ruby, as they pulled back to prod the goblin again. “Is! The most! Bizarre – whoa, let me catch my breath.”

The goblin smirked down at them. The experience hadn’t been pleasant, but he’d maintained his grip.

“Nice try!” he yelled, sneering. “I can cling to these walls _all night._ ”

“I knew we should have gone with something pointier...” muttered Rachel.

“Well, too late! We’ve got to think of something _quickly_ , Kirsty can’t keep people distracted forever.”

Rachel narrowed her eyes and stared at the goblin. After a moment, her eyes suddenly widened again.

“Change the angle!” she whispered, pointing up at him. Ruby, realising Rachel’s idea, grinned. They picked up the tube, and made to push it into his stomach again. The goblin did something that sort of resembled rolling his eyes, but didn’t quite work due to them being so beady.

“Is that really all you can manage?” he asked.

The girls smiled sweetly, and at the last moment shifted the roll towards the wall, pressing it as hard as they could against his fingers.

The goblin let out a high-pitched screech, and instinctively pulled his hands into his chest to cradle his sore fingers. In doing so, he lost his grip on the wall, and came crashing to the ground. The girls dropped the tube and walked over.

“Thank you!” said Rachel, reaching under him to fish the bank statement from his pocket as he groaned against the hard, stone floor. She handed it off to Olive, who shrunk it back to its proper size and hugged it.

Rachel looked over at the giant roll of polos.

“Could I... keep those?” she asked Olive.

“I’ll send them back to your room, shall I?” said Olive. Rachel looked delighted.

“Come on then, Ruby!” she said, practically skipping out of the courtyard.

Ruby paused, looking down at the goblin. He had pulled himself up, and was assessing his wounds. He appeared to be bleeding – at least, she assumed that was what the substance on his knees and elbows was, though it was a far darker colour than human blood. She pulled out the remainder of the caution tape.

“Not the best substitute for bandages, but... you can use this to dress those wounds for now. If you want.” She placed the tape next to him, and walked back inside.

The goblin stared after her.

*** 

“Shame we don’t get to keep any of the drinks for ourselves. We bought a hell of a lot of them,” said Ruby. She, Rachel and Olive were back out in front of the building, where the university’s security team were attempting to sort out what had happened. Kirsty had joined them, having managed to slip away from the microphone just as security arrived. She was now counting on the other students being too inebriated to remember what she had looked like.

“I might have set aside a couple of the best ones,” said Kirsty, winking and pulling a few tiny bottles from a pocket. “If Olive wouldn’t mind re-sizing them, of course.”

“Alright,” said Olive, waving her wand half-heartedly, “though I am starting to feel a little exploited.”

She looked around the scene. After the commotion Kirsty had caused, the party was, it seemed, over.

“I feel rather sorry for your classmates. Hester the Hangover Fairy is still missing her magic aspirin.”

“Oh, that’s a point. Is that five to go, now?” asked Ruby.

“Yep. Five more of these adventures,” said Kirsty, grimacing.

“Well, I had fun tonight!” said Rachel.

“As did I,” said a voice from behind them. The girls turned around, and Ruby and Kirsty openly groaned.

“Hi Trevor!” said Rachel.

“Well, I should go!” whispered Olive in Kirsty’s ear, from down on Kirsty’s shoulder where she had hidden. “Hopefully I’ll see you guys again sometime, best of luck, bye!”

She disappeared in a small shower of sparkles.

“Lucky little-“ muttered Kirsty.

She looked back up to see Trevor taking Ruby’s fedora off of her head, apparently to her surprise. He put it on, turning to Rachel.

“What do you think? I’ve always thought one would suit me.”

“You look great,” she said, giggling.

“Ohhh, they really _aren’t_ that cool, are they? I see it now,” muttered Ruby. She grabbed it back off him.

“Hey! It is very rude to just take something from a person without warning!” said Trevor. Ruby seethed.

“Well, we should get going. Goodbye, Trevor,” said Kirsty, pulling Rachel away in the direction of their accommodation site.

“Oh! I believe I’m actually going the same way,” said Trevor.

“Of course you are,” said Kirsty.

“I’ll accompany you – you ladies surely don’t want to walk home alone, anyway,” he continued, following them.

“Of _course_ you will,” said Ruby.

“I wish I had a jacket...” said Rachel.

“Oh – you can-“ started Kirsty, straightening up, but she was cut off by Trevor shrugging off his own and placing it around Rachel’s shoulders. Rachel giggled. Kirsty’s own shoulders slumped. She slowed her pace to trail behind Trevor and Rachel, Ruby joining her. She stared at the back of his head, eyes narrowed.

“...so _I_ said, if you were capable of _properly appreciating_ the themes of the film, you would understand that by forcing that stuff down my throat you actually distract from the core message...”

“Wow, you’re really smart!” said Rachel.

“I’m smart,” muttered Kirsty quietly, under the impression that no one could hear her.

Ruby (who was, in fact, very much able to hear her) looked like someone had knocked her over the head with a brick. A laugh escaped her before she realised it had happened.

“What?” asked Kirsty, looking somewhat alarmed.

“Oh... nothing, just remembered a joke someone made in one of my seminars,” said Ruby, quickly. “It was about politics, you wouldn’t like it.”

Kirsty nodded, and went back to glaring at Trevor. Ruby kept grinning.

“Hey, Trevor,” said Rachel. “Want to come back to our flat? We’ve got cold pizza in the fridge!”

“That sounds _delightful_ ,” said Trevor.

Ruby’s smile dropped. Kirsty’s eyes looked ready to burn a hole in Trevor’s head.

It was to be a long night, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's all I've got for now!
> 
> Next time: Rachel deals with heartbreak, Kirsty struggles to comprehend Fairyland bureaucracy, and Ruby makes a new friend. Also, fire


	13. #3 Beth the Bad Break-Up Fairy - Over

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And I'm back! It got long. I'm not sorry.
> 
> As I've apparently picked up a couple of readers who don't know me (hi!), this seems as good a time as any to establish my credentials and explain my rules.
> 
> I was among the first generation of kids to grow up with the Rainbow Magic books. I'm pretty sure the first time I read Ruby the Red Fairy, the Weather Fairies hadn't yet been released. This series was the first story I ever really fell in love with - I learnt to read on these books, covered my bedroom walls floor to ceiling with drawings of the fairies, saved up all my money to collect as many books as I could possibly get my hands on. I've still got a box filled with them in my parents' attic.
> 
> And then, as little girls do, I grew up, and grew out of the fairies. I moved on to other things. Throughout my adolescence, I would sometimes dig into that box and give one or two of them a re-read for the hell of it - usually the first series, occasionally others - but I've read basically nothing that came out post-2008-ish. What I'm saying is that I'm not a Rainbow Magic super-fan trying to write a definitive, canon-compliant sequel. I am a nostalgic adult with too much free time.
> 
> Subsequently, these are my rules:
> 
> 1\. While I have gone back and done some re-reading here and there (mostly to get a feel for the style and basic rules of the universe, occasionally for inspiration), I am ultimately writing this for fun and nostalgia. I'm not going to obsessively go through all of the books to check things. It is not the end of the world if I misremember something  
> 2\. With one major exception, only the first 50-or-so books count. If I do discover that I've majorly contradicted something from, say, book 14, I *might* go back and change it. If I contradict book 136, I do not care in the slightest  
> 3\. I am allowed to make up anything I want about how Fairyland works, provided it amuses me  
> 4\. I am not, however, allowed to make up anything about Kirsty and Rachel's childhoods. Any reference to them will be based solely on book events  
> 5\. Their teenage years, on the other hand, are 100% fair game. Viva la Kirsty's anime phase
> 
> With that out the way, I hope you enjoy the following 16,000+ words of fairy nonsense.

“I can’t believe he dumped me!” Rachel Walker cried into the shoulder of her best friend, Kirsty Tate. Kirsty, who had her wrapped tight in a hug, patted her shoulder in sympathy.

“I can’t believe you’re upset about it,” said Ruby Cahill, their friend and flatmate, from the other end of their flat’s sofa.

Three weeks prior, Rachel had met a boy named Trevor at the University of Rainborough’s annual Halloween party. Just a few hours ago, he had broken up with her. She had arrived home an emotional wreck.

“Why _shouldn’t_ I be upset? We were so _happy!_ ” sobbed Rachel.

“You were together for three weeks, went on five dates, and kissed twice,” said Ruby, unimpressed. “You weren’t exactly married. Also, he was the worst.”

“They were three _wonderful_ weeks, and five _amazing_ dates, and two _perfect_ kisses, and we _could_ have been, and he was the _best_ , right Kirsty?” said Rachel, glaring at Ruby.

“Um,” said Kirsty.

“ _See,_ Kirsty agrees with me!” said Rachel.

“Rachel, he once told us that he thinks flat earthers make some valid arguments,” said Ruby.

“He was _joking_. I think.”

“He told Kirsty, to her face, that bisexuality is made up for political points.”

“He could have _learnt_.”

“He didn’t even tell you why he broke up with you!”

Rachel had no response to that. Sighing, Ruby leaned back and folded her arms.

“Is there a fairy that can wave her wand and knock some sense into you?”

Kirsty, Rachel and Ruby had a secret – they were friends with fairies! Being a rather unique kind of secret, it was not the sort of thing any adult would forget about easily and need reiterated to them every time it came up – in fact, it was the sort of thing that even a six-year-old child would eventually find tiresome to be reminded of over and over again. Under the very reasonable assumption that no children, six years old or otherwise, are reading this story (if otherwise, _where are your parents, you should not be on this website_ ), all recaps of this nature will be skipped from now on.

“Rachel, don’t listen to Ruby, she doesn’t know what she’s talking about. You’re hurting, and that’s okay, and I’ll be here for you. Alright?” said Kirsty.

Rachel nodded, while Kirsty shot Ruby a quick glare. Ruby huffed – and then widened her eyes and smiled innocently.

“Actually, you know what? You are _so_ right, Kirsty! You’re always so supportive of Rachel, it’s lovely! Kind of like a girlfriend! Don’t you think you’d be a good girlfriend to Rachel, if you two were together?”

Kirsty paled.

“I- I don’t- where’s this coming from? What are you-“ she spluttered.

“Just pointing out how nice you are to her, that’s all,” said Ruby, smile widening.

“She’s right,” said Rachel, still leaning on Kirsty’s shoulder. “You would be a good girlfriend.”

Kirsty’s head shot around to stare at her.

“You should ask out Jeather Jacket Girl. She seemed to really like you. And then you can date, and get married, and have a perfect beautiful relationship and be _happy_ ,” Rachel continued, flopping down onto the sofa dejectedly. Ruby stifled a laugh at Kirsty’s face, and got up to make herself a cup of tea.

Kirsty, after a moment, pulled Rachel back up, and placed her hands on her best friend’s shoulders.

“Don’t be silly. I’m not going to ask out Jeather Jacket Girl. I’m going to be right here, for _you_ , and I’m going to help you get through this, okay?”

***

“But you said you’d be here for me!” Rachel whined.

“It’s been _four days_ , Rachel, I’m _sorry,_ but I can’t keep missing lectures to mope with you anymore!”

Rachel had barely left the sofa over the past few days, and Kirsty, dutifully, hadn’t either.

“But Kirsty- “

“But Rachel, I’m going to end up behind. I genuinely am sorry, I really, really want to stay with you, but...” She sighed. “Can I be honest with you? I don’t get why you’re this upset.”

“Why _wouldn’t_ I be?” asked Rachel, scandalised.

“You were together for less than a month, for one. And... look, he really wasn’t that great, Rachel.”

“Yes he was!”

“But he was so smug, and condescending, and self-absorbed, and- “

“Stop it, I don’t want to hear this from you!”

“I know, I know, it’s just- you could do so much better and I don’t understand why you would- “

Rachel sat up straight and stared Kirsty dead in the eyes.

“Kirsty, last year you dated a boy named Jack. He had spikey blue hair. You eventually had to dump him when you found out he was stealing from you. And I have never said a word about that. But I could _start_.”

Kirsty was not entirely sure she knew what Rachel was getting at, but also had a strong feeling she didn’t want to. She closed her mouth.

The door opened, and Ruby walked into the room, not paying Kirsty and Rachel much attention as she glanced around. Rachel grinned at her.

“Ruby! _Ruby_ will stay with me, right Ruby?”

“Ruby will not,” said Ruby. “I’m going out for lunch with my friend.”

She spotted something under a pile of junk mail on the kitchen table, and moved it aside to reveal her wallet. She put it in her bag and headed back to the door.

“I thought you didn’t have any other friends,” said Rachel.

“I didn’t two months ago,” said Ruby, a little offended, “but I do now. Yuri’s my friend from the gym. I mean, we’re not, like, super close or anything, but he’s cool.”

“Is it a _date_?” asked Kirsty in a sarcastic, sing-song tone. Ruby blinked.

“What? No, he has a girlfriend. Who he loves. A _lot.”_ She pursed her lips. “I’ve never even met her, but I think I could tell you more about Mia Yang than I could about my own parents.” She rolled her eyes. “But, Yuri is a good mate, so I’m going to go get tacos with him. Later, guys.”

She left, and Rachel pouted at Kirsty.

“Fine. I will skip _one_ more lecture. But we’re leaving the flat, you need fresh air,” said Kirsty, grabbing Rachel under the arms and heaving her up off the sofa. Rachel followed Kirsty out of the flat, dragging her feet down the stairs and outside into the courtyard. The girls sat down on a bench under a tree, and Rachel immediately slumped against Kirsty’s shoulder.

“It’s not _fair,_ Kirsty,” she whinged.

“I know, Rachel.”

“I _miss_ him!”

“I know, Rachel.”

“Oh dear,” said a voice from overhead. The girls looked up to see a small, sparkly shape sitting in the branches above them.

The fairy fluttered her wings and delicately leaped off the branch she’d been on, flying down to hover in front of Kirsty and Rachel. She had dark skin, a short haircut cropped to just below her ears, and powerful looking wings that glowed a subtle red. They matched her short, fitted red dress and heels, a thin black belt completing the look. She carried a massive file folder.

“Rachel Walker, Rachel Walker... ah, here we are,” she said, opening the file and thumbing through the pages. “Female... Maths student, recently broke up with your... boyfriend...” She lowered her voice to mutter to herself. “Still a big storm on the horizon there, then.”

“Huh?” said Rachel.

“Trevor Allan, male, 19 years old, Political Philosophy student, recently broke up with you. Three-week relationship, you were _way_ out of his league, but you’re obviously extremely upset about it so...”

She snapped the folder shut and looked Rachel in the eyes.

“This one’s definitely on me. Sorry, Rachel, but as soon as we get my stuff back, you’ll be absolutely fine.”

“Who are you?” asked Kirsty. The fairy shook her head, annoyed with herself.

“Ah, yes, of course, how rude of me. I’m Beth the Bad Break-Up Fairy. Now, come along - we’ve got a lot of work to do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promised a parade of OCs, and these next few chapters are where that *really* starts, fair warning. In my defense, it's not like the books gave me a lot of humans to work with.


	14. #3 Beth the Bad Break-Up Fairy - Taco-Way

“Alright” said Kirsty, sighing. “Let’s get this done, then. What are we looking for?”

“Well, the thing is,” said Beth, pressing her hands together and refusing to make eye contact, “I don’t... completely know.”

“What do you mean you don’t know?” said Rachel. “How can you not know what your own object is?”

Beth re-opened her folder and pulled out a piece of paper from a pocket at the back. She handed it to Kirsty and tapped it with her wand, causing it to grow to human size in Kirsty’s hands. She flew around the girls to float between them, using her wand as a pointer.

“That right there is my object,” said Beth, pointing at a drawing on the paper.

“It’s a box,” said Rachel.

“A break-up box,” said Beth, “to be filled with the ex’s gifts and possessions, and burnt – see how it’s specially designed to withstand fire, while still appearing to be made of simple cardboard? I designed it myself, it’s very good work if I do say so.”

“So... what is it about it that you don’t know, then?” said Rachel, confused.

“Well, the thing is, I don’t know what was in it,” said Beth. “Until recently, it was hidden somewhere here, in the human world. But a few days ago, some human picked it up. When it’s used on a human who wants to get over their ex, it fills with magical copies of things from their former partner, so I can ritualistically burn them to ashes to help them get over it.” She had begun grinning wildly, and, seeming to catch herself, quickly shook her head and regained her more serious expression. “I know that the human still has the box, so that shouldn’t be too hard to get back - but she lost the contents, possibly to goblins. And as long as those contents exist, they’re still part of the Bad Break-Up magic, and count as my lost magical objects.”

“So depending on who this was, there could be _tonnes_ of objects out there?” said Kirsty, horrified.

“Yes,” said Beth. “Which means we should really get to work as soon as possible. If my magic is going haywire out there, no one’s going to be able to get over anyone, and it might even start causing relationships to crumble. And it’s especially important that we make sure the goblins don’t get there first – romance-related magic is very powerful and fickle. In the wrong hands, the consequences could be catastrophic.”

“The objects can end people’s relationships?” asked Rachel. “Do you think it could have happened to me? Could I get Trevor back if we fix this?”

Beth frowned.

“I... suppose... but do you really _want_ to? What am I saying, of course you do, my magic is messing you up.”

“ _Love_ is not messed up!” Rachel said, scowling.

“Trust me, Rachel – yes it is,” said Beth.

Rachel opened her mouth, but Kirsty quickly spoke before the argument could escalate.

“Who’s the person who had the box? If we can find her, that’ll be a start, right?”

Beth nodded and searched through her files.

“Here she is. Her name is Mia - Mia Yang. Female, 18, Computer Science student, in a relationship with – oh, no, sorry, _just broke up with_ Yuri Lichfield, male, also 18, also a Computer Science student. I suppose there’s no chance either of those names sound familiar?”

“Actually, they do,” said Kirsty, grinning. “Let’s go get some tacos!”

***

“There are more Mexican restaurants in this town than I’d have ever expected,” said Rachel, as they approached Taco-Way, their fourth attempt at tracking down Ruby.

“No kidding,” said Kirsty. “This isn’t even the last one on the list.”

They walked into the shop’s entry way, which was decorated with cacti, sombreros and Mexican flags. Mariachi music played from a tinny speaker. The pale, spotty teenager behind the counter barely acknowledged them as they entered. Kirsty looked up at a sign promising that everything they served was ‘100% Authentic Mexican _Alimento_!!!’.

“Oh, I’m sure it is,” she deadpanned, raising an eyebrow. Rachel glanced around the eating area. A few of the tables were occupied. Right at the back, where the lighting was poor, there were two people, both hunched over – but even when her face was concealed, Ruby’s long plaits were recognisable anywhere. She appeared to be reaching across the table to pat the other person on the shoulder.

“Over there,” said Rachel. “And that must be Yuri.”

The girls walked over, and Ruby looked up in surprise.

“What are you two doing here?” she asked, wary.

“This guy’s just broken up with his girlfriend, righ- whoa,” started Kirsty, cutting herself off as Yuri raised his head from where he had buried it in his arms on the table. He had soft, caramel coloured hair that framed his face, which was almost eerily symmetrical aside from a small mole just above his left eyebrow. Moving his arms caused his toned, perfectly tanned muscles to gently flex. Even the fact that he had obviously been crying failed to ruin his looks – his eyes were dark brown with small, subtle amber flecks, and despite the red rims, Kirsty still had to struggle to drag her own eyes away.

“The _hell_ was Mia thinking,” Kirsty muttered. Rachel kicked her.

“ _Mia,”_ said Yuri, collapsing back into his arms. Ruby sighed.

“Rachel, Kirsty – this is my friend Yuri. He’s _usually_ ,” she shot him a look, “less pathetic than this.”

Yuri just groaned, seemingly not registering the insult.

“His girlfriend broke up with him last night,” said Ruby. Rachel leaned forward to whisper in her ear.

“We know,” she said, pulling back to point at her shoulder. Beth poked her head out from where she was hidden in Rachel’s hair, and offered Ruby a wave. Ruby’s eyebrows shot up and she glanced rapidly between Beth and Yuri. Beth nodded. Ruby turned back to Yuri and smiled.

“Yuri, these guys are Rachel and Kirsty, my flatmates. They can help you out, right?”

She looked up at the girls and Beth for confirmation. All three nodded.

“You can help me get Mia back?” said Yuri, his head shooting up to stare at them in wonder.

“Uh... sure can!” said Kirsty, awkwardly giving him a thumbs up. “We just need to know where to find her.”

“Maybe you could give us her address and we could go visit her?” asked Rachel.

Yuri scrambled in his bag for a pen and paper, and began scribbling. After a moment, he handed it to Rachel.

“That’s where she lives,” he said, staring up at her, eyes wide and pleading.

“Well, that was easy,” said Kirsty. “Come on then, Ruby.”

“Uh... do you mind if I finish eating?” said Ruby, somewhat guiltily. “The food’s really good here, despite...” she gestured at the décor, “...everything.”

“Just get a box and take it with you,” said Kirsty, irritated.

“I can’t. They don’t do any kind of takeaway here.”

Kirsty stared at her, baffled.

“But it’s called Taco-Way. Why would they do that, why would they call it Taco-Way and not offer takeaway, what is the point of the pun if- “

“Can I try some?” asked Rachel. Ruby grabbed a fork and scooped some of the contents of her taco on to it, offering it to Rachel.

“Oh my g- she’s right, this is really good, Kirsty, we’ve got to let her stay. And get some tacos for ourselves!”

“What about Mia?” asked Yuri. Rachel waved her hand in his direction dismissively.

“In a minute – Kirsty, I’ll go order for us, what do you want?”

“But it’s called _Taco-Way_.”

“Kirsty!”

“ _Taco-Way!”_

***

After finishing their tacos (and only having to talk Yuri down from texting Mia twice), the girls headed for the address Yuri had given them.

“How are you doing, Rachel?” asked Ruby.

“Fine, why do you- oh,” said Rachel, immediately switching from a cheerful stroll to slouched plodding. Beth, startled by the sudden shift in Rachel’s shoulders, tumbled off her and flew over to settle on Kirsty’s shoulder instead. She narrowed her eyes at Rachel as she adjusted her skirt and stroked her wings.

“Well done,” hissed Kirsty at Ruby.

“I was just trying to be nice!” Ruby protested. Kirsty shook her head.

“First we have to walk around to all those different restaurants trying to find you, then you go and remind Rachel about Trevor...”

Ruby stopped walking and tilted her head at Kirsty, perplexed. Kirsty and Rachel both stopped too, turning around to face her.

“...why didn’t you just _text_ me?” asked Ruby. “I would have told you where I was.”

Kirsty opened her mouth to give a retort, but found she had no explanation. Rachel stopped moping to consider the question.

“You really do enjoy doing things the hard way, don’t you Kirsty?” said Ruby.

“S-shut up,” said Kirsty, crossing her arms. “I mean- how can you be trusted to tell us things, anyway? You didn’t even tell us that Yuri’s really hot.”

“Is he?” said Ruby, surprised – the thought having genuinely never occurred to her.

“He looks like a damn model, Ruby, how can you not have noticed?” said Kirsty.

“I... I guess now that you point it out...” said Ruby, looking a little uncomfortable. Rachel and Beth glanced at each other, neither enjoying what was happening.

“Let’s just go find Mia,” said Rachel, grabbing both Ruby and Kirsty by the hand, and pulling them along.

  
***

As it turned out, Mia didn’t live too far away from the girls – just one accommodation building over from their own, making it an easy walk. The girls crammed into the building’s tiny lift with several of the residents (Beth, in anticipation of this, having moved again, this time hiding in the breast pocket of Ruby’s shirt), and eventually reached the eleventh floor. As they made their way to flat 43, Ruby contorted her mouth into increasingly unattractive shapes, trying to get rid of the hair she’d accidentally inhaled while pressed up against Kirsty’s ponytail.

“Careful, it’ll get stuck like that,” said Kirsty, grinning.

“Sure, okay, _Mum_ ,” said Ruby, returning the grin. “Though I only mind because it’s _your_ hair. I wouldn’t be so bothered if it was Rachel’s.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” asked Kirsty, now frowning.

“Just that Rachel has really lovely hair. Don’t you think she has lovely hair, Kirsty? It’s so soft and pretty, surely you must have noticed that? Right?”

Kirsty’s eyes darted between Rachel and Ruby in minor panic. Rachel simply raised her eyebrows.

“Uh... thanks Ruby, that’s nice, but I’d still really prefer if you didn’t eat my hair.”

“Girls, may I remind you... Mia?” said Beth, amused, but also rather wanting to get her box back.

Kirsty knocked on the door, and after a moment a tired looking ginger boy answered it.

“Uh, hi... we’re looking for Mia Yang?” said Kirsty, feeling a little awkward.

“Oh, you don’t want to- Mia’s a bit... preoccupied right now,” said the boy, who then lowered his voice to a stage whisper. “She just broke up with her boyfriend.”

“We know,” said Rachel. “It’s why we’re here.”

“Are you her friends?” The boy let out a loud exhale of relief. “Thank _god_ , it’s been _exhausting_ – I was at work all night, and I come back this morning to a crying mess, and she’s been at it all day... Hey, does this mean you guys know Yuri?”

The girls all nodded. The boy leaned in conspiratorially.

“Well, I ask because I’ve met him a few times, and... do you have any idea at all why she’d break up with him? He’s like, nice, and smart, and also- I mean- have you _seen_ him?”

“Right!?” said Kirsty. She and the boy nodded at each other, bonding over their shared appreciation for Yuri’s good looks.

“Can we see her?” asked Ruby.

“Sure. Room 5,” said the boy, pointing to the end of the corridor. The girls headed down and knocked on the door. After a few moments, they knocked again. On the fourth try, the door finally opened.

“What?” asked an angry voice.

Mia was taller than all three of them, even Ruby, with shoulder length black hair and a round face. She didn’t look at all pleased to see three strangers at her bedroom door.

“Who are you? What do you want?” she asked, narrowing her eyes at the girls.

“Mia, right? We’re here to ask you about Yuri,” said Kirsty. Mia’s eyes immediately welled up with tears. Rachel stepped forward to hug her.

“You guys just broke up right. My boyfriend and I just broke up too, and, and – “

Rachel and Mia both started crying, clutching each other tightly. Kirsty put a hand on Rachel’s shoulder, but after a moment of seeing it ignored, sighed and opened the door to the flat’s kitchen, having seen the boy from before go in there while they had been waiting for Mia to open the door. Ruby stood awkwardly in the middle of the hall. Beth, poking her head out, nodded sagely as she and Ruby watched the proceedings.

“Solidarity between girls. Always beautiful. Love to see it,” said Beth, smiling.

“Kirsty’s not being very ‘solidarity’,” said Ruby.

“I could say the same of you! At least Kirsty has a reason, one that I suspect you know as well as I do,” said Beth, pointedly. Ruby shifted uncomfortably.

“I don’t know. I’ve never been in a relationship before! I don’t really know how to be supportive when I...” she trailed off, now even more uncomfortable. Beth considered this, and opened her folder, thumbing through the pages.

“Ruby Cahill, Cahill, Cahill... ah HA. Right at the bottom here – female, 18, Political Economy student... Ahhh. I see.” She shut the folder. “Well, it’s no excuse. You’ve still got to learn to be a considerate friend.”

“What’s no excuse?” asked Ruby, confused.

“All in good time, sweetie,” said Beth, floating up to pat Ruby on the cheek. Ruby was almost certain that she should feel condescended to, but decided to put it aside, and walked forward to usher Rachel and Mia into the bedroom.

***

Half an hour later, all four girls were sitting on Mia’s bed. Mia still wasn’t entirely sure how Rachel, Kirsty and Ruby knew about her, but was, for the moment, choosing not to question it.

“It’s just- like, we met at an open day for this uni? And then we were long distance for months until we finally got to be here together, and it’s been _wonderful_ ,” said Mia, sniffling.

“How _fairy tale!_ ” Rachel gushed. Kirsty gave Ruby a look – Ruby, who was already intimately familiar with Mia and Yuri’s story, shrugged resignedly.

“So... what, exactly, happened?” asked Kirsty. Mia bit her lip.

“This is going to sound really weird...” she said.

“We’re good with weird,” said Kirsty. Ruby and Rachel nodded. Mia took a deep breath and began speaking rapidly.

“Well – a couple days ago, I was in the science building, on campus – I had a 6PM seminar, and I was the only one who showed up, because people like to just throw their tuition fees away I guess, and my seminar tutor said she might as well give me some one-on-one with the project I’m working on and so I said- “ she broke off, realising she was on a tangent. “So anyway, my tutor was having a problem with her laptop, and she asked me to go to the storage cupboard to get one of the department’s spare chargers for her – she said she could trust me with the keys, since I’m responsible enough to come to all my seminars and everything, which was super nice of her- I really like her, actually- “

“Mia,” said Kirsty, gently.

“Sorry,” said Mia. “I went to the cupboard, and I... it was seriously so weird. I was looking for the chargers and I found this... this cardboard box. And it was filled with all the gifts Yuri ever gave me, everything he ever left at my flat, all of it. Except, it wasn’t literally all those things, obviously, they’re all still right here. It was like... copies of them.”

“What did you do with the box?” asked Rachel.

“I- well, it was so strange, I couldn’t just leave it there! I took it out of the cupboard and hid it under the stairwell. Then, when the seminar hour was up, I went back for it. I started going through it – that’s how I knew it definitely had all my stuff in it. I was going to take it home, but these... guys, I think they were guys, they suddenly came up behind me and tried to grab it from me. All my things, they went everywhere, and I didn’t know what to do, I just grabbed the box and what was left in it, and ran.”

“Do you still have it?” asked Kirsty, eagerly. Mia shrunk back. It was a moment before she spoke, and when she did, it was like she was forcing the words out of her mouth.

“Yes. It’s in the wardrobe. But you shouldn’t take it. I think it’s cursed.”

“Cursed?” said Ruby.

“It’s like... it _wants_ me to hide it. I feel like I shouldn’t tell you about it, like I should be preventing anyone from ever knowing about it. And ever since I got it, all I’ve wanted was to break up with Yuri, it was all I could think about, and now that I’ve done it, I want him back, but I _can’t,_ I can’t make myself call him again, I don’t know what’s happening!” Mia buried her head in her knees. “And now you definitely think I’m crazy.”

“Not really,” said Kirsty. “Thing is, we’re... kind of curse experts. So, if you let us have that box, we can sort this all out.”

“Really?” asked Mia, sceptical.

“For real,” said Rachel, smiling. Mia nodded, and went to open the wardrobe. As she pulled out what looked like a tatty shoebox, Ruby glanced down to see Beth practically vibrating with excitement. She made eye contact with Ruby and nodded vigorously.

Mia handed the box to Rachel, who looked inside. It contained a small teddy bear and a green scarf.

“How many other things were in there before?” asked Rachel. Mia considered, looking around the room.

“Um... give me a minute.”

“That’s fine,” said Kirsty. “Once you’ve worked it out, if you could give us a list of everything, that would be really helpful.”

“Okay...” said Mia, getting up and grabbing a piece of paper. After a few minutes, she handed Kirsty a list of ten items.

“Oh boy...” said Kirsty. “Looks like we’ve got a treasure hunt!”

“You actually look excited, Kirsty,” said Ruby, surprised by Kirsty’s unusual enthusiasm.

“Kirsty loves mysteries and puzzles,” said Rachel, smiling fondly. “It’s why she’s doing an archaeology degree. Though she did consider training to be a detective.”

“I can see that, actually. What made her choose archaeology over it?”

“She was really into _Death Note_ during her anime phase, and she didn’t want to be reminded of her crush on- “

“This all happened in the science building, right?” interrupted Kirsty, deliberately ignoring Ruby and Rachel.

“Yes,” said Mia, “outside the first-floor computer lab – but those guys could have run off anywhere.”

“Hmm... it’s a start, though,” said Kirsty. “Thank you, Mia. We’ll let you know when this is sorted.” Mia stared at her.

“Who _are_ you people?” she asked. The girls glanced at each other, not entirely sure what to tell her.

“Friends,” said Kirsty, finally. She looked to the others, who both nodded in agreement.

“That explains nothing,” said Mia. Kirsty simply finger gunned at her, and led Rachel and Ruby out of the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My understanding is that 'alimento' is a Spanish word for 'food' that is not technically *incorrect*, but would still be weird to use in that context. This was my intention, as it's meant to be a pretty tacky restaurant. If any native Spanish speakers out there know of a better word for that purpose, please do let me know.
> 
> Mia is named after the Ace Attorney [ character of the same name ](https://aceattorney.fandom.com/wiki/Mia_Fey), because I like those games. Yuri gets his name from voice actor Yuri Lowenthal, because I own his book and happened to glance at it when I was trying to name the guy. As such, the character's description was based on the concept 'what if [ Yosuke Hanamura](https://megamitensei.fandom.com/wiki/Yosuke_Hanamura) had been designed for the Female Gaze'? 
> 
> The Death Note character that Kirsty had a crush on was [ Matsuda ](https://deathnote.fandom.com/wiki/Touta_Matsuda).


	15. #3 Beth the Bad Break-Up Fairy - Scavenger Hunt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Every time I torture Kirsty for her pining, I ugly laugh for like five straight minutes.

“Forcing a happy couple to break up...” said Beth as they left Mia’s building. “The situation’s worse than I thought. Normally my magic would only work on people who _wanted_ it to affect them. We need to get this sorted as quickly as possible.”

“We can’t go search during the day,” said Kirsty. “It’ll be too busy. We’ll have to go at night.”

“Won’t the building be locked?” said Ruby.

“I’m sure there’s some fairy magic we can use to deal with that,” said Kirsty, glancing over at Beth, who nodded. “And just to be safe, we’ll fly there. No one will see us that way.”

“Hey, Beth,” said Rachel, “Olive the Overdraft Fairy could sense the general area where her object was. Will you be able to the same with Mia’s things?”

“I’ll do you one better,” said Beth, happily clutching her box to her chest. “This can act as a sort of dowsing rod – I can’t do exact locations, but I can definitely sense whether things are roughly within the distance covered by, say, the average university building, and from there I can sort of... ‘hot and cold’ it. The objects want to be in the box, see, so I can burn them all to dust in the cleansing immortal flames of- “ she broke off to compose herself. “I mean, so I can do my Bad Break-Up magic properly.” She gave the girls an innocent smile. “The objects will have re-hidden themselves, but they shouldn’t have left the general area. Unless the goblins have any of them, of course.”

“Damn goblins,” said Kirsty, scowling. Rachel nodded in agreement.

They arrived back at their accommodation building. It was now late afternoon, and being November, the sun was starting to set.

“I’m going to the library to catch up on lecture recordings,” said Kirsty. “We reconvene in the kitchen at ten tonight. Let’s do a scavenger hunt!”

***

The girls took flight across campus, heading all the way down to the south side where the science building was located. Ruby carried a rucksack of supplies (mostly snacks – she figured it would be a long night).

“So, Beth,” asked Ruby, flying up beside her. “If you’re the Bad Break-Up Fairy, does that mean there’s a Good Break-Up Fairy?”

“ _Amicable_ ,” said Beth. “Aimee the Amicable Break-Up Fairy is my twin sister.” She sighed. “Aimee is... difficult. Though she thinks the same of me.”

“What do you mean?” asked Kirsty.

“Aimee’s magical object is also a box like mine, but her magic works through symbolically returning it, rather than burning. She thinks that my methods are immature, and that when relationships must end, it can always be done peacefully through communication and mutual respect.”

“Why is that wrong, though?” asked Ruby, confused.

“It’s naïve. People don’t have bad break-ups because the relationship was healthy,” said Beth darkly. “Aimee would have me trying to mend bridges. _Trust_ me when I say that in some of my cases, burning them is too kind.”

Sobered by the thought, the girls all flew in silence for a moment.

“She’s a good co-manager though,” said Beth, breaking the awkwardness. “She’s done a great job holding the fort while I deal with all this.”

“...manager?” asked Kirsty, confused. “Of what?”

“Of the Break-Up division of the Relationship department of Fairyland,” said Beth, as if it were obvious. Rachel, Kirsty and Ruby all stared at her. “Has no one ever explained to you how Fairyland bureaucracy works? I mean, I get why they wouldn’t when you were kids, but really, never since?”

“I thought it was just... you have a king and queen, and you do what they say, and you all work in teams to help humans?” said Rachel, confused. Beth sighed.

“Well, _yes_ , but it requires organisation! There are millions of us, and we all have roles to play! There has to be a structure! There has to be a clear hierarchy, coordinated planning, both cross and inter-departmental cooperation! We can’t very well just fly around doing whatever!” 

“So how does it work?” asked Kirsty.

“I’ll explain later,” said Beth, “seeing as we’ve arrived, and we’ve got work to do.” She was correct - they were now floating above the University of Rainborough’s science department. It was an old building, in need of refurbishment, but still possessing the feeling of grandness commanded by Victorian architecture – it was enough to make the chips on the stonework and cracks in the windows unnoticeable.

It was not, however, enough to make it possible to ignore the strong smell of damp, as the girls immediately realised upon flying in through the front door’s keyhole. Ruby wrinkled her nose and muttered something about ‘£9,000 a year’.

“Right. Human size now, if you wouldn’t mind, Beth,” said Kirsty. Beth obliged, and the girls took the opportunity to look around the lobby. It was very strange, being in a university building so late at night, with everything so quiet and empty. It felt wrong.

“So - where are starting then?” asked Ruby. Beth flew around them so she could face all three girls, holding the box out in front of her.

“Some good news to start,” she began. “My magic is telling me that all the objects are definitely still in this building, thankfully.” Kirsty breathed a sigh of relief. “However,” Beth continued, “I don’t know exactly where. As I told you, I can use my box to help, to an extent. But if we had a general idea of where in the building things might be, that would be really useful.”

“How are we supposed to guess that?” asked Ruby.

“Well they’re _hiding_ themselves, trying not to look out of place,” said Beth slowly, and a little condescendingly. “So, if you look at the list, you can tell me where each thing would look innocuous, and we can go there.”

“It really is like a scavenger hunt!” said Rachel. “Well, we’ll get that done in no time, won’t we Kirsty?”

“There is a problem, though,” said Beth. “There are definitely goblins about.”

“That just means we’ve got another team to beat!” said Kirsty, barely paying attention as she pulled out the list in excitement. “Now – let’s work out where these things could be.”

The girls crowded round Mia’s list, which read:

  * Women’s Uni of Rainborough hoodie
  * Silver necklace with star pendant
  * Bouquet of marigolds
  * Old track jacket
  * _Doctor Who-_ themed snow globe
  * Book about Alan Turing
  * Mix CD (addressed to me <3)
  * _The Killers_ poster
  * Turtle shaped memory stick
  * Heart-shaped box of chocolates



“Wow, Yuri. Be a little _more_ cliché, why don’t you?” said Ruby.

“He could have given her roses,” Rachel pointed out. “Marigolds are a cute and original choice.”

“But a mix CD? Does he not know about Spotify?” said Ruby, disdainfully.

“Maybe he’s being retro. I’d like it.”

“Ooh, you hear that Kirsty?”

“Hmm?” said Kirsty, who hadn’t been listening, but instead had been scribbling on Mia’s list, intermittently glancing at her phone.

“Ruby asked if you heard that I’d like a mix CD.”

“Oh! No, sorry, I was concentrating on this. I’ll make you one later – but right now, I think I’ve got a list of probable locations.”

“No, no, it’s okay, _you_ don’t need to make me one _,_ I meant I’d like one from someone I would _date_.”

Ruby made a choking noise and quickly covered her mouth with her hands. Beth visibly cringed.

“Oh,” said Kirsty. “Well. Do you guys want to hear the list or not?”

“Go ahead, Kirsty,” said Beth.

“I checked the building map,” she waved her phone at them, screen displaying the university’s website, “and we’re working with two lecture halls, two computer labs, ten seminar rooms, and a whole floor of academics’ offices, spread across three stories. Most of these things are personal items, which makes me think they’ll have ended up in the offices – the seminar rooms and lecture halls are meant to be neutral, so it seems unlikely most of these things would hide there, they’d be spotted immediately. They’ll probably have ended up in the messier offices, since they’d be more likely to go unnoticed. There are a few exceptions though, like the clothes – I think those will be in lost property – and the memory stick – I think that might have hidden itself in one of the computer labs.”

“How _does_ a memory stick hide itself?” Rachel wondered.

“It’s magical,” said Beth.

“I wonder if my memory sticks are magical, too...” Ruby mused. “It would explain why I’m always having to buy new ones...”

“Or maybe you need to learn to be cleaner,” said Kirsty. “I’ve seen your room.”

Ruby opened her mouth to retort, but Kirsty had already turned around and walked over to the closed coffee shop in the corner of the lobby. She went behind the counter, pulled out a plastic box, and walked it back over to the others.

“Lost property box!” she announced, setting it down. “Had to go through it once - I have a lecture in here, left a notebook behind first week. They keep stuff for a few days, then donate or throw it out.” Beth’s wings flapped excitedly as her arms tightened around her own box.

“There’s definitely something in there!” she said, grinning. Kirsty, Rachel and Ruby quickly bent down to look through the contents.

“Notebook, water bottle, notebook,” said Kirsty.

“Scarf, pencil case – _hoodie for another university!?_ ” said Rachel, scandalised.

“ _Why_ are there so many vape pens?” despaired Ruby.

Eventually, at the very bottom, they found a neatly folded track jacket. Standing up, Kirsty turned and held it up to Beth.

“This what we’re looking for?” she asked. Beth nodded delightedly and waved her wand, shrinking the jacket until it was small enough to fit back in her box.

“That’s one! Nine to go!” she said.

“Are there any others in here?” asked Kirsty.

“Afraid not,” said Beth. “The hoodie must be somewhere else.” Kirsty frowned, disappointed.

“Let’s go to the offices, then,” she said.

“Tell us more about how Fairyland works on the way!” said Ruby, handing out granola bars from her bag.

“Well,” said Beth, flying alongside the girls as they walked towards the lifts, “we have a tonne of different departments – we have to cover every aspect of human life and culture, after all. As the Bad-Break Up Fairy, I work in several different sectors, as it’s quite a broad position– my main job is, of course, with the Romantic Relationship Fairies, but I’m part of a lot of other teams too – like the University Life Fairies.”

“Wait, fairies can belong to more than one... set?” said Kirsty, pressing the call button and turning to stare at Beth.

“Of course!” Beth said. “It’s quite rare for a fairy to only work for one team. Felicity’s one of those few, since Fresher’s Flu is pretty exclusive to university life, but the majority of the University Life Fairies have other jobs. Olive certainly does – she’s very high up in the ranks of the Finance Fairies.”

“I always thought that fairies just did the one job,” said Rachel as they stepped into the lift. She pressed the button for the second floor as Beth scoffed.

“ _Really?_ I’ve read up on you two and your history with us - when you met, say, Melody the Music Fairy in her role as a Party Fairy, you actually thought _that_ was the extent of the Music Fairy’s job? Melody is one of the most dedicated workers in Fairyland, she works for hundreds of teams, oversees her own department _and_ its sub-departments - and you seriously thought her part-time work with the Party Fairies was all she does?”

“I don’t know,” said Rachel, quietly. “I guess I didn’t think about it. I was eight.”

“What about Ruby?” asked Ruby. “I mean, Ruby the Red Fairy? What does she do?”

“Oh, Ruby’s another hard worker. She leads the Rainbow Fairies, but she’s also needed for any team that relates to the colour red, which keeps her very busy. She works with the Fire Fairies, the Good Fortune Fairies, the Autumn Fairies, the Soviet Union Fairies – “

“Excuse me, the _what_ fairies _?_ ” said Kirsty.

“There are Soviet Union Fairies?” said Ruby. “Could they help me with my Marxism essay?”

“Yes, but not for very long,” said Beth. ”They’ll very quickly go wildly off track.”

The doors opened and they stepped out into a corridor of offices. Before the girls could even ask, Beth flicked her wand, unlocking every door at once with an audible click. She then turned to face the group.

“Since we’re splitting up, I’m going to give you these,” she said. With a wave of her wand, a small pouch appeared in the air in front of each of the girls. Ruby immediately snatched hers and looked inside eagerly.

“It’s... is this sand?” she asked.

“It’s fairy dust,” said Rachel, inspecting her own bag.

“That’s right,” said Beth. “You can use it to shrink to fairy size without having to call me over.”

“Good idea,” said Kirsty, approvingly.

“I’m glad you think so,” said Beth, flying over to sit on Rachel’s shoulder. Rachel moved her hair obligingly.

“Right then,” said Kirsty, clapping her hands together. “Let’s get looking!”

***

Half an hour later, the girls reconvened in the hallway, having gone through eight offices between them.

“I didn’t find anything, sorry,” said Ruby.

“I found the marigolds on someone’s desk!” said Kirsty, holding them up. “They had a whole bunch of fake flowers, I had to go through them all really carefully to find the real ones.”

“I found the poster and the book and the chocolates!” said Rachel, indicating to Beth, who had already shrunk the items and put them away.

“That’s... so many,” said Kirsty, impressed.

“I was able to assist with my box,” said Beth, waving her wand over the marigolds and adding them to the collection with a satisfied smile.

“Ah, playing with cheats, I see,” said Ruby. Rachel pouted.

“There is... one more item on this floor,“ said Beth. She flew up and down the corridor, holding the box out in front of her. “Ah, here we go. I’m sensing a strong presence. It’s in here.” She had reached an office at the far end of the hallway. As the girls walked over to the door, there was a sharp creak behind them. Kirsty snapped her head around.

Nothing was there. But as she continued to watch the space behind them, a shadow quickly flitted over the lift doors.

“Could that be... goblins?” Rachel whispered.

“Most likely,” said Kirsty. “But we might be able to trick them into thinking we don’t know they’re here – then we can be ready for them without them knowing.” She looked down at the sign on the door, and spoke loudly enough to be heard at the other end of the hall. “Okay then, Dr. Jenny Green! Let’s see what you have in store for us!” She turned the handle, and switched on the light.

Kirsty, Rachel and Ruby had never seen so much _Doctor Who_ memorabilia in their entire lives.

“Well,” said Ruby. “Someone has a hobby.”

“I guess we know what we’re looking for...” said Rachel, a little in awe. “How does she even move in here?”

Kirsty stepped inside, and immediately nearly knocked over a life size Cyberman prop replica that was standing next to the door. She glared at it. It wobbled menacingly.

“This stuff must have cost a fortune,” she said, looking around. She picked up a little figurine of a green alien with claws. “Hey! I remember watching an episode about these guys when I was a kid! Blitheen, right?”

“ _Slitheen_ ,” said Ruby, without even blinking. “They’re an alien crime family that first appeared in series one of the _Doctor Who_ revival, in the ‘Aliens of London/World War Three’ two-parter. Unless you’re thinking of the Blathereen, another crime family from the same alien race, who first appeared in a series one New Series Adventures novel, _The Monsters Inside_ , which was canonised by episode 11 of series one, ‘Boom Town’.“

Rachel, Kirsty and Beth turned to stare at her. Ruby blushed.

“I’m not _proud_ that I know that,” she said, looking away. “My school friends and I were really into the show when we were younger, okay?”

“Do this thing!” said Rachel, pointing at a model of an ant with human legs. Ruby was pressing her lips together as if in attempt to physically restrain herself from speaking - but she couldn’t stop herself from blurting out the answer.

“That’s a Zarbi. I’m surprised they make models of them, they’re pretty obscure. It’s a classic monster from the 60s - a serial called ‘The Web Planet’.”

“This one?”

“That’s an Ice Warrior.”

“And this one?”

“Macra.”

“And this guy?”

“Oh, come on Rachel, you know what a Dalek is! It’s not nerdy to know that one!”

“Found the snow globes!” said Kirsty from the corner. Ruby and Rachel turned.

“Globes plural...?” said Ruby.

“Yep,” said Kirsty, tightly, looking over an entire table’s worth of little orbs. “Who knew _Doctor Who_ snow globes were a lucrative market?”

“Ruby, probably,” said Rachel, cheerfully. Beth, who had been hovering next to Ruby as Rachel had quizzed her, flew over the tops of their heads to float over the snow globes.

“Well, I can work this out,” she said, holding out the box. “The one that belongs to me is...” She flitted about, humming in annoyance, until she finally settled above a simple globe, tucked at the back, containing a tiny Ninth Doctor and TARDIS. “This one!”

Kirsty reached down to pick it up and look at it. She gave it a little shake, and smiled.

Behind them, there was a crashing sound. The girls and Beth whirled around to face four goblins, Rachel almost nose-to-nose with the one at the head of the pack. He sneered at her.

“Are you _kidding_?!” shouted one of the goblins behind him, turning to face his compatriot, who was stood at the back, holding his arm, with a guilty expression on his face. “We were _this_ close and you just – “ he gestured in front of him to where the embarrassed goblin had knocked over the Cyberman, causing the noise. “First you lose us the nasal spray, then you can’t hold onto a piece of paper, now you ruin this – you’re so _useless!”_

Ruby stared in recognition - it was the hoodie goblin, yet again, though the hoodie itself was a little worse for wear. Looking down at his hands, she saw a sliver of yellow caution tape coming out of the bottom of his sleeve. She looked up, and their eyes met – he grimaced and stared down at his feet.

“How did we forget about them?” said Rachel, not breaking eye contact with the sneery goblin, who hadn’t moved. She made a face back. Behind him, the hoodie goblin was still being berated, the last of the quartet having also joined in.

“Well, if _Ruby_ hadn’t distracted us by being a _massive nerd_ ,” said Kirsty, fist tightening around the globe.

“Maybe if _Kirsty_ hadn’t had the _brilliant idea_ to just walk into an enclosed space when we _knew we were being followed_ ,” said Ruby.

“You went along with it!” said Kirsty.

“So you admit it was a bad idea!”

“It wouldn’t have been if we weren’t _distracted-_ “

Kirsty was cut-off by the sneery goblin suddenly shoving Rachel aside, pushing her into the table, and lunging for Kirsty. Snow globes, knocked over by the impact, rolled into each other and off the table, cascading to the floor.

“ _Rachel!”_ shouted Kirsty, loosening her grip on the orb in her hand. The goblin took the opportunity and snatched it, quickly turning and running.

“I’m okay!” said Rachel, pulling herself to her feet and racing after the goblins, the rest having joined their leader.

“Well, this feels familiar,” said Ruby, clutching the straps of her bag and following.

“You get used to that,” said Kirsty. 

They ran out into the corridor, following the goblins past the lifts and bursting through a set of doors leading to the top of a lecture theatre, lights flickering on automatically above their heads. They gracelessly manoeuvred themselves through the back row of seats, the goblins making their way toward the centre aisle of stairs, leading to a set of doors at the bottom that let out into the first-floor corridor. As the goblins neared the end of the row, Rachel grabbed the back of a seat and propelled herself forward across two rows, landing awkwardly but managing to run out into the aisle and up the steps, blocking their exit. All four stopped, Ruby and Kirsty also blocking the way back. The goblins were trapped. Rachel grinned at the sneery goblin, and grabbed his arm.

“Go!” he said to one of the goblins behind him, passing him the globe just before Rachel could grab it herself. The new carrier used Rachel’s own trick, launching himself over the seats and racing for the doors. Rachel, not wanting to waste the opportunity, pulled the sneery goblin forward and shoved him to the ground, pinning his arms to his back, as the other two followed after the one with the snow globe.

“Beth, help me restrain him, you two, follow them!”

Kirsty stared at Rachel.

“Kirsty! I said follow them!”

Kirsty blinked and ran, Ruby at her side. Beth glanced around the room, and noticed the draw-string blinds on the windows. With a twirl of her wand, one of the blinds was in a heap on the floor, and the string was in Rachel’s hands. She quickly tied it around the struggling goblin, who glared up at her. She stuck her tongue out and ran after the others, Beth close behind.

Ruby and Kirsty had pursued the remaining trio down the corridor of seminar rooms. Ruby, embracing the déjà vu, had managed to trip the goblin carrying the globe and had stomped on his fingers. The globe had gone flying, caught by another goblin, who had continued running, only for Kirsty, in a burst of inspiration, to use Beth’s fairy dust to transform herself and fly ahead of him. Landing, she quickly changed herself back and stood in front of him, arms out wide.

“Throw it to me!” said the hoodie goblin, who had been leading the pack, and had managed to get ahead of Kirsty while she was mid-regrowth.

“No!” said the other goblin. “You’ll screw things up again!”

“Like you’re doing much better!” said the hoodie goblin, Kirsty and Ruby closing in from both sides to prove the point. Sighing, the other goblin tossed the globe over Kirsty’s head to the hoodie goblin, who nearly fumbled it, before sticking it in his pocket and taking off. Kirsty whirled around after him, followed by Ruby and Rachel, who was just catching up – as she ran past, she gave the goblin on the ground, who was starting to pull himself up, a quick kick in the stomach. Channelling her track and field experience, Rachel shot forward ahead of all of them, blocking the stairwell.

The goblin turned around, desperately searching for an escape, but found himself surrounded. He backed up, pressing against one of the seminar room doors, only for it to open – someone had forgot to lock it. He started falling back, and in the same moment, the goblin who’d thrown him the snow globe reappeared behind them, shoving them all forward towards the open door and into the room. Rachel and Kirsty, who had been standing on either side of the doorway, quickly recovered, and Rachel pushed the goblin back, overpowering him and shoving him to the floor as she had done with the sneery goblin. Meanwhile Kirsty, seeing an opportunity to get rid of the hoodie goblin, indicated to Beth to lock the seminar room door. Beth obliged, and then followed it up by waving her wand and summoning a few more drawstrings, allowing Rachel to tie up both the goblin she had tackled, and the one she had kicked (who was by now so completely miserable that he didn’t even protest). The girls finished the job by shoving them both into an empty supply cupboard.

“Well. That’s all sorted then,” said Rachel, dusting herself off. “I mean, that last one still has the snow globe - but we can come back and deal with him after we’ve got the rest of the stuff.”

The goblin banged on the door.

“Yeah, I know you don’t want to be in there, but too bad, goblin! We’re dealing with you later!” yelled Kirsty.

Her phoned dinged, and the smile fell from her face as she suddenly realised they’d forgotten something quite important. She slowly turned around and showed the screen to Rachel. A text message read:

 **Ruby** : WHAT THE HELL GUYS. GET ME OUT OF HERE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should probably apologise for the Doctor Who scene, but quite frankly I had so much fun writing it that you could not pay me to remove it.
> 
> Oh, also, I made up everything Beth says about Fairyland. If it's at all canon compliant, it was an accident.


	16. #3 Beth the Bad Break-Up Fairy - Ruby and the Goblin

“Ohhh my god, we locked Ruby in there with a goblin,” said Rachel through the hand covering her mouth. Kirsty rapidly typed a reply, Rachel leaning over her shoulder.

**Kirsty:** You okay? Has he tried to hurt you?

**Ruby** : No, he’s kind of just... sitting here? But I don’t want to be stuck alone with him!

Kirsty frowned.

“We have to let her out,” said Rachel.

“No. He might escape with the snow globe and we’ll have to run after him again - when we’re _already tired_ \- instead of going and looking for the other items. If we wait, we can get the rest of the stuff, and then plan a proper ambush. Or maybe Ruby could get it off him, even.”

“What are you- no! We can’t just leave Ruby in there!” shouted Rachel.

A series of messages appeared on Kirsty’s screen.

**Ruby:** I heard that! No, you can’t leave me here

**Ruby:** Get me out!

**Ruby:** You would never leave Rachel locked in a room with a goblin

“She’s right,” said Rachel. “You’d never even consider it.”

“Well– that- that would be different,” stammered Kirsty.

“How? How would it be different? If anything, it would be _better_ , because, as I’ve _just_ proven, I can overpower a goblin. What if he attacks Ruby!?”

“Ruby’s strong too, she could take him!”

“So how is it different if it’s me?”

“It- it just is!”

“Why, Kirsty? Tell me _why?_ ” Rachel stared at Kirsty, furious. Kirsty suddenly felt very small.

“I can’t let you get hurt. Or- or worse.”

Rachel continued to stare at Kirsty. The silence grew heavy, and Kirsty looked away, unable to face Rachel’s expression. Beth hovered between them, forgotten. Finally, Rachel straightened her back, smoothed over her expression, and spoke, voice flat.

“Well then. I can only conclude that either you think the goblins _are_ a real threat, in which case you don’t care at all about our friend Ruby’s safety – or you think they’re not actually any danger, in which case you simply don’t trust me to look after myself. And I don’t like either option very much.” 

“Rachel- “

“Are you a terrible friend? Or do you think I’m a child?”

“ _Rachel_ , that’s not- of course I- I- “

Kirsty’s phone chimed again.

**Ruby:** What’s going on? I can hear you talking, are you going to unlock the door or what?

Kirsty, after a moment, started typing a reply.

**Kirsty:** Just sit tight. We’ll come back for you. You’ll be okay, alright?

As soon as she hit send, Rachel snatched the phone from Kirsty’s hand and read the message.

“I see,” she said, taking a deep breath and puffing out her chest as she handed it back. “But the thing is, I’m _not_ a child, so I’m going to go off, _on my own,_ and find all the rest of the objects before you do, and- and you can’t stop me!” Beth raised her eyebrows, and Rachel, noticing, redirected her glare. Beth quietly held up her hands.

The phone chimed again.

**Ruby:** What the *hell*, NO IT’S NOT ALRIGHT

Kirsty ignored it.

“Rachel, please- “

“You are not my _mother_ , Kirsty Tate! Leave me alone!”

Rachel turned on her heel and ran off towards the stairs. Kirsty turned to look at Beth.

“What am I supposed to do now?” she asked, voice trembling.

“In my experience? Eat a lot of ice cream and binge watch _RuPaul’s Drag Race_.”

“But- Beth, that wasn’t a _break-up_ ,” said Kirsty, furrowing her eyebrows, then widening her eyes eagerly. “Wait – was this somehow because of your magic being gone? Will Rachel not be angry with me when we’ve helped you?”

Beth frowned.

“I was joking, Kirsty. My magic only applies to people in _romantic_ relationships, not friendships. And even if you were together, my stuff being gone is causing unnecessary break-ups and difficulty getting over exes. That sounded a lot more like you two have an _actual_ problem.”

“Well, tell me how to fix it then!”

Beth shrugged.

“Sorry, Kirsty. Reconciliation is kind of beyond my paygrade. I told you – I help people burn bridges. No rebuilding.”

Kirsty pressed her lips together, unsure what to say. Finally, she spoke, voice flat.

“Alright. Fine. Let’s go look for objects. Where do you think that necklace might be?”

***

Ruby, hearing footsteps walking away from the door, turned away and let out a frustrated growl. She looked at the goblin. He was lounged on the floor in the middle of the room, not paying attention to her. He’d rolled up his sleeve, and was adjusting the caution tape wrapped around his arm.

“That, uh... that still hasn’t healed?” asked Ruby. The goblin didn’t look up.

“Well, it was only a few days ago,” he said as he pulled the sleeve back down, seemingly satisfied.

“...it was three weeks?” said Ruby.

“Oh, has it been that long for you? Time works differently in Fairyland,” said the goblin, rolling onto his back and staring at the ceiling. “I don’t totally understand it, I’ll admit.” He picked at the tape still trailing out the sleeve of his hoodie. “Thank you for this yellow stuff, by the way.”

“Don’t mention it,” said Ruby.

“I don’t have to? Oh, good,” said the goblin, visibly exhaling. “No one’s ever been that nice to me. I don’t really know how to deal with it.”

Ruby sat down in a chair next to him.

“You’re very honest,” she said.

“I know,” said the goblin.

They sat in silence for a moment.

“Um. Would you like a snack?” asked Ruby, opening her bag and holding up a packet of crisps. The goblin sat up and eyed her suspiciously.

“Is this an attempt at... courtship?” he asked, leaning away from her. Ruby mirrored him in equal horror.

“No! No, no, no, absolutely not!” she said.

“It’s just you’re being _nice_ , and giving me things, and it’s my understanding that humans- “

“No.”

“Ah. Good. Then yes, I would like some food.”

Ruby handed him the packet, and pulled out another for herself. She watched as the goblin shovelled the crisps into his mouth, crumbs spewing everywhere.

“You must be hungry,” she said.

“Very,” he mumbled through an open mouthful. Ruby, quite disgusted, looked down at his hoodie instead. For the first time, she noticed the cut.

“That’s a girl’s hoodie,” she said. The goblin looked up at her in shock.

“No. It’s my hoodie. I bought it and everything!” he said, rather offended.

“Are you sure? Because one of the objects we’re looking for is a hoodie quite a lot like- “

“I _know_ , but this one is _mine_. I’ve had this much longer than that magical one has even existed – as _you_ should know!”

“You could have replaced your usual one with the magical one to trick us.” The goblin paused at that, considering.

“That’s a good idea, actually. If I knew where the magic one was, I might have tried it.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out the snow globe. “Still, we’ve got this, and we only really need the one to stop that fairy getting her magic back.”

Ruby made a half-hearted lunge for the globe. The goblin lazily moved his arm away and placed it back in his pocket.

“Nice try.”

Ruby sat back and crossed her arms.

“The others said you’re doing all this to ruin university for people. Why do you even want to do that?” The goblin crossed his arms back.

“I don’t. Why would I care? It’s what Jack Frost wants. It’s not _my_ fault my boss is a petty bastard.”

Ruby, being no stranger to the concept of bastard bosses, supposed that was fair enough. Something else still bothered her, though.

“Do you use human money in Fairyland?” The goblin stared at her incredulously.

“No, of course we don’t, that would be-“

“So where did you get the money to buy the hoodie?”

The goblin gave her a grin.

“Well, you see, I was in that coffee shop at the entrance to this building, and a human was driven up outside in a fancy car. When he came in, he was _very_ rude to the human that served him. That is unforgivable.”

“Well, I don’t disagree there.”

“So, I stole his purse. He was so angry!” The goblin started laughing. “I thought that stupid fur on his mouth would fall off!”

“You mean he had a moustache?”

“Yes! It was all twirly and it wobbled when he yelled, it was so funny! He said,” he put on a deep voice, “he said, ‘I am the Vice Chancellor of this institution! You will return that this instant!’” The goblin wiped a tear from his eye. “But I just ran away, and he couldn’t catch me!” He fell back laughing again.

Ruby was grinning back.

“So that means... _you’re_ the one who pickpocketed the Vice Chancellor? You’re the reason for the signs everywhere telling us to be careful?”

“Yes!”

“Well done! That guy _sucks_. Gets payed hundreds of thousands while the staff don’t even get proper pensions. The union’s gearing up for strikes next term. What did you use the money on, besides the hoodie?”

“I bought hot dogs!” said the goblin, happily sprawled across the floor. “They were delicious!”

Ruby continued smiling at him. It was almost affectionate.

“Why did you buy a women’s hoodie, though? You’re a boy.”

Then she paused, considering for a moment.

“...are you a boy?”

The goblin sat back up and frowned.

“What is a ‘boy’?”

Ruby was not sure how to answer that.

“Uh... like... as opposed to a girl? It’s a gender- well, not really, but it’s a word used to describe people of the, uh, male gender? But only if they’re younger, usually, I guess?”

The goblin considered for a moment. Then he nodded, looking pleased with himself.

“Gender! I’ve heard of it. It’s a human thing, I think. Maybe fairies too. But goblins definitely don’t have it.”

“Oh,” said Ruby, the possibility not having occurred to her. “So, do you... um.... do you have, like, preferred pronouns, or...?”

“What are ‘pronouns’?”

“They’re like... you can use them as substitutes for the person you’re talking about? So in this context, things like ‘he’, ‘she’, ‘they’, ‘it’...?”

The goblin frowned.

“Were those different words in human language? In my language you just said the same thing four times.”

“Wait, what? Do I sound like I’m speaking goblin to you?” asked Ruby.

“Yes, of course. And I sound like I’m speaking human to you. But it’s just magic - of course I don’t _actually_ speak your language,” said the goblin. Ruby cocked her head.

“What about when I said ‘boy’ just now? If you don’t have them...”

“We don’t have an equivalent word. So it didn’t translate. That’s why I was confused.” He got up from the floor and stretched, then wandered over to stare out the window wistfully. “Nice view,” he commented, glancing back at Ruby.

“Quite,” said Ruby, a little dazed. “So... if you don’t have gender, how do you know about it?”

“I have watched a lot of _Friends_ ,” said the goblin.

“Friends? You have friends who have genders?” said Ruby.

“No – I meant the human TV show. We watch it on the Netflix back at home,” said the goblin.

“Is that where you learnt about... courtship?”

“Yes,” said the goblin, wrinkling his nose. “I’m not a fan. I would rather watch something else, really, but the whole grotto shares one account, and democracy rules.” He sighed. “In the evenings everyone gathers in the big house at the centre of town to watch whatever gets picked, and it’s _always_ that show.”

“Nothing else? On the whole of Netflix?”

“Well, if it’s not that show, it’s another one about human adults being mean to each other while other humans laugh at them,” said the goblin, shrugging. “They all seem the same to me. But watching it is something to do after work, so...” He shrugged again.

“What exactly _is_ your job?” asked Ruby.

The goblin began wandering around the room, peering at the various books and posters as he answered.

“To do whatever Jack Frost wants, basically. Specific jobs are assigned randomly. I was lucky to get human world duty instead of something like... I don’t know. Ice castle maintenance, that would have been boring.”

“Do you like this job?”

“Not really, but like I say, better than alternatives.” He picked up a textbook and opened it, tilting his head at an anatomy diagram as he flipped through the pages. “And I guess you humans _are_ kind of interesting.” He looked up and narrowed his eyes at Ruby. “Though I do seem to get hurt a lot.”

Ruby looked away guiltily.

“Ah, well... is the pay decent, at least?”

The goblin blinked. Then he laughed, bitterly.

“Pay? We don’t get _paid_. As if Jack Frost would ever- hah!”

Ruby stared at him in shock.

“Wait. So you’re completely unpaid, but still have to do what your boss says?”

“Yes,” said the goblin.

“Do you have a choice in it?”

“No.”

“Which means... oh my god, you’re _slaves?!_ ” asked Ruby, eyes wide.

“I guess that would be the word for it,” said the goblin, having moved on from the textbook to study a poster that detailed the university’s plagiarism policy. “Our ancestor made a deal with Jack Frost - our services, forever, in exchange for a magic spell to spite some fairies.”

“ _What?!”_

“Yeah. Our great-great-grandmother sold us to Jack Frost’s great-great-grandfather. Brilliant, isn’t it?” The goblin gave Ruby a sarcastic thumbs up.

“I- but- no. No way. No way, you’re making that up. That’s not a real thing. You’re making that up as like- like a grimdark edgy back story to make me feel sorry for you.”

“Oh, I wish I was. I wish this wasn’t my entire race’s _actual real backstory_. I would much prefer for it to be something light hearted that doesn’t have so many horrifying wider implications. But it is this. This really, genuinely is our history.” The goblin crossed his arms. “I _certainly_ wouldn’t have chosen it.”

“And you’re all just... okay with that?”

“Of course not!” said the goblin, now angry. “But what am I supposed to do? What are any of us supposed to do? We live in a totalitarian ethnostate! I can’t change it, none of us can, and there’s nowhere else to go!”

Ruby frowned. She got up from her chair and walked over to goblin. Being slightly taller than the average university student, she was able to look down at him. She held up her bag of fairy dust.

“But if there was - would you want to?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay. So.
> 
> This scene here was one of the very first ideas I had while coming up with this story. The original idea was for a joke about the goblins all being on zero hour contracts, because I thought that was funny. I decided to check the Rainbow Magic wiki (yes that's a thing), just to see if there had ever been any mention of the goblins' employment situation. And it was there that I discovered the horror story that is Annie the Detective Fairy, released in 2019.
> 
> I spent £2.99 of my own money on this book, just to confirm that the wiki wasn't lying. It starts off fine - the girls get whisked off to Fairyland by Annie, they discover Jack Frost there, who is cosplaying as his OC, Shivershock Bones (a blatant Sherlock Holmes knock-off), and everyone, including the narrator, indulges this for some reason. Annie explains that they're all trying to solve the mystery of some fairies that went missing eons ago. So far, it's all actually pretty funny and compelling - for Rainbow Magic, anyway.
> 
> Jack Frost also has a goblin ('Doctor Gobson') tagging along as a sidekick, and there's also a brief moment where we see a goblin very unwillingly acting as Jack Frost's housekeeper. Eventually, the mystery unravels, and it's revealed that Doctor Gobson's ancestor sold the goblins into servitude in exchange for a spell that made the fairies disappear, because she was jealous of their happiness. The girls and Annie free the fairies, and Doctor Gobson delights in the news that he doesn't have to be Jack Frost's servant anymore. Jack Frost quickly claims that actually the deal was that the goblins stay in his service forever, regardless of whether the spell was active. The girls suspect that he's lying, but whatever, home time, happy ending- except NO, actually, NOT happy ending, because excuse me, Daisy Meadowses (Meadowsi?), but what, pardon my language, the FUCK?
> 
> Yeah. It's *actual canon* of this *children's series* that the goblins are unwilling servants (this is called 'slavery'), and the girls and the fairies know about it, but apparently just don't care. Which is awful. Obviously.
> 
> When I saw all of this, I couldn't resist using it, because- just- seriously, what the hell. This is that one recent book that I'm drawing from that I mentioned back at the start. 
> 
> Please do note though - this should not be taken, in any way, as my commentary on actual slavery. Do not read it as such. This is not an academic paper. 
> 
> This is Rainbow Magic fan fiction.
> 
> ...what am I doing with my life?


	17. #3 Beth the Bad Break-Up Fairy - Angst

Alone on the ground floor, Rachel opened the door to the building’s second lecture theatre. Standing in the centre and looking up at the seats, she could imagine herself before a massive audience, all staring down at her. She shuddered. Her vision blurred.

_See? That right there is why Kirsty thinks you’re weak. Too weak to take care of yourself._ _A-_

She shook her head, and tried to concentrate, looking around the room for things to focus on. The giant periodic table. The plastic model skeleton. The exit signs on the back doors.

Moving her gaze downwards a little, she spotted something on one of the seats in the back row. A jacket, maybe? The hoodie? She grinned and made her way up the steps. As she reached the top, her smile dropped – closer now, she could see that the article of clothing was definitely not a hoodie. She picked it up anyway, and blinked.

It was a half denim, half leather jacket.

It had to belong to Jeather Jacket Girl. Who else owned something like this? Rachel frowned – why did that girl keep showing up?

If Kirsty had been here, she would have made a joke about it being destiny.

_Kirsty._

Rachel hated that she was already ready to forgive her. She had a _right_ to be mad, she knew she did. But she had also meant what she said to Ruby on Halloween, about trusting Kirsty, and knowing Kirsty meant well, and them being willing to do anything for each other. Of course she’d meant it. She loved Kirsty more than anyone else in the world.

_But she’ll never stop seeing you as a child. As something she has to take care of. As a-_

Maybe flying would help. She had always loved flying.

She put the jacket back down and pulled out the fairy dust. Sprinkling some on herself, she launched herself off the ground and flew up and around the room. She nosedived down through the tiers of seats, pulling up at the last moment and doing a series of loops until she reached the ceiling, locket swinging around her neck. Dizzy, she almost crashed into a moth that was fluttering around the lightbulb.

“Sorry!” she said. The moth flapped its wings angrily, and went back to headbutting the bulb. Rachel flew onward, back down to the seats, dodging around them and under the barrier separating them from the walkway to the back door. She flew in circles, building up speed and shooting all the way back down to the lectern, skidding as she landed and falling backwards, laughing. She lay there for a moment, before gently getting back up and slowly flying over to the model skeleton in the corner. She sat down on its shoulder.

“Ahh. I see why the fairies enjoy this,” she told it, swinging her legs around and leaning back against its neck. The skeleton, being plastic, did not respond. Rachel continued talking anyway. 

“See, the thing is,” she said. “The thing is, Kirsty’s always been the more cautious one. Always. Because she was the believer. Kirsty’s the one who always believed in magic, and Kirsty’s the one who saw it everywhere, even before the fairies. The very first time we met,” she sighed at the memory, “that first day, it was because she saw the magic in the rainbow. And it’s because of her that I can see it now, too. The literal magic, obviously, but also... also things like willow trees where you can hide in the branches, and cool spring mornings when there’s dew on the grass. Dust in sunbeams coming through library windows. Old bridges crossing older streams. Rainbows. And...”

She broke off, chuckling.

“That sounds _very_ dramatic, doesn’t it?”

She looked out across the empty room, pulling her knees up to her chin.

“Anyway. She always believed. It was never... new for her. Well, it was, but it was never, you know, an earth-shattering revelation, like it was for me.” She smiled. “For Ruby even more so, I bet. And it never got old for me – or well, maybe a little, we had literally _hundreds_ of adventures, and they did get a bit samey sometimes. But I got to have them with Kirsty. So I never minded.” She pressed her face into her knees. “It was her idea to stop. And she was right, really. We had been doing it for _so_ long. So long.”

Rachel’s voice was barely a whisper.

“It’s okay if she wants to move on from me, too.”

She squeezed her eyes shut, as the word she had been trying to push away finally crept its way in.

_Burden._

She sat quietly for a long moment, eyes closed. Finally, she looked back up. Across the room, she spotted the jacket, still draped over the back of a seat. Resolutely, she forced a smile across her face and sat up. Her shirt rode up as she shifted, causing the skin of her back to rub against the skeleton. She winced – it was cold.

Too cold. Plastic didn’t get that cold. This was cold like metal.

She turned around, her grin now genuine. What she had felt hadn’t been the skeleton, but the chain of the necklace the skeleton was wearing. The necklace with a star pendant.

“Ah HA,” she told it, hopping off its shoulder and returning to full size so she could undo the clasp. “I _can_ do this by myself!”

***

“Maybe in here?” said Kirsty, pushing open the door to the first-floor computer lab. She flipped on the light and looked around the room, taking in the rows of monitors, all sleek and new looking. Beth flew ahead of her and held up the box.

“Mmm... yes. I’m pretty sure there’s something in here, but the presence is faint, so I’m not quite sure where... we’ll have to search.”

Kirsty sighed.

“The usefulness of your lot’s magic is kind of vague and inconsistent, you know.”

“Take it up with the powers that be. And by that, I mean King Oberon and Queen Titania, obviously.”

They wandered through the first row, silently inspecting each table as they went.

“Why _would_ the presence be weak?” Kirsty asked, bending down to peer into the space underneath the desks. “When we were looking for the snow globe, you said that one’s presence was strong.”

“It probably that whatever’s in here isn’t as important to Mia as other things she received from Yuri,” said Beth. “The snow globe felt important. That’ll be how the goblins sensed it, too – it was likely a gift for some holiday or anniversary. Objects like that matter a lot to humans,” a maniacal grin stretched across her face, “which means they burn the brightest when I set them alight.” She shook the smile off. “But whatever’s in here will be more mundane.”

“Well, we’re still missing the necklace, the memory stick, the CD and the hoodie...” said Kirsty, thinking. “The necklace and CD wouldn’t be mundane gifts... and considering where we are...”

She looked across the room, now focusing specifically on the computer towers. Smiling, she walked over to one a few rows away from them. Sticking out of the USB port was a small rubber turtle. 

“Just as I first suspected,” she said, satisfied. She handed the memory stick to Beth, who placed it in the box. They left the room and walked back down the corridor, stopping to search each seminar room they passed. After the third room, Beth spoke up.

“I hope you don’t mind me asking. But why do you treat Rachel and Ruby differently?” she asked, looking very much like she thought Kirsty might swat her out of the air for bringing it up. She attempted to subtly manoeuvre herself out of Kirsty’s reach, just in case.

Her fears were unfounded. Kirsty simply bit the inside of her mouth and let out a sharp breath, before looking up at Beth.

“Look. It’s not that I don’t trust Rachel. I know she thinks that’s what it is, but that’s not it. I- I trust her more than anyone, and I know she can look after herself, I mean, did you _see_ the way she took down that goblin, it was so- “ she turned slightly pink. “It’s just... all the stuff that happened to us, it was- you have that folder, right?”

Beth summoned it and thumbed through the pages, muttering to herself.

“Kirsty Tate... Female... Archaeology student. Wow, lot of pages about your childhood... and Rachel...” she read in silence for a moment, then looked up. Kirsty startled as they made eye contact.

Beth looked so genuinely sad.

“I’m so sorry. I hope you know we never meant for any of that to happen,” she said quietly. The sincerity shook Kirsty, and she looked away, scuffing her foot against the floor in discomfort.

“Well. It wasn’t _you_ , was it?”

“No, I suppose not. But I’m sure the others- if they’d known it would affect you like- “

“It’s a bit late for all that now,” said Kirsty. Beth nodded and looked back down at the pages. “It just – it changes things,” Kirsty continued, unconsciously reaching for her locket, “when you see someone nearly die, over and over again. I- I’m _terrified_ of what could have been. I don’t get how Rachel isn’t. In some ways, the fact that she isn’t... I don’t... She’s the most important person in the world to me, Beth. You know?”

“I get it,” said Beth. “Why she matters so much. Rachel is the only other person in your life – the only person in existence, even – who can understand what you’ve gone through. It makes sense that you’d want to hold onto that.”

“What?” said Kirsty, startled. “It’s not that - it’s because she’s _Rachel!_ ”

Beth stared at Kirsty, her face a mixture of confused and disbelieving.

“Okay,” was all she said, beginning to fly again down the corridor. Kirsty walked beside her in silence, eyebrows furrowed.

Two rooms later, Kirsty spoke.

“So, what’s that folder _for_ , really?”

Beth perked up, happy to no longer be out of her depth.

“It contains everything I need to know about people and their relationships, so I can better understand what caused their break-ups and what they need to help get over them. Don’t worry, it has very strict privacy rules. I’m the only one who can read it, and I can’t read anything out loud unless it’s already public information in the human world.”

“But you’ve got... everything on me, in there?” asked Kirsty.

“If it pertains to your romantic relationships, yes. For you, that’s a lot of things, including the circumstances of your childhood, but different people have different factors that matter. There are a few consistent things that I have on everyone, though – stuff like your name, gender, and other basics. Your sexual orientation, past crushes, dating history. Your age. That sort of thing.”

Kirsty went quiet again, thinking.

“You said you can’t share it with others, but seeing as it’s my information... could you read my pages out to me?”

“Theoretically. But are you sure you want me to?”

Kirsty considered for a moment.

“No,” she decided. Beth nodded and closed the folder.

***

The ground floor computer lab was significantly less impressive than the one Kirsty and Beth had been in. Rachel looked around the room at the old monitors, the tops coated in dust. She had made her way through the entire ground floor, with this being the only room left – and now she was in here, she quickly decided she would like to leave as soon as possible. She cringed at the mousepads – they were all covered in stains, and looked like they hadn’t been replaced in years, maybe decades. The smell of damp was stronger here than anywhere else in the building. Desperately searching for anything useful, her eyes fell on a CD rack at the back of the room. That seemed promising. She put the jacket and necklace down on a desk – she had taken both with her when she left the lecture theatre – and walked over.

She thumbed through the cases – most were apparently blanks for students to burn, but a few stray albums had made their way in to the mix. Whoever was in charge of this room must not have been very well organised, she supposed. As she reached to the very back of the shelf, she yelped. The CD case she had rubbed her finger against was cracked, and had scratched her. She pulled the offending box out to properly glare at it, but instead found herself smiling.

The front of the disc inside read ‘For Mia. Love, Yuri’. Seeing it, Rachel’s annoyance turned to glee. Two, she had found _two_ magical objects, all by herself, that would show Kirsty she wasn’t useless!

And as quickly as it had come, her delight was sobered.

She turned over the case to see a track listing. She read through it, smiling at the little notes were written next to each song – ‘reminds me of when we met up to go camping’, ‘long distance :(’, ‘first kiss!’. The last one in particular stood out to her: ‘always makes me happy, and I always want to make you happy <3’.

Yuri really was a sweet boy. She had always wanted love like that, had dated a fair number of guys in school – not extreme numbers, but more than average. Nothing had ever stuck though. Her mind drifted to Trevor, and it startled her to realise it was the first she’d thought of him all evening.

She’d liked him. She had. He’d liked her, and he was confident and good looking and that’s the sort of thing that made boys attractive, after all, so _of course_ she had liked him. And now, he was gone.

It was the fact that he hadn’t given her reason that had hurt the most, really. She now supposed it was probably Beth’s magic, but until then, imagining all the horrible things he might have thought of her, even things he would have had no way of knowing...

She shuddered.

But separated from that now, she could think about him and their relationship more objectively. She remembered Ruby’s complaints about him – the more she thought about it, the more she realised Ruby had maybe been right all along. She shuddered again – Ruby was going to be so angry with her, once they went and got her out. She should have stayed and fought Kirsty on it, instead of stomping off.

And now Kirsty probably hated her too, for being so difficult and whiny. She _had_ acted like a child. No wonder Kirsty saw her that way.

She needed to apologise to them both – now. Hurriedly, she left the lab and ran back to the first floor.

***

Kirsty and Beth had walked the entire first floor, and were almost back in front of the room where Ruby and the goblin were trapped, when Rachel came running up the stairs and down the corridor.

“Rachel!” said Kirsty, eyes wide.

“Kirsty, I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have blown up at you, don’t be angry at me!” gasped Rachel, bending over to catch her breath.

“What are you- I’m the one who should apologise, you were right!”

“No, it’s okay, I know you didn’t mean it like that. Please don’t hate me!”

Kirsty looked appalled.

“Of course I don’t hate you! I could never!”

Rachel looked up at Kirsty, eyes wide.

“You’re really not mad?”

“No! Are you mad?”

“Not anymore,” said Rachel, standing back up. They stared at each other for a moment, unsure what to say next. Beth, once again hovering, forgotten, between them, looked from one to the other, waiting.

There was a slight thump from a nearby room. Rachel turned around, Kirsty looking over her shoulder, and they both remembered where they were.

“Ruby’s definitely going to be mad, though...” said Rachel. “We both owe her an apology.”

“To be honest... yeah,” said Kirsty, looking pained. “I think it was the adrenaline talking, when I said we should leave her there. We could have found another way. I was wrong.”

“Oooh, Kirsty Tate admitting she was wrong!” said Rachel, a smile creeping across her face. “Should Beth be on the look-out for airborne pigs on her way home?”

“Shut up,” said Kirsty, grinning back. It turned to a grimace as she walked over to stand in front of the door to Ruby’s room. “Beth, if you would be so kind.”

Beth waved her wand, unlocking the door. Kirsty pushed it open, Rachel behind her, and entered the room to find Ruby lounged on a chair, bag at her feet, scrolling through something on her phone and eating a biscuit.

“Oh. Hey guys,” she said, looking up and waving. Rachel ran over to her.

“Ruby! We are so, so sorry about what we did, it was totally selfish of us and we should never have- “

“It’s cool,” said Ruby, getting up and pulling her bag onto her back. “Kind of a boring wait, but whatever.”

“Where’s the goblin?” asked Kirsty. Ruby pointed over to the open window.

“He ran away. Left this behind, too,” she held up the snow globe and shook it, grinning.

“Why would he- “

“Oh, Rachel, you found stuff too?” Ruby interrupted Kirsty, looking at what Rachel was carrying. Rachel, who had forgotten about her discoveries until that moment, looked down at her collection, then looked back up at the others and nodded with pride.

“I found the necklace, the CD... and this,” she said, holding up the jacket.

“Jeather Jacket Girl’s jeather jacket?” said Ruby. “Where did you find that? Wait, if she doesn’t have it, does that make her Jeather Jacket-less Girl?”

“You don’t _know_ it’s hers,” said Kirsty. Rachel and Ruby both gave her disbelieving looks.

“You really think there’s more than one person wandering around our campus with a jacket like this?” asked Ruby. Kirsty had to concede that this was a fair argument, and closed her mouth.

“I found it in the lecture hall,” said Rachel. “I thought maybe Beth could find out her name, and then you could return it to her, and then maybe...” she wiggled her eyebrows.

“Don’t do that,” said Ruby. “You look extremely creepy.”

Kirsty, meanwhile, was blushing.

“But how would I explain to her how I found out who she is? Assuming I _want_ to do that, which I don’t,” she added quickly. Rachel frowned, not having thought about that aspect.

“Oh. Yeah, I guess.”

“Could we maybe get back to finding a certain other article of clothing?” asked Beth, shrinking the necklace, CD and snow globe and adding them to the box. “A particularly elusive hoodie that we need to finish this little adventure? It’s definitely still in the building.”

“You found the memory stick?” Rachel asked Kirsty. “Well done!”

“Thanks,” said Kirsty, looking over at Ruby, who was also nodding at her in acknowledgment. She narrowed her eyes. Why was Ruby so _calm?_

Ruby offered no sign of noticing Kirsty’s suspicions, instead stretching her arms. Rachel frowned.

“Where could the hoodie even be though? We checked all the offices upstairs together, I checked every room downstairs- “

“And Beth and I checked every room on this floor,” said Kirsty. “Though I guess it’s possible any of us missed something at some point. Maybe we should go through them all again.”

“Well,” said Ruby. “If you don’t mind, I need to pee first. Been stuck in this room for the past who-knows-how-long, remember?”

As Ruby finished speaking, all three girls were hit with the same idea at once. Wordlessly, they looked to each other, mutual grins confirming they were all on the same page. They turned, and one after another raced out of the room towards the bathrooms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Communication is important, kids! Don't be like Kirsty and Rachel.
> 
> The goal here is not for this story to become 'your childhood fav was actually super dark and depressing, oooooohhhh, Ash is in a coma', for the record. It's just that when you read these books as an adult, it's really quite horrifying to imagine nine year olds in some of the situations the girls get into, and impossible to assume that it wouldn't end up having some sort of lasting impact on them, psychologically.


	18. #3 Beth the Bad Break-Up Fairy - Burnt To Ashes

Rachel slammed open the door to the women’s toilets. She and Kirsty scanned the room.

“I don’t see anything,” said Kirsty. “Maybe another floor?”

“Wait. Hangers,” said Ruby from behind them. She began opening stall doors and inspecting the hooks on the backs.

“What took you so long?” asked Kirsty. Ruby didn’t respond.

After the fourth door, she turned around and beamed as she held up the final missing object in triumph.

“Yes!” said Rachel, delighted.

“Oh _fuck_ yeah!” said Beth, darting forward towards Ruby and the hoodie. Kirsty and Rachel stared at her in horror as she shrunk it and floated it into the box with her wand, sparks flying uncontrollably out of the tip in her excitement. “What?” she asked, finally looking up and seeing their expressions.

“You- you- you are _not_ allowed to say that word!” said Kirsty, pointing at her with a shaking hand. Rachel nodded, frozen in place.

“I think I am,” said Beth. “I’m excited. I can go back to helping people now.” Ruby nodded in agreement.

“I don’t see any reason she shouldn’t,” she said.

“Thank you,” said Beth. “I might even say it again- “

Kirsty shot her hand forward and grabbed Beth out of the air. She covered Beth’s mouth with her thumb.

“No. Never again. Ever. Do you hear me?”

Rachel covered Kirsty’s hand with her own, tightening the grip around Beth’s waist.

“ _Promise_ ,” she said. Beth nodded rapidly. Kirsty and Rachel dropped her, and Beth rolled her eyes, flying ahead of them out of the room. Ruby, shaking her head, followed.

Kirsty and Rachel glanced at each other, and nodded in solidarity.

In that moment, they were well and truly united once more.

***

“Cold out, isn’t it?” said Ruby as they left the building. Before leaving, they had freed all three remaining goblins, not wanting anyone to stumble across them the next morning. They had been very grumpy about their failure, but wisely did not seek to fight a now fully-powered Beth, instead choosing to wander off while complaining about their companion’s disappearance. The girls now stood on the platform at the top of the building’s large stone set of steps.

“I know one thing that could warm us up,” said Beth, smiling innocently.

“Don’t set the box on fire, Mia and Yuri don’t _want_ to get over each other,” said Rachel.

“No, no, I wasn’t going to do it for _them_. I’ve already cleared the box, they should be fine now,” said Beth. “I meant you, Rachel. For you and that Trevor guy.”

“Oh!” said Rachel. “Oh. Yeah, okay.” Kirsty and Ruby exchanged a glance, surprised at Rachel’s non-resistance, but also not about to complain about it. Beth handed the box to Rachel and tapped it with her wand, causing it to grow to shoebox size. Kirsty looked over her shoulder to see what was inside.

“A ballpoint pen and five restaurant bills,” she said.

“You paid for both of you on _all_ of your dates?” asked Ruby, incredulous. “He didn’t even pay once?”

“He said him paying any money for me would be anti-feminist.” 

“Burn it,” said Kirsty and Ruby in unison. Rachel put the box down, and the girls moved to stand around it, Kirsty facing the building, with Ruby and Rachel at each of her sides. Beth flew up, turned a somersault, and dive bombed the box with glee, little sparks flying out of her wand. As she approached the bottom, she held her wand out in front of her, pressing it into the cardboard as she made impact. She used the momentum as she let go of it to flip over the side of the box, landing on the ground and giving the girls a small courtesy. The girls, quite impressed, clapped. Beth nodded her head in acknowledgement, and turned around just in time to see the box burst into flames.

They stood and watched the fire for about five minutes – every so often, Kirsty or Ruby would look down at Beth, and then immediately look away, somewhat disturbed by her grin as she clasped her hands together and stared into the embers. Rachel was too distracted by the lingering feelings of sadness and resentment slowly leaving her body. Eventually, the fire died, and Beth flew forward to shrink the box once more.

“How do you feel then, Rachel?” asked Beth.

“I feel... I feel like I genuinely do not care about Trevor Allan in the slightest!” said Rachel, grinning.

“Hooray!” said Beth, throwing up her arms, any illusion of composure now gone completely. “My work here is done!”

“It’s been fun, Beth,” said Kirsty.

“The same to you,” Beth replied. “I hope all three of you can figure out the things you need to.”

“Well, that’s not cryptic at all,” said Ruby, smiling down at her anyway.

Beth winked at her, then shrugged, and disappeared in a shower of glitter.

“Oh, come on! She left before she could turn us into fairies to fly home!” exclaimed Kirsty. She turned to Rachel. “Hey, you’ve still got your fairy dust, right? Maybe we could split it between us?”

“Sorry,” said Rachel, guiltily. “I used it when we were... um...”

“Oh. How about you Ruby?”

Ruby looked back at her, her expression uncannily reminiscent of a deer in headlights.

“Oh, I- uh,” she made a show of patting herself down, “I think I lost mine?”

“Well, that’s not concerning at all. Guess we’re _walking_ all the way back across campus in the middle of the night.”

They started to turn to head down the building’s steps, but Rachel gasped, stopping them.

“The jacket!” she said – it was still slung over her arm. “I should probably go put it back where I found it before we go.”

“Or you could just give it to me now,” said a voice behind them. All three girls turned around.

Jeather Jacket-less Girl was standing at the bottom of the stairs. Her hair was now white, though with a slightly pinkish tinge from her previous red. It was curled up at the bottom, framing her earlobes. She was dressed in a short, black skirt, decorated in layers of every pattern of lace imaginable, with a plain white shirt tucked into it – or at least, it would have been plain white, if not for the rainbow of paint splotches coating it.

“...how long have you been there?” asked Ruby.

“Long enough to see you three set something on fire. Should I ask?”

“No,” said Kirsty. The girl blinked, then grinned in recognition.

“Hey! Cute Halloween girl! Was my caution tape useful?”

Kirsty turned bright red, and managed to splutter out something that sounded like ‘yes’. The girl grinned even wider.

“Oh, you are _really_ cute. I like that.”

“Please stop,” said Ruby. “You’re going to kill her.”

“So, um. Why are you here?” asked Rachel.

“Came to get my jacket,” said the girl. “I made it myself. Can’t have anyone stealing it, can I?” She looked at Rachel pointedly. Rachel hurriedly walked down the steps and handed it to her.

“Why in the middle of the night?” asked Ruby.

“Only just noticed it was gone! Figured it would be here, so I came down.”

“The door’s locked. How were you going to get in?” Ruby continued to question.

“Lockpicks!” said the girl, pulling a small box out of her pocket. “Learnt how to do it on the internet when I was a kid. Super easy. How did you get in?”

“How do you know we went in?” 

The girl silently held up the jacket, raising an eyebrow and smiling at Ruby. Ruby, knowing she was beaten, looked away.

“Will you at least tell me why you’re here?” asked the girl, moving her gaze across the three of them. They all glanced at each other.

“Um,” said Ruby.

“Well...” said Rachel.

“It’s because...” said Kirsty.

Jeather Jacket Girl rolled her eyes good-naturedly.

“Okay, okay! It’s a secret. Mysterious! How fun,” she shot Kirsty another grin. “How about this then? I won’t tell anyone you were here, breaking into a building and setting stuff on fire, if you don’t tell anyone I was planning on doing the same. Well, minus the fire.”

“Seems fair,” said Rachel, nodding.

“Oh, and your cute friend gives me her number.”

Kirsty frowned, embarrassment finally outweighed by scepticism.

“That sounds like blackmail, actually,” she said. “I’m not sure I’m comfortable with that.”

“Okay, fair enough. It’s not part of the deal. But how about you still do it anyway? Seeing as I’m quite cute myself?”

Kirsty, despite herself, couldn’t help but notice that this was not exactly untrue.

“I don’t even know your name,” she said, straightening her back and lifting her chin. The girl chuckled.

“And I don’t know yours,” she said. “But hey, I’m already having to be the forward one here, so I guess I don’t mind telling you that it’s Tracy.”

“...Kirsty,” said Kirsty.

“And there we go!” said Tracy, digging into her other pocket and pulling out a marker pen. “Not so hard, was it?” She offered Kirsty the pen and her other hand.

Kirsty swallowed, bit her lip, and then walked down the steps and wrote her phone number on Tracy’s hand.

Rachel beamed. Ruby, however, glanced between Kirsty and Rachel, frowning.

“Well! Guess I don’t need to be here after all. But hey, the night is young, and quiet, and I wouldn’t mind going and having a wander round the quad. Care to join?”

“We need to get home,” said Ruby, joining the others at the bottom of the steps. She grabbed Kirsty and Rachel by the arms.

“We are really tired, actually,” said Kirsty.

“Alright, fair enough. I’ll text you then,” said Tracy, winking at Kirsty, and disappearing into the night.

Rachel, Kirsty and Ruby started walking in the direction of their flat, their steps far slower and heavier than usual. Kirsty hadn’t been lying. The night’s events had exhausted them. Ruby was walking particularly slowly, keeping a tight hold on the straps of her bag, preventing it from swaying behind her.

“I’m surprised you’re so shy,” she said to Kirsty. “Didn’t I hear you kissed a million strangers during Freshers Week?”

“It was _two_ strangers and I was _drunk,_ it was _different_ ,” said Kirsty, throwing her hands up in the air.

“You got any snacks left in your bag, Ruby?” asked Rachel. “Would be nice, after all this.”

“Oh, uh, no, I- I ate them all. When I was in the seminar room,” said Ruby, her hold on her bag straps growing even tighter. Rachel nodded, feeling that seemed fair enough.

Kirsty, meanwhile, was staring at Ruby’s bag in confusion. She shook her head – it had to be the poor lighting, and the fact that she was so tired.

Surely there could be no other explanation for why something in Ruby’s bag would have _moved?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if this actually took ages to write, or if March has just been *that* long (for us all), but it feels good to have this done. Not sure when I'll be back (I've got deadlines that I have to prioritise), but thank you very much for reading, if anyone's got this far. 
> 
> Next time: Flirting, communism, inter-dimensional super beings, and a whole lot of theatre kids


	19. #4 Susan the Seasonal Depression Fairy - December

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, it's been a minute, but I'm back! I didn't think it would take quite this long, but life (and the word count) kind of got away from me. 
> 
> First bit of housekeeping - a few months back, an incredible person by the name of [ GJCashew](https://archiveofourown.org/users/GJCashew/pseuds/GJCashew) created [ this absolutely amazing, *fully illustrated* version of Felicity the Fresher's Flu Fairy.](https://1drv.ms/b/s!AiBWLuccZu2qgVkq0TP87YuCpMd1) I love it. It is one of my favourite things ever. Check it out. I linked it at the start, but I'm also putting it here as well for anyone returning for the first time since last update.
> 
> Secondly, though I think the title probably makes it obvious, these chapters touch on mental health stuff, primarily depression and anxiety - nothing super heavy, but not super light either. 
> 
> Finally, I've gone back through the first 18 chapters and fixed a couple of embarrassing typos and inconsistencies. I do edit these things quite thoroughly, but something always slips through - so corrections of that nature are very much appreciated, if you happen to spot anything.
> 
> I hope you enjoy, and that it was worth the wait.

It was a cold, grey Thursday in early December, and Kirsty Tate was confused.

She’d been living with her flatmates and friends, Rachel Walker and Ruby Cahill, for almost three months. While university work and extracurriculars meant that their schedules often didn’t line up, they all had free time on Thursday afternoons, and so they had very quickly developed a routine of preparing and eating lunch together. It was one of Kirsty’s favourite parts of the week.

But today, she was sat in the kitchen alone, staring at her phone as she ate the leftover curry she had heated up, fiddling with her locket and trying not to feel too offended by her friends’ absences. Ruby had been in a lecture this morning, and Kirsty had definitely heard her arrive back, but she hadn’t left her bedroom since. Rachel, meanwhile, had a seminar in the evening, but, unusually, had yet to appear from her room.

A notification buzzed on Kirsty’s phone, snapping her out of her brooding. She looked down at her screen to see a text message from Tracy.

Tracy slightly terrified Kirsty. They had first met, briefly, on Halloween, and then later met again a week ago. Tracy had asked for Kirsty’s phone number, and they had been texting every day since. It wasn’t that Kirsty didn’t like Tracy, far from it, but her confidence was scary – Kirsty had never considered herself to be particularly shy, but Tracy, she thought, would make anyone feel out of their depth.

Before she could tap on the message to read it, the door swung open, and Ruby walked into the common area. She stopped, looking surprised to see Kirsty, before realisation dawned.

“Oh god – Thursday lunch,” Ruby said, covering her mouth. 

“Yep,” said Kirsty.

“I’m so sorry, I forgot, I’m, ah, busy with a paper and- “

“It’s okay,” said Kirsty. Ruby had been strangely distant the past few days, spending a lot of time alone in her room. Kirsty had thought she might be angry with her and Rachel – they _had,_ admittedly, locked her in a room with a goblin on their last fairy escapade – but Ruby hadn’t been mad when they let her out, and had reacted to their apologies, both then and since, calmly and without a hint of resentment. Neither Kirsty nor Rachel were sure what to make of it.

“I’ve just come to make some food,” said Ruby. “I’m going to spend the rest of the day revising, so I’m going to make more than I usually would, but it’s not weird because like I say, I’m making it for the whole day, and it’s all for just me and no one else.”

“Yeah, okay, that’s fine. I’m not your mum,” said Kirsty, raising an eyebrow. Ruby nodded and pulled a packet of bacon out of the fridge. Kirsty watched silently as Ruby put it on a skillet, then got out a box of eggs, sausages, and a multipack of salt and vinegar crisps. She moved with obviously affected nonchalance, arms stiff, and with frequent glances back at Kirsty, who was carefully maintaining a face of indifference. Internally, however, Kirsty was growing increasingly concerned.

Something was seriously _off_ with her flatmate.

Mentally shaking herself, Kirsty got up and walked over to the kitchen area, first dumping her plate in the sink, and then gently nudging Ruby aside so she could open her cupboard. She took out a glass and a bottle of vodka. Ruby raised her eyebrows as Kirsty poured it out.

“It’s barely afternoon,” she said. Kirsty shrugged.

“It’s low alcohol, it’s fine.”

“But- “

Kirsty narrowed her eyes at Ruby.

“ _You_ are not _my_ mum, either.” 

“I’m just trying to- “

“I’m going to go check on Rachel,” said Kirsty, setting down the glass and turning around. 

“There’s a point. Have you seen her today?” asked Ruby. “She’s normally up early, but she wasn’t around this morning.”

“No, I haven’t seen her this afternoon, either...” said Kirsty, now worried. She hurried down the corridor to Rachel’s room and banged on the door.

“Hmmmpph?” groaned a voice from inside.

“Rachel? Are you okay? Ruby and I haven’t seen you about, and it’s one in the afternoon and- “

“Oh. Right. Time. Yeah.“

“I’m coming in, okay?”

Kirsty entered the room to see Rachel still in bed, curled up and staring at the wall. She gave Kirsty a slight nod of acknowledgement, but otherwise didn’t move to greet her.

“What’s up, Rachel?” asked Kirsty, walking over to sit down on the bed and placing a hand on Rachel’s shoulder.

“I’m depressed,” said Rachel, turning her head and speaking into her pillow. Kirsty tentatively stroked Rachel’s hair.

“What are you depressed about?”

“Nothing,” said Rachel, voice muffled. “It’s the fairies.”

“The fairies? What have they done?” said Kirsty, tensing. Rachel rolled over and stared up at Kirsty, speaking in monotone.

“Don’t you remember? We met the remaining four University Life Fairies in Fairyland. We still haven’t helped Hester the Hangover Fairy, Steph the University and College Union Strikes Fairy, Petra the Procrastination Fairy, or- “

“Susan the Seasonal Depression Fairy,” Kirsty finished, understanding. “So you think Susan’s lost magic is acting up and affecting you.”

“Well, I suddenly can’t even find the motivation to get out of bed, so yeah,” said Rachel. “God. It’s always me, isn’t it? Why is it always me?”

Suddenly, there was a yelp from the kitchen. Kirsty sat up, ready to run to the door. Rachel didn’t move.

“Rachel! We need to go make sure Ruby’s okay!”

Rachel nodded resignedly and heaved herself up, stumbling after Kirsty towards the door. They headed down the hall to the kitchen, Kirsty grabbing Rachel’s hand to help quicken her pace. They opened the kitchen door to find a tiny fairy hovering in front of Ruby, who was still stood at the stove. Eggs were smashed on the floor in front of her.

“Oh, Ruby, what have you done?” said Kirsty. Ruby turned and glared, pointing at the fairy.

“She- she was _inside_ the egg! She startled me!”

“Why, I am so sorry, darling, let me fix that up for you,” said the fairy, restoring the eggs with a wave of her wand. Ruby looked at the carton, then at the skillet.

“You didn’t have to fix the ones I was cooking,” she said, re-cracking them over the pan. The fairy blushed.

“Are you Susan?” asked Kirsty.

“Why yes!” said Susan, smiling widely and placing her hand on her chest. “I’m Susan the Seasonal Depression Fairy. But how did you know? We were never properly introduced.”

Kirsty pointed wordlessly at Rachel. Susan flew over, an expression of concern replacing her smile. Up close, Kirsty and Rachel could see her properly. Susan had blonde, curly bobbed hair, fair skin, and sparkling blue eyes. She wore a light blue woollen jumper, a purple knee-length skirt, black tights, and dark purple knee-high boots.

“Oh no! Rachel, right? I’m so sorry this has happened! How are you doing, sweetheart?”

Rachel shrugged.

“Great, actually. I love feeling like life is meaningless.”

“Why do you sound like you’re from the American South?” Ruby asked Susan. Kirsty stared at Ruby in bafflement.

“What are you- she sounds like she’s from Wales! Not _America_ ,” she said.

“No, she sounds like any other fairy,” said Rachel, impassively.

“You’re all right,” said Susan, gesturing between the girls. “I am primarily a Mental Health Assistance Fairy. As part of my job, I sound like whatever you personally find the most soothing.” 

“Why do you find Welsh accents soothing?” Ruby asked Kirsty.

“Uh, maybe because _I’m_ Welsh?” Kirsty replied.

“You are?” asked Ruby, surprised.

“Yes,” said Kirsty. “Though fair enough, if you weren’t aware. It is the kind of thing you’d only know if you’d ever heard me speak.”

“I think the real question is why Ruby likes American Southern accents,” said Rachel.

“I don’t know. I watched a lot of American TV growing up,” said Ruby. “Oh! And I’ve been watching _30 Rock_ recently- “

“Do you do _anything_ besides watch TV?” asked Kirsty. Ruby made a face at her.

“So, what have you lost?” Rachel asked Susan.

“Well lovelies, I don’t mean to trouble you all too much, but I’m missing a special type of lamp. It’s called a light box. It’s used to simulate sunlight – many people with seasonal affective disorder find winter very difficult, but the light can help it feel less, well, dark.”

“Seasonal affective disorder?” asked Kirsty.

“That’s the proper name for seasonal depression,” said Susan. Ruby pulled a face.

“So that shortens to... SAD” she said, raising her eyebrows. “Wow. Some doctor must have been real proud of that one.”

“Do you have any idea where the lamp is?” asked Rachel. “I’d like to get this one over with. No offense.”

“None taken, darling. But I’m afraid I don’t know. It must be somewhere on your campus, but I wouldn’t know where to start,” said Susan. 

“Well, you can sense it, right? And I can think of a few places it might be, which will narrow it down. So if we all go to campus right now, we can probably work it out,” said Kirsty.

“I, uh, I’d actually like to eat my food before it gets cold, first?” said Ruby. “Oh! And Rachel needs to get dressed, don’t you Rachel?”

Rachel looked down at her pyjamas, then looked back up and nodded at the others.

“Okay,” said Kirsty. “We’ll meet back in ten, then.”

“Twenty?” asked Ruby.

“Fine,” said Kirsty, barely masking her irritation. She grabbed the bottle of vodka and the glass off the table and headed to her room. Rachel silently followed her into the hallway, off to her own room. Susan hovered awkwardly in the kitchen as Ruby gathered up her food and turned off the stove.

“Sorry we’re making you wait around. You can go through our junk mail, if you like,” Ruby told her, gesturing at the pile. “Maybe there’ll be something interesting?”

She left the kitchen and returned to her bedroom, awkwardly balancing the plates she was holding on her arms as she struggled with the door handle. Finally, she got it open, and entered the room, kicking aside a stray pair of jeans and looking over at her bed.

A goblin was leaning against the headboard, spindly green hands thumbing through one of her books. His long, bony feet stretched out across her bed, sharp toenails pointing up at the ceiling. His left ear, large and with little white hairs poking out from inside, twitched, and he reached up to scratch it. Upon noticing Ruby had entered, he set the book aside, got up and walked towards her, rubbing his hands together.

“Bacon!” he said delightedly, taking a plate.

“Sorry I couldn’t get hot dogs for you,” said Ruby. “The shop was all out.”

“It’s fine,” said the goblin, sitting back down on the bed and picking up the bacon with his hands. “So. What took you so long?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that thing about Kirsty being Welsh is a somewhat obscure reference. In the Rainbow Magic audiobooks, the narrator, Sophia Myles, gives Kirsty a Welsh accent. It's never suggested anywhere else that Kirsty is Welsh - hence it only being something you'd know if you'd heard her speak. I don't actually write Kirsty with a Welsh accent in mind, though, I just couldn't resist the meta joke.
> 
> Speaking of accents, part of my editing process is to read the whole story out loud twice before uploading. And you are all greatly missing out by not hearing that, because yes, I do all the voices and no, I'm not good at them.


	20. #4 Susan the Seasonal Depression Fairy - Unlikely Roommates

One week ago, Kirsty, Rachel and Ruby had returned from their long night in the science building. Not even having the energy to properly say goodnight, they had each entered their respective rooms. As soon as her door was closed, Ruby gently placed her bag on the bed and opened it.

“Oh, thank _goodness_ ,” said the tiny goblin inside, climbing out and onto Ruby’s outstretched palm. “That was incredibly uncomfortable.”

“I’m sorry,” said Ruby, pulling over her desk chair, moving the empty cereal boxes she had stacked on it to the floor, and placing him down on the seat. “I did try to walk slowly so you wouldn’t get jostled. I’ll put you back to normal.”

She sprinkled the last of her bag of fairy dust on him, and watched as he grew back to roughly the size of the average university student. He immediately got up and reached into her bag, pulling out a hardback book.

“This thing!” he said, glaring at the book. “No matter what I did, it kept hitting me, and poking me – what even is it, and can I destroy it?”

“No!” said Ruby, snatching it. “And it’s a book. Don’t you have books?” The goblin frowned.

“Now that I can see it properly... it does seem familiar. The fairies have them, and I think Jack Frost does as well. I’ve never been allowed near one, though.”

Ruby furrowed her brow.

“So you’ve never read a book?” she asked.

“I’ve never read anything,” said the goblin.

“You mean you _can’t_ read?”

“I’ve never had need to. So I was never taught how,” said the goblin, sitting down on the bed. “We very rarely receive written orders, and when we do, it’s my superiors who get them, not me.”

“Right, then. I’m going to go and get you some early readers books tomorrow,” said Ruby, decidedly. “You’ve got to learn how to read, it’s too useful a skill not to. Although... if you don’t speak human languages, will you be able to understand them?”

“I don’t see why not,” said the goblin. “If the translation magic works for speech, it should work for the written word.”

“Good. That’ll give you something to do until the next fairy shows up.”

The goblin leaned away from her.

“What do you mean, ‘until the next fairy shows up’? What are you going to do, turn me over to her?”

“Huh? No, I just meant so we could tell her about what’s been happening to you and your people. I would have told Beth, but there was no way to get her away from Kirsty and Rachel. They... it’s not that they’re bad people or anything, it’s just that they... sort of really hate you guys? I don’t think they’d be willing to listen if we tried to tell them.”

The goblin pulled a face at her, incredulous.

“The fairies _know_ ,” he said. “They’ve known about our situation for years. They won’t do anything.”

Ruby stared at him in horror.

“The fairies know that Jack Frost has an entire race of beings enslaved and they’ve done _nothing_?” she asked.

The goblin shrugged.

“ _All_ of them know?”

“Probably not all of them. But I’ve never heard of any that do know who care.”

“Well,” said Ruby, “I suppose that means we can’t trust the fairies then. We’ll need to come up with our own plan.”

“Plan?”

“To overthrow Jack Frost and free your people,” said Ruby, folding her arms decisively. “Like I said - if the fairies won’t help, it’s up to us.”

The goblin went silent, gazing up at her with an odd expression on his face. After a moment, Ruby realised that it was wonder. She looked away, embarrassed.

“You really want to help us?” he said, finally.

“Well... don’t you want to be helped? I mean, we’ll do it together, and you’ll be in charge in the end, of course. I don’t want this to be a... a ‘human saviour’ situation or anything. This is all you. I’ll just... you know, do what I can to help you gain, like, freedom and autonomy and stuff, and then you can all work out what you want to do with it.”

“But... what’s in it for you? What do you gain from this?”

“Nothing. It’s just the right thing to do, isn’t it?” said Ruby. She was growing increasingly uncomfortable at his stare. “Why else did you think I took you with me?”

“I don’t know,” said the goblin. “I guess I thought you wanted me to work for you instead. You seem nicer than Jack Frost, so I figured...” he shrugged, “couldn’t be that much worse. Even sounded like you might pay me.”

“Well, I would, if I wanted you to work for me, but- that’s not the point. I asked you back here because want to help you free the goblins. If that’s what you want.”

“Of course it is,” said the goblin.

“Good. Glad that’s settled,” said Ruby.

They both went silent, unsure where the conversation should go now. The goblin looked away from her, staring down at his hands. Ruby, realising she was still standing over him, turned around to open her wardrobe. 

“We should probably go to sleep... um, goblins do sleep, right?”

“Yes,” said the goblin. “Why wouldn’t we?”

“Well, you’re all magical and- never mind. Do you need pyjamas?”

“No, I can sleep in this,” he said, getting up and walking over to Ruby’s dirty laundry pile. He curled up in a ball, pulling a shirt over his shoulders.

“What are you doing?” Ruby asked.

“Sleeping?” said the goblin.

“Not in my laundry pile you’re not. I’ll make you a bed, just give me a minute.”

Ruby began clearing books and wrappers off the floor, shoving them all on to the desk.

“This room is very messy,” said the goblin.

“Yeah, yeah, Kirsty and Rachel give me enough crap about that, thanks,” said Ruby, kicking an empty Pringles can behind the chair.

“It was a compliment,” said the goblin. “I like it.”

“Oh. Uh. Thanks, then.”

Ruby pulled her spare duvet out of the bottom of the wardrobe and laid it out on the floor at the foot of her bed. She grabbed a blanket and a couple of throw pillows, and laid them out, patting them when she was satisfied. The goblin lay down and sighed.

“All good?” asked Ruby.

“Yes,” said the goblin. “Thank you.” 

“Brilliant,” said Ruby. “I’m going to get changed, and then we can go to sleep and put this long, ridiculous day behind us.” She started to pull her shirt off, before reconsidering. “Close your eyes,” she told the goblin.

“Oh, don’t worry, I was going to,” he said, squeezing them shut. “You humans... you’re very... unappealing-looking.”

“Wow, cheers. You know I could say the same of you!” said Ruby, pulling a pyjama shirt over her head. The goblin shifted onto his side, yawning. Ruby, finding herself yawning as well, switched off the light and got into bed, collapsing into the pillows. Her eyes were heavy, but before she could fall asleep, the goblin spoke.

“Good night, Ruby,” said the goblin.

“Good- wait, what? How do you know my name?” asked Ruby, sitting up. “I never told you!”

“Yes you did, you told all of us, remember? On the roof? You said that you were Ruby and that you were not an ‘it’ – which made no sense until you explained about ‘pronouns’ earlier. Thank you for that. It had been bothering me.”

“Oh, uh, sure, no problem. Do... well, do you have a name?”

“I do, in fact,” said the goblin, folding his arms behind his head. “I was wondering when you were going to ask. It seemed quite rude to me that you hadn’t, actually.”

“Sorry. I just didn’t... What is it, then?” asked Ruby.

“Steve,” said the goblin.

“Steve,” said Ruby, dumbfounded.

“Yes,” he said, lifting himself up just enough to look at her. “Is it an unusual name, by your standards? Do you not like it?”

“No, no, it’s... it’s fine,” said Ruby, giving him a thumbs up. “Well, uh... good night... Steve.”

“Good night, Ruby.”

***

“There’s a new fairy here,” said Ruby, sitting down next to Steve on the bed and digging into a plateful of eggs. “Susan the Seasonal Depression Fairy. She seems nice, I guess.”

“They all are,” said Steve. “It’s kind of creepy.”

It had been a weird week. Keeping a secret goblin in her bedroom was, it turned out, much harder than Ruby had anticipated. Between getting extra food for him without the others noticing, keeping him silent and out of shot when she video-called her parents, and making sure he was occupied all day while stuck in a small room, Ruby was exhausted.

“Rachel’s been hit pretty hard by the magic depression,” said Ruby. “I feel bad for her.”

“Doesn’t sound fun,” said Steve, through a mouthful of bacon.

“Don’t talk with your mouth full,” said Ruby, titling her head downwards at him and raising her eyebrows.

“Don’t talk to me when my mouth is full,” said Steve, swallowing pointedly only after he’d finished speaking. Ruby sighed, decided the conversation to be a stalemate, and changed the subject.

“What’s that you were reading, then?” Ruby asked, pointing to Steve’s book.

Steve had learnt how to read remarkably quickly. He had explained to Ruby that it was a result of the translation magic – once he had grasped the concept of letters representing different sounds, he was able to look at any word in English and guess the sounds the letters might make together. While the sounds were all meaningless to him, the magic was able to translate it to Goblin in his head whenever he got close enough to a correct pronunciation. Steve suspected that this meant reading in English (or any other human language that used the same alphabet, for that matter) was actually easier for him than it would be to read in his own language – he could simply trial and error different sounds until something made sense, and he never had to worry about encountering a word he didn’t know, as the magic always translated to something he understood. The only exceptions were words that had no Goblin equivalent at all, such as gendered words – but when he encountered one, he could simply ask Ruby for its meaning, and within days those words were as much a part of his vocabulary as they would be for a human.

“ _Das Kapital_ ,” said Steve, holding it up. “I finished _The Communist Manifesto_ while you were out this morning, and wanted to read more of this man’s work. He is a genius. Is he your leader?”

Ruby choked on a forkful of egg.

“...Karl Marx?” she asked.

“Yes.”

“No, he’s not... he’s dead. And he was never a leader, he was a theorist. He’s really controversial, actually.”

Steve stared at her, a disgusted expression on his face.

“But _how_ , Ruby? He is so clearly right about everything! The working classes are exploited by the bourgeoisie, and as such the workers _must_ obtain the means of production in order to- “

“Yes, I am familiar with Marxism, I just finished an essay on it the other night. That’s why the books were out where you could find them. I’m actually quite sick of it all right now, to be honest.”

“But _labour hours_ , Ruby!”

“Okay, _okay_ – hey, you can tell Yuri all about it tomorrow, how’s that?”

Steve looked at her in confusion.

“Tomorrow? We’re going to see your friend today.”

“What? No, it’s tomorrow, Steve, don’t be daft.”

Steve pouted (as much as a goblin could pout), got up, walked over to Ruby’s calendar and jabbed a finger at it.

“I am _not_ mistaken. It’s today. I’ve been looking forward to this. Not only do I finally get to leave this room, you assured me that this was a vital first step to our revolutionary plans. I’ve been practicing everything you told me to practice all week. We are meeting him _today_.”

Sure enough, ‘Meet w/ Yuri, 2:30PM’ was written in plain sight on that day’s box. Ruby stared at it in horror. 

“No, no no no, I already agreed to go help with Susan! I can’t skip a fairy adventure! We need information!”

“But _you_ said it had to be today because your friend has a big ‘end of term programming project’ that’s going to make him too busy to see us.”

“Yes, I _know_ that Steve, that’s why this is bad...” she got up and began pacing around the room. “Okay. New plan. Since we’re meeting Yuri on campus anyway, I’ll walk down with them. I’ll try to grill Susan as much as I can without drawing suspicion, and then once they’ve all gone, I’ll wait for you on the quad – I’ll draw you a map so you can get there – and we’ll go see Yuri. When that’s done, hopefully Susan will still be around, and I can go re-join them. Sound good?”

“I’m okay with that,” said Steve, starting on the crisps.

“Alright,” said Ruby, relaxing. “Crisis averted.” She sat down at her desk, shoved an orange peel to one side, and tore a sheet of paper out of a notebook. “Here is how you get to where I want you to meet me...”

***

“I have excellent news, darlings!” said Susan to Ruby and Kirsty, who were now back in the hallway. “I’ll tell you as soon as Rachel re-joins us!”

“Have you been drinking?” Ruby asked Kirsty, eyeing her.

“Like one glass, calm down,” said Kirsty, rolling her eyes.

Rachel appeared, still looking lethargic.

“Rachel! Brilliant! Now, come with me dears, I have something to show you!”

The girls followed Susan to the kitchen, where she hovered over the table. She pointed down at a flyer sitting on top of the girls’ spread of junk mail. Kirsty picked it up and read it aloud.

“University of Rainborough Drama Society presents: Seussical the Musical. Playing at the Half Moon Student Theatre on campus, 2-7 December, 7:30 PM, tickets available online or at box office, £10, or £7.50 with a student ID.” She frowned. “What’s this got to do with depression?”

Ruby opened her mouth, then decided the jokes were too easy.

“I’m getting a very strong sense of magic from this flyer,” said Susan. “I think my lamp must be somewhere inside the theatre!”

Kirsty groaned.

“That... doesn’t seem like it’ll take that long to find, then,” said Ruby, disappointed. “Theatres aren’t generally that big, right?”

“I’m assuming you’ve only ever been front of house?” said Kirsty. “Most theatres are basically mazes once you head behind the scenes.” Ruby stared at Kirsty in delight.

“How do you- were you a _theatre kid?!_ ” she asked, a wide grin spreading across her face.

“What- no! I don’t even _like_ theatre! I just- Rachel and I were in a panto when we were kids, remember, Rachel?”

“Yep,” said Rachel. “Helped a fairy there too.”

“Paige told me about that!” said Susan, smiling. “We’re good friends, you know.”

“What I’m worried about,” said Kirsty, frowning, “is if it _does_ turn out to be backstage. I don’t think they’d just let us in there.”

“Maybe there’s someone we can ask?” said Rachel, taking out her phone and pulling up the Half Moon’s website. She blinked. “Huh,” she said, handing the phone to Ruby.

“Huh,” said Ruby, flatly. Susan flew behind her to look down at the screen, confused.

“What?” asked Kirsty.

“Looks like we have an in. Or, more specifically, you do,” said Ruby, handing the phone over to Kirsty. The website’s home page had a selection of photos from previous productions. The largest photo featured a blonde girl dressed in pink, surrounded by a group of dancers dressed in cheerleader costumes.

“...it’s Tracy,” said Kirsty. “Hmm. Maybe I do like theatre.” She blinked, and fumbled for her own phone, suddenly remembering the text she hadn’t read. She tapped on the notification, and read it quickly. “Well, what do you know? Serendipity.”

 **Tracy:** Hey K! Drama Soc’s doing a play and tonight’s opening night! I’m going because I’ve got some who are friends in it, wanna go together?

“What is it?” asked Ruby.

“She’s invited me to the show tonight because she’s got friends in it,” said Kirsty as she tapped out a reply. “I’ll ask if she can get us into the theatre before it starts – no point trying once it’s got going, it’ll be way too hectic.” Ruby leaned over Kirsty’s shoulder and read her response aloud.

“’Hey Tracy, would love to go – any chance you could get my friends and me backstage of the theatre for a bit this afternoon though? We need to try and find this lamp we think is there, but I’m sorry, I can’t tell you why it’s there or why we need it.’” She rolled her eyes. “Oh yeah, great idea Kirsty, that’s not at all weird. At least come up with some kind of excu- don’t _send it!_ ”

“Too late,” said Kirsty. “Don’t worry, Tracy’ll be fine with it.”

“Literally no one wouldn’t find that sketchy, Kirsty, you’ve just blown the one chance-“ Kirsty’s phone dinged, cutting Ruby off. Kirsty silently held up her phone, giving Ruby a smug half-smile.

 **Tracy:** Mysterious! Sure, no problem, I’ll meet you there in 20?

Ruby stared at the message, unbelieving. She snapped her head back up at Kirsty.

“We cannot trust this girl,” she said.

“Yeah, we can,” said Kirsty. “Look, I wasn’t sure about her at first either, and she does intimidate the hell out of me, but there’s nothing wrong with her. I like her. She’s cool.”

“She’s suspicious, is what she is,” said Ruby, folding her arms. “She keeps showing up around fairy stuff – she was there on Halloween, and at the science building, and Rachel said she saw her on the day of the Felicity stuff too. And now she’s _conveniently_ the key to this next adventure? Something’s up with her.”

“It’s all a coincidence,” said Kirsty, folding her own arms and fixing Ruby with a hard stare. “And _I_ trust her, even if you don’t.”

“How can you? You barely know her! Do you even know her surname?”

“What is with you and surnames? And yes, actually, I do, it’s Angel.”

“ _Angel?!_ You don’t think there’s anything weird at all about a girl called _Angel_ showing up all the time? When we’re already dealing with this other- this magical fantasy stuff?”

“Oh, don’t be ridiculous Ruby. Are you _actually_ suggesting that angels exist? What could make you think that was remotely possible?”

Ruby, now slightly bug eyed, gestured speechlessly at Susan. Susan floated over to Rachel, feeling very uncomfortable. Rachel, who had folded in on herself a little as she watched the exchange, looked up.

“Who is Tracy?” Susan asked her.

“She’s this girl who also goes to our uni. She asked Kirsty out like a week ago. I think they’re cute together,” she said, attempting to shrug nonchalantly, but seeming to shrink even smaller. Susan fixed her with a look of concern.

“Well, you’ll have to learn to trust Tracy, because it looks like she’s joining us today,” Kirsty said to Ruby.

“Yeah, about that,” said Ruby, looking away sheepishly. “I was about to tell you guys, I kind of... have plans today? Which I can’t cancel. So I can’t help you guys – or at least, not until that’s done.”

“What are you doing?” Rachel asked.

“I’m seeing Yuri. He has a big project, so it’s the last chance I have to see him before Christmas holidays.”

Kirsty was on the verge of a scathing reply when the sound of Susan crying out distracted her.

“Oh no! My wand!” Susan flitted about the corridor, frantically searching. “I must have dropped it!” She wrung her hands together as she scanned the carpet.

Kirsty turned around and went back to the kitchen, while Rachel and Ruby dropped to the floor to search. After a few minutes, Kirsty returned, tiny stick pinched between her thumb and forefinger.

“Here it is,” she said. “It was under the dining table.” Susan flew over to take it, letting out a massive sigh of relief.

“Oh, thank goodness! I’m always dropping it, that would have been the fifth I’d have lost this year! It’s so much work filling out the forms to get a new one – I have to do it all by hand, since I can’t do magic without my wand. Peony the Paperwork Fairy has start making fun of me...” She visibly drooped in shame.

Kirsty’s phone buzzed again.

“Tracy’s on her way out. We should head down to campus,” she told the group.

The girls nodded, and left the flat.

***

“So, do you like theatre, Rachel?” asked Susan from her spot on Rachel’s shoulder, as the girls walked down the path from their accommodation site to campus. 

“Yeah, I do,” said Rachel. “Especially musicals.”

“Oh, I like musicals,” said Ruby. “Which one’s your favourite?”

“Uh... probably _Wicked?_ I also really like _Fun Home_ and _The Prom_.”

“... _huh_. Okay, Rachel,” said Ruby, deciding to save that for later, and turning to look at Susan. “Hey, so, Susan, that thing you said about your voice changing to what people find comforting – are you the only fairy that can change stuff about yourself like that?”

“No, of course not, darling!” said Susan, laughing. “Any fairy can – or at least, we can be changed by another fairy. Most of us can’t perform changing magic on ourselves.”

“Really?” asked Kirsty, surprised.

“Yes. It takes a lot of magical power and precision to do that to yourself correctly.”

“Kind of like how it’s easier to cut someone else’s hair than your own,” suggested Ruby.

“That’s a fair comparison. I’m a little special though - fairies like me, who specialise in mental health, _can_ change by ourselves. It’s important that our help is personalised, and it would be a hassle if we always had to get someone else to change us every single time we wanted to help someone out, so we’ve been granted extra power by the King and Queen. There are some other fairy types with that privilege, too, because it’s also necessary for their work.“

“So what about other fairies, without this power? Do they just stay the same forever?” asked Ruby.

“Well, no. Pretty much every fairy still has things regularly changed about themselves, to suit the different groups of people they deal with – it’s one of the main reasons we all work in teams, so there’s always someone we can call on to do the changing magic.”

“Groups of people...?” said Kirsty. 

“Like different countries,” said Susan, cheerfully. “Humans in different parts of the world all have very different cultures to one another, as I’m sure you know. So, we change things to suit the places we go – our clothes, our hairstyles, our names, even.”

“You change your names?” asked Rachel, not sure why the idea was a little disquieting to her.

“Yes! For example... you and Kirsty met my friend, Saffron – Saffron the Yellow Fairy – when you were kids, right? Well, in America, she goes by Sunny, and in Sweden she’s Mimosa, in the Netherlands she’s Iris, in South Korea she’s Mindeulle... she has a totally different look there, too. Big hair.” She giggled.

“What about you?” asked Ruby. “Do you change your name?”

“Oh, of course!” said Susan. “I recently updated my default appearance, as well! That’s another thing we do, by the way, change our looks with the times. We wouldn’t people thinking we looked old-fashioned, would we?” 

“Does that mean... some of the fairies don’t look like they did when we met them?” asked Kirsty, eyebrows furrowed.

“Probably,” said Susan. “It wouldn’t be anything drastic though - just making sure the hair and clothes aren’t out of date. But we always keep the same faces, no matter what. You’d still recognise us, no problem.”

“Right,” said Kirsty.

“Why do you even need to do that, though?” asked Ruby. “Aren’t you guys supposed to be a secret?”

“From most people, yes,” said Susan. “But it helps us get in the right mindset. Plus, you three aren’t the only humans in the whole world we’ve ever interacted with or befriended.” She looked Ruby up and down. “You might be the oldest person to ever be let in on the secret, though.”

The girls passed through the campus gates and walked onto the quad. A small number of students milled around, many looking as lethargic as Rachel. Susan pulled Rachel’s hair forward to hide herself.

“Weird. Normally there’d be way more people here this time of day,” said Ruby, looking around.

“There’s probably a lot of people who can’t even bring themselves to leave their rooms...” said Susan, slightly muffled by hair. “We’d better find my lamp quickly.”

“The Half Moon is on the far-west side of campus,” said Kirsty. “How close is that to where you’re going, Ruby?”

“Complete opposite direction,” said Ruby. “But I’ve got time, so I’ll come with you, just to make sure I know where it is.”

“Good idea,” said a voice from behind them. “ _So_ many people get lost trying to find it, if they’ve never been!”

“Tracy!” said Kirsty, turning around.

“Tracy,” said Ruby.

Rachel simply gave her a little wave.

Tracy’s hair was the same as it had been a week ago, but with the residual pink now fully dyed out, leaving pure white. She wore red and gold knee high boots, ripped tights, denim shorts and a pink t-shirt. Around her wrists she wore a collection of metallic bracelets that jangled whenever she moved her arms. And of course, completing the outfit was the jeather jacket.

“Nice to see you all again. The theatre’s this way,” she said, walking ahead of the other girls and turning to gesture for them to come after her. “Follow me – it’s show time!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cannot express how happy I am that I can finally start referring to Steve by his name.
> 
> Tracy's surname comes from Nicholas Angel of Hot Fuzz, my favourite romcom (it totally is one, Nick and Danny were in love, FIGHT ME).
> 
> The musicals Rachel mentions are all either about lesbians, or are famously sapphic in subtext. Ruby finds this noteworthy for reasons I'm sure you can extrapolate.
> 
> I went with Saffron for the examples mostly because the Saffron/Sunny regional change has always been the most memorable to me. I also referenced her looking very different in South Korea, because the series's art was completely redone there - [here's a post from the Rainbow Magic wiki that includes examples.](https://rainbowmagic.fandom.com/wiki/User_blog:LexsJB/Rainbow_Magic_around_the_world) It's pretty different, but I really like it. [Korean Fern](https://rainbowmagic.fandom.com/wiki/File:Fern_SKo.jpg) is probably my favourite.


	21. #4 Susan the Seasonal Depression Fairy - The Half Moon Theatre

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Might be the time to mention that I love theatre and am a big nerd for it. I spent a lot of time last year doing work backstage at a local theatre, and it made me the happiest I'd been in literal years. I've been missing it a lot and this is how I'm dealing with that. I apologise to the non-theatrically inclined.
> 
> Those who are theatrically inclined, however, may be interested to know that every new character in this chapter is named after a main character from a play or musical. I'll be extremely impressed if anyone knows them all - the last one in particular is *very* obscure.

“I was under the impression that the show wasn’t until this evening,” said Ruby, narrowing her eyes.

“Yeah, but – ‘it’s show time’ sounds pretty cool, right?” said Tracy.

“Not really.”

“Agree to disagree, then,” Tracy replied cheerfully, apparently either oblivious to Ruby’s hostility, or choosing to ignore it. She led the girls out of the quad, past the library and round the back of the sports centre. At the edge of campus, next to the river, was a small, new looking building. A large, golden sign above the doors read ‘Half Moon Student Theatre’. Posters in the windows displayed photographs from previous plays, and a chalkboard at the entrance advertised that night’s performance.

“Welcome to the Half Moon!” said Tracy, spinning on her heel dramatically and raising her arms. “Originally the university’s gym, it was renovated into a theatre about twenty years ago when the new sports centre was built, mostly thanks to a generous donation from a wealthy alumnus. It hosts a wide variety of performers, from original plays, to guest speakers, to the University of Rainborough’s very own Drama Society!” She gave a little bow, grinning. Kirsty clapped indulgently.

“So how many plays have you done, Tracy?” asked Rachel.

“Oh, just the one, last year,” said Tracy. “I’d never acted or sung before at all, but I had heard from a classmate that they were holding auditions for last spring’s musical, so I thought why not try out, and I ended up getting the lead! Which was _super_ cool, because they’d never let a first year be the lead before. It was a great show too, I don’t know if you guys have seen _Legally Blonde_ -“

“I love _Legally Blonde!_ ” said Rachel. “That must have been difficult though, Elle is such a demanding part!”

“Oh, no, it was fine!” said Tracy. “People did say that it would be difficult, they were all like ‘oh, Tracy, you know you’ll have to be on stage for 17 out of 18 songs, right?’ But I’m like, ‘what, like it’s hard?’”

She and Rachel both laughed. Kirsty watched, baffled, but happy to see Rachel and Tracy get along. Ruby frowned.

“So why aren’t you in the play this time?” she asked.

“Oh, I wanted to be! But a few weeks back my friend in the orchestra told me their French horn player got sick, so I thought, hey, I don’t have any experience with French horns, but they need help, so I can probably figure it out well enough to give them hand, and it turns out it’s pretty easy, so I’m covering for the sick member in the Christmas concert.”

“...right,” said Ruby. “Well. I’m going to go meet Yuri. So... see you guys later,” She turned and walked away without waiting for the others to say goodbye.

“Shall we head in?” asked Tracy, walking up to the entrance. Kirsty and Rachel nodded and followed as she threw the doors open and ushered them inside. The theatre’s lobby was painted in warm golds and browns, a bulletin board on the left, an empty box office desk on the right, and a set of massive double doors facing the entrance.

“Give me one second – I’ll go see about us going backstage,” said Tracy, opening the double doors and disappearing. Susan emerged from Rachel’s hair, stretching her wings. Rachel darted excitedly around the room, finally settling on inspecting the posters on the bulletin board.

“You’re looking better,” said Kirsty, smiling fondly.

“Yeah, it’s weird. Ever since we got here, it’s like – what depression?” said Rachel, turning and grinning at Kirsty. “I don’t know what happened, but I’m not complaining!”

“It’s the magic of theatre,” said Susan, with complete sincerity. 

“Oh! That makes sense,” said Rachel.

“What,” said Kirsty.

“Under normal circumstances, being this close to my object when it’s missing should make the effects even worse,” said Susan, still without a trace of irony. “But the magic of theatre is an ancient and powerful magic, far stronger than a low-level fairy like me. So my magic is overridden.”

“That’s... no, no way, you’re messing with me,” said Kirsty, shaking her head. Rachel and Susan shared a glance. Rachel shrugged at her, and returned to looking at the board.

“Oh hey, look! They’re doing _Hamlet_ next term,” she pointed out to Kirsty. “We should go see it together!”

“ _Hamlet_?” said Kirsty. “That’s the one with the witches, right? Or is that _Macbeth_ , I always get them confu-“ she broke off, surprised to see Rachel staring at her in horror. “What?”

“Why. Would. You. Say that?”

“Say what?” asked Kirsty, even more confused. “That _Hamlet_ has witches? Is that wrong? I’m sorry, I don’t know Shakespeare that well- “

“No! The name of the other play!”

“What, _Macbeth_ -“

“Don’t say it _again!”_

Susan was shaking her head, very unimpressed with Kirsty. Rachel crossed her arms.

“You’re not supposed to say the name of that play in a theatre. It’s bad luck. Now our whole adventure is going to be doomed.”

Susan nodded.

“You’ll have angered the magic of theatre,” she said. “Since you didn’t know, I expect it’ll be willing to forgive you, but I wouldn’t risk doing anything else to upset it.”

“What the _hell_ ,” started Kirsty, but she was interrupted by the double doors swinging open. Susan darted back into Rachel’s hair as Tracy stepped out into the lobby, accompanied by another girl.

“They’ll be out in a minute,” the girl said, waving at Kirsty and Rachel, and heading back inside.

“Great! Thanks, Cath!” said Tracy, waving. She turned to the other girls. “That’s Catherine, she’s the PA. She’s great.”

“Is it okay for us to go in, then?” asked Kirsty.

“Yep, it’s no problem! But she asked me to wait for a moment out here, the cast’s just finishing the final rehearsal before tonight and they wanted to say hi – I hope that’s okay.”

“Yeah that’s fine. You’re friends with all of them, then?” asked Kirsty.

“Of course!” said Tracy, as the doors swung back open and a small girl launched herself into the lobby. She wrapped her arms around Tracy from behind, standing on her toes to place her chin on Tracy’s shoulder.

“Trace!” she shouted.

“Ams!” Tracy laughed back. “Kirsty, Rachel, this is Amalia.”

“You’re coming tonight, right?” Amalia asked, ignoring them and tilting her head to rest against Tracy’s neck. Tracy gently disentangled herself and turned to face her friend.

“Absolutely! These guys too!” she said, grinning. Amalia frowned, looking like she wanted to say something, but was stopped by the doors opening yet again. A wave of cheerful actors flooded into the room, surrounding Kirsty, Rachel and Tracy. Tracy greeted each of them, introducing them to Kirsty and Rachel as she went.

“Curt! Curt’s such a good singer, you guys. And this is Charlie, and that’s Emma, they’re both so good at dramatic roles. Oh, and this is Kevin! Kevin hit me in the boob with a sword once, but it was an accident, so it’s fine.”

“Would you please stop telling people that story,” said Kevin, clearly embarrassed. “I said I was sorry, didn’t I?”

“But it’s one of the funniest things that’s ever happened to me!” said Tracy.

Rachel had gone very quiet as the crowd of theatre kids surrounded them. Kirsty glanced at her and bit her lip.

“Angel!” shouted a tall boy, doing finger guns at Tracy.

“Birling!” Tracy responded, returning the gesture. “Guys, this is-“

“Could you give us a moment, Tracy?” Kirsty asked, grabbing Rachel’s hand and starting to pull her out of the gathering.

“No, it’s fine,” said Rachel quickly. “I’m okay.”

“...oh. Alright then,” said Kirsty, letting go of Rachel’s hand and turning back to the group.

Rachel blinked, then shook her head and started introducing herself to Tracy’s friends.

***

After finally saying goodbye to all of the actors, the girls headed into the auditorium. It was a relatively small space, about the same size as a lecture theatre. Several rows of tiered seating eventually reached the stage, which was fully set for that night’s performance. A boy in black was in the centre, sweeping away the remains of the rehearsal that had just finished.

“Princeton!” shouted Tracy, waving at him as the girls walked down the aisle.

“Tracy!” he called back, looking startled and pushing his dark hair out of his eyes. “I, uh, I heard you were here.”

“That I am! Good to see you!” Tracy said as they made their way onto the stage. “This is Kirsty and Rachel. Mind if we look around?”

“Nope, I mean yep, that’s fine – what do you want to see?”

Tracy turned to Kirsty and Rachel.

“Well, it’s you two who want to look around, really, isn’t it? To find your mysterious lamp.”

Princeton looked between them.

“Like, an Aladdin lamp? You’d want to go down to props for that-“ 

“No,” Kirsty interrupted. “Not that kind of lamp. It’s a light.”

“Oh, hey! Maybe it’ll be up on the lighting bar!” said Rachel, pointing up above their heads.

“Princeton, can we go up there?” asked Tracy.

“Anything for you, Tracy,” Princeton replied, immediately turning bright red as he finished speaking. Tracy, apparently, did not notice.

“Thanks!” she said, grinning.

“We have a small platform up there, in case we need to fix something,” said Princeton. “But it’s a bit wobbly, so it can only hold about two people, max. So if these two wait here...”

“Oh, no, it makes way more sense if either Kirsty or Rachel goes with you,” said Tracy. “They know what they’re looking for, after all.”

“It should be me,” said Rachel, turning to Kirsty. “And before you say anything, remember that I’m better with heights than you, I’ll be perfectly safe because I’ll be with Princeton, and I’ve got,” she gently stroked the section of her hair that was hiding Susan, “expertise with me. So it makes sense, you don’t need to worry.”

“You’re right. That does make sense,” said Kirsty. “You should go.”

“Kirsty, I- what?” Rachel stared at her.

“Go. Just be careful, okay?”

“Um. Yeah, alright. See you in a minute.”

Rachel followed Princeton into the wings and up a ladder that leaned against the wall.

“Is this... safe?” she asked, looking up at him as he led the way.

“Our health and safety policy is ‘if it hasn’t broken someone, don’t fix it’,” said Princeton.

“Huh... well that’s certainly... reassuring...” said Rachel, gripping the ladder more tightly.

They emerged on the platform – which was in fact less of a platform and more of a couple of old boards nailed to a beam, with a guardrail that looked like it was more for show than for purpose. Rachel looked down to see Kirsty and Tracy talking. They were too far away for Rachel to hear, but she could see that Tracy was saying something to Kirsty that was making them both laugh.

“Hey!” she called out, waving down at them. They both looked up and waved back, Kirsty offering a thumbs up.

“The light bar’s just here,” said Princeton, waving Rachel over to a couple metres down the platform. “Step gently, and don’t lean on the guardrail.” Rachel obliged, and made her way along to the lighting bar. She leaned down, moving her hair just enough for Susan to get a proper look.

“I don’t see it,” she whispered. Rachel looked back up.

“Nope, don’t see what we’re looking for,” she told Princeton. “Sorry for dragging you up here.”

“It’s fine. Though thinking about it, what were you even looking for? Did, like... your family donate a single stage light or something?”

“Oh, uh, no we just... we lost something?” said Rachel nervously.

“And you thought it would be up _here_ because...?”

“Well, you know, things turn up in strange places all the time!” said Rachel, making her way back down to the ladder to escape the conversation. Princeton frowned, then shook his head, and followed, deciding it wasn’t worth the effort of worrying. They both climbed back down to the stage and re-joined Kirsty and Tracy.

“Any luck?” asked Kirsty.

“Nope,” said Rachel.

“Ah, well, it’s never that easy is it?” said Kirsty, sighing. “Where to next, then?”

“You suggested props, right?” Tracy said to Princeton. “Maybe it is down there. Is James about?”

“Yeah, he said he was sticking around, so he’s probably down in the props room.”

“Sweet! Thanks Princeton, you’ve been a great help!”

Tracy gave Princeton a quick hug, to his delight, then pulled Kirsty and Rachel into the back of the wings and through a door that opened into a stairwell.

“The whole backstage area is underground,” she explained as they headed down. “There’s two levels – the upper one has all the dressing rooms and rehearsal spaces and stuff, and the lower one is a storage vault for old props and costumes and set pieces. It’s very cool.”

“That’s all... really impressive for a student theatre,” said Kirsty. “We’re not exactly a performing arts uni.”

“Oh yeah, this place absolutely haemorrhages money!” said Tracy. “Only reason the uni hasn’t shut it all down is that they don’t want to deal with the backlash.” She winked. “Trust me. If there’s one thing we’re all good at here, it’s being _dramatic_.”

They left the stairwell and entered a corridor. They followed Tracy down to the end, and stopped outside a small room. The door was open, and they could see a young man sat at a desk in the corner, eating a jam doughnut and scrolling on his phone. The desk was covered in large, plush snakes.

“The hell is a _scrimmage?_ ” the man muttered, furrowing his eyebrows over a text. His accent was distinctly Scottish.

“Hey James!” said Tracy, knocking on the door and stepping inside. Rachel and Kirsty followed, Rachel glancing around the room, excitedly drinking it all in.

“Tracy!” the man responded. “Come to offer me some company?”

“Afraid we’ve got other business,” said Tracy apologetically. “Why are you even down here, though?”

“I’m working on the show,” James sighed. “They made me come in for this morning’s rehearsal, and I figure, might as well just hang around until this evening, maybe work on some of the _Hamlet_ props. I’ve nowhere else to be.”

“Do you always do final rehearsals on the same day as the performance?” asked Rachel.

“No,” replied James.

“So why- “

“It was needed,” said James, grimly. He got up from the desk, stretched, and walked over to the girls. “So what can I help you with?”

“We’re looking for a lamp,” said Rachel. “We think it might have ended up down here somehow.”

“Why do you think it’s here?” asked James.

“Uh. A friend said she thought it would be?” said Kirsty. “She’s the one who’s looking for it.”

“Did she perform here at some point? What does it look like, if we used it for a show I might remember. I’ve been here for years - I’m a PhD student.”

Susan whispered into Rachel’s ear.

“It’s a rectangular board... it looks a bit like a tablet, only a little bigger. Oh, and she wasn’t in a show or anything, she was visiting another friend here and left it behind, and she thinks it might have ended up in your props storage by accident!” said Rachel aloud, making up the last part in a sudden stroke of inspiration. She glanced at Kirsty, who raised her eyebrows, impressed. Tracy glanced between them, eyes narrowed.

“Huh. Okay,” said James. “How recently was this? If it was this term, chances are it’ll still be up here, but otherwise we’ll have to go down to the vault. This room is mostly for ongoing or upcoming shows, and we also usually leave most recently finished stuff up here until the clean out. We do that at the end of every term.”

“It was... early this term?” said Rachel. “She only just noticed it was lost.”

“Alright, see if it’s in here then,” said James, returning to his desk and picking up the biggest snake. The crown it wore was falling off.

The room was small, made smaller by the amount of stuff in it. The girls didn’t have to spread far apart to cover the whole room between the three of them.

“So... what are getting a PhD in, James?” asked Kirsty conversationally as she pulled a box of the shelf. It contained nothing but corkscrews. She titled her head, then put it back.

“Meteorology,” said James. “Theatre stuff is just for fun.”

“I thought about doing that,” said Tracy. “But Physics just felt like the way to go for me, in the end.”

“You’re a Physics student?” said Rachel, putting down the giant inflatable mongoose she’d been inspecting, for no real reason other than wondering why such a thing existed. “I thought you did an arts subject?”

“Nope! Physics degree, second year!” said Tracy. “What made you think I was studying art?”

Rachel looked down at Tracy’s outfit.

“...I saw you with a sketchbook one time,” she said.

“Hey, I’m allowed a hobby,” Tracy replied, grinning.

“She’s good,” said James, still fiddling with the snake. “Designed a bunch of sets for us. We couldn’t make most of them happen because we have a budget of exactly zero pounds, but they’re great drawings to look at- “

He was cut off by Kirsty yelping.

“What the _hell_ is that!?” she cried, pointing at a giant plastic rat she’d found in a chest of drawers.

“A giant plastic rat,” said James, putting down the snake and swivelling his chair around. “I call him Nigel.”

The rat had black eyes and sharp, yellow teeth. It looked to have at some point been chewed on. Kirsty made a face at it and closed the drawer.

“Why do you have that?” she asked, shuddering.

“Well – see, the uni has to pay upkeep and a mortgage and other boring financial stuff on this building, which adds up to a lot, so they won’t give us any additional money to do shows. In fact, _we_ have to give _them_ the money we make from shows. So like I said, we have no budget at all, not even our own earnings.”

“And that translates to... rat?” said Rachel.

“I was getting to that. We always need stuff, so we have to find ways to get it for free. One of the best sources is at the end of the academic year, when people are going home for summer, or moving – they give things away online, or leave them on the side of the road, and we go by and pick it up and bring it back here to fix up and hang onto in case we find a use for it. We got Nigel about three years back, he was roadside junk. Still haven’t made use, but I like him, so he stays up here.”

“I mean... sure?” said Kirsty, still eyeing the drawer warily.

They searched for a while longer, but were eventually forced to reach the conclusion that the lamp was definitely not there.

“Well, maybe someone took it down to the vault,” said James, getting back up and grabbing a set of keys. “Wouldn’t be the first time something’s ended up in there by accident.”

He headed over to the door, girls following. Kirsty paused as she walked past the desk.

“Hey, before we go, can I ask... what’s with the snakes?”

James’s expression soured.

“They’re for _Hamlet_ ,” he said, rolling his eyes.

“I didn’t think there were any snakes in _Hamlet_ ,” said Rachel.

“There aren’t. Usually. But _this_ version is being directed by a 21-year-old Drama student whose big idea is an all-snake production of Shakespeare’s greatest play. He says it’s about a ‘symbolic representation of themes of treachery and betrayal’, blah blah, pretentious crap, look how smart I am!” James had begun to make a talking gesture with his hand, the other on his hip. “It happens every year, someone comes along and has a _genius_ new idea for how they’re going to do a classic play in some super original unique way, and then it’s down to _me_ to use our non-existent budget to make twelve goddamn snake puppets!” 

The girls were quiet for a moment.

“You kind of love it though, don’t you?” said Tracy.

“...yeah, I do. Check this guy out.” He held up the smallest snake and grinned. “This one’s Horatio.”

“I like his top hat,” said Rachel.

“Thanks, me too,” said James, putting down Horatio-the-Snake, turning off the lights, and leading them back out into the corridor. They followed him to the stairwell and down the stairs, arriving at a locked door.

“This is probably my favourite place in the building,” said Tracy gleefully.

James took out the keys, opened the door, and stepped back to let Tracy rush inside. She glanced around, spun on her heel, and threw her arms out either side of her, smiling widely.

“Kirsty, Rachel – welcome to the vault!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hamlet-But-Everyone's-A-Snake is an idea you can have for free, on the condition that you record the performance and send it to me.
> 
> [Nigel is based on a real prop I discovered at my theatre while packing up our last show.](https://imgur.com/a/oWYXpzJ) The real life one isn't named Nigel, though, I just called it that because it's my dad's name and I like making fun of him (I did get his permission - though he might have thought I was joking... Ah, well, he doesn't read this). Roughly half the props I reference in this are real things my theatre has. The other half I made up. I'd bet anything you can't guess which are which
> 
> I didn't want to waste time listing them all if no one cares, but if there's anyone who does want to know who the theatre kids are named after, let me know and I'll happily put it in the comments.


	22. #4 Susan the Seasonal Depression Fairy - Inter-Dimensional Super Beings

Ruby arrived back at the quad and glanced around. It was empty, as lectures were in session and Steve, apparently, had yet to arrive. She walked over to one of the benches and sat down, watching the path to their accommodation site and waiting for him to show up. She had only been sitting down for a moment when he stepped out of thin air in front of her.

“Hey Ruby,” he said, waving.

“Gyah!” she cried out, jumping. “Where the hell did you come from!?”

“Oh, I looked at your map, but then I realised it would be faster if I came through Fairyland,” he said, as if that explained everything.

“Through Fairyland...?” Ruby asked.

“Yes. I can step in and out of Fairyland whenever I please. It’s something all goblins learn to do at a young age. Technically I’m not allowed to do it in view of humans, even ones who know about Fairyland, but seeing as I’m already a rebel...” he shrugged. “I can step into any part of Fairyland I want from the human world, and vice versa from there. So, from your room I stepped into a secluded wood, and from there I immediately stepped back out here.”

“So... basically, you can teleport,” said Ruby, rather impressed.

“I suppose that’s how it works functionally, yes,” said Steve.

“Hmm. That could be _very_ useful,” said Ruby. “Could I learn to step in and out too?”

“Only Fairyland beings can enter Fairyland. It’s a place made entirely of magic. Humans aren’t magical enough to exist there.”

“But Kirsty and Rachel said they’ve been there. Kirsty said I could come with them sometime, even.”

“Well, it’s possible to go if you’ve been turned into a fairy. Would probably also work if you were turned into a goblin, or even a magical frog butler, but I don’t think you’d want that,” said Steve, shaking his head. “Bit slimy.”

“So wait - you mean that both those times I was turned into a fairy, I _literally_ became a fairy? Like, I _changed species?_ Are fairies even a species?” She frowned. “And... frog butler?”

“The fairies have frogs who dress up in waistcoats and serve refreshments at parties,” said Steve. “I hear the pay is good. And yes, you did ‘literally become a fairy’, but it was no danger to you. It’s magic.”

“Right...” said Ruby. “So that means... if I had a reliable way of turning into a fairy, I _could_ teleport like you?”

“Yes, that stands to reason,” said Steve.

“Hmm,” said Ruby, standing up. “Interesting to know...” She gestured for Steve to follow her, and they set off down one of the paths leading out of the quad. She led him to the east side of campus, past the art department. The path was lined with a series of walls that students from years past had painted with elaborate murals.

“Where are we meeting your friend?” asked Steve as they passed the first wall.

“There’s a great coffee shop in the education building,” said Ruby. “He’ll be waiting for us there. Do you like coffee?”

“I’ve never tried it, but first time for everything,” said Steve, pausing briefly to admire the mural on the second wall. It depicted a beautiful field of poppies and cornflowers. “There’s a place in Fairyland that looks like that.”

“It’s nice,” said Ruby. “But I like that one better.” She pointed to the mural on the third wall as they approached it, which was of a cyberpunk city. “It’s cool.”

“So, why do you think your friend can help us?” asked Steve. “You never said.”

“Didn’t I?” asked Ruby. She stopped walking, surprised. “I thought I did.”

“Nope.”

“Oh. Huh. Could have sworn I did.”

“Well you didn’t, so aren’t you going to tell me?”

“Okay, okay. The thing is, this whole situation - fairies and goblins and stuff - it all sounds, well... fictional. Like something out of a children’s book,” said Ruby, leaning on the fourth wall. “And my friend Yuri is a total expert on science fiction and fantasy. So I thought that we could ask him what the heroes would do in one of those stories, and work out a plan from there!”

Steve stared at her, incredulous.

“ _That’s_ your plan. Go find out what a _fictional character_ would do?”

“It’s not what I would do for a normal problem, but I’ve never tried to solve the enslavement of a magical race to an evil... what did Kirsty call him? An ice demon man thing.”

“I thought your friend would have some... some super weapon that we could use to fight Jack Frost! You said meeting with him was the vital first step to revolution!”

“Yes, it is! Gathering ideas for what to do!”

Steve shook his head.

“I will go along with this because I am desperate to do something other than sit around in your room. But I think it is a silly plan.”

“You think that all you want. But _I_ think this will be helpful,” said Ruby, standing back up and marching forward. Steve followed, arms folded, muttering under his breath.

***

The coffee shop was sleek and modern, with floor-to-ceiling windows on the outside walls, and decorative plants on every surface. Yuri was already sat a table in the corner, working on his laptop. He waved them over when he spotted them, grinning. Ruby couldn’t help but grin back. It was nice to see her friend in such a better mood than the last time they’d been together.

“Ruby, hey! And you must be- “ he did a doubletake at seeing Steve. “Green,” he blurted.

“I have a rare skin condition,” said Steve, with all the enthusiasm of someone who’d said the words a thousand times before (which he, in fact, had – Ruby had made him practice all week, for realism). “It’s chronic, but don’t worry, it’s not infectious.”

“Right. Sorry, that was rude of me,” said Yuri, blushing. “You must be Steve. It’s nice to meet you.”

“Likewise. Ruby’s spoken most _highly_ of you,” said Steve, looking at Ruby pointedly. Ruby gave him a quick sneer back, before turning to Yuri and smiling innocently.

“Glad to hear it!” said Yuri, seemingly not picking up on the tension between them.

“How are you, then?” asked Ruby, sitting down across from him. Steve took the chair beside her.

“Great, thanks! Like I told you, Mia and I are back together – I still don’t know what you did, but _thank you_ \- and my coursework’s also going pretty well, so that’s good. How about you?”

“Yeah, I’m alright too,” said Ruby.

“I am also alright,” said Steve. “Who is Mia?”

“She’s my girlfriend,” said Yuri. “She might come by later, if that’s okay? She has a seminar in this building.”

“Oh. I mean, yeah, of course that’s fine,” said Ruby, somewhat unenthusiastically. Steve looked over at her and cocked his head. 

“So, you said there was something you guys wanted help with,” said Yuri.

“Yes!” said Ruby, leaning forward. “You’re really into sci-fi and fantasy, right?”

“That is true,” said Yuri, pointing to the decals on his laptop – they all featured logos or characters from popular franchises.

“See, the thing is,” said Ruby, “Steve and I are... writing a fantasy story. But we’re a bit stuck for this one part, and thought you might be able to help, since you know the genre.”

“We’re what?” muttered Steve.

“You would have known if you’d let me explain my whole idea earlier instead of calling it _silly_ ,” Ruby hissed back.

“ _Or_ you could have told me at any time in the past _week_.”

“I _told_ you, I thought I had!”

“Guys?” said Yuri, glancing between them.

“Sorry!” said Ruby. “Co-writing is challenging! Lots of arguing over whether ideas are good or not.”

“Yeah, that makes sense,” said Yuri. “So what’s the story about?”

“Well, it’s about a world where there are these two magical races, fairies and goblins.”

“Very standard for fantasy,” said Yuri, nodding. “Go on.”

“Well, the fairies’ job is to help humans, with all sorts of things that they might need- “ Ruby started.

“Help? That’s an interesting choice. In most stories about fairies they’re tricksters who mostly want to exploit humans,” said Yuri.

“Oh. Really?” asked Ruby, surprised.

“Yeah. Fairies usually do things like stealing people’s stuff, inflicting misfortune, kidnapping and manipulating children... They’re pretty malicious, actually,” said Yuri. “I’m not saying you have to conform to that version of them, though. It’s good to do your own thing.” He paused. “Also, humans? I thought you said there were only fairies and goblins in this world.”

“Yeah, in the fairy world. The fairies leave it to help humans. They go to the human world and... and change the forms they take, to appeal to the humans they help.”

“That’s cool. What do they help with?”

“All sorts of things. They all have a specialisation, some broad, some narrow.” She thought back to what Kirsty, Rachel and the fairies had told her over the last two months. “They work in teams of fairies with similar specialisations. Stuff like colours, or holidays, or seasons. But also sometimes it’s really particular things, like... a team of fairies that’s for university life, who specialise in things like Fresher’s flu or seasonal depression or break-ups,” she finished, biting her lip and wondering if she’d been too specific. Yuri leaned forward.

“Okay, that’s... interesting. So, how do they help?” he asked.

“Oh, you know... magic...” Ruby said. Yuri nodded, and in a burst of impulsiveness, she threw caution to the wind. “Oh, and also, some them look exactly like humans in our world, but we’re not sure if there’s a reason for that or if it’s a coincidence.”

Yuri looked very interested by that.

“So the world they come from - is it like, another planet? Or a parallel universe?”

“That’s a bit more sci-fi than fantasy, don’t you think?” said Ruby.

“Yeah, but didn’t you just say that the humans and fairies have counterparts to one another – that’s, like, parallel universe 101.”

“Counterparts...” said Ruby quietly, not having thought of it that way. She decided to store that thought for later. “Okay I guess if anything, I would say the fairy world is like...” she glanced at Steve, “a sort of sub-dimension?”

“ _I_ would say that your- I mean, the human world is the sub-dimension, _actually_ , but otherwise, yes, I agree,” he said, folding his arms.

“So these fairies... they’re less traditional fairies and more like... like a race of inter-dimensional super beings that assist humanity!” said Yuri. “That’s actually a pretty great idea. What about the goblins, though?” Ruby gestured to Steve, who perked up.

“The goblins are the noblest of races, handsome and proud. The people possess the longest of ears, the pointiest of toenails, and the most verdant of green skin!”

Yuri titled his head at Steve, then widened his eyes in realisation. He switched his expression to one of sympathy.

“I see. They sound very good looking,” he said, smiling gently. Steve gave Ruby a smug grin. Ruby gave him a covert thumbs up in return, deciding it best not to explain Yuri’s actual reason for the compliment.

“Unfortunately, due to a terrible magical contract, the goblins are all stuck in servitude to the fairies’ adversary, Jack Frost,” Steve continued, scowling. 

“Jack Frost! What made you decide to use that name? That’s a very old character, after all.”

“It’s his name because it’s his name!” said Steve, annoyed.

“What Steve means,” said Ruby, glaring at him, “is that we picked it because it sounded cool. We didn’t know there was much history behind it?”

“Oh, Jack Frost dates back centuries, in various forms all across the world. He’s been portrayed as everything from a roguish prankster, to a noble king, to an evil villain, to a cute mascot!” He tapped one of the stickers on his laptop. Steve glared at it.

“Jack Frost is not _cute_ ,” he said.

“Well, if yours is keeping a whole species enslaved, I guess he wouldn’t be,” said Yuri, pressing a finger to his chin. “So, if that’s the world, what’s the actual story about?”

“One of the goblins teams up with a human to take down Jack Frost,” said Ruby. “The problem is, we’re not sure how they should go about it. We thought we’d ask you for ideas.”

“Well, you’ve got those fairies, right? Why can’t they help?”

Steve scoffed.

“They have no interest in helping the goblins! We- they serve Jack Frost, and are therefore one and the same in the eyes of the fairies.”

“Why are they in the story then?” asked Yuri. “What’s their purpose?”

“Helping humans,” said Steve. “Ruby just said.”

“Yes, but what purpose do they serve in the _narrative?_ ” asked Yuri, glancing between them with barely disguised concern. “You shouldn’t include them if they aren’t going to serve the plot in some way. That’s a pretty basic rule of storytelling.”

Steve turned to Ruby and narrowed his eyes.

“I said this was a silly idea.”

“No, Yuri’s right,” said Ruby, furrowing her brow. “We need to use the fairies.”

“They won’t help though!” said Steve, thoroughly exasperated.

“So we use them without them knowing,” said Ruby. “The fairies are the most powerful entities in the setting. So we- our characters, I mean – need to find a way to access their abilities to use for the goblin revolution.”

“Huh,” said Steve, sitting back. “I guess we do have a... character... with close access to the fairies and their allies. The human. Maybe she could do that?”

“And the goblin knows the ins and outs of the magical dimension! So he can plan that side of the revolution, while she works on getting a hold of some fairy magic,” said Ruby, grinning.

“Honestly... it seems pretty obvious now we’re saying it,” said Steve. “Why didn’t we think of this immediately?”

“Sometimes you just need a fresh set of eyes,” said Yuri, shrugging. “Don’t feel bad.”

“We could still use some ideas for how the revolution should go down,” said Ruby. “How do they usually happen in these sorts of stories?”

Yuri’s eyes lit up.

***

“Well, I don’t think Jack Frost’s palace has any ‘reactor cores’,” said Ruby, glancing at Steve who nodded, perplexed (this was the fifth strange story Yuri had mentioned, and he hadn’t known what to make of any of them), “so I’m not sure _Star Wars_ is much use to us. And anyway, this is a fantasy, not a sci-fi, like I said.”

“ _Star Wars_ kind of has magic - I mean, what else is the Force, really?” retorted Yuri. “And I’m not saying rip off _Star Wars_ , I’m saying it’s a good source of inspiration. So’s a lot of sci-fi.”

“Is it really? The only sci-fi I know is _Doctor Who_...” said Ruby.

“Absolutely. Sci-fi has tonnes of stories about resisting oppression and revolution,” said Yuri. “Including _Doctor Who,_ as you should know.”

“Yeah, I know, but I’m absolutely not writing a story inspired by _that_ show,” said Ruby. “I mean, I want _my_ story to be good, for one thing. Where do you even start when it comes to criticising _Doctor Who_...”

***

“And _that_ is why, despite their excellent first episode, the Weeping Angels are the worst thing to be introduced to the _Doctor Who_ canon!” said Ruby, flopping back in her chair and taking a long swig of water – she’d been talking for almost five straight minutes.

“You make compelling points,” said Yuri, leaning forward and tabling his hands under his chin, “but I still maintain that the sonic screwdriver is the worst. It’s a magic wand with basically no rules except that it’s exactly as useful as the plot needs it to be. It’s a deus ex machina that the protagonist carries around in their pocket and it needs to go.”

“It has rules! It doesn’t work on wood!”

“Except when it does.”

“Yes, but inconsistent rules are not a sonic problem, they’re a _Doctor Who_ problem – one that also, I might add, applies to the Angels!”

“Yes, but do the Angels appear in almost _every episode_ since 1968?”

“Hey Yuri!” said a new voice from behind Ruby and Steve. Steve whirled around in his chair.

“You know him? _Help me_. They’ve been arguing for _forty minutes_ and none of it means anything!”

“Mia!” said Yuri, grinning at her. They shared a brief kiss as she sat down next to him.

“It’s nice to see you again, Ruby. And you must be...” she stared at Steve, getting a good look at his face for the first time.

“It’s a rare skin condition, it’s chronic, you can’t catch it,” he said. “And my name is Steve.” 

Mia turned pink and nodded, smiling awkwardly.

“So... you’re Ruby’s boyfriend?” she asked.

“No,” said Ruby. “No, no, absolutely not, never, no.”

“I concur,” said Steve, pulling a face. “I have no interest in a relationship like that.”

“Ahhh. Gay?” Mia asked.

“Actually, I’m feeling quite miserable,” said Steve. Mia laughed.

“I like you. You’re funny.”

Steve blinked, confused, but nonetheless flattered. 

“So what were you guys just talking about?” Mia asked, leaning under the table to put her bag away.

“We were debating what the worst addition to _Doctor Who_ canon is,” Yuri told her.

“Oh! Well, obviously it’s-“

“ _No,”_ said Steve, glaring at all three of them. A silence fell over the table.

“By the way - thank you again, for helping Yuri and me,” Mia said finally, turning to address Ruby. “I still don’t understand what happened, but I’m very grateful.”

“Yuri already thanked me, it’s fine,” said Ruby. “But, uh... you’re welcome, I guess.”

“What did you help them with, exactly?” asked Steve. “He said something about it earlier, but I don’t think I caught it.”

“We broke up, very briefly, last week,” said Mia. “But Ruby and her friends did something that helped us get back together!”

“Ah. Was that when we were stuck in the room?” asked Steve.

“Yes,” said Ruby.

“So when I gave you the snow globe, I helped too! I think I deserve some credit.”

“Wouldn’t have needed you to give it to me if you hadn’t stolen it in the first place though, would you?”

“Snow globe?” said Yuri.

“So you guys know stuff about relationships, right?” said Ruby, quickly changing the subject. A thought had occurred to her – she had an opportunity here.

“Well, a bit,” said Yuri, placing his hand over Mia’s. She smiled, and reached up to entwine their fingers. Ruby resisted the urge to roll her eyes.

“I guess I’m looking for... advice,” she said.

“Is this for your story? Is there going to be a romance? Oh, let me guess, is it between the human and the goblin?”

“ _No!”_ said Ruby. Steve’s face was rapidly losing green, turning a sickly pale white. “This is advice about real life. About my friends.”

“Ohhh, your ‘friends’,” said Yuri, waggling his eyebrows.

“No, I really am talking about my friends,” said Ruby. “Kirsty and Rachel.”

“The girls who were with you when you visited me?” asked Mia. “Rachel was the blonde one, right? I liked her, she was sweet.”

“I like her too,” said Ruby, “and Kirsty.” She frowned. “Well, I like Kirsty some of the time. And... I also think they like each other. More than I like them, you know?”

“Ah,” said Yuri, raising an eyebrow.

“Kirsty’s super transparent about it, like, I swear Rachel must be blind. It’s kind of embarrassing, honestly, and it was really fun to tease her about it. But everything’s got weird since this other girl showed up.”

“Other girl?” asked Mia.

“Yeah, see, this girl - she comes into the picture, and she’s, like, ridiculously incredible _,_ right, and she asked Kirsty out. And Rachel didn’t even have a problem with it? She _encouraged_ it? And I don’t get why Kirsty would want to go out with anyone else when she’s already got someone who she clearly has feelings for, and is really great, and- “ She stopped, noticing that Yuri and Mia were both blatantly trying to hold back laughter. “What?”

“Ruby...” said Yuri, desperately trying not to let his smile take over his face, “are you jealous of this girl... _for_ Rachel?”

“I- no, I-“ Ruby spluttered, not appreciating being called out. Steve smirked, amused at seeing his friend so thoroughly flustered.

Mia smiled gently.

“Are you sure you’re not jealous for... well, you?” she asked.

“Perish the thought,” said Ruby, ice running through her tone.

“Okay,” said Mia, holding up her hands. “Just thought it worth checking!”

“I want them to get together, that’s all,” said Ruby quietly. “I... think they’d be happy.”

“You’ve said about Kirsty’s feelings,” said Mia, “but nothing about Rachel’s. Are you sure it’s requited? Does Rachel even like girls? She said she’d had a boyfriend.”

“Kirsty’s bisexual. I don’t see why Rachel couldn’t also be, and just... doesn’t know yet, or isn’t out, or something,” said Ruby. “And... I don’t know, I just get a _feeling_ , between them. Like, there’s no one in the world who matters more to either of them than each other.”

“But what if you’re just looking for something you _want_ to see?” asked Yuri.

“No! I’m- “ she changed the subject. “I know Kirsty likes Rachel, for sure. How can she just... decide to go out with this other girl when she already has feelings for someone? I mean, neither of you would go out with anyone else, right?”

They both gave her a bemused look.

“Well, no. We’re in a relationship,” said Mia. “But it’s not... it’s not _cheating,_ or anything, to go out with someone when you have a crush on someone else. I guess it’s more complicated if you get serious with the other person, but if it’s just casual...”

“But why do people date, if not to be in a serious relationship?” asked Ruby. “Isn’t that the point? To find someone to... help you with your taxes, or whatever?”

Yuri snorted at that.

“And how can you even like more than one person?” asked Ruby. “You can’t be romantically interested in two people, that’s not how it works... well, unless you’re on TV. But not in real life, right?”

“Ruby... do you understand what a crush _is?_ ” asked Yuri.

“Yes,” said Ruby, stiffly. “I- I... have had one. Several, even.”

“So you know it’s not a lifetime commitment,” said Yuri. “It’s just thinking someone’s cute and nice, or whatever.”

“And sometimes people do love more than one person,” Mia added. “Polyamory, you know?”

Ruby had not known, and was growing more confused by the second.

“But- I only brought this up because, I mean, what do I _do?”_ she asked, grinding her fists into her legs. Yuri and Mia glanced at each other.

“I think you do nothing,” said Mia. “I mean, it’s good that you want your friends to be happy, but, well... it’s not really any of your business.”

Steve, who had been observing the conversation carefully, spoke up.

“You already have a project to work on with me. You don’t need another one.” He lowered his voice. “But I do have some _questions_ for when they’re gone.”

“What’s the project?” asked Mia. Ruby quickly repeated everything she’d told Yuri earlier.

“It’s all a work in progress,” said Steve, not, technically, untruthfully.

“I see. It sounds pretty... neat,” said Mia. Ruby glanced at her watch, and did a double take.

“We should really get going! It’s already half past five, I need to go re-join the others soon if the show’s at seven,” she said, gathering up her things and standing up.

“It was good seeing you!” said Yuri. “I know I said this was probably the last we’d get to see each other this term, but if I finish my coursework early and Mia’s not free, maybe we can get a climb in?”

A frown flashed across Ruby’s face. She knew she shouldn’t let it bother her, but hearing him list his priorities like that stung. She quickly schooled her expression into a smile.

“Sounds great! Bye guys!”

She headed off for the entrance, Steve beside her.

“So, do we have to write a book now...?” he asked.

“Oh, _crap_ ,” said Ruby, pinching the bridge of her nose.

“Silly plan!” said Steve.

Back at the table, Yuri flopped his head onto Mia’s shoulder.

“Is this because their book’s totally going to suck?” she asked, petting his head.

Yuri nodded morosely.

***

“I didn’t even get to tell him about Marx’s theories on class divide,” Steve grumbled as they walked back in the direction of the theatre. Ruby rolled her eyes.

“So, you had questions for me?” she asked.

“Yes,” said Steve, frowning deeply. “Do you not like the one called Mia?”

“Huh? No, I like well enough,” said Ruby, surprised.

“It’s just that you seemed annoyed about her presence.”

“Oh,” said Ruby, scratching the back of her neck, “no, it’s only because- I don’t really like being around couples, that’s all.”

“But you want Kirsty and Rachel to be a couple,” said Steve.

“Well, yeah, but that- that’s different, I-“ she crossed her arms and stared at the ground. “You had other questions, right? What were they?”

“Okay...” said Steve, unsatisfied, but deciding not to push it. “Another question concerns something that Mia said.”

“What – that thing about you being gay?” asked Ruby, happy to have changed the subject.

“No- well, I did want to ask about that too, actually, but that’s not it. I meant when she asked if ‘Rachel liked girls’. Why wouldn’t she like girls?”

“Oh! Well, they’re kind of related, so I guess I can answer both questions at once.” Ruby thought for a moment, trying to work out how to explain. “See... gender is pretty important to most humans when it comes to who they like. Romantically, I mean. Most humans only like humans who are a different gender to them, but there are some male humans who only like other men, and the same with women. And some like both, like Kirsty.”

“And when Mia asked if I was happy?”

“Oh! Yeah, maybe that was a translation problem. ‘Gay’ is an old-fashioned word for happy, but nowadays it’s mainly used to describe humans who like other humans of the same gender. She was asking if you like men, since she thought you were one.”

Steve nodded.

“I see. Well, I guess I was still right to say I wasn’t. I’m not a man, and I don’t like any humans.”

“Do you... how does it work, with goblins? Do you feel romantic attraction at all?”

“Of course!” said Steve. “Or at least, some of us do. Not everyone.” He shrugged.

“Do you?” asked Ruby, after a moment. “If you don’t mind me asking, I mean.”

“No, I don’t think so. I’ve been alive for,” he considered, “about 18 of your human years, I think. And I’ve never been very interested.”

“Huh,” said Ruby, quietly.

“Another question!” Steve continued, not noticing Ruby’s change in mood. “You said Rachel might not be ‘out’. What does that mean?”

“Oh, uh... when a human isn’t straight – that’s the ones that only like different genders – they usually have to tell people, which we call ‘coming out’. Usually it’s because they were keeping it secret, though not always.”

“Why would they keep it secret?” asked Steve.

“Humans kind of... have a history of being, well, not very nice to people who aren’t straight. Discriminatory. At best. Or at least,” she amended, “significant portions of humanity are like that. Not everyone.”

Steve stared at her.

“ _Why?_ ” he asked.

“I don’t know. People just don’t like it when people are different to them, I guess.”

“But- but that’s- that’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard! I thought the dumbest thing I’d hear today would be your very silly plan-“

“Would you give that a rest?”

“ -but this is – this is – _why?_ What else are you humans terrible to each other over? Your choice of hats? Your taste in music? Your appearances? Are you mean to each other over ear shape, or facial hair, or skin colour?” He laughed at the absurdity of such concepts.

“Well...” said Ruby, wincing. Steve threw up his hands.

“What is _wrong_ with your species?! No offense.”

“No, that one’s fair, to be honest, I’ll let you have that.”

Suddenly, Ruby’s phone buzzed. She pulled it out of her pocket – a text from Kirsty had appeared on the lock screen. She couldn’t help herself from smirking as she read it.

“They, uh... they really need me over there, apparently, so I’ve got to run” she said, quickly texting back. “I’ll try to gather more information, too. If you head back to my room, I’ll see you later, okay?”

Steve nodded fiercely, still immensely riled up. He stomped forward and disappeared into thin air. Ruby glanced down at her phone once more, grinned, shook her head, and started making a dash for the Half Moon Theatre.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for indulging an entire chapter of what is ostensibly a fan fiction that features nothing but my OCs talking about my headcanons.
> 
> [This](https://megamitensei.fandom.com/wiki/Jack_Frost) is the 'Jack Frost as a cute mascot' Yuri references.
> 
> I still do not apologise for the Doctor Who stuff. It is a dumb, bad show that I do not recommend to anyone, but I also love it and am in way too deep and I need to use all that knowledge for *something*.


	23. #4 Susan the Seasonal Depression Fairy - The Props Vault

Back at the theatre, Kirsty and Rachel followed Tracy through the doorway, down a metal staircase, and into a massive room. It was cold, being a sub-basement, and smelled more than a little bit musty – but neither girl noticed, as they were too busy being overwhelmed by the sheer amount of _stuff_. The room was lined floor-to-ceiling with three aisles of furniture, the tops of each surface covered in an endless variety of objects, from old road signs, to elaborate plush flamingos, to a small assortment of fake shrunken heads. Along the walls were racks of old costumes creating a rainbow of fabrics, the effect only somewhat muted by the dim lighting. Underneath the stairs was a small area surrounded by steel sheets, a padlocked door its only entrance.

“Okay, seriously,” said Kirsty, after the genuine awe had subsided. “ _How_ can you guys afford all of this?”

“A combination of time, good luck, skilled volunteers... and lying to the university about how much stuff we actually have,” said James, who had followed them. “They’d absolutely make us sell most of it if they knew what we’re hanging on to.”

“This is _incredible_ ,” said Rachel, frozen in place and unable to do anything more than stare at her surroundings.

“Where did you even get this though?” asked Kirsty, having wandered over to a costume rack to admire an elaborate kimono. She stroked the fabric. “I mean... this could not have been cheap.”

“A very kind Japanese exchange student gave us that a few years back,” said James. “It was for a play about death and underworld myths from around the world.”

“Oh! Izanagi and Izanami?” asked Kirsty.

“Yes! I’m surprised you knew that,” said James, impressed.

“Kirsty had an anime phase,” said Rachel, snapping out of her reverie to grin over at them.

“ _Rachel_ \- I, well, I actually knew about it from a JRPG, so there!” said Kirsty, folding her arms. She then frowned, trying to work out if that was really better.

“Well, regardless, it’s _so_ cool that you knew about it, Kirsty,” said Tracy, throwing an arm around her and squeezing her shoulder. Kirsty felt her face heat up, and pulled her hair forward to cover her cheeks.

“I wouldn’t say ‘cool’,” she said, unable to hide her smile at the praise.

“Nah, you’re really cool,” said Rachel. She looked up at Tracy. “I’m... glad you recognise that about her.”

“Of course!” said Tracy. “Who wouldn’t? Cute, too!”

“Okay!” said Kirsty, now thoroughly embarrassed. She glanced over at James, who appeared to be feeling the same way. She shrugged Tracy off of her and turned to face the group, placing her hands on her hips in effort to regain composure.

“We should probably get started. We’ve got a lot of ground to cover.”

“Well, I have work to do, so good luck, girls,” said James. He looked over at Tracy. “I can trust you with the keys, right?” Tracy nodded, and he tossed the ring to her. “You’ve got them if you need them. I’ll leave the door open for you.”

“Alright then!” said Tracy as James hurried out of the vault, eager to get back to his snake-based solitude. “We should probably split up if we want to search everywhere. We’ll divide ourselves between the left and right aisles, and then meet at the other end to search the centre together.”

“Same groups as before?” said Rachel, glancing over at Kirsty.

“Yeah, okay,” said Kirsty. Rachel blinked.

“I mean... I’ll be wandering about on my own... in a strange place...” she said, a little pointedly.

“Well, you’re a grown-up. You can handle that,” said Kirsty. “Unless, you don’t want to- “

“No, no, it’s- it’s fine!” said Rachel quickly. “I’ll take the right aisle, I guess.”

“Then we’ll go left!” said Tracy. “Let’s go! Scavenger hunt!”

“I love scavenger hunts!” said Kirsty.

Rachel, for the first time since arriving at the theatre, felt like something heavy was on her chest.

***

“...and then I quit figure skating because it was getting a bit dull,” said Tracy, as she and Kirsty searched through yet another dusty stack of old props. “I mean, once you can pull off a quadruple axel, what else is there to do, right?”

“Uh, yeah. Right,” said Kirsty, picking up a little blue creature made of cloth. She squinted at its lifeless eyes, trying to figure out what it was. A dog? A badger? An alien? She placed it back down - whatever it was, it wasn’t a lamp.

“After that I did karate for a few months, got my black belt, that was fun. And then I came to uni! What about you, what did you do growing up?”

“Oh... uh...” Kirsty looked down at her feet. “I guess I danced for a while? And I did a bit of ice skating too, though I never really learnt how to do any of that fancy stuff.”

“That’s great!” said Tracy. “Maybe we can go skating together sometime! And you _have_ to show me your dance skills!”

“No, no, I’m not- I’m not that good,” said Kirsty.

“That’s okay! However good you are, I’ll like it because it’s you,” said Tracy, grinning. Kirsty turned scarlet.

“What- why do you even- you- you’ve only known me a week!” she stammered out.

“Yep, that’s true! And I already really like you!” Tracy responded, moving a couple of windchimes to the side to check the space behind them.

“But _why_ ,” asked Kirsty, spreading her arms out either side of her. “I mean,” she pulled them back in and hugged her chest, “I’m not- it’s not like I’m special or anything. What made you like _me?_ ”

Tracy turned around and shrugged.

“You’re cute.”

Kirsty pouted.

“You keep saying that. Stop it. I’m not.”

“Hey, you asked! And you’re being pretty cute right now, in fairness.”

“Okay, fine, so what if I am cute? You’re – you’re _incredible!_ You’re confident, and talented, and everyone likes you!”

“I wouldn’t say _everyone_ \- “

“Like half the people you’ve introduced me to today have blatant crushes on you.”

“Oh, that’s just what theatre kids are like,” said Tracy, shaking her head good naturedly.

“My point is, you’re amazing. And I’m just... me,” said Kirsty, looking away.

“Well, I’m just me, too. And I think _you’re_ pretty amazing,” said Tracy, reaching forward and grabbing Kirsty by the shoulders. “Look... obviously, when I first met you, I didn’t know you. But I thought you were – don’t groan – cute, so I asked for your number. And of course we’ve only been texting for a week, and this is the first time we’ve properly hung out, so I won’t pretend to know you entirely – but what I’ve seen so far, I really, genuinely like. Seriously.”

“But- “

“You’re smart. You’re funny, even when you’re not trying to be. You’re passionate about the things that matter to you. And you care about your friends deeply, it’s obvious from how you’ve talked about Rachel.”

Kirsty turned slightly pale at that.

“We’ve- uh, we’ve been friends a really long time, and- “

“Yeah, you’ve said. Not that you really needed to, the way you talk and act around each other. You’ve even got those matching necklaces,” Tracy said, looking down at Kirsty’s throat, where her locket rested against the collar of her shirt. “I think it’s really great that you have someone you’re so close to,” Tracy continued. “I don’t trust people who don’t sincerely love their friends.”

“Don’t most people love their friends?”

“I know a lot of people. You’d be surprised,” said Tracy. “My point is that you shouldn’t ever think you’re not amazing. Because you are. And I can’t wait to get to know you even better - if you’re okay with that.”

Kirsty took a deep breath, quite overwhelmed.

“Yes, I, ah – I would. Be okay with that, I mean.”

Tracy gave her widest grin yet. She leaned in, causing Kirsty’s face to heat up yet again – _would that ever stop_ , she wondered.

“One more thing I like about you,” Tracy said, face hovering over Kirsty’s. Kirsty swallowed. Tracy’s hand moved forward, up toward Kirsty’s face, almost brushing Kirsty’s jawline.

She tapped Kirsty on the nose.

“You are so, _so_ cute,” she said.

She turned and starting walking down the aisle again, letting out a giggle as she heard Kirsty spluttering behind her.

***

“Nope,” said Rachel, putting down the box of wigs she’d been looking through. “Though I don’t know why it would have been in there.”

She looked back at Susan, who had been eyeing her with considerable worry since they’d split up from the others and she’d been able to come out of hiding.

“Rachel... sweetheart... are you okay?” she asked, wringing her hands.

“What? I’m fine,” said Rachel, not looking at Susan.

“Are you sure? You’ve become very... subdued.”

“I just- I didn’t want to make you feel bad, but I think the depression’s back,” said Rachel, sighing. “Maybe the magic of theatre doesn’t extend down here. I’m sure I’ll be fine once we find the lamp.”

Susan frowned.

“It- it definitely should still be in effect down here, darling. Theatre magic, I mean. When did you start feeling bad?”

“Ah... after we split up from the others, I guess?” Rachel said, glancing into another box, this one filled with watches and alarm clocks. Susan flew closer.

“Lovely, if you don’t mind me asking – what you’re feeling right now, does it really feel the same as before, when you were under my magic?”

Rachel didn’t say anything, considering the question as she picked up a broken chair to check the space by the wall behind it.

“No,” she said, finally. “When I woke up this morning, it felt like... like nothing mattered. I didn’t want to be dead, or anything, but I also didn’t see the point of being alive. Everything just felt... empty.” She paused again, trying to get her phrasing right. “I’m also feeling miserable right now, but I’m – I don’t know – full. Like, this morning it was a lack of feeling, and now it’s too much feeling.”

She slammed the chair back down, having found nothing. Susan yelped, startled by the noise.

“Rachel- “

“It’s like when I’m in a crowd, except I’m alone, and that’s the problem, isn’t it? I’m alone. I’m scared when I’m surrounded by people, and now I’m scared when I’m alone, god, I’m so- so- _useless_.”

“Oh, honey, you’re not alone- “

“Susan, don’t take this the wrong way, but you don’t count. You’re a fairy.”

Susan frowned, very much taking it the wrong way.

“What do you mean, ‘I don’t count’?”

“I mean that you guys don’t stay. You’re around for like, an afternoon, and then you’re gone. We maybe see you again at the end of an adventure, or maybe just in passing when we’re in Fairyland, and that’s nice, but – but I don’t worry about losing any of you, because there’s no uncertainty about it. It’s just inevitable. You’re all my friends, but you’re not... _friends_ friends.”

“You don’t form any personal emotional attachments to us, you mean,” said Susan.

“Yeah, I guess that’s it,” said Rachel. “Not having that, that’s what I mean when I say I’m alone.”

“But you have Kirsty. She’s not going anywhere,” said Susan. Rachel took a deep breath.

“But what if she is,” she said in a rush.

“I don’t... what do you mean?”

Rachel’s voice was getting smaller.

“What if she doesn’t want me around anymore?” 

Susan cocked her head.

“What would make you think that?” she asked.

“I don’t know... ever since we got to uni I’ve been- and then you guys showed up again- and she’s- “

“Focus on one thing at a time, darling.”

“Okay. So- Kirsty, for ages now, she’s acted like- like I can’t take care of myself. And I always told myself that it’s because she cares about me, but that hasn’t stopped me also worrying that- that- she sees me as a _burden_ , something she has to look after, and one day she’s going to get sick of it and leave. And now she’s met Tracy, who’s _brilliant_ , and there were so many times today when she normally would have freaked out and got all overprotective, but she hasn’t.”

“I can see why that would worry you,” said Susan.

“And it’s ridiculous, because just last week I was telling her that I wanted her to _stop_ being so protective of me because it makes me feel like a child, and now she has and I’m upset about that too!” She sighed and looked down. “I really am childish, aren’t I?”

Susan frowned.

“Rachel... you asked her to change her behaviour?”

“Yes,” said Rachel, still scowling at the floor.

“And then she did?”

“...yes.”

“So isn’t it more likely that she’s just respecting your wishes?”

“Oh,” said Rachel, looking up. “Oh. You might be right.”

“Maybe you should just... ask Kirsty about it? So you know for sure?” Susan ventured. Rachel, after a long moment, spoke again, voice barely above a whisper.

“I can’t.”

“Why not?” asked Susan.

“It’s- what you said makes sense,” she said. “But what if _I’m_ right?”

“Do you really think that?”

“I... I can’t help it. She’s been so obviously reluctant to get involved with all this stuff again – she thinks I haven’t noticed, but I have – even though she loved doing this together when we were kids. And up until now I’ve been a nuisance she’s felt she has to look after, and- and she’s the best person I know. She’s just... she’s not like me. She’s brave and clever and she never gets insecure, and why would she? She’s so _good_ and I- I don’t deserve that at all. So, now that she’s met someone better...”

Rachel reached up to hide her face. Susan flew forward and placed her hands on one of Rachel’s own.

“Rachel... you know that you’re brave and clever and good too, right?”

“I’m not-“

“You _are_. I know you are, we all know you are. You and Kirsty, you’re legends to us. _Both_ of you. The other fairies you’ve met have told me so many stories about your previous adventures. I can’t tell you how excited I was to meet you,” said Susan, attempting to move one of Rachel’s fingers enough to make eye contact.

“I must be such a disappointment,” said Rachel.

“No, you’re not. Sweetie, if this is how you see yourself... I’m a Mental Health fairy. What you’re dealing with is not within my area of expertise, but this sounds like the kind of thing many of my colleagues work with.”

Rachel scuffed her shoes against the floor, and finally moved her hand enough for Susan to look at her properly. Susan floated back a little, still facing Rachel.

“I already know my mental health is bad,” said Rachel, “I have a social anxiety disorder. I saw a therapist and everything.”

“Do you still? See a therapist?”

Rachel laughed at that.

“No. Do you know how hard it is to do that in this country? Either you pay an exorbitant amount of money, or you sit on a wait list for three months only to get like. Four sessions. That’s what happened when I was thirteen.”

Susan placed her hands on her hips.

“Well, what if you saw a fairy therapist? Theresa the Therapist Fairy is very good at her job, you know!”

Rachel frowned.

“I’ve heard of her. I thought that she had a long wait list, too?”

“In Fairyland, yes. But time works differently between there and this world – she could very easily do sessions with you without disrupting the wait time she has in Fairyland.” She pulled out her wand and waved it in front of her, causing a sheet of paper to appear in Rachel’s hands. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. Just think about it. If you decide you want to see Theresa, fill out that form and it’ll magically return to me. I’ll pass it on to her – don’t worry, she’s the only one who will be able to read it.” 

Rachel stared down at the form for a moment, then nodded and quietly folded it into quarters to place in her jacket pocket.

“Thanks. I will thi- “

She was cut off by a sudden crashing sound from behind where Susan hovered. Susan darted forward, startled, bumping into Rachel’s cheek.

“Oh gosh! Sorry, darling!” she cried, flying backwards and dusting herself off. “What on earth was that?”

“Kirsty and Tracy must have knocked something over,” said Rachel. “We can ask them about it once we meet back up.”

She and Susan started back down the aisle, Rachel’s mood now better, if not quite at the level of her usual cheer. They both quietly continued the search, not speaking. As they approached the end of the aisle, Susan finally spoke up once more.

“Have you spoken to Kirsty about _any_ of this?” she asked.

“No,” said Rachel shortly, not looking at Susan.

“You don’t have to tell her everything... but communicating at least some of how you’re feeling to her really would help you both,” said Susan. “She cares about you. She’d want to know.”

“Okay. Maybe I’ll do that,” said Rachel, not quite sounding like she meant it.

***

“What was that?” Kirsty asked, alarmed at the crash she had just heard. “What if it was Rachel, what if she’s hurt- “

“I think it came from the centre aisle,” Tracy interrupted. “So it wouldn’t have been Rachel. Something probably just got dislodged in all the stuff we’ve been moving.”

Kirsty frowned – that explanation didn’t seem _wrong_ , but in her experience, things were never that pleasantly simple.

“...James left the door open, didn’t he?” she asked, a sinking feeling rapidly filling her stomach.

“Yes,” said Tracy.

Kirsty went silent, and walked over to the stack of objects dividing the aisles, listening closely. On the other side of the stack of tables in front of her there was a faint sound of footsteps. Three sets of footsteps, stopping and shuffling around the piles of props. Through a gap in the tables, she could just spot the shadows of a group of figures roughly the heights of the average university student.

“Oh, _fantastic_ ,” she muttered. She turned back to Tracy, who was looking at her inquisitively.

“Something wrong?”

“It’s, uh, it’s nothing – I, uh- “

“Is this another one of your secret things you can’t tell me?” asked Tracy, smiling gently.

“Well... yes, sort of,” said Kirsty guiltily.

“You know, that’s another thing I like about you. How _mysterious_ you are,” said Tracy, now grinning. “I hope I’ll get you to tell me eventually, though.”

“...we’ll see,” said Kirsty. “For now, let’s just keep going, we’re nearly at the end.”

After a few more minutes, they reached the end of the aisle, not having found anything. Rachel emerged from her aisle a few moments later.

“Hey guys! Find anything?” she asked, striding over. “We- I mean, _I_ struck out.” Kirsty narrowed her eyes. Something about Rachel’s smile felt off. She gave her head a tiny shake – she was probably imagining it, and they had another concern.

“Tracy,” said Kirsty, glancing over at her, “Um. Rachel and I are just going to go back up the aisle a minute, do you mind waiting? It’s for, uh, mysterious reasons.”

“Okay!” said Tracy, rocking back on her heels and raising her eyebrows. “Don’t keep me waiting too long!”

“She is... remarkably cool with all this,” said Rachel, as she followed Kirsty back into the stacks.

“Yeah, it’s almost terrifying,” said Kirsty, shaking her head. “So – did you two hear that crashing earlier?”

“Yes,” said Susan, poking her head out of Rachel’s hair. “We thought it was you two.”

“Nope,” said Kirsty. “Different friends. Greener ones.”

“You’re joking.”

“I wish.”

The sound of footsteps was audible again. Both girls leaned in towards the wall of furniture to listen.

“...not even certain it’s here, too much magic in this place...”

“...if there’s _rats?_ I hate rats!”

“Shush, both of you! Do you want to end up like Steve?”

“Steve?” Rachel mouthed as the two turned to one another, deeply confused. Kirsty shrugged. They backed away from the wall.

“I think we should leave this place. Now,” said Kirsty. “We come back later, or tomorrow, and find the lamp. It’s risky, yes, but I don’t think they’ll find it in all this, and I don’t want Tracy involved with them.”

“...right. Because it’s dangerous – ow!” said Rachel. Susan had grabbed her earlobe and pulled, hard.

“Talk to her!” she hissed.

“Hey, what happened, are you okay?” asked Kirsty, reaching out and placing a hand on Rachel’s shoulder.

“Yeah, yeah, just – stubbed my toe,” said Rachel, not making eye contact.

“Ooh, that sucks.”

“Yep,” said Rachel, as they started back towards Tracy. She bit her lip, and made a decision. “In fact,” she said, beginning to limp, “it’s, uh... kind of hard to walk?”

“Oh! Here, let me help,” said Kirsty, placing an arm around Rachel. Rachel leaned in, turning her head slightly to see Susan scowling. She quickly stuck out her tongue when Kirsty wasn’t looking. They made their way back to end of the aisle, Rachel untangling herself from Kirsty as the girls all regrouped.

“Hurt my foot,” she told Tracy, who nodded, unperturbed.

“We’ve decided it’s best if we stop for now,” said Kirsty.

“But there’s still time, and we haven’t got too much more to search,” said Tracy.

“Yeah, but... I’m tired,” said Kirsty, and then, in a sudden brainwave, “oh, and with Rachel’s hurt foot, it wouldn’t be fair on her!”

“Well... okay,” said Tracy. “I guess we’ll come back later?”

“Yeah, totally,” said Kirsty, starting back up the aisle she and Tracy had walked down.

“Shouldn’t we go up the centre?” asked Tracy. “Just in case we spot it?”

“Nah, let’s just go back this way, start fresh next time,” said Kirsty, still walking quickly. Rachel shrugged at Tracy and followed. They returned to the other side of the room, Kirsty all but running for the stairs. Rachel stopped for a moment, having noticed something she hadn’t before.

“What’s that?” she asked Tracy, pointing at the walled off area underneath the staircase – she had been too enthralled by the aisles when they’d arrived, and hadn’t turned around to notice it.

“Oh, uh, that’s the cage,” said Tracy. “That’s where the props that are actually worth something are kept – see, there’s an extra lock.”

“Neat!” said Rachel, walking over to have a quick look.

“Rachel, remember, we need to _go_ ,” said Kirsty.

“Yeah, of course, sorry- huh?” said Rachel, feeling something odd on her shoulder and looking down. Susan was tapping on it rapidly.

“It’s in there!” she whispered. Rachel’s head shot up to Kirsty, who, along with Tracy, was now at the top of the stairs.

“Kirsty,” she said. Kirsty immediately realised exactly what she meant. She turned to Tracy.

“Hey, Tracy? Rachel thinks the lamp’s in the cage, so...”

“James gave me the keys, remember? I’ll unlock it.” She and Kirsty headed back down, Tracy swinging the keychain on her finger. She thumbed through the keys, found the right one, and inserted it into the lock, the door making an unpleasant creaking sound as it opened. Rachel and Kirsty headed inside, Rachel turning on the small camping lamp that hung on the metal wall. Tracy remained at the entrance, holding the keys.

“You’re not... “ said Kirsty, gesturing to the cage around her. Tracy shook her head.

“No, there’s not much space, it’s better if I don’t!” she said, her usual enthusiasm failing to mask what sounded like – no, Kirsty shook her head, it couldn’t be _nervousness_. Not from _Tracy_.

“Hey, is this it?” said Rachel, all of a sudden, pulling a small, white square out from the bottom of a box of old telephones.

“Yes!” said Susan, delighted. “Oh, it’s so good to see it again!”

“That wasn’t so hard after all, in the end,” said Kirsty, pleased. “And you thought we were doomed because I said _Macbeth_.”

“ _Kirsty!”_ said Rachel, horrified.

“Why would you _do_ that?” asked Susan.

“Hey, ah, Kirsty? Did I just hear the name of the Scottish play? What the hell?” called Tracy.

“Even you?” Kirsty called back, rolling her eyes.

“And now you’ve said it three times, at that! That’s got to be even worse!” said Rachel, placing her face in her hands.

“What the- what’s that got to do with it? It’s not _Betelgeuse!”_ Kirsty cried.

“Gyah!” Tracy shouted.

“Vengeance for Steve!” another voice yelled, and all of a sudden Tracy was at the back of the cage with them. Behind her, the door was slammed shut.

“Someone- someone came up behind me and pushed me!” said Tracy, who was hugging her stomach in a very un-Tracy-like manner. Kirsty quickly moved past her and over to the door. She pushed against it, then pulled it towards her, then banged on it for good measure.

“We’re stuck,” she said, turning around.

“And this is why we don’t say that word,” said Rachel.

“Okay. Fine,” said Kirsty. “Rachel, can Su- can you come over here and try to unlock the door?” Rachel hurried over, Susan emerging as soon as she was out of Tracy’s eyeline.

“Not to worry, darlings, I’ll just magic us out of- oh. Oh no.”

A cold dread flooded through Kirsty’s body as she stared at Susan.

“Don’t tell me...”

“I lost my wand again,” said Susan morosely. “It must have happened when I bumped into you before, Rachel.”

“Oh, Susan,” said Rachel. Kirsty reached into her pocket and pulled out her phone.

“ _Miracle!”_ she sighed, “I have a signal down here!” She opened her text message app, then looked up at Rachel.

“What?” asked Rachel.

“Just... she’s never going to let us live this down, is she?” said Kirsty.

“Nope,” said Rachel.

Kirsty typed out a message, grimaced, and pressed send.

**Kirsty:** Hey Ruby. We’re locked in a room and need you to come get us out. Please don’t say it.

It wasn’t long until the phone buzzed with a response.

**Ruby:** Oh I’m gonna say it. On my way!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The JRPG (Japanese Role-Playing Game) Kirsty recognises Izanagi and Izanami from is Persona 4.
> 
> There's also a semi-obscure Ace Attorney reference in there somewhere.


	24. #4 Susan the Seasonal Depression Fairy - Taking From The Wings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The longer this thing gets the more I regret deciding to do the six chapter format. This chapter more than ever. Any sane writer not constraining themselves in this way would have split this chapter in two, or even three. I just want it known that I know that.

“Alright, she’s coming,” said Kirsty, putting her phone away.

“Good,” said Rachel. “I don’t want- “

The sound of heavy breathing distracted her. She and Kirsty both turned to where Tracy was standing. She had wrapped her arms around herself and was hyperventilating, slowly sinking down onto her knees.

“Tracy!” said Kirsty, rushing over, horrified.

“What happened?” asked Rachel, following.

“C-c-c,” Tracy stammered, now on the floor.

“Hey, hey – breathe, deep breaths, okay?” said Rachel, crouching down and placing her hand on Tracy’s shoulder.

“C- claustrophobic,” Tracy finally managed, choking out the word as if it had been stuck in her throat. Rachel pulled out her phone, brightening up the dimly lit space.

“Concentrate on this, read out the names of all my apps,” she said. Kirsty took her jacket off and nudged it underneath Tracy as she quietly began reading off Rachel’s phone.

“Come on, Ruby...” she said to her own phone as she sat down. As Tracy began to look calmer, Kirsty tentatively reached over and took her hand. Tracy jolted, then looked over and smiled gently.

“I’m really sorry, Kirsty. And you too, Rachel.”

“It’s fine!” said Kirsty. “You don’t need to apologise!”

“Yeah, I mean, I definitely have no room to judge you, I get the same way in crowds,” said Rachel. “Like being crushed out of yourself, right?”

Tracy nodded, surprised to hear that someone else understood.

“I texted Ruby and she’s on her way over,” said Kirsty. “She’ll get us out of here soon.”

“Maybe close your eyes?” suggested Rachel. Tracy did as she said, her breathing slowly beginning to even out. She managed to sit up enough to bury her face in her knees.

“Who pushed me?” she asked after a few moments, voice a little muffled. Kirsty and Rachel glanced at each other, unsure what to say.

“...we don’t know?” said Kirsty.

“I’m not an idiot, Kirsty. You really expect me to believe it had nothing to do with your ‘mysterious reasons’? Come on. I was happy to play along before because I didn’t think it was serious, but now I just want to know what’s going on.”

“I...” Kirsty trailed off. Rachel pulled out her phone and sent Kirsty a text.

**Rachel:** Maybe we should just tell her?

**Kirsty:** No

**Rachel:** She deserves to know at this point. And if you two care about each other, then communication is really important

The sound of a tiny forehead being slapped could be heard from within Rachel’s hair. Rachel deliberately shrugged her shoulder a tad too hard.

**Kirsty:** I’m not doing it

“Look, I really don’t know exactly who it was who shoved you. The thing is, Rachel and I are involved in a sort of... prank war with a group of guys from our accommodation. They must have followed us here. I guess they thought pushing you would be funny, but once we’re out, I’ll go yell at them,” Kirsty said, drawing in a huge breath upon finishing and watching Tracy closely.

“...that’s you’re big secret?” Tracy said.

“I was worried you’d think it was... immature,” said Kirsty, still watching nervously. Tracy finally looked up.

“Kirsty, you’re 18. You’re meant to do stupid stuff like that, okay? It’s fine.” She glanced around, groaned, and placed her face back in her knees. “Well, not entirely fine, but it doesn’t affect how I view you, okay?”

Kirsty nodded – then, realising Tracy couldn’t see her, spoke her affirmation out loud. She quietly placed her hand on Tracy’s back. All three girls sat without speaking, muffled goblin footsteps in the distance the only sounds to break the silence. Finally, Kirsty’s phone buzzed.

**Ruby:** Alright, I’m at the theatre. Where are you?

“Ruby’s here,” Kirsty said out loud.

“Warn her about the... guys,” said Rachel.

**Kirsty:** We’re down in the basement, go through to the stage and all the way to the bottom of the stairs – door’s open. But be *careful*, there are goblins here

**Ruby:** I see

“What’s she going to do when she gets here?” asked Rachel. “First she’ll have to deal with the guys, and then she’ll have to figure out the lock – how’s she going to do that by herself?”

Kirsty’s forehead creased, thinking back on the events of the day. Suddenly, her eyes lit up.

“Not sure about the lock, but I’ve got an idea for getting rid of the boys.”

**Kirsty:** Ruby. I need you to make a detour

***

Ruby, standing outside the theatre, stared down at her phone in confusion.

**Kirsty:** Go to the props room, there should be a guy called James there. Say you’re with Tracy. Ask to borrow Nigel

Ruby sighed. Why was Kirsty so cryptic sometimes? Knowing by this point that it was easier to just go along with it, she replied asking for directions, and set off into the theatre and down to the props room. The man inside was gluing a delicate flower crown to a pink toy snake.

“Are you James?” she asked.

“Yes, how can I help you?” he replied, not looking up. He snarled a little – the flowers were refusing to stay in place.

“I’m with Tracy. I need to borrow Nigel.”

He looked up at that.

“You want Nigel? No one ever wants Nigel.”

“Well... I do?” said Ruby, growing increasingly mystified by the whole situation. Shaking his head, James opened a draw, and pulled out the hideous plastic rat. Ruby took it from him, reflexively making a face.

“ _This_ is Nigel?”

“Hey now,” said James. “You be good to him. That’s my best friend.”

Ruby nodded and backed out of the room, Nigel tucked under her arm.

“You know I was joking- that was a joke, he’s not really- I have real- oh, whatever,” James called after her, giving up as she left earshot. He turned back to his snakes. Snake-Hamlet’s beanie was falling off. He sighed, and reached for the hot glue.

***

Making her way down to the basement, Ruby texted Kirsty again.

**Ruby:** Okay I’ve got the weird rat thing, what am I meant to do with it?

The response was quick.

**Kirsty:** We overheard the goblins earlier. One of them was afraid of rats. I was thinking that if you could get Nigel into the right position, you could use it scare them out of the basement

“Oh and _my_ plans are silly!” said Ruby out loud. She shook her head – clearly, she would need to do things her own way. She reached the bottom of the stairs and headed through the door that led to the vault. As she got to the foot of the metal stairs, she heard a banging sound from the sealed-off space underneath.

“Hey, Ruby, is that you?” asked Rachel’s voice.

“Yeah, I’m here, where are the- “

“ _Guys?_ Somewhere in the stacks, we assume,” Rachel replied quickly. A text message from her appeared on Ruby’s phone a moment later, explaining Kirsty’s lie. Ruby rolled her eyes.

**Ruby:** Is there a reason Susan can’t just magic you all out?

**Rachel:** She lost her wand again

**Ruby:** Of course

“Okay, guess I’ll go find these _very human boys_ ,” she said aloud, – and then, unable to resist, “I hope you all have fun being locked in a room against your will!”

“Shut up,” said Kirsty.

Ruby set off down the centre aisle. It didn’t take long to find the goblins – they had congregated in a huddle at the far end. As soon as one of them spotted her, all three were on the defensive.

“ _You_ ,” said the biggest goblin, puffing up his chest.

“Don’t worry, I’m not here to antagonise you,” said Ruby.

“What is that thing?” asked another of the goblins, leaning away and pointing at Nigel. Assuming this to be the goblin with the rat phobia, Ruby moved the creepy thing behind her back.

“It’s just a toy, but if it makes you uncomfortable, you don’t have to look at it,” she said. The goblin relaxed a little. “Now. You said _you_ , implying you recognised me. What’s that about?”

“You are the one who took Steve!” said the third goblin. “What have you done to him? Have you hurt him? We know he was pretty useless, but he was young, he could have learnt!”

“What- how did you know Steve’s with me?” asked Ruby.

“So you do have him!” said the biggest goblin. “Which means he’s alive!” The other two let out sighs of relief.

“Yes, of course he’s alive!” said Ruby, shocked. “You thought I’d killed him?”

“You might have,” said the big goblin.

“Yeah, how were we meant to know?” said the rat-fearing goblin. “You two go into a room, he never comes back, what were we meant to think?”

“Well, I didn’t kill him. He came home with me willingly, and I’ve been treating him very well.” 

“ _Willingly?_ ” the big goblin asked.

“Yes. He told me about your... employment conditions, I thought that was awful, so now we’re coming up with a plan to take down Jack Frost and free you all!”

All three goblins gaped at her.

“Idealistic youth,” the third goblin muttered, finally.

“What- you... don’t _want_ to be free?” asked Ruby.

“Of course we want to be free,” said the big goblin. “Don’t be absurd. But it isn’t going to happen.”

Ruby folded her arms, and looked to each goblin in turn.

“I think we can do it,” she said. “I think _Steve_ can do it.”

Her passion seemed to stun them. All three went silent once more, contemplating.

“I’m not getting my hopes up,” said the third goblin. “But... I suppose it can’t hurt to let you try. You promise Steve is safe?”

“Better than safe. Eating me out of my entire meal budget.”

“Well, okay then. Suppose we’d better get back to trying to find that lamp,” said the big goblin, sighing.

“Oh, uh... you’re too late. The fairy already got it back,” said Ruby, a little apologetically.

“Great,” said the big goblin. “Just typical.”

“Also- sorry- the other humans don’t know about any of this. I’m supposed to have been scaring you off with this thing,” said Ruby, holding up Nigel. “Could you guys maybe pretend to run away in fear? Just to keep up appearances.”

The rat-fearing goblin stared into Nigel’s dead eyes and bared fangs.

“Yes,” he said. “I can certainly do that.”

***

“Alright, I’ve, uh... used the rat,” called Ruby as she re-approached the cage. A moment later, the three goblins came running past her, screaming. She cringed – only one of them sounded remotely convincing. They certainly would not be getting parts in the Half Moon’s plays any time soon.

“Excellent!” said Kirsty. “Now for you to get us out of here!”

“And how do you expect me to do that?” asked Ruby. “I don’t have the key.”

“Maybe there’s something down here you can use to pick the lock. Like a hairpin, or- hang on.” She broke off, leaving Ruby waiting, only able to hear what sounded like rushed, whispered discussion. When Kirsty spoke up again, it was in a business-like tone. “Okay. So. Remember how _Rachel_ dropped a _lockpick_ earlier? You can apparently use that to get us out quite easily.”

“Lockpick?” asked Ruby, deeply confused.

“Yes. The same one that got dropped earlier, back at our flat? The one I found under the kitchen table? The one that belongs to our friend Susan?”

“Oh!” said Ruby. “That... lockpick. I can use it? I didn’t think that would be possible.”

“Apparently you can,” said Kirsty. “Anyone can use it, it’s just that your, uh, _lockpicking abilities_ will be severely limited compared to hers. But this is a simple task, so you should be able to do just fine.”

“It’ll be somewhere in the aisle on the left,” called Rachel.

“Alright,” said Ruby. “Comfortable in there?”

“Not particularly,” said Kirsty.

“Huh. I guess being stuck somewhere you don’t want to be isn’t very fun. I wouldn’t know anything about that. Oh wait."

“You can have five uninterrupted minutes of gloating if you go _now_ and get us out,” said Kirsty. Ruby, absolutely delighted by the prospect, hurried off down the left aisle. Very quickly, however, her joy was dimmed as she realised what an impossible task had been set before her. Susan’s wand was smaller than a pin, and this place was both massive, and crammed to the ceiling with stuff. She’d have an easier time finding a needle in a haystack – at least then there could exist the solution of using a magnet.

_Magnets..._

She remembered something Kirsty had told her, all the way back on Halloween. The fairies, according to Kirsty, said to ‘let the magic find you’. And hadn’t it, so far? Even when they were actively searching, hadn’t it been consistently finding its way to them all by itself? Olive’s bank statement _just happening_ to be at the party they were attending, the finder of Beth’s box _just happening_ to be someone Ruby knew, that flyer for the theatre _just happening_ to be in their junk mail... Not to mention the Tracy connection...

Maybe, Ruby thought, the solution was to _not_ look. She closed her eyes and stepped forward. She walked down the aisle, counting steps. She stopped at seven, opened her eyes, and looked down. There, lying on the concrete, was a small, sparkly wand.

“I cannot believe that worked,” she said aloud as she reached down to pick it up. Immediately, she realised she had no idea how she was meant to use it. Holding the wand between her thumb and forefinger, the tip barely poked out – it would be impossible to do any of the fancy flicks and waves the fairies did.

As soon as she’d thought it, the wand stretched and grew, ending up about the same size as a conductor’s baton. It fit comfortably in Ruby’s hand, and as she stared down at it, a tingling sensation spread throughout her body. It was as if every part of her, every atom, had been energised – strength she’d never known she had was coursing through her. Was it the wand, or was it something in her that the wand had awakened? Was this what it felt like to be a magical creature? She’d have to ask Steve later.

“I’ve got it!” she shouted upon returning once more to the cage. “What do I do with it?” A text message appeared on her phone a moment later.

**Rachel:** Susan says all you need to do is point it at the lock with the intent to unlock

“Wow, that’s really easy,” said Ruby. “It’s that simple to use this thing?”

**Rachel:** She says magic wands are pretty much exactly as useful as they need to be

Ruby stared down at her phone, and then at the wand. An idea was forming... But not one she could act on in that moment. She pointed the wand at the lock, and concentrated. A moment later, it clicked, and the door swung open. Grinning, she stepped forward to admire her handiwork, and was nearly bowled over by Tracy for her trouble.

“Oh thank god, thank _god!”_ she cried as she rushed out of the space. She turned to Ruby, who quickly hid the wand behind her back. “Thank you, thank you, oh my god- “

“Don’t mention it- gah!” said Ruby, very alarmed to suddenly find Tracy hugging her. Kirsty and Rachel emerged a second later, also looking quite relieved to have their ordeal over.

“Well, that certainly was an adventure,” said Kirsty.

“That it was!” said Tracy, letting Ruby go and smiling widely. “But ah well, we got there in the end didn’t we, and that’s what counts! And I got to hang out with you guys – there’s a plus, eh?”

“That was fast...” muttered Rachel, a little disquieted by Tracy’s recovery time.

“Here’s the... thing, Rachel,” Ruby said quietly, passing the wand over to her behind their backs as the girls headed back up the steps. It shrank back to normal size as it reached Rachel’s hands.

“Thank you, darling,” whispered Susan, peeking out of Rachel’s hair. “And very well done! That was fast for a first timer, you should be proud.”

Ruby smiled, a little embarrassed by the praise. 

“Oh, hey, what’s the time?” Tracy asked as she locked the vault door.

“6:54,” said Rachel, glancing at her phone.

“That means the play will be starting soon! There’ll probably still be tickets, I’ll go get some more so we can all go together!”

She raced off up the stairs, leaving the other three to follow after.

“Can we decline?” asked Ruby.

“No,” said Kirsty, reaching the top of the staircase.

“Is that because you want to make Tracy happy, or because you want to put off that gloat session you promised me?”

“Yes.”

***

The play was dreadful.

“What is _happening_?” whispered Ruby.

“I don’t know, but I want to _die,_ ” Kirsty whispered back. The two glanced at each other and nodded in solidarity – for once, they were completely united.

“Maybe those goblins do have futures here,” Ruby muttered under her breath.

“Isn’t this great?” said Rachel as a song ended and the room was filled with polite applause.

“I know, right?” said Tracy, leaning over Kirsty and Ruby to get within Rachel’s earshot. “They all worked so hard, it really shows.”

“Yep,” said Kirsty tightly. Ruby’s attention, meanwhile, had been caught by Susan, still sat on Rachel’s shoulder – she had wanted to see the play too, and looked to be inexplicably captivated. Enough so, in fact, that she had left her wand lying next to her, unattended.

There was never going to be a better opportunity.

“I’m sorry guys. I... I just can’t,” Ruby whispered, tapping Rachel on the shoulder so she could get out into the aisle. As she did so, she slipped the wand between her fingers, quickly moving it into her pocket as she stood.

“You’re leaving?” asked Rachel.

“ _Take me with you,”_ mouthed Kirsty. Ruby shrugged apologetically as another song started up, and she left the auditorium.

***  
  


“Well, that was excruciating,” said Kirsty, flopping down next to Ruby on a bench outside the theatre. The play was finally over – Tracy had gone off to congratulate her friends, and the girls had agreed to wait for her.

“What do you mean? I loved it!” said Rachel.

“You are too kind for this world, Rachel Walker,” said Ruby, shaking her head.

“I knew I hated theatre,” said Kirsty.

“Well, darlings, thank you for helping me today, and for letting me come to the show this evening!” said Susan, flying up to face the three of them. “I wish you all the best!” She glanced over at Rachel, and gave her a meaningful look. Rachel sighed and nodded. Susan grinned.

“Bye, Susan,” said Kirsty, oblivious to the silent conversation next to her.

“Goodbye!” Susan said. She reached for her wand, and found nothing. “Oh, not again!”

“Your wand’s gone?” asked Rachel.

“Oh no how did that happen,” said Ruby.

“Do you want us to help you look for it?” asked Kirsty.

“No, no,” said Susan, sighing. “I keep losing it, so I should do it myself. I’ll come back here tomorrow and search – I mean, it’s not like anyone’s going to _steal_ it. And then if I can’t find it, I guess I’ll fill out the paperwork.”

“Well, good luck!” said Rachel. “We’ll both do our best!”

Susan nodded glumly, and disappeared in a small burst of dull glitter.

“What’s with you?” Kirsty asked Ruby. “You look like a kid who just got caught eating all biscuits in the pantry.”

“It’s... the after-effects of the play?” said Ruby. Kirsty nodded, accepting that to be a very reasonable explanation.

“Hey, you’re still here!” called Tracy as she opened the theatre doors, James following her.

“It is _loud_ in there,” he muttered, rubbing his ear.

“Thanks for your help today,” said Kirsty. She glanced at James. “Both of you.”

“Don’t mention it, I had fun!” said Tracy.

“But when we were in the cage-“

“Oh, what’s life without fear, eh?”

“So we could put you back in?” asked Ruby.

“No,” said Tracy, smiling with the wrathful energy of a thousand gods. Ruby clamped her mouth shut. 

“I had a great time too,” said Rachel, sighing. “The vault was so cool. I wish I could go back down there again.”

“Why not?” said James. “Come work in props with me.”

“What?” asked Rachel.

“You clearly like theatre, but you don’t seem the acting type. You think this stuff is interesting. And it’s just me right now, so I could use some help,” said James.

“But I’ve never done that stuff before, I wouldn’t want to be a bother-”

“No worries. The job’s very easy. We just tell the actors it’s hard to make them respect us.”

Tracy looked scandalised.

“Then... okay!” said Rachel, now excited.

“Cool. Give me your number, I’ll text you a time to come by at the beginning of next term – makes more sense to start then,” said James. While he and Rachel swapped information, Tracy sidled over to Kirsty.

“Hey, so – thanks for earlier. Seriously,” she said. “Tell Rachel the same.”

“No problem,” said Kirsty. Tracy smiled, once again uncharacteristically nervous.

“Also... well... if you still like me after that, I’d like for us to go out for dinner sometime.”

“Of course I still like you, and yes, that sounds great!” said Kirsty. Tracy grinned.

“Good! We’ll sort something, and we’ll have a proper date. Maybe I’ll even figure out your real secret,” she said, winking.

“What?” said Kirsty, tensing up.

“Kirsty,” she said, leaning in to whisper, “I know how to pick locks, remember? No one could pick that lock as fast as your friend did, let alone someone who’d never lockpicked before. I don’t know how she did it, but I think you do. And it’s far from the only part of your story today that doesn’t add up. So I think there’s a _lot_ more that you’re hiding than some prank war.” She pulled back. “And I cannot wait to find out what it is!”

She winked again, waved to the group, and disappeared into the night, leaving Kirsty yet again speechless.

“Well, that was a good evening!” said Rachel.

“It certainly was eventful,” said Kirsty, staring off after Tracy.

“You said it,” said Ruby, wrapping a finger round the wand in her pocket. “Let’s go home.”

“Our first term’s already almost over,” said Rachel, sighing as they started heading in the direction of their flat. “And then Christmas! Just think, Kirsty, our thirtieth Christmas!”

“It’s a milestone,” said Kirsty, nodding.

“ _What_ ,” said Ruby.

“Our thirtieth Christmas, keep up,” said Kirsty.

“But... how can you have already had twenty-nine Christmases? You’re both 18?”

“Uh, because Christmas happens like thirteen times when you’re nine?” said Kirsty, rolling her eyes. “Obviously?”

“It’s a universal experience,” said Rachel.

Ruby, too exhausted to argue, simply nodded. It really was easiest not to question these things.

***

“I watched it,” said Steve as Ruby entered her bedroom. He was sat on the bed in front of her laptop, eating the last of the crisps from earlier that day.

“Watched what?” asked Ruby.

“That show you and your friend spent ages arguing about. I went on your Netflix and found it. It is _terrible!”_ said Steve.

“I wouldn’t say it’s _that_ bad...” said Ruby.

“I watched an episode about a psychic alien wasp impregnating a human woman!”

“Okay, yeah, that’s fair, that one was bad,” Ruby admitted.

“And they keep acting like there’s a linear timeline – he gets all upset when he hears people have died, but if he’s a time traveller, then everyone would always be dead unless he’s in the very specific time period they lived in, right?!.”

“Well, you’d still be upset to hear your friend had died. I’d hope.“

“But he can just go back and see them when they’re not dead! And this happens over and over too, how does he never realise?

“How do you even know it happens multiple times? That kind of thing doesn’t happen _that_ frequently, you couldn’t have watched enough episodes in one evening to have noticed. Unless you used the Fairyland time difference to watch the whole thing because you actually liked- ”

“The _point_ ,” said Steve, “is that this show is very bad and I don’t understand why you would want to waste almost an hour arguing about it.”

“Oh yeah? Well, if it was such a waste of time, how come it gave me the idea to get _this!_ ” said Ruby, brandishing Susan’s wand, back to human size once more. Steve stared.

“Is that a fairy wand?” he asked.

“Yes! Yuri told us we should use the fairies, and then we had that conversation about _Doctor Who_ and he called the sonic screwdriver a ‘magic wand with basically no rules except that it’s exactly as useful as the plot needs it to be’ – and then Susan described this as being basically the same!”

Steve continued staring, but now it was in a way that conveyed significantly less admiration.

“You needed that entire conversation to come up with the idea ‘steal a fairy wand’?” he asked.

“Well, I mean, I’m not saying I couldn’t have... uh...” Ruby trailed off.

“Maybe it was not the plan that was silly, but rather, you as a person,” said Steve, shaking his head. Ruby hit him with a pillow.

“Would you just let that go, already?”

“I can’t. I am a goblin. I am petty by nature. It is quite literally how my race was tricked into slavery,” said Steve.

“Well, this will help us make you all free!” said Ruby. “I’m working on a whole plan, I’ve just got to learn how to use this thing properly.

“You’re going to need a lot of practice, since you’re new to magic and not very strong,” said Steve. “It can be tricky, you know.”

“Alright by me,” said Ruby. “I’ll do that over Christmas while I’m at home. Just have to make sure my parents don’t catch me.”

“Home?” asked Steve.

“Yeah, term ends on the 15th so I’ll be going home for a month,” said Ruby. “Didn’t I tell you?”

“This isn’t home?” asked Steve.

“No, this is my university flat. I grew up way on the other side of Rainborough, and I’m going back for the holidays,” said Ruby. “But the others are leaving too, so you won’t have to hide in my room all the time, you’ll be able to do whatever you want! That’s good, right?”

“I’ve never lived alone before,” said Steve. “In Fairyland, I shared with three other goblins.”

“So, what, you’re going to miss me?” asked Ruby teasingly.

“Yes,” said Steve.

“Oh. Well, uh... I really do have to leave, my parents will be expecting me, but... I mean, it’s not far, I can come visit. And... maybe we could get you a phone! Then you could call and text me!”

Steve frowned.

“Aren’t phones expensive? I overheard students complaining about them on Halloween.”

“Yes, but,” Ruby said as the cogs began turning in her head, “you don’t mind stealing right? As long as the person you’re stealing from is both rich and bad?”

“No, I don’t mind that at all.”

“And you can teleport.”

“In a sense, yes.”

“Well then,” said Ruby, taking out her own phone and pulling up a picture, “you see this house right here?”

“Yes.”

“This is where the Prime Minister lives...”

***

“You alright?” Kirsty asked Rachel as her friend entered the common area.

“Yeah,” said Rachel, “just grabbing something to eat before I get changed for bed.”

“So the depression’s all gone? It was just fairy stuff?”

“Yep,” said Rachel, hand instinctively running over the form hidden in her pocket. “Just fairy stuff.”

There was an awkward silence.

“So, you’re going to do theatre now? That’ll be pretty fun for you,” said Kirsty.

“Yeah. I think it will be, actually,” said Rachel, putting a bag of popcorn the microwave. She walked over and sat down next to Kirsty on the sofa while she waited for the timer to go off.

“You’ll have to deal with all of Tracy’s friends,” said Kirsty, smiling. “They seem like a lot.”

“I can handle it,” said Rachel, shrugging. “I handle you and Ruby.”

“We’re not like that,” said Kirsty, offended.

“Really? Neither of you are ever a _little bit_ dramatic?”

“Oh and you’re not?” 

“Well, we’re all 18. It’s allowed.” Rachel conceded. She sighed. “So, you and Tracy, huh?”

“What do you mean?”

“Do you like her? Are you two going to be a thing?”

“I don’t know,” said Kirsty. “Maybe. To the second question.”

“And the first?”

“I... yeah, I mean, she’s so cool and talented and popular, which is really intimidating, but like...”

“That incident in the cage kind of humanised her a bit?” said Rachel.

“ _Yes_ , oh thank god it wasn’t just me that thought that, I felt like such a horrible person.”

“I mean, it is kind of terrible, but also no, you weren’t alone.”

“Just -obviously I didn’t _want_ her to feel that way, I’d never want _anyone_ to, but- “

“Kirsty,” said Rachel. “I know. It’s okay. I get it.”

“She said to say thanks for your help in there, by the way.”

“Oh- well, uh, yeah, but no thanks necessary, you know?”

A silence fell over the two, punctuated by bursting kernels.

“So, anyway... yeah,” said Kirsty, after a moment. “I guess I like her. And she asked me out again and I said yes.”

“Well of course you did. She’s basically perfect. I mean, what possible reason could you have had to refuse?”

Suddenly feeling brave, Kirsty turned to look Rachel in the eyes.

“Are you okay with it?” she asked. “Me going out with her?”

Rachel looked back at her, completely confused.

“Yes. Of course I am,” she said. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

They stared at each other. Seconds felt like hours. Kirsty swallowed.

The microwave dinged.

“No reason,” said Kirsty, getting up. “I’ll grab that for you.” She took the bag out of the microwave and handed it to Rachel, who emptied it into a bowl and headed off towards the door.

“Well, goodnight!” said Rachel, flashing Kirsty a quick grin. Something about the cheer rang false to Kirsty.

“Are you... are you sure you’re alright?” she asked. “Not about, uh, Tracy, but just... in general?”

“ _Yes,_ ” said Rachel, smiling sincerely this time, and shaking her head “I am.”

“Good,” said Kirsty, smiling back in relief. “I was worried, you know. You’re not my Rachel when you’re miserable like that. I don’t think I would have been able to stand it if it hadn’t been fairy nonsense.”

Rachel’s smile pinched at the corners. She opened the door and stepped into the hallway, not looking back.

“You don’t have to worry, Kirsty. Really. Everything’s _fine_ ,” she lied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that wraps up another one. Curtain call!
> 
> You ever re-read your own writing and see something like, say, 'the magic of theatre fixes depression', and realise you might have been a tiny bit more autobiographical than you intended? Because if so, same.
> 
> I'd like to say it won't be as long a wait for the next one - I *should* be faster, as this time I don't have to take a month off to write 9000 words about the valence model of electoral decision making, or Kingdon's three streams of public policy action, or other such joys. Still, I know better than to make any promises. But I will do my best.
> 
> Next time - a mystery, a date, a serious violation of the laws of physics, and the horrible struggle that is feelings
> 
> [I leave you with this actual real clip from the Rainbow Magic movie in which Jack Frost raps.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gFWHlz9hWjg)


	25. #5 Hester the Hangover Fairy - New Year

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...look, *technically* it has been less than three months, okay?
> 
> In my defence, this one was challenging to write, I had some life stuff to deal with, and at one point a software failure caused me to almost lose 10,000 words of work. I had to spend four days picking it all out of a .tmp file (if you've never seen what that looks like, it was roughly a hundred pages of [ this](https://imgur.com/a/MedXWy7)).
> 
> Honestly, though, the only reason this is finally going up is that I banned myself from starting my playthrough of Trails in the Sky: Second Chapter until I finished editing. And suddenly it was all done in one day! That's love and peace, baby!
> 
> (that was a reference to the game please don't close the tab)
> 
> Anyway - hope you enjoy the next 27,000 words of fairy fan fic. Another one where the title gives it away, but alcohol references abound here. Very much operating on television rules of alcohol and drunkenness, though. Also, more allusions to mental health struggles.

“I’m back!” shouted Rachel Walker as she threw open the door to her university flat – or at least, she tried to throw it open, but found it a little more difficult than usual with a suitcase and the box she was carrying to contend with. She managed to wedge the door open with her foot and squeeze through, wincing as it hit her knees.

“We’re in the kitchen!” Kirsty Tate, Rachel’s best friend, called back. Rachel placed her suitcase next to her bedroom door and headed into the common area, where Kirsty and their other flatmate and friend, Ruby Cahill, were sitting on the sofa, drinks in hand. She placed the box on the table, and joined them.

“So, how were your Christmases?” she asked.

“Uneventful. I got a new laptop, that was cool,” said Kirsty, taking a sip of her beer. She made a face. “This is awful. I need to stop buying the cheap stuff.”

“My Christmas was alright too,” said Ruby.

“Same,” said Rachel. “I guess all of our Christmases were better than the Prime Minister’s, though – imagine getting robbed on Christmas Day! Can you believe it?!”

“Wow I know it was so crazy and I definitely had nothing to do with it,” said Ruby, taking a big sip of coffee to hide her face. Kirsty raised an eyebrow at her.

“Did you bring your box, Kirsty?” Rachel asked.

“Of course, it’s in my room,” said Kirsty, getting up and heading for the door.

“Is this what I think it is?” Ruby asked eagerly.

“Yep!” said Rachel, retrieving her own box and sitting down on the floor in front of the sofa. Seeing Ruby look at her questioningly, she explained. “It’ll be easier to spread it all out if I’m down here.”

“Here it is!” said Kirsty, returning. She joined Rachel on the floor, and Ruby, feeling left out, scooted down and leaned back against the sofa leg.

“This right here is every gift the fairies ever gave us,” said Rachel, opening her box up. “Or, well, almost every gift. The kite was impractical to bring here.”

“Kite?” asked Ruby.

“The Fun Day Fairies gave us kites as a reward for helping them,” said Kirsty.

“Magical kites?”

“No. Just normal kites. The gifts kind of varied in quality, I won’t lie to you.”

“I see,” said Ruby, eyeing a hideous charm bracelet decorated with little animals.

“Ooh, too bad I didn’t go through this before Christmas,” said Rachel, holding up a fairy-shaped Christmas tree topper. “I forgot Holly gave us these. It would have been perfect.”

“Now that I think, weren’t most of the Christmas fairies surprisingly stingy?” said Kirsty. “I swear most of them didn’t give us anything at all.”

“That’s true,” said Rachel. “I suppose the real gift was the satisfaction of a job well done.”

“Yeah, that feels kind of hollow after the _seventh_ time you’ve had to save Christmas. At that point, presents become more appreciated than satisfaction, I think.”

“Is that a swimsuit?” asked Ruby, pointing to a sparkly cloth in Rachel’s box.

“Oh, yeah - Summer the Holiday Fairy! Where’s yours, Kirsty?”

“In my wardrobe. That’s one of the only gifts I still use – those swimsuits magically grew up with us, that thing will fit me for _life_. I’ll never have to buy a new one!”

Rachel scoffed.

“Yeah, but like... it’s not exactly a _stylish_ swimsuit, is it?”

“Why should that matter, I’m going to be underwater whenever I use it. No one can see it then.” Kirsty folded her arms, defensive. Rachel shook her head affectionately and went back to digging through her box.

“Oh, hey, remember this one? From the Jewel Fairies?”

“Is that a _ring?_ ” asked Ruby. She looked over at Kirsty. “Does that mean they gave you two _matching rings?_ ”

“Yes. Lovely friendship rings,” said Kirsty, glaring daggers. Ruby reached over to take the ring from Rachel’s hand and examine it.

“Oh, sure, very subtle those fairies aren’t they- good lord what’s set in this thing?”

“You mean the gems? That’s a moonstone, a garnet, an emerald, a topaz, an amethyst, a sapphire and a diamond,” said Rachel.

“That means- this thing must be worth like, at least a grand,” marvelled Ruby. “And yet it’s _so_ ugly!”

“Yeah, talk about overdesign,” said Kirsty, inspecting her own ring. “You want, like, three stones max.”

“Well, _I_ appreciate this generous gift,” said Rachel, taking her ring back and putting it on. She stared down at it for a moment. “Which is why I keep it safe and secure in this box,” she continued, taking it back off and placing it gently on top of the swimsuit.

“Ooh, hey, this was from the Party Fairies,” said Kirsty, holding up a bag. “Now, they gave _excellent_ gifts...”

***

“Well, that’s all of it,” said Kirsty, finishing repacking her box and setting it aside. “Pretty good collection, all in all.”

“Thanks for showing me,” said Ruby. “I wasn’t sure you’d be okay with it when I asked.”

“It’s not like we’re doing anything else with all that stuff,” said Rachel, stretching out on the sofa. “We might as well play show and tell.”

“The fairies really don’t understand how to make jewellery look nice, do they?” said Ruby. “That was my main takeaway.”

“Yeah, these were the only good ones,” said Kirsty, gesturing to her and Rachel’s lockets.

“Those are fairy gifts?” asked Ruby, surprised.

“Yep! We got these during the adventure with- who was it again?” asked Rachel.

“The Weather Fairies,” said Kirsty.

“That’s’ it,” said Rachel. “I remember now. They were replacements for the snow globes from the Rainbow Fairies. Sometimes I almost forget I’m even wearing it, it’s practically part of me.”

“Mine too,” said Kirsty, softly smiling down at it. “Can’t imagine life without it.”

“Has yours still got fairy dust in it?” Rachel asked.

“Yep,” said Kirsty. “Never had any reason to use it, after all.”

“Same,” said Rachel.

“They’ve got fairy dust in them?” asked Ruby.

“Yeah, so we could transform and go to Fairyland in an emergency,” said Kirsty. “Wonder if it even still works, though, it’s been about a decade.”

“I don’t see any reason fairy dust would go off,” said Rachel, shrugging. “What’s the time?”

“5:37,” said Ruby.

“Oh, plenty of time then. I’ve got a phone call this evening.”

“Thrilling,” said Ruby. “Meanwhile, I have a date with Netflix.”

“Ah, so Kirsty’s not the only one with a date!”

“ _Rachel!”_ said Kirsty, turning pink.

“Is it Tracy?” asked Ruby, trying not to show displeasure.

“Yes, I’m meeting her in town in about an hour and a half.”

“It’s that soon?!” Rachel yelped. “You need to be getting ready!”

“Why? I’m already dressed nice and my hair’s neat and all that.”

“You’re wearing _khakis_ , Kirsty, oh my god, come with me, let’s go make you pretty,” said Rachel, getting up and dragging Kirsty after her by the hand.

“Are you saying I’m not pretty?”

“Oh don’t give me that, of course you are, you know exactly what I meant.”

Ruby watched them head out into the corridor, then shook her head and left for her own bedroom.

***

**-DECEMBER 26-**

**Unknown Number:** RUBY I HAVE OBTAINED A MOBILE PHONE

 **Ruby:** Steve?

 **Unknown Number:** YES

 **Ruby:** Well done! I’ll add you to my contacts 

**Ruby:** Good job on the PM, by the way

 **Steve:** IT TOOK SEVERAL TRIES HIS HOME IS BETTER GUARDED THAN ANTICIPATED. I WOULD HAVE CONTACTED YOU SOONER IF THAT WASN’T THE CASE

 **Ruby:** I know you would have

 **Ruby:** Do you know how to turn off capital letters?

 **Steve:** NO

 **Ruby:** Press the little arrow button on the left of the keyboard

 **Steve:** I see. Thank you

**-DECEMBER 27-**

**Steve:** RUBY I MISS YOU

 **Ruby:** I know and I miss you too. We talked about it on the phone for three hours last night

 **Ruby:** My mother thinks you are my secret boyfriend

 **Steve:** DISGUSTING!!!

 **Ruby:** AGREED!!!

 **Steve:** WILL YOU COME AND VISIT ME SOON?

 **Ruby:** DID YOU FORGET TO TURN HOW TO TURN OFF CAPS LOCK AGAIN?

 **Steve:** I HAVE CHOSEN TO KEEP IT THIS WAY I THINK I EXPRESS MYSELF BETTER LIKE THIS.

 **Steve:** WILL YOU VISIT ME?

 **Ruby:** Yeah, sure, I’ll try to come over in a couple days?

 **Steve:** WHY CAN’T YOU COME NOW I AM LONELY

 **Ruby:** Family obligations

 **Ruby:** Not that anyone’s actually talking to me

 **Ruby:** Actually. My mum’s just broken out the leftover sprouts, so. Why not?

**-DECEMBER 31-**

**Ruby:** Steve, Steve, check this out!

 **Ruby:** VideoAttachment.mov

 **Steve:** AMAZING! YOU ARE GETTING SO MUCH BETTER WITH THE WAND!

 **Ruby:** I’ve never made something float across a whole room before!

 **Ruby:** I have broken three mugs though

 **Ruby:** But if I keep practicing, I’ll probably be able to fix them!

 **Steve:** CALL ME AND SHOW ME MORE

\---

 **Ruby:** Hey Steve I was thinking about something

 **Steve:** WHAT IS IT?

 **Ruby:** It’s about the wand.

 **Ruby:** Oh and could you not reply in all caps it’s kind of exhausting to read

 **Steve:** Okay, but only for you

 **Ruby:** Could you use it? The wand

 **Steve:** Yes. Though not as well as a fairy could. Probably about as well as you though, biologically speaking

 **Ruby:** Biologically?

 **Steve:** Yes. You and I are more similar in that regard than you and a fairy

 **Ruby:** Okay I think there’s a lot you need to explain to me here, how the hell are we more similar to each other than I am to the fairies? They look just like humans. Only small

 **Steve:** That’s because they choose to look that way. On the inside, they’re pure magic, just sparkly little balls of energy. None of the squishy stuff we’ve got. Wands work by channelling the internal magic in a being and allowing them to release it – there’s nothing getting in the way of fairies doing that, which makes them the most powerful, though they do still need the wands to utilise it beyond basic stuff like stepping between the worlds

 **Steve:** Goblins have a pretty even balance of magic and squishy bits, not as much as fairies, but enough to exist in Fairyland and also do basics. So we’ve got more magic than humans, but most of us have a hard time controlling it. We’re not designed for precision

 **Steve:** And then humans have lots of squish and very little magic, so you could never do anything without a wand - but you also have much better potential for control, so it roughly evens out between us

 **Ruby:**...so if I’m understanding correctly, the thing that’s getting in the way of me unlocking full magical potential is my *organs*

 **Steve:** Well it’s slightly more metaphorical than that – it’s that you’re too complicated, there’s too much else going on inside you to waste energy storing magic. But, essentially, yes

 **Ruby:** Could I be more magical if I donated my kidney?

 **Steve:** Not sure, shall we test it?

 **Ruby:** You know, I think I’m willing to leave that one a mystery

 **Ruby:** Anyway, I was asking because it occurred to me that if you can use the magic wand, then it should be yours

 **Ruby:** For now. We’re going to return it when this is all over

 **Ruby:** But it’s your revolution, so you should take it next time I see you

 **Steve:** No, I think you should have it. Your magic won’t be as strong, but it’ll be more reliable than I could ever manage. Since we’ve only got one wand, I think that’s more valuable for our purposes

 **Steve:** Better we be predicable but weak than strong but volatile. Plus, you’ve already been practicing

 **Ruby:** Okay. But if you change your mind, just let me know

 **Ruby:** I’m doing all this for you, after all

 **Steve:** I know. And I’m grateful, even if I still don’t really get why you want to

 **Ruby:** I told you. It’s because it’s the right thing to do

 **Ruby:** Oh hey it’s almost midnight

**-JANUARY 1-**

**Ruby:** Happy New Year, Steve

 **Steve:** May it be Jack Frost’s worst!

**-JANUARY 2-**

**Ruby:** Hey so the other day you said something about turning off the all-caps only for me? Was that you being affectionate or?

 **Steve:** No, I meant that I would only do this when talking to you and no one else

 **Ruby:** That’s what I was afraid of. Who else are you talking to?

 **Steve:** Well, no one *directly*. I’ve been posting things on this website I found. It’s called ‘Twitter’

 **Ruby:** STEVE NO

**-JANUARY 5** -

 **Steve:** You return tomorrow right?

 **Ruby:** No, the day after

 **Steve:** Can it be tomorrow instead?

 **Ruby:** You really can’t deal with being alone, can you?

 **Steve:** No :(

 **Ruby:** Well, it’s only two more days. And then we can go back to properly planning the revolution!

 **Ruby:** I’ve been practicing really hard. I have even more tricks to show you

 **Steve:** YAY!

 **Steve:** I cannot wait until we cancel Jack Frost!

 **Ruby:** Steve, I told you to get off Twitter

**-JANUARY 6-**

**Steve:** This time you really do get back tomorrow, right?

 **Ruby:** Yes, Steve

**-JANUARY 7-**

**Steve:** YOU’RE COMING BACK YOU’RE COMING BACK YOU’RE COMING BACK

 **Steve:** I’M SORRY ABOUT THE ALL CAPS BUT I’M VERY EXCITED!!!

 **Ruby:** I’ll allow it, in these circumstances

 **Ruby:** I have missed you too

 **Steve:** I can’t wait to see you

 **Steve:** I have a surprise

Ruby stared down at her phone in apprehension. Kirsty had been the first to return back to the flat, and had caught Ruby as soon as she’d arrived. With Rachel showing up soon after, she had not had the chance to go to her room, and concern over what Steve’s surprise might be had been weighing on her. Gritting her teeth, she opened the door.

Steve’s head shot up from where he’d been lying, morose, across her bed. Ruby quickly shut the door behind her.

“Ruby!” he shouted, rolling off the bed, crashing to the floor, and immediately pulling himself back up to rush over. “I missed you so much, it was agony!”

“We saw each other less than two weeks ago,” said Ruby, grinning despite herself. She had also missed the odd creature.

“That is too long to be alone!” said Steve, folding his arms. “ _Especially_ away from someone I like as much as you.”

“I’m touched,” said Ruby, half sarcastic, half utterly sincere. “So. What’s this surprise then?”

“Ah! Yes!” said Steve, turning around and reaching under her desk. He pulled out a small wooden contraption. “I have constructed a rudimentary guillotine.”

“Oh,” said Ruby.

“Obviously, this is just a prototype, as I had limited space,” said Steve. “When I have access to a proper workshop, I will construct one that is of proper size for head chopping.”

“Well, naturally,” said Ruby, inspecting Steve’s creation closer. The workmanship was surprisingly impressive. “You’ve done a very neat job with the construction.”

“I was inspired by my readings on the French Revolution,” said Steve, puffing up his chest.

“What’s the blade made of, though,” Ruby asked, touching it gently. “Is this... cardboard?”

Steve deflated.

“I was _going_ to give it a proper blade, but when I asked at the DIY shop which materials would be best suited to my plans for administering swift and immediate justice upon our corrupt leaders, I was asked to leave, and was told that I am now ‘banned from the store’ and ‘on a list’. And now I’m not allowed in any hardware store in the city.” He scowled. “Your world is _so_ unfair.”

“Very true. Best you learnt that early,” said Ruby, still admiring Steve’s handiwork. “So is this my Christmas present? Or birthday? Or both, I suppose, I always get gifts that are for both. Though come to think, I don’t think I ever mentioned my birthday to you...”

“That wasn’t my intention, but it can be if you want it to be,” said Steve. Then he frowned. “What’s a birthday?”

“You don’t have _birthdays?_ ” Ruby asked. “Huh. Well... it’s the day a person was born. We celebrate with gifts and cake and parties.”

“Oh! Your day of creation!” said Steve. “I see! Of course we have those.”

“So, wait- ‘birthday’ didn’t translate?” Ruby asked.

“No. Maybe it’s too significantly different from a day of creation,” said Steve, frown deepening. “Where do new humans come from?”

Ruby explained. Steve’s eyes grew wider and wider as she described the process.

“How has your species _survived?_ ” he exclaimed when she concluded. “That’s so time consuming! And gross! And deeply, deeply unhygienic!”

“Well, it seems that most humans would disagree with you there,” said Ruby, sighing. “How are new goblins made?”

“Two goblins meet and agree to act as parents. They discuss which of their best individual traits they wish to pass onto their offspring. They shake hands and each release magical energy that, when mixed together, forms a goblin baby right there on the spot,” said Steve. “My own parents passed along resentment and shameless pride.”

“Wow. That sounds like an infinitely superior system,” said Ruby. She placed a hand to her chin. “I wonder... could we create a child?”

“Certainly not through your... method,” said Steve.

“I wasn’t suggesting that,” said Ruby. “But by sharing magical energy?”

“I don’t believe it’s ever been tried,” said Steve. “I’m not sure we should be creating life as an experiment, though.”

“Well, no. Seems unethical,” said Ruby. “And I’m definitely not ready to be a mother. Just curious.”

“So why do you get gifts that are for both Christmas and your birthday?” asked Steve.

“Oh, well. My birthday’s right after Christmas, so most people don’t want to have to buy a gift for me twice, one after the other,” said Ruby. “Or celebrate, for that matter. I never really bother telling people because of that. It’s tomorrow, actually.”

“But a day of creation- a birthday- that’s a day for honouring _you_ and your existence!” said Steve. “At least, it is in my culture. And you deserve that!”

“It’s that in our culture too. But... I just don’t really ever do anything, my family’s too tired after Christmas, and my friends never cared unless I was having a cool party. Which I wasn’t, because my family was tired.” She shrugged. “I just haven’t ever really had a birthday that was anything special. It’s fine, though, I’m used to it.”

She walked over to her bed, flopped down, and pulled a book off the shelf at random, in the hopes that it would signal that the conversation was over. Steve, now standing over her, frowned.

***

“Alright, you’re all set,” said Rachel, stepping back to assess Kirsty’s outfit.

“This is... amazing,” said Kirsty, admiring herself in the mirror. Rachel had put together a simple outfit – a pale grey shirt, black skinny jeans and boots, her fake leather jacket and a deep blue scarf – but it complemented Kirsty’s hair and figure so well that she found herself wondering why she didn’t let Rachel do this more often. “Since when were you so good at this?”

“Please,” said Rachel, “my cousin and her wife own a boutique, remember? I worked there every summer from age fourteen. You learn things. Let me do your hair now.”

Kirsty turned to give Rachel better access, and Rachel began smoothing anti-frizz oil into Kirsty’s hair.

“How come you don’t dress better all the time, then?” Kirsty asked.

Rachel smacked her playfully on the shoulder.

“How dare you. But, well - it’s because I’d rather be comfortable most days. Just because I _can_ put together a great outfit doesn’t mean I always want to.” She stepped back and looked Kirsty over in the mirror once more, clearly pleased with herself. “Still nice to have the skill, though.”

“You should ask James about helping with costumes at the theatre.”

“Might just- but first you need to go on your date, and then tell me every detail!” said Rachel, grinning and poking Kirsty in the ribs. Kirsty giggled involuntarily, and gently shoved Rachel aside.

“Alright, I’m going!” she said, picking up her bag and heading for the door. “Bye, Ruby!” she called to Ruby’s closed door. Ruby opened it a crack and peeked her head out.

“Have fun with _Tracy_ ,” she said disdainfully. Kirsty rolled her eyes.

“I have every intention to, for your information.”

“See you later!” said Rachel. “Be safe!”

“Well, of course,” said Kirsty. “It’s just a date. It’s not like anything crazy’s going to happen.”

***

The first thing Kirsty noticed when she woke up was that her head felt like it was about to split in two. She opened her eyes, then immediately shut them again, the light streaming in from the window only making her headache worse. Lying as still as possible, she tried to think back on the night before. It was all a blank – the last thing she remembered was leaving the flat. The brief moment she’d had her eyes open had confirmed that she was back in her own room, which was good – and it must have been late morning, maybe even midday, for the sunlight to hurt that much.

Slowly, feeling other than pain returned to her body. The first thing she noticed was that her neck felt oddly light. She reached up to press a hand to her collar.

Her locket was gone.

Panic set in immediately, only growing as she realised that the absence of familiar pressure on her chest was being accompanied by a very unfamiliar pressure around her waist. Eyes still closed, she tried to work out what it was – it was soft, and warm, and-

Her eyes snapped open and she stared down at her stomach to see an arm wrapped around her waist. It was slender, probably a girl’s – Tracy? It had to be, right? Her eyes moved left, and her heartbeat sped up. The head buried in the mattress next to her was blonde. Kirsty’s eyes widened, and her mouth went dry. It couldn’t be.

No. It really couldn’t be. The hair was much too long, and as the girl stirred and raised her head, Kirsty’s eyes widened even further, for a very different reason.

_“Ruby!?”_

“That’s my name, if you can stand it,” said Ruby, blinking up at Kirsty.

“What are you- why are you- we didn’t-“ Kirsty spluttered, unable to form a coherent thought.

“Hah, I knew you wouldn’t remember,” said Ruby, sitting up and grinning. A sudden wave of realisation crossed her face. “Which means you probably think- oh god, _no!_ No, no, never, oh my _god_. Ugh! _”_

“Why are you here then!?”

“You _asked_ me to stay, and I _very kindly_ agreed to!”

“Why were you _hugging_ me!?”

“I was _unconscious!_ I am _not_ responsible for what I do in my sleep!”

“Stop yelling, my head is killing me!”

“ _You_ stop yelling!”

“No, you- is this the first time I’ve seen you with your hair down?” asked Kirsty.

“...the first you remember,” said Ruby, reflexively pulling it towards her face and stroking it. Sat down, it fell in waves that reached all the way to her lap, covering her legs.

“It looks nice,” said Kirsty.

“Tch,” scoffed Ruby, looking away. “Sure. Hell of a time to hit on me, you know.”

“I- I was _not_ , don’t even joke- “

“Are you two nearly done?” asked a new voice. Kirsty and Ruby looked up. Above them, a fairy was lying on her back in mid-air. She craned her neck so she was staring at them upside down, icy blue eyes bugged out. Unnerved, both girls nodded.

The fairy gave them a cat-like smile, then flipped herself around and landed upright on Kirsty’s duvet. She had dark brown hair cropped above her ears, almost spookily pale skin, and she wore a dark grey hoodie, a turquoise shirt that reached her knees, leggings, fleece slippers and a black choker. 

“My name is Hester the Hangover Fairy,” she said, taking a dainty step forward and piercing Kirsty with a stare. “I am here to collect my magical object.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Steve can write on a phone because he uses speech-to-text. It works perfectly because magic.
> 
> Rachel's cousin and her wife are real, canon characters - they appeared in Sienna the Saturday Fairy (okay, fine, they weren't actually a couple. But there was a vibe.)


	26. #5 Hester the Hangover Fairy - Recall

“What’s going on, I heard shouting,” said Rachel as she opened Kirsty’s bedroom door. She glanced between Kirsty, Ruby, and the little fairy, who had turned to face her. “Oh. Hi! Which fairy are you?”

“Hello, Rachel Walker,” said Hester. “You are not of my concern.”

“I- I’m not?” Rachel stammered, confused.

“No. Unless, you have given up the teetotal lifestyle?” Hester asked. Every syllable she spoke was slow, sharply enunciated and occasionally with emphasis in the wrong place. It was distinctly off-putting.

“I, uh, I haven’t – oh, are you Hester?” said Rachel.

“Correct. I am here for Kirsty Tate, regardless,” said Hester, turning back to Kirsty. “Please, give me my magical object so I can return to my duties.”

“But- I don’t have it? I don’t even know what it is?” said Kirsty, deeply confused.

Hester tilted her head at an almost perfect right angle, eyes wide.

“What?” she asked. “But I sense it. Are you lying to me, Kirsty Tate?”

“No! Why would I do that- ugh, could someone close the blinds?” Kirsty asked, pressing a hand to her forehead. Rachel obliged, then moved over to the bed and sat down with the others.

“How strange...” said Hester.

“Yeah, you are,” muttered Ruby.

“Rudeness is not appreciated, Ruby Cahill,” said Hester. She folded her arms. “I suppose Kirsty Tate must have come into contact with my object recently. It is a small pill, resembling those used for treating headaches – have you seen anything matching such a description in the past twelve hours?”

“I- I don’t remember?” Kirsty squeaked. “I- I guess I drank a lot, and...”

“Oh, Kirsty,” said Rachel.

“You should have seen her,” said Ruby, grinning at Kirsty. “What a sight. Very honest about her _real feelings_ for people.”

Kirsty, not liking where that could be going, turned red and glared at Ruby, daring her to say more. Ruby simply continued smiling – her expression was, Kirsty thought, surprisingly icy.

“Of course. Blackout,” said Hester. “Unfortunate, under these circumstances.”

“Ruby was with me for some of it,” said Kirsty. “I mean, I assume.”

“Only when you made your way back here at like, four in the morning. I just put you to bed, that’s all,” said Ruby, arms crossed. “If you had a magical encounter, it was before you got home.”

“You’ve got to remember _something_ ,” said Rachel. “Where did you go last night?”

“I don’t _know_ ,” said Kirsty. “It’s all gone. I don’t- this has never happened before. I didn’t even know it could be this bad.” She clutched her head, a sharp throb of pain having run through it.

“Okay. How about let’s all get dressed and go grab some coffee from- “ Rachel glanced between Kirsty and Ruby. “...you’re both already dressed?”

Kirsty looked at Ruby, noticing for the first time that she was not in pyjamas.

“I was on my way out when you got back,” said Ruby.

“You were going out at four in the morning?” asked Kirsty.

“I, uh, wanted to go jogging?”

“At 4 AM, in January, in _jeans_?”

“Fine, I wasn’t jogging – but it’s none of your business what I _was_ going to do, okay?” said Ruby, thoroughly exasperated.

“Alright!” said Rachel, pushing herself between Kirsty and Ruby, holding up her hands. “Ruby is entitled to her secrets and Kirsty is understandably curious, considering the circumstances! Now, _I’m_ going to get dressed. Try not to kill each other while I’m gone.”

“Oh, do not worry Rachel Walker. I would never allow that,” said Hester. All three jumped – they’d momentarily forgotten she was there. Rachel nodded and quickly headed back to her own room.

“So, uh- Fairyland nice this time of year?” Ruby asked.

“It is always nice,” said Hester. “I have been getting to spend a lot more time there than usual recently.”

“Why’s that?” Ruby pressed.

“An assignment like mine keeps me all but constantly busy. But I have not been able to work since losing the pill – so I got to skip Halloween, and Christmas, and New Year’s... Normally those days are just endless work for me.” She looked exhausted at the mere mention. “I was somewhat disappointed when I realised that Kirsty Tate had found my object. But my King and Queen would be very disappointed if I did not collect, so here I am.”  
  
“You don’t feel bad about the humans you’re not helping?”

“Not particularly. I do not hold the same blind devotion to your kind as most of my contemporaries. Personally, I think that you should suffer the consequences of your actions.”

“Could you two please be quiet?” said Kirsty, who had buried her face in her knees. “My head really, really hurts.”

“But I still have more questions for Hester!” said Ruby, somewhat louder than was strictly necessary. Before she could continue speaking, Rachel returned.

“Kirsty, you’re not wearing your locket!” she said, only just noticing. Kirsty automatically pressed a hand to the spot where it should have been.

“It was gone when I woke up.”

“Well, I’m sure we’ll find it, along with Hester’s pill. Everyone ready to go?” Rachel said. Ruby nodded and got up, heading for the door. Hester flew behind her lazily. Kirsty groaned, then followed.

“I just wish I could remember _something_ ,” she said as they made their way into the hallway. “But it’s all just one massive blank.” She reached for the front door handle. “It’s like- “

_A shuddering, swooping sensation..._

_Tracy, lit up in golden light..._

_An annoyed looking goblin, holding something in his hand..._

_A hand on her shoulder, contrasting the cold night air..._

_And then..._

_Kirsty opened the door and checked her phone. 6:34 PM. She still had plenty of time before she was supposed to be outside the restaurant where she was meeting Tracy._

_Still, though, she didn’t like being late. She walked quickly to the lift and pressed the button a little harder than needed. Just a short walk and half an hour and she’d be spending all evening with Tracy. Amazing, unbelievable Tracy_.

_This was what she wanted. This was the right thing to want._

“Gyagh!” Kirsty cried out, backing away from the handle. Hester shot over to her, hovering much too close to Kirsty’s face for comfort. Rachel and Ruby stared at both of them in confusion.

“How did you do that, Kirsty Tate?” asked Hester, eyes drilling into Kirsty’s own. Kirsty backed away as far as she could.

“I- I don’t know what that was!”

“That was a Recall. It is my special ability.”

“And a Recall is?”

“Exactly what it sounds like. A perfect recollection of a prior event. Except for that first bit, that was just the activation process – a highlight reel, of sorts.”

“And- and- you can see what I remembered?”

“Correct. A large portion of my job is using magic to help blackout drunks remember their actions. Do not worry – there is privacy magic on the memories. I cannot disclose anything to others. If you wish for Rachel Walker and Ruby Cahill to know the contents of your recollections, you will have to share them yourself.” She slowly twisted herself until she was floating upside down, arms folded. “What I do not understand is how a Recall could have occurred when my magic is missing.”

“We’ll figure that out later. What did you remember?” asked Rachel.

“Well, Tracy was there... and a goblin, which makes sense if I ended up encountering magic. And I fully remembered leaving last night,” said Kirsty. “Only as far as the lift, though.”

“Under normal circumstances, I would induce a Recall personally, and it would give you full memory of the night,” said Hester, still upside down. Somehow, her baggy clothes weren’t being pulled down by gravity. “But obviously I cannot do that - and just now you only managed such a short recollection... So, you were able to _partially_ use the ability, probably because you encountered the pill, which means... Ah!” She flipped back around and flew over to the door. “The handle! Of course! It triggered a memory!”

“I... guess it did,” said Kirsty, dubious. “What does that mean?”

Hester huffed.

“ _Obviously_ , Kirsty Tate, it means that if we retrace your steps last night, we can find more Recall triggers, work out what you did, and figure out what happened to my magical object!”

“But I’ve already said, _I don’t know where I went_.”

“You were with Tracy, though, right? Why don’t we ask her?” Rachel suggested.

“I guess so,” said Kirsty, remembering her phone for the first time that morning, and pulling it out of her back pocket. She pressed the power button. The screen remained blank. “I guess the battery ran out. I’ll go charge it.”

“Do not bother,” said Hester, waving her wand and sending a little spark towards the charger port. “Waiting around for that sounds _incredibly_ boring.”

The phone lit up, fully charged. Kirsty winced at the bright light.

“You can charge a phone with magic?” asked Ruby, pulling out her own phone and making a note. “That’s so cool, how exactly do you do it?”

“I think electric thoughts,” said Hester, looking far smugger about it than was really warranted.

“And what exactly is an ‘electric thought’?”

“Guys,” said Kirsty quietly.

“Why do you want to know?” asked Rachel.

“No reason, I mean, it’s interesting, I’m curious, nothing else!”

“Guys,” said Kirsty, louder.

“An electric thought is a thought that is electric-y. I would think that is obvious,” said Hester.

“But what does ‘electric-y’ _mean-_ “

“Guys!” said Kirsty, finally drawing the other three’s attention.

“What is it?” asked Rachel.

Wordlessly, Kirsty held out her phone. The others crowded around to read the text message displayed on the screen.

 **Tracy:** Hey K. Just wanted to make sure there are no hard feelings about last night. I really, really want us to stay friends. And I’m rooting for you <3

None of the girls knew what to say. After a long silence, Ruby finally spoke.

“Oh my god,” she said, choking back a laugh. “You got _dumped_.”

“I’m so sorry Kirsty,” said Rachel, shooting a glare at Ruby, then turning back to her friend. “Do you want a hug, or- “

“No, no it’s fine- I mean, I wouldn’t say no, but- “

Rachel had already surged forward and wrapped her arms around Kirsty. Ruby shook her head.

“Such a shame. I was really hoping things would work out for you two.”

“You were _not_ ,” said Kirsty over Rachel’s shoulder, giving Ruby a disgusted look. “You were always completely against Tracy!”

“No I wasn’t!”

“You never had a single nice thing to say about her – for absolutely no good reason, I might add.”

“I changed my mind!”

“When?”

“How will any of this affect this person’s ability to assist us?” interrupted Hester.

“Well, I definitely don’t want to call Tracy and tell her I got blackout drunk after we ended things,” said Kirsty. Rachel had now let her go, but had left a hand on her back. Kirsty leaned into the touch.

“But what other options are there, other than obtaining the assistance of this Tr- Tra- “ Hester appeared to be choking on Tracy’s name. The girls glanced at each other in confusion. Hester grimaced, and spoke slowly. “Of this Tracy... ghhk.”

Ruby’s eyes lit up in realisation.

“Her surname is Angel,” she whispered. Hester threw her a grateful look.

“Of this Tracy Angel,” she said, normal composure resumed.

“I- I don’t know,” said Kirsty. “Like... she is our best option, but it would just be _so_ embarrassing- I mean, I don’t even know exactly how embarrassing because I don’t remember, but...” Rachel began rubbing sympathetic circles into Kirsty’s back as Kirsty glanced back down at the message.

_“I do like you. Really,” said Kirsty._

_The restaurant was quiet, the deep maroon and orange colour scheme giving the room a warm feeling. Small tea lights flickered between them, sending shadows dancing across the walls. Behind Tracy, an old-fashioned lamp post was just visible through the window._

_“I believe you. But...” Tracy trailed off, smiling sadly. Kirsty sighed, and nodded._

_“You can’t get past this. I get that. I’m sorry I couldn’t- “_

_“Don’t apologise._ Never _apologise for something like this.”_

“Hgggh!” said Kirsty. “That- that’s really going to take some getting used to.”

“You had another Recall?” said Rachel, excited. “What triggered it this time?”

“I don’t know... the message, maybe?” said Kirsty. “But it wasn’t really anything helpful. Just that whatever made her decide she was done with me, it was something she ‘couldn’t get past’ that I ‘don’t need to apologise for’.”

“How unhelpfully vague,” said Ruby.

“I think, Kirsty Tate,” said Hester, placing her hands on her hips “that you are underselling this memory’s importance. We now have a clear image of where you were.”

“Oh yeah, absolutely, we know it has red decor and there’s a Narnia street-lamp outside,” said Kirsty. “That’s totally unique in a historic town. So easy.”

“I bet it’s Molinaro’s,” said Ruby. The others turned to stare at her.

“Why do you say that?” asked Kirsty.

“Well, Yuri’s a waiter there,” said Ruby. “He said it’s very red inside.”

“Oh really? And what are the odds that it would _just happen_ to have been the restaurant your friend works at, out of all the places in town?” said Kirsty.

“Exactly,” said Ruby. “It would be a hell of a coincidence.”

“So you agree, it’s a ridiculous idea.”

“No, the opposite. The fact that it would be so convenient is why I think it must be there,” Ruby said. “’The magic will find us’, after all.”

“That’s- “

“Excellent logic,” said Hester, nodding in approval. “We should go to this ‘Molinaro’s’.”

“Yeah. I think I get it,” said Rachel slowly. “Things _do_ always seem to work out pretty conveniently when we need them to. I never considered that that might be magic finding us but...” She nodded at Ruby. Ruby folded her arms and stuck out her chin at Kirsty.

Kirsty rolled her eyes.

“Whatever. Let’s just get going.”

***

Molinaro’s turned out to be a small casual dining restaurant, not too far from the university’s west side. It was clearly an old establishment, as were all the other buildings in the area - the Victorian-style structure had been cleaned up, while also being meticulously preserved, giving the whole street an atmosphere of having stepped back in time. The girls were glad to touch down on the cobblestone street – the flight had taken far longer than it should have, as Kirsty had needed to fly much slower than usual. 

“Maybe we could shrink her really, really small and carry her in one of our pockets?” Ruby had suggested.

“I like the way you think,” Hester had replied, lifting her wand. Kirsty, feeling even more ill at the very idea, had shook her head rapidly, winced at the headache caused by the motion, and flown ahead of the group, making every effort to pretend her nausea wasn’t worsening.

After arriving, Hester flicked her wand and returned the girls to normal size. Kirsty leaned against the closest lamp post.

“See! Old fashioned street-lights!” said Ruby triumphantly.

“Well, we’ll know for certain if Kirsty can find a Recall trigger,” said Rachel.

“Too bad they’re closed right now,” said Ruby, investigating a sign by the front doors. “Apparently they’re prepping for some massive dinner party tonight.”

“We’ll figure something out,” said Rachel, walking over to Kirsty and reaching up to tie her friend’s hair back with a scrunchie she’d been wearing on her wrist.

“What are you doing?” asked Kirsty.

“You’re looking kind of green. I’m getting your hair out the way now, in case you’re sick.”

“I’m not going to be sick,” said Kirsty, somewhat undermining herself by closing her eyes and pressing her head against the cool post. “I’m fine- “

_Kirsty was fine. She had to be. Tracy had called her and said she was running late, and had given her directions here, and now all she had to do was wait. Which wasn’t hard. She leaned against the lamp post and concentrated on keeping as still as possible, not wanting to ruin the outfit Rachel had put together for her._

_It felt like there were a thousand wasps in her stomach trying to tear their way through her skin._

_Why was she so_ nervous? _She’d been on dates before, and sure, nothing had ever worked out for very long, but that was fine. She was 18. And if this didn’t work out, that was fine too. She liked Tracy – she liked her a lot, even! – but it wouldn’t be the end of the world._

I wonder if this is how Rachel feels in crowds... _she thought to herself as she watched the twinkling candle lights through the restaurant window._ Or Tracy in small spaces _._ This crushing anxiousness... It’s horrible.

_“Kirsty!” said a voice behind her. Kirsty turned to see Tracy walking towards her, grinning widely as ever. Her hair was now dyed a deep midnight blue, contrasting the pure white of the rest of her outfit (aside from her signature jeather jacket). She wore a strapless dress covered in an obscene amount of ruffles. It reached her ankles at the back, but was cut out at the front, revealing white skinny jeans under matching thigh high boots._

_“Hey,” said Kirsty, waving shyly. Tracy reached out and hugged her._

_“How_ are _you?” she asked, releasing Kirsty, but not letting go of her arms._

_“I’m alright,” said Kirsty. “Want to go inside?”_

_“Actually, our reservation isn’t for another forty-five minutes,” said Tracy. “I thought we could walk around a little, this area of Rainborough is so beautiful.”_

_“I’m okay with that,” said Kirsty. “Though we won’t have time to see all that much.”_

_“Yeah, that’s on me,” said Tracy. “My outfits always take longer than I anticipate.”_

_“That’s... not surprising,” said Kirsty diplomatically._

_“There’s a park just down the street,” said Tracy. “Let’s go there.”_

_“Lead the way!”_

Kirsty shuddered. Flashing back was not helping her stomach in the slightest.

“The park,” she said aloud. “We went to the park first.”

“Wow. Couple of teenagers hanging around a park at night,” said Ruby. “Doesn’t sound remotely dodgy.”

“Tracy’s 20,” said Kirsty.

“Well, you should have said so! That makes all the difference.”

“What are you even trying to insinuate?”

“Guys, please,” said Rachel. “No arguing. Let’s just go - okay?”

The girls went off down the road, looking around for any signs of a park. Unlike the other fairies, Hester openly floated next to them, rather than sitting on Rachel’s shoulder. Rachel tried not to feel offended. After a few minutes, they spotted a gate surrounded by trees. Looking through the railings, they could see an enclosed stretch of grass and walking paths. As they headed into the park, Kirsty looked around, trying to spot something that would bring back another memory.

“Do you think you walked around, or sat on benches, or...“ Ruby asked.

“No clue,” said Kirsty.

“Well, let’s think like Tracy,” said Rachel. “She’s the dominant personality, so she would have taken charge – uh, no offense, Kirsty.”

“None taken,” said Kirsty, not seeing any point in denying the obvious.

“So yeah, where would she have gone?” said Rachel, glancing around. “She’s all energetic and outgoing, so maybe... she went and climbed a tree?”

“Who climbs a tree on a date?” said Ruby.

“Well if anyone would, it would be her,” said Rachel.

“I don’t think so,” said Kirsty, still looking around. “She was wearing a really elaborate dress, it wouldn’t have been practical. And she might have damaged it.”

“Though it would not have been a loss. It was ugly,” said Hester.

“Well, anyway,” Kirsty continued, shooting Hester a quick glare, “I think it’s more likely we just walked around and...” as she spoke, she spotted something in the distance, and grinned for the first time that day. “The playpark!”

The girls quickly headed over to investigate. The play area was small, nothing more than a slide, a set of swings, and a zip line. Kirsty walked over to the zip line first, grabbing hold of the chain.

 _“Kirsty, you’ve_ got _to, it’s_ fun!” _Tracy yelled, standing on the platform, ready for her third ride down the wire._

_“No thanks,” said Kirsty, laughing, but shaking her head._

_“Come on! Embrace your inner child, be a kid again!”_

_“I was a kid for long enough, thanks,” said Kirsty._

Kirsty shook her head.

“We definitely came here,” she told the others. She walked over to the slide and pressed her hand to the side of the ladder.

“ _At least do the slide!” said Tracy. “Please. For me.”_

_She pouted, and Kirsty sighed._

_“Fine,” she said, rolling her eyes good naturedly. She grabbed a rung and climbed to the top of the slide, sat down, and slid to the bottom._

_“Wasn’t that fun?” asked Tracy._

_“...actually, yeah, it kind of was,” said Kirsty, smiling despite herself._

_“Enough to make you try the zip line?”_

_“No,” said Kirsty, “but I’ll compromise on the swings.”_

“Hurry up please, Kirsty Tate,” said Hester. “I do not care for your memories.” Kirsty blinked and saw that Hester was lying face down in the dirt at the bottom of the slide. She glanced at the others questioningly.

“She tried to go down the slide while you were Recalling, but she fell off at the end,” whispered Rachel. “I think she’s sulking.”

“I do not sulk, Rachel Walker,” said Hester, not moving. A beetle waddled over the backs of her legs.

Kirsty walked over to the swings and touched one of the chains. When nothing happened, she grabbed the other. She frowned, then turned and sat down, kicking her legs so she moved gently back and forth.

_“It’s like flying!” yelled Tracy, swinging so hard that the set shook. Kirsty, who was gently swaying on her own swing, laughed._

_“Flying’s less jolty,” she said without thinking._

_“And how would you know that?” asked Tracy, slowing herself down so she could look Kirsty in the face._

_“I just... mysterious reasons?” Kirsty said, offering a nervous grin._

_Tracy grinned right back._

_“You know, I’ve been trying to work this out the entire break. I think I know what your deal is.”_

_Kirsty swallowed._

_“Yeah?”_

_“You’re all international undercover agents,” said Tracy proudly. “You’re here to spy on the British education system.”_

_“Oh, really? And why are we doing that?” asked Kirsty, trying not to laugh._

_“I don’t know. Looking for new ways to psychologically torture people, maybe?” Tracy said, shrugging and looking equally amused._

_“This would be a good place for that.”_

_“See, my logic is impeccable.” Tracy frowned. “But in all seriousness. I can’t work it out, and I’m normally_ very _good at working things out, so this is really bugging me!”_

_“Don’t you like that I’m mysterious, though?”_

_“Well, yes but,” Tracy reached over to take Kirsty’s hand, “I like_ you _, Kirsty. And I don’t mean to put pressure on you - we haven’t known each other that long. You don’t have to tell me anything you’re not ready to tell me. It’s just...” she looked Kirsty in the eyes, “...if this turns out to be something... will I ever know?”_

_Kirsty bit her lip._

_“I- I think I want to tell you. But it’s hard, it’s really hard, and I don’t know if you’ll even believe me, and even if you do... I just don’t know. It’s something that... that’s always stopped me getting close to most people. Because it’s such a big part of my life that they’ll never really understand me without knowing, but I also_ can’t _tell anyone. I’ve never told anyone. Well, not under normal circumstances, at least.”_

_“Are these normal circumstances?” asked Tracy._

_“I mean, yeah. Dates are pretty normal.”_

_“Then that means I get to be first,” said Tracy, smiling gently. “If you’re willing.”_

_“Yeah. I think I am,” said Kirsty. She let go of Tracy’s hand, stood up, and balled her fists. She opened her mouth, but found no words._

_“Try closing your eyes?” suggested Tracy. “That’s helped me before.”_

_Kirsty squeezed her eyes shut, opened her mouth once more, and spoke, rapid-fire._

_“Magic is real and I’m friends with a bunch of fairies from the magical world of Fairyland and I spent my childhood going on adventures helping them and battling goblins and Jack Frost and now the fairies are back and I have to do it all over again.”_

Kirsty let out a startled cry as she fell off the swing. Rachel ran over, helping her up and holding her steady, while Ruby watched from a distance, impassive. Hester sat up in the dirt, eyes boring holes into Kirsty’s face.

“What happened?” asked Rachel.

“I know why Tracy dumped me,” said Kirsty shakily, clutching Rachel’s arms.

“Ooh, do tell,” called Ruby. Kirsty ignored her, making eye contact with Rachel.

“I told her the truth.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tracy's white dress doesn't get dirty because she's just that cool.


	27. #5 Hester the Hangover Fairy - Confessions

“To break off the Recall just when things were getting interesting,” said Hester, shaking her head. “Kirsty Tate. You do frustrate me. I will be personally updating your legends to reflect this.”

“What do you mean you told her the truth?” asked Rachel. Kirsty pointed at Hester, hands still shaking. Hester pointed to herself, an expression of mock surprise on her face.

“ _Me?_ What about me? My unmatched beauty? My delightful personality?”

“No, not _you_ , your... people? Species? _Fairies!_ ”

“Well, I think you should have told her about me.”

“I hadn’t even met you!”

Ruby leaned down to whisper at Hester.

“You’re definitely my favourite so far.”

“You are correct, Ruby Cahill,” Hester replied, preening.

“ _You told Tracy about the fairies?”_ Rachel yelled. Kirsty nodded miserably.

“It must be why she ended things,” she said. “It was something she couldn’t get past – and, I mean, who could? She- she thought I was delusional. Or she believed me and didn’t want to be involved with something like this. It’s too weird and alienating, I knew it was, I don’t know why- “

“Good lord, Kirsty. You speak a lot of nonsense, but this takes it,” said Ruby, rolling her eyes. Kirsty and Rachel turned to stare at her.

“What?” Kirsty whispered.

“First of all, nothing I’ve seen or heard of Tracy makes me think she wouldn’t believe you,” said Ruby.

Rachel nodded.

“She’s a very... relaxed person,” she said. “I’d have thought she would have just gone with it.”

“Secondly,” Ruby continued, “you are out of your damn mind if you think anyone’s reaction to learning that _magic is real_ would be to dump the person who told them and move on, rather than _immediately trying to find out everything there is to know about it_.”

“But- “

“I am literal proof, standing right in front of you,” Ruby said, crossing her arms and sticking her hip out. “Do you _actually_ believe anyone would leave you after learning something like that? Seriously?”

“Well, Tracy did,” said Kirsty.

“ _Or_ it was something completely different that you haven’t remembered yet!” said Ruby, thoroughly annoyed now. “We know you two did make it to dinner. So now that you’re done Recalling here, we should go back to the restaurant and find out what happened next!”

She turned on her heel and started heading for the park exit. Hester nodded approvingly and floated after her.

“Is that really something you’re scared of? People leaving you because of the fairy stuff?” Rachel asked.

“Aren’t you?” Kirsty replied quietly.

“I mean... not for that reason... I... I never really thought about it like that,” Rachel admitted. “I guess I’ve never felt like I needed to tell anyone.”

Kirsty blinked.

“How?” she asked. “It- it’s the biggest thing that ever happened to either of us, it’s fundamentally affected who we are as people. If we don’t tell people they’ll never understand us, but if we do they’ll think we’re crazy, or want nothing to do with it, or- or maybe they _will_ want something to do with it and then they’ll get hurt- “

“Kirsty, Kirsty- calm down,” said Rachel, taking her by the hands. “You’re making a lot of assumptions, you know. And hey, what about Ruby, you had no problem telling her.”

“That’s different. Ruby’s different. She’s... she’s _Ruby_.”

“Well, yeah.”

“No, I mean- “

“Are you guys coming or what?” yelled Ruby from several metres away. Rachel squeezed Kirsty’s hand, and led the way out of the park.

***

“What are going to do now? It’s closed, we can’t go in,” said Rachel. They had reached Molinaro’s once more, and were stood in front of the restaurant.

“I thought of that,” said Ruby. “I have an idea.”

She turned away from the group and started walking down the street, eyes closed. As she passed a side avenue, a figure stepped out, crashing into her.

“Ruby?” asked a familiar voice.

“Hey Yuri,” said Ruby, opening her eyes. “Thought I might run into you.”

Rachel and Kirsty hurried over, Hester slipping onto Rachel’s shoulder. As they approached, Rachel did a double take.

“Short!” she blurted, staring at Yuri. She was not incorrect – Yuri was barely taller than her, noticeably shorter than Kirsty, and almost comically shorter than Ruby.

“Am I? I never knew! You’re the very first person to point that out!” said Yuri, pressing a hand to his chest in pretend shock, then grinning.

“How did you not- oh, wait, I guess he was sitting down the only other time you’ve met him,” said Ruby, resting her elbow on Yuri’s shoulder. Yuri swatted her off good-naturedly.

“Ohhhhh... that would explain last night,” said Yuri, turning to Kirsty. “You greeted me the exact same way.”

_“Hello, Kirsty!”_

_“Short!” said Kirsty, then immediately slapped a hand to her mouth. She and Tracy had arrived back at Molinaro’s, and were waiting for a server to show them their table. Yuri had approached her from behind as they waited. “Sorry, Yuri.”_

_“What, me?_ No _clue what you’re talking about,” said Yuri. “But I guess that means you remember me, then.”_

_“Oh my gosh! Kirsty!” said another voice. Mia was walking towards them, away from the direction of the bathrooms, smile wide. “It’s so nice to see you again. How’s Rachel?”_

_“T- “ Kirsty started, then clamped her mouth shut._

_“You were going to say ‘tall’,” said Yuri, very much in the tone of someone who was not having this conversation for the first time._

_“Um,” said Kirsty, now feeling incredibly rude._

_“Well she is,“ said Yuri, wrapping an arm around Mia’s waist and gazing up at her, “and it’s amazing and I love it.”_

_“Aww,” said Mia, kissing him on the top of the head. Kirsty looked between them, suddenly overwhelmed with an emotion she couldn’t place._

_“Yeah, uh, that’s- Rachel’s fine!” said Kirsty, addressing Mia. “Better than fine, she’s great, she’s always great, I mean, she’s Rachel, so she’s just. Always. Great. Yeah.”_

_She let out a weak laugh._

_“That’s... great,” said Mia, nodding._

_“What are you guys doing here? Are you on a date too?” Kirsty asked quickly._

_“Oh, no, I work here. And Mia’s just here to hang out,” said Yuri._

_“Which isn’t actually allowed!” called a passing waiter._

_“Shut up Alfonse, I’m giving you half my tips,” Yuri shouted back. He turned back to Kirsty and Tracy. “So, what can I do for you two?”_

_“We have a reservation,” Tracy spoke up. “Tracy Angel.”_

_Both Yuri and Mia’s eyes grew wide._

_“Oh gosh,” said Mia, “I’m sorry, I didn’t recognise you, you look so different since September- I mean, you don’t recognise us, obviously, but- “_

_“Of course I do. Yuri Lichfield and Mia Yang,” said Tracy, smiling._

_“How do you- “ Kirsty started._

_“She came to help out in a seminar on our course,” said Yuri. “Her programming is the best I’ve ever seen, every improvement she suggested to us was perfect, and she explained it all so well and she’s just- she’s_ brilliant _.”_

_“Oh, I’m really not,” said Tracy. “It was just something I learnt to make a few things on my physics course easier. The lecturer only asked me because she knows me a little better than the others on my course – she helped me publish a paper in a physics journal last year.”_

_“Aren’t you only a second year_ now _?” said Kirsty._

_“Yes?” said Tracy. “It wasn’t a huge deal. I’ll tell you about it later.”_

_“So, wait, wait- you two are on a date?” asked Yuri._

_“Yep!” said Tracy, grabbing Kirsty’s hand and holding them both up._

_“Wow,” said Yuri. “First you help us get back together, now this- I’m starting to think you have access to some kind of love magic.”_

_Kirsty was not entirely sure whether this was a compliment or an insult, and was about to press the issue – but before she could, Tracy ghosted a whisper against her ear._

_“Well... it’s not like he’s totally wrong, eh?”_

“She _was_ okay with it!” Kirsty blurted, then turned red as Yuri stared at her in bafflement.

“Kirsty got blackout drunk last night and we’re trying to figure out what happened,” explained Ruby. “She must have just remembered something.” She addressed Kirsty. “And I told you she’d believe you and wouldn’t mind.”

“Ngh,” said Kirsty.

_“Of course I believe you,” said Tracy, getting off the swing and standing across from Kirsty. “Why wouldn’t I?”_

_Kirsty stared at her, disbelieving._

_“Because... because I just told you that_ magic _is real! Magic! Why_ would _you believe me?”_

_“Well, it makes a lot of sense,” said Tracy, shrugging._

_Kirsty shook her head._

_“But- no, it’s- it doesn’t make sense! None of it makes sense!”_

_“It’s something you had to be very secretive about. You told inconsistent stories. Your friend was able to do what should have been an impossible task.” She shrugged. “Other than the spy thing, magic was already the only explanation I could think of. I just wasn’t sure where you could possibly have gained access to it.”_

_“And_ none _of this surprises you?”_

_“Well, I’m a bit surprised to hear that it’s fairies, but other than that,” she shrugged again, “I guess not. The world’s a strange place. There’s weirder stuff out there than magic.”_

_“I just,” Kirsty ran her hands through her hair, “I just can’t believe... that you believe me. You have to admit it would be unbelievable to most people, right?”_

_“That’s kind of the other reason I believe you,” said Tracy. “It would be such a bad lie that I think it must be true.”_

_“Right,” said Kirsty, head spinning. She looked up at Tracy. “And you... you don’t mind?”_

_“I don’t mind.”_

“Oh god,” said Kirsty, not knowing whether to clutch her head or stomach. She settled for closing her eyes and doubling over.

“Recalling out of order is not good for you, physically,” whispered Hester to Rachel, sounding a little shaky herself. “I resent this being forced upon me.”

“Hey - it’s not like she can help it,” Rachel whispered back. 

“Are you okay?” Yuri asked, stepping forward to offer Kirsty support. Kirsty shrugged his hands away, groaning.

“Don’t need help. ‘M fine.”

“Liar,” said Ruby, rolling her eyes. “So, hey, Yuri – why are you here? Don’t you normally work evenings?”

“Yeah, but I’m helping set up for some big dinner my restaurant’s hosting tonight,” said Yuri, pointing over at Molinaro’s. “Half the restaurant’s booked up for it.”

“Hmm. Well, it’s great to run into you! Since we’re trying to get Kirsty’s memories to resurface, we were... kind of hoping you could let us in the restaurant?”

“I’d love to help, but... I’m not really meant to do that...” said Yuri, shifting from foot to foot.

“It would really help her if she could remember what happened,” said Ruby. “Please?”

“...fine,” Yuri relented. “But you owe me drinks after our next three gym sessions.”

“You got it,” said Ruby. “Kirsty can pay, since she’s the reason we’re in this situation.”

Kirsty, still not coherent enough to put up a proper fight, settled for making an extremely rude hand gesture. Ruby ignored her.

“I’ll tell the others that you’re... student food critics, or something,” said Yuri, leading the way over to the restaurant entrance. He unlocked the door, and the girls followed him inside.

By daylight, the interior was not the romantic environment Kirsty had Recalled. The red walls, cosy in shadow, were almost gaudy with the light of day, and the potted plants that decorated the room were obviously made of cheap plastic.

“If I could see the streetlight...” Kirsty muttered. She made her way over to a table facing the window and collapsed. 

_"...so I thought, why not give it a try, just for the hell of it," said Tracy, leaning back in her chair, "and a few days later my lecturer called me in."  
_

_"Oh no," said Kirsty._

_"Except not, because it turned out I actually_ had _managed to successfully create a perpetual motion machine, and she was really excited,” said Tracy. “So that’s why I had to publish a paper. She also gave me a first for it, which was pretty sweet."_

_“I... I thought that was impossible?" said Kirsty, blinking._

_“Well, clearly not," said Tracy, shrugging with bored nonchalance, as if she had just claimed to invent the plastic coat hanger. "And it’s no more impossible than the stuff_ you _apparently get up to. I would really like to hear more about_ that _now, please.”_

_Kirsty sighed._

_"Well, where should I start?” she asked._

_“The beginning is always good._ "

_"Okay," said Kirsty, nodding. “The beginning... We were on holiday - a place called Rainspell Island - and we met this fairy. She was a Rainbow Fairy, and we had to rescue her and six other fairies, and help them get back to Fairyland, and then when that was all done with we helped the Weather Fairies in my hometown, and then at Christmas we helped the Christmas Fairy, and then... well, we had a lot of fairy adventures. Literally hundreds.” She looked up at Tracy, illuminated in the candlelight. She was giving Kirsty an odd look. “I’m not the best storyteller.”_

_“No, no. Go on," said Tracy, leaning in and staring Kirsty in the eyes._

_"Uh... okay... well._ _We did all sorts, in all kinds of places. Helped endless fairies. We fought goblins, and saved people, and... and we flew over the rainbow to Fairyland." She blushed, realising that had sounded disgustingly twee._

_“And who is 'we'?” asked Tracy._

_“Oh!” said Kirsty, not having realised that she’d never said. "We is Rachel and me... And I guess Ruby, now._

_“I see,” said Tracy, nodding slowly. She grinned. “Must be fun.”_

_“I... sometimes it is" said Kirsty, thinking back over the past few months. "Sometimes it really kind of is." She found herself smiling._

_"Hello, ladies - what can I get for you to drink?” interrupted the waiter._

Kirsty was barely keeping her head up.

"Still more to go," said Hester. _“_ Keep Recalling, please."

"I can’t do it on command," Kirsty hissed.

"We just need to keep triggering memories, right?" said Ruby. "How can we do that?”

A silence fell over the group. From the kitchen, the sound of oil hitting a pan was just audible. The smell of vegetables cooking wafted through the room. Rachel smiled.

"Just like the stuff my mum used to make," she said, inhaling. Her eyes closed, and then, a second later, they snapped back open. She whirled around to look at Ruby, who had apparently come to the same conclusion.

"Smell!" they both cried in unison.

"It’s like, the sense most strongly connected to memory, right?" said Rachel, glancing down at Hester.

“That is correct, Rachel Walker,” said Hester.

"Wine," Kirsty muttered.

"Hmm?" said Ruby.

“We drank wine,” said Kirsty. “Would have been red. Don’t like white. Don’t remember brand, but all wine smells the same to me.”

Ruby and Rachel nodded, and rushed to the kitchen. After a brief discussion with the staff (and the exchange of a few Hester-generated pound notes), they returned with a bottle of the restaurant’s cheapest. They opened it and Kirsty lifted her head just enough to sniff the drink.

_“Well then... Now you know my biggest secret," said Kirsty, leaning back. “I think it’s only fair if you now tell me yours.”_

_“You already know it," said Tracy casually. “You saw it first-hand.”_

_“What?”_

_"I’m claustrophobic" said Tracy, taking a sip of wine. “It’s rather embarrassing, really, so I don’t particularly like telling people – but you, of course, already saw what it does to me."_

_“Ah," said Kirsty. “Then... how about... how long have you known you like girls?”_

_"Huh," said Tracy, considering the question. "Always, I suppose. I’ve never really thought about it that way."_

_“What way?_

_“Like gender’s relevant," said Tracy. "It’s not something I’ve ever really been bothered about.”_

_“So... that means that you’re...?”_

_"Hmm... I suppose I could put it this way. I’m definitely not straight. Does that answer your question?"_

_“I guess so,” said Kirsty._

_"What an interesting thing to think about," said Tracy, resting her chin on her fist. “I’ve never considered it before. You’re just full of surprises tonight, aren’t you?”_

_“...I think this is the sort of thing most people would have thought about,” said Kirsty._

_“Then I must not be most people, then," said Tracy, not seeming at all bothered by the suggestion._

_"You certainly aren't,” said Kirsty._

_“So how long have you known?” Tracy asked._

_"Known?"_

_"That you like girls.”_

_"Oh. Right." Kirsty downed the contents of her glass. "I guess I realised during the time when I was nine."_

"Guh," said Kirsty, folding over and resting her head on the table.

"Well that wasn't helpful," said Hester.

“Maybe drink some?" suggested Rachel. Seeing what little of Kirsty's face was visible turn green at the idea, she quietly held up her hands in apology.

"How about food then?” asked Ruby.

“Don’t know what I ate," muttered Kirsty.

"Yeah, but you can probably work it out using..." Ruby ran over to the entrance, then returned a moment later, "...this!" 

She slammed the menu down on the table, causing Kirsty to jolt and clutch her head at the impact.

Rachel and Ruby both leaned over, reading the menu over Kirsty’s shoulder.

“California rolls, shrimp tempura, miso soup, vegetarian gyoza..." Rachel read off the appetizers menu and glanced over at Ruby. “Huh. I’d figured this was an Italian place?"

“It is! It’s Italian-Japanese fusion,” said Ruby, pointing over at the main courses. "See?"

“...Meatball sushi." Rachel read aloud, then made a face. “Why.”

"I’d try it," said Ruby, shrugging. "How about you Kirsty? What would you order?”

"I don’t know... maybe the nori spaghetti?” said Kirsty.

“On a date, Kirsty come on, even I know not to order spaghetti on a first- ” Ruby started, then laughed. “Oh wait. You actually are that socially incompetent, aren’t you?” 

"Hey!" said Kirsty.

"Not on, Ruby" said Rachel, frowning.

“Whatever,” said Ruby, heading off to the kitchen, and returning with a box of dried seaweed and a handful of spices. She opened the box and placed it in front of Kirsty, who inhaled.

_"So, how long have you known Rachel?" Tracy asked, setting her fork down in her salad._

_“Hmm?” asked Kirsty, who had been trying to get a particularly long strand of spaghetti into her mouth without any undignified noises. Nice as it tasted, this order had been a mistake._

_“Rachel. How long have you known her?" said Tracy, and then, smiling, “You have sauce on your chin, by the way.”_

_Kirsty blushed, and quickly wiped it off with a napkin._

_"Rachel... I mean, it basically feels like forever," she began, smiling and unconsciously letting her gaze drift away from Tracy and off into space._

_"We met on Rainspell - or, technically, we met on the boat ride there. There was this rainbow... We were both eight, and we were totally inseparable that holiday. Partly because of the fairy thing, but also because... we just liked each other. So we spent every day together, and by the end of it she had become the best friend I’d ever had. We stayed in contact, even though we lived in totally different parts of the country. We saw each other every time we had time off school – every break, every holiday. That got harder when we got older, because we were busier and everything. But we promised each other we’d get into the same university and finally be together properly, and... and here we are.”_

_She shook her head, and finally looked back at Tracy, who was watching carefully._

_“It sounds like Rachel is very important to you,” she said, not giving anything away._

_"I can’t imagine life without her,” said Kirsty softly._

_“And Ruby?” said Tracy._

_"Ruby? Ruby's our friend. She became our flatmate this year. Kind of annoying... but she’s alright. Smart, occasionally funny, kind of a pain in the arse, but who isn’t sometimes?” She shrugged._

_"Alright.” Tracy sat back and gave Kirsty a sad smile. “That settles it, then."_

_"What does?" Kirsty asked, confused._

_“We’re not going to work out.”_

_"We're - what?!” said Kirsty, pulse racing. “What did I- why, what- it's the fairy stuff, isn't it, that's everything that’s wrong with – that’s why you don’t- "_

_Tracy held up a hand._

_“I like you, Kirsty, I really, sincerely do. And I believe that you like me. Which makes this hard. But I don’t want to be your second choice.”_

_“What?” Kirsty asked, swallowing. “I don’t- you’re not my- ”_

_"You're in love with someone else, Kirsty. And that’s okay. It doesn’t mean we can’t be friends, just... we_ _shouldn’t date.”_

_“I- I'm not- who do you think I’m in love with?”_

_"Oh, Kirsty, I don’t need to tell you, do I?”_

_Kirsty avoided eye contact like she was trying to burn a hole in the tablecloth._

_"Well. Maybe I just want to know_ why _you think that," she said quietly._

 _"Not to sound too cheesy or anything, but it’s in your eyes. I would‘ve noticed sooner, but I’ve never been looking directly at you when you were talking about her... or,” she sighed, “maybe I just didn’t_ want _to notice.” Tracy‘s smile was gentle. “It’s unmistakable, though, the way you look when you talk about Rachel.”_

Hester’s eyes were as wide as the plates before them.

“Do not cut things off there, Kirsty Tate!" she cried, flying over and practically assaulting Kirsty with the spice jar. "You are finally getting interesting!”

_Kirsty let out a long, heavy breath. It was one she had been holding, she realised, for most of her life._

_“At first, I thought there was a possibility that is was just the atmosphere,” Tracy continued. “But the way you talk about Ruby is completely different. That’s how I knew for sure that- “_

_“Okay! I get it,” said Kirsty._

_"I'm sorry," said Tracy. "I don’t suppose it’s easy.”_

_“No one else knows,” said Kirsty quietly. "Well - Ruby does, or rather, she thinks she knows, and she’s right, but I’ve never confirmed it. Not in words.”_

_"So I am also right.”_

_“Yes, well done.”_

_They were silent._

_”I really mean it," said Tracy. “I want to us to stay friends, if that’s okay with you.” She cracked a smile. “And not just because I still want to know more about the whole ‘magic is secretly real’ thing.”_

_”I- I could, are you sure you can’t- I mean, I could get over- it’s not like she feels the same way- “_

_“Do you know what my most fundamental belief is, Kirsty?”_

_Kirsty straightened up._

_“No?”_

_"I believe that every person deserves to be treated with respect. It’s not a terribly complex or deep belief, but it’s important to me all the same. And so I make an effort to treat everyone I know that way – though, I’ll admit, I can’t resist a little teasing from time to time... I should work on that.” She smiled._

_“Right...” said Kirsty, not sure where this was going._

_“I include myself among people I know,” Tracy continued. “I deserve to receive respect - from others, and from me. And I think it would be deeply disrespectful to myself to pursue a relationship with someone who will always view me as the next best thing – even if I do happen to like that person very much.” She sighed. “Maybe I would feel differently if your feelings were just a crush, and I wasn’t looking for an actual relationship... but that just isn’t the case here.”_

_"I... I see,” said Kirsty, quietly. “And I suppose it wouldn’t be very respectful of me to put you in that situation.”_

_“And it would not be respectful of me, to you, to push you into pretending that you do not love someone else, and keep this up,” said Tracy._

_“I guess, yeah,” said Kirsty. “This is complicated, huh?”_

_“But it has a very simple solution,” said Tracy._

_Another silence fell over the table. This time, Kirsty broke it._

_“I do like you. Really,” said Kirsty._

_“I believe you. But...” Tracy trailed off, smiling sadly. Kirsty sighed and nodded._

_“You can’t get past this. I get that. I’m sorry I couldn’t- “_

_“Don’t apologise._ Never _apologise for something like this.”_

_“But I really am sorry.”_

_“But you don’t need to be. Caring about someone as much as you care about Rachel is wonderful,” said Tracy softly._

_“But I was totally prepared to pretend I didn’t and... and try and use you to get over her,” Kirsty admitted, looking at her lap. “It was completely selfish.”_

_“Well. You can make that up to me by paying for dinner,” said Tracy, waving the waiter over and requesting the cheque._

_A few minutes later, they were outside Molinaro’s, not entirely sure how goodbyes should work under the circumstances. Tracy spoke._

_“Well, I think I’ll be heading home,” she said, staring straight ahead._

_“Uh. Yeah, that... I can walk with you?” Kirsty offered._

_“We live on opposite sides of campus,” said Tracy, shaking her head. “But you’re sweet to offer._

_“Right. Okay then. Uh. Bye, I guess?”_

_“See you later, how about?” said Tracy, looking over at Kirsty and grinning. She shrugged off her jacket and draped it across her arm. “Unseasonably warm tonight, don’t you think?”_

_“Climate change,” said Kirsty. Tracy nodded, and started off down the road._

_“Oh, and Kirsty?”_

_“Yeah?”_

_“Good luck. I really hope things work out with you and Rachel. I know you said you don’t think it will, but I think,” she glanced back and grinned, “that you two would be really cute.”_

_She turned again, and was all but gone before Kirsty could think of a response. She had practically disappeared into the dark, but every so often, as Kirsty watched, she would pass through the golden illumination of a streetlight. Kirsty found herself smiling sadly._

_From behind, with white ruffles spread out across her back and around her body, Tracy Angel lived up to her name._

Kirsty, ashen faced, slumped down in her chair. Using what little strength she still possessed, she reached up to touch her necklace - only to find nothing. Her hand dropped limply.

“I... am sorry, Kirsty Tate,” said Hester, who was strangely subdued. “You are experiencing difficult emotions. I suppose I can, to an extent...” she seemed to be choking on the word, “relate.”

“You can relate?” asked Rachel. “How? Did someone break up with you?”

“Of course not!” said Hester, with far more composure. “But revealing what I was referring to would involve sharing certain aspects of Kirsty Tate’s memories with you, Rachel Walker, which I cannot, and _will not_ do.” She gave Rachel a cold stare. “Kirsty Tate understands what I meant, and that is all you need to concern yourself with.”

Kirsty wasn’t sure that she actually did understand, but, out of a combination of exhaustion and gratitude, simply nodded.

“Oh, so you finally know why she dumped you?” asked Ruby. “What happened?”

“Don’t want to talk about it,” muttered Kirsty.

“But- “

“I _don’t want to talk about it_ ,” said Kirsty, closing her eyes.

“Hester,” Ruby whined. “Can’t you- “

“I _just_ told you I cannot and will not,” said Hester, redirecting her glare at Ruby. “Why are humans never able to grasp this?”

Ruby pouted.

“Let’s not worry about that now,” said Rachel, hands on Kirsty’s. “Clearly, Kirsty didn’t find the pill here, or you would have said, right?” Kirsty nodded sullenly. “So! I think right now we need to find a way to help Kirsty feel better, physically – because we’re not going to get anywhere further while she’s like this.”

Hester rolled her eyes.

“As you should know, Rachel Walker, the only way to heal her is to find my magical object so I can put things right. Must I constantly re-explain things to all of you? Is this my punishment for taking pleasure in my holiday?”

“But there’s got to be _something_ – something that can override the magic, if only for a little bit, so that- “

Rachel leapt up, grinning.

“What is it?” asked Ruby, startled.

“The magic of theatre!” Rachel cried. “Even if it’s only for a little bit - the magic of theatre can override fairy magic!”

“Oh, yes, of course- the what,” said Ruby.

“Ah, right, you weren’t there – last time, we found out that the magic of theatre is a real magical force. Susan told us about it,” said Rachel, grinning.

“What _exactly_ did Susan the Seasonal Depression Fairy tell you?” asked Hester, frowning.

“Um... that the magic of theatre is ancient, powerful magic and it can cancel out a low-level fairy like her...?” said Rachel, now sounding a lot less sure of herself. “Why?”

“Low-level?” asked Ruby. “Like in a video game?”

“Like Susan the Seasonal Depression Fairy is low ranking in the Fairyland hierarchy,” said Hester. “And is also, apparently, deeply uninformed. Of course the magic of theatre is old and powerful, but it still shouldn’t be enough to override a fairy’s magic – even one who is emotion-based, like Susan. Perhaps it would be more effective at dampening her abilities specifically, but it could never ‘cancel it out’, as you say. And of course, it could never override, say, a theatre fairy. Or even just a fairy that is higher ranking than her, like myself.”

“You’re higher ranking?” asked Ruby. “Aren’t you on the same team?”

“The broader a fairy’s domain within the human experience, the higher they are ranked within the Fairyland bureaucracy,” explained Hester. “Fairy teams are just groups of fairies that have domains in common.”

“Oh, yeah, Beth explained about all that,” said Ruby. “So you rank higher than Susan because...”

“Hangovers are broader than seasonal depression,” said Hester, nodding. “So I’m a step above.”

“How’s that determined, though? Who decides what’s broader?”

“Ruby, please!” said Rachel. She turned to Hester. “You’re wrong. When I went to the Half-Moon under the influence of the haywire seasonal depression magic, the effects went away completely when I entered the theatre. Susan said that was because of the magic of theatre.”

“Well, that makes no sense whatsoever,” said Hester.

“But if it worked before, it might work again,” said Rachel. “We should go there – it’s not very far, and it’s worth a try, right?”

“...I suppose a detour cannot hurt,” said Hester. “If Kirsty Tate is agreeable. Though I maintain that this will have little effect.”

Kirsty nodded, apparently having lost the strength required to speak.

***

“So you said Susan is often wrong,” said Ruby.

“That is correct,” said Hester.

The flight had been slow going. Kirsty had not been able to move more than a few metres at a time without succumbing to dizziness. Rachel was attempting to support her, while Ruby and Hester, both having grown annoyed, had flown ahead, and were now settled on a large rock outside the theatre while they waited for the others to catch up.

“She said something about the paperwork process for getting a new wand taking forever,” said Ruby. “Was that true?”

“That one is accurate,” said Hester. “It is very inconvenient.”

“Ah. Alright,” said Ruby guiltily. “But she’s wrong about other things,”

“She is clumsy, and not very bright. Good at her job, but not much else,” Hester said with a shrug.

“Wow, harsh. What about the others?”

“Hmm. Felicity the Fresher’s Flu Fairy is quite annoying. Very much a gossip, which I do not have time for. Beth the Bad Break-Up Fairy is bossy and believes that she is smarter than the rest of us... She likes to think that she is in charge.”

“But she isn’t?”

“If anyone is, it is Olive the Overdraft Fairy. I actually quite like her – she keeps Beth the Bad Break-Up Fairy in check, and she can be rather snarky when she wants to be. It is... enjoyable.”

“High praise,” said Ruby. “What about the other two we haven’t met – I think one of them is called Petra?”

“Petra the Procrastination Fairy is not terribly remarkable... though she does have a very quick temper, and can hold an absolutely awful grudge.”

“And the other one? Steph?”

A wave of emotions crossed Hester’s face, so quickly that Ruby couldn’t identify any of them before they were gone. Finally, Hester settled on letting her eyelids fall and slouching.

“Exhausting,” she said, with a deep sigh.

“...I see,” said Ruby. “So, uh, one other question? What’s up with the full names thing?”

Hester straightened her back and flew above Ruby so that she could glare down at her.

“That is none of your business, Ruby Cahill.”

Ruby swallowed.

“Okay then!”

***

When Kirsty and Rachel finally arrived, Hester turned the girls back to normal size, and the group headed over to the doors

“Locked,” said Rachel. Hester unlocked them, and they stepped inside the quiet building.

“I guess the theatre kids aren’t back yet?” asked Ruby.

“Not until next Monday,” said Rachel, shaking her head.

Kirsty, meanwhile, was slowly walking around the lobby, a look of wonder spreading across her face.

“You guys,” she said, beaming, “I’m better!”

“What,” said Hester, shooting across the room to glare at Kirsty. “No you are not, that is impossible!”

“I am though! My head’s clear, and my stomach’s settled, and my eyes don’t hurt!” She shook her head. “I’ll never take good health for granted again!”

“But that makes no sense... what is this place?” said Hester, flying around the room and inspecting the various corners, as if the answer was going to be hidden on one of the walls. “How could entering a building completely negate fairy magic?”

“Who cares?” said Rachel, grinning. “Kirsty, now that you’re feeling better, maybe you’ll have an easier time working out where you went next?”

“Hmm,” said Kirsty, concentrating. “Well, at some point, I must have got pretty drunk, obviously. And of course, that would have require me to _drink_ , so I would have gone to a shop, and- ”

_Kirsty headed down the street from the restaurant and entered the nearest grocery store, to the visible chagrin of the employees._

_“We close in five minutes,” said the long-haired girl on the till, who was flipping through a gossip magazine and staring at Kirsty with open disdain._

_“I’ll only be a second,” muttered Kirsty. “What’s your cheapest vodka?”_

_The girl sighed loudly and turned to look over the liquor shelf._

_“Own brand.”_

_“I’ll take it.”_

_A few minutes later, Kirsty was back in the park with a small bottle of vodka and the light of her phone. She cracked off the cap, and began drinking straight from the bottle. It tasted cheap and awful._

_Everything sucked._

_She took another swig-_

“Gyah!” said Kirsty, blinking. Hester was hovering over her.

“Sorry to pull you out like that, but we both would have had to relive that for ages, and I think it unlikely that you found my magic pill in the bottom of a bottle. I do not think you would have wanted to stay anyway. It was going in a rather pathetic direction.”

“Well, thanks a lot,” said Kirsty.

“You are welcome, Kirsty Tate.”

“That was sarcasm, Hester.”

“I am aware.”

“Well,” said Kirsty, having realised by this point that there was no winning an argument with Hester, “at least I know why I was so drunk. I was sad, and drank a whole bottle of vodka in a park. Glamorous.”

“How on-brand for you,” said Ruby, wandering over to check out the bulletin board.

“Shut up, Ru- huh,” said Kirsty, a thought occurring to her. Before she could follow it through, Rachel interrupted.

“I’m so sorry that I couldn’t be there for you,” said Rachel. “I wish I could have helped.”

“You couldn’t have known,” said Kirsty, shrugging.

“Still,” said Rachel, taking Kirsty by the hand. “If I’d texted, just to make sure your night was going okay – I mean, I normally would have, but I was just so caught up in my own thing that- “

_Rachel sat on her bed, alone and waiting._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yuri is short and Mia is tall because the only thing I love more than height differences is subverted gender roles. It is truly remarkable that I haven't shoehorned in a woman in a suit yet. I'll have to rectify that.
> 
> Couldn't find a natural place for it, but the reason Kirsty never really registered that Mia is quite tall is that the only other time they met, Mia was hunched over and crying. I sort of alluded to the height difference in that one Ruby and Steve scene last time, but it was never actually discussed because Ruby already knew, and Steve doesn't find that sort of thing remotely notable.
> 
> 'Molinaro' comes from Dedue Molinaro, a Fire Emblem character I really like. Alfonse is the name of my favourite Fire Emblem lord (fight me, nerds). And, serendipitously, there happens to also be a Fire Emblem character named Yuri!
> 
> I had no idea Japanese-Italian fusion was a real thing until I looked it up for this. I really want to try it...


	28. #5 Hester the Hangover Fairy - Meanwhile

_Rachel drummed her fingers on her legs, watching the digital clock next to her bed. The moment the numbers switched to 9PM, there was a little burst of light from the back of the bookshelf. Rachel’s copy of_ The Great Gatsby _fell to the floor, pushed by a small fairy who had been trapped behind it._

_“One day I will manage to enter this world in a sensible location,” she muttered, waving her wand and floating the book back up to its proper place on the shelf._

_“That’s what you said the last two times, Theresa,” said Rachel, smiling._

_Theresa the Therapist Fairy gave Rachel a warm smile in return. She was dressed professionally, in a crisp shirt, jacket and pencil skirt. Her eyes were golden brown, only a shade darker than her skin, and her hair was waist length, straight and coffee coloured. She was perfectly orderly, except for her fringe, which only just avoided getting in her eyes._

_“How are you today, Rachel?” she asked, flying over to settle at the foot of Rachel’s bed. Rachel sat at the other end, leaning back against the wall._

_“I’m pretty alright today, actually,” said Rachel._

_“Glad to hear it,” said Theresa. “Do you want to go back to where we left off last time, then?”_

_“Remind me.”_

_“We were discussing coping strategies for your feelings of inadequacy and fear of abandonment.”_

_“Ah, right. Light-hearted stuff, then.”_

_“Quite,” said Theresa, raising her eyebrows. Rachel raised hers back, and they both laughed._

_Rachel then sighed, and grimaced._

_“I just lied,” she said. “I’m not alright today.”_

_“Were you trying to prevent me from worrying, or trying to deny your feelings to yourself?” Theresa asked, looking over her notes._

_“Both.”_

_“And why do you do that?”_

_“I deny my feelings to myself so that I won’t feel them obviously and worry people,” said Rachel, and then, sighing again, “because I’m scared that if I worry people, they’ll get annoyed and leave me.”_

_“Very good,” said Theresa. “Well- not good that you’re feeling that way, of course, but I’m proud of you for being able to explain your thought process to me.”_

_“Because I’ve done it before,” said Rachel. “I don’t get why I have to keep re-explaining my problems to you.”_

_“You struggle with denial,” said Theresa. “It’s good for you to say your feelings out loud – you need to learn to accept them, instead of just pushing them away. You can’t repair the roof without first admitting that it’s leaking.”_

_“Yeah,” said Rachel. “I know. But it’s still not exactly fun.”_

_“So what’s making you not alright today?” asked Theresa, pulling out a pen and starting on a new sheet of notes._

_“It’s... I mean, it’s totally irrational,” Rachel started, then cringed as Theresa gave her a pointed look._

_“Session one.”_

_“It does not matter whether my feelings are rational or irrational,” said Rachel, not for the first time. “Most feelings are not rational. That doesn’t make them any less real or important. What matters is how I deal with them.”_

_“Excellent,” said Theresa. “Now, continue.”_

_“Kirsty’s going out with Tracy tonight,” Rachel said._

_“And why is that a problem for you?”_

_“Because... Tracy’s really great, and the date’s going to be great, and I’m a terrible friend for not being happy for Kirsty.”_

_“I see,” said Theresa, scribbling. “Are you jealous?”_

_“What? No, why would I be- “_

_“I didn’t necessarily mean romantic jealously, Rachel, if that’s what you jumped to. Jealously can be over a great number of things.”_

_“Right,” said Rachel, relaxing. “Jealous... okay. Yeah, yeah, that might make sense, actually.”_

_“Would you like to elaborate?”_

_“Alright... So, uh... Tracy’s really, really great. Like, so great, amazing, and she... she totally deserves Kirsty? Not a lot of people do, because Kirsty is the best, but Tracy does. She really appreciates Kirsty properly. And Kirsty... Kirsty deserves someone great too, and Tracy’s- “_

_“Great?”_

_“...yeah. And... and I’m not.”_

_Theresa raised an eyebrow._

_“Rachel.”_

_“I mean, I_ feel _like I’m not. Which means I also feel like... if Kirsty suddenly has a girlfriend who’s so much better than me, where does that leave me? Her less good, not as great just-a-friend?”_

_“Inadequacy and abandonment,” said Theresa._

_“Inadequacy and abandonment,” said Rachel, shaking her head. “And I feel especially awful because I really, genuinely like Tracy. I don’t want to resent her.”_

_“Firstly,” said Theresa. “I want to tell you that I’m proud of you for being able to express that you’re feeling this way.”_

_“You already said that, about admitting that I’m not alright,” said Rachel._

_“And I’m proud of you every time.”_

_“Thanks. I guess.”_

_“You’re welcome. Secondly,” Theresa shuffled some papers around, “as we have discussed, dealing with feelings of inadequacy is difficult. We’ll work on that some more later in tonight’s session, if you like.”_

_“That would be good,” said Rachel._

_“And finally... you said ‘just a friend’. Why do you think your friendship with Kirsty is less important to her than her romantic relationships? Do you view romance as more meaningful than friendship?”_

_“What?” said Rachel. “It- it isn’t... it’s just, that’s something everyone says, isn’t it?”_

_“You framed it as part of your supposed inadequacy in Kirsty’s life, and a reason for her leaving you,” said Theresa. “That implies you view it as lesser.”_

_“I...” said Rachel, chewing her lip. “I... I’m not proud of this.”_

_“I am not here to judge you.”_

_“I know- and I, uh, I trust you. It’s just. It’s hard.”_

_“Take all the time you need.”_

_They sat in silence for a long moment, Rachel scrunching her fists into the duvet and frowning. Finally, she spoke._

_“Okay. So maybe I do think romance is more important than friendship.”_

_“Alright,” said Theresa, picking up her pen once more._

_“I shouldn’t, but I do – I have all these romantic ideals. I... I love the idea of being in a relationship, where I have that label that says ‘yes, this person loves me’ and that they can’t just leave me easily, like a friend could. I know that’s stupid and naïve, of course someone you’re dating can leave you, but... it’s still different.”_

_“So you want romance for a sense of security?”_

_“Well... yes, but... it’s not just that. There’s also...” Rachel turned red. “I love the idea of love. The idea of being loved, yeah, obviously, but also... just loving them. It seems like it would be wonderful, to love someone that much.”_

_“Wanting to love someone is not a bad thing,” said Theresa._

_“So why can’t I keep a relationship?” asked Rachel. “I... I’ve dated a lot of boys. More than I tell people, because... I’m a girl, and people don’t always say the nicest things about girls who’ve dated lots of boys.”_

_“They shouldn’t,” said Theresa, brows furrowed. “There’s nothing wrong with- “_

_“Yeah, I know, I know, just... knowing that doesn’t make it easier.”_

_“Regardless - you’re 18,” said Theresa. “It’s not that unusual that you’ve never had a long-term relationship.”_

_“But... it’s just... look. Here’s the thing. Lots of boys have liked me. And that’s not surprising, I get it,” she laughed and placed a hand under her chin. “If there’s one thing I don’t feel inadequate about, it’s my looks. I know I’m cute.”_

_“I’m glad to hear that’s an area you feel confident in,” said Theresa, furiously scribbling._

_“It’s the only one, but hey,” said Rachel. “Anyway, I always figure... they like me. So maybe, if I give them a chance, I’ll feel the same way. And then I’ll get to experience love.”_

_“But that hasn’t happened yet?” said Theresa._

_“No. Nothing’s ever lasted longer than a month, and... and it can be really hard when I’m around Kirsty because – I don’t know how to explain this.”_

_“Is it that Kirsty has been in successful relationships, and you’re envious?”_

_“No, no that’s not it at all – it’s how I feel when I’m with her sometimes. It’s... incredible. She’ll smile, and I’ll feel safe and cared for, but also so, so strong, like there’s nothing I can’t do. And then she talks, and there’s nothing more interesting or important in the whole world, and I feel the same when she listens to me. And then she laughs, and it’s pure, unadulterated joy... And she’s just my best friend! So romantic love - that must be even better! Which makes me think... what if I never get to feel it?”_

_Theresa let out a tiny cough, and Rachel snapped out of her reverie to look at her. The little fairy’s shoulders were shaking as she stared down at her notes, very deliberately not meeting Rachel’s eyes._

_“Rachel,” she said, very carefully. “Have you considered the possibility that- “_

_There was a sudden crashing noise from the direction of Ruby’s bedroom. Rachel shot up and rushed out into the corridor._

_“What happened?” she called._

_“Nothing!” Ruby called back from behind her closed door. “Just dropped something!”_

_“Are you okay? It sounded heavy.”_

_“It was!”_

_There was a muffled sound that resembled someone blowing a raspberry, followed by a shushing noise._

_“Well... if everything’s alright,” said Rachel._

_“It is!” said Ruby. Rachel nodded and returned to her room._

_“Are you ready to resume?” asked Theresa._

_“Yeah. Can we do that inadequacy work now?”_

_“You don’t wish to continue our previous discussion?”_

_“Nah,” said Rachel. “It felt good to say, but... I want to work on actually improving now, I think.”_

_“As you wish,” said Theresa, making a final note, and turning to a blank page._

Rachel looked between Kirsty and Hester in horror.

“Did – did you both see- “

“Only I did, Rachel Walker,” said Hester, floating upside-down again and looking deeply amused. “And of course, your secrets are safe with me.”

“You had a Recall?” said Kirsty. “How? You never came into contact with the pill – did you?”

“Hmm...” said Hester, frowning. “This is very strange. Today has been full of things that should not have been possible, and I am not enjoying it.” She turned right side up and scowled.

“It’s really disorientating,” said Rachel, sitting down and folding in on herself.

Ruby walked back over and placed a hand on Rachel’s back.

“You alright? You look shaken.”

“Oh, but no sympathy for me?” asked Kirsty, mirroring Ruby.

“Well, the difference is that this time it happened to Rachel,” said Ruby, gently rubbing circles on Rachel’s shoulders.

“So you admit to having a problem with me,” said Kirsty, stroking Rachel’s hair.

“When did I say I didn’t?”

“What is it, then!?”

“Oh, Kirsty. The way this day is going, you’ll find out soon enough.”

“You guys!” cried Rachel, as her shoulder started to feel slightly numb and her hair began resembling a bird’s nest. “Would you please just- “

She pushed them off her, harder than she meant to, and both stumbled back. Ruby crashed into Kirsty, knocking them both to the floor.

“Oh, great job Kirsty, way to stay upright,” said Ruby, attempting to disentangle herself, only to find she had caught a bracelet on Kirsty’s belt loop.

“The hell – anyone would collapse if they were hit by someone as tall as you!”

“If they were skinny enough to get knocked down by a gust of wind, maybe.”

“Well, maybe _you_ should install a wind turbine in your _mouth_ so it’ll do something useful for once!”

“I’m not even _that_ tall, you- “

“Guys, _please_ ,” said Rachel.

“If you must argue, I would prefer that you exchange better insults,” said Hester moodily.

Kirsty shifted and grabbed Ruby’s hand, taking over trying to separate the bracelet from her jeans.

“Damnit, Ruby, how are you this useless- “

_“Wow, Ruby,” said Steve, watching as Ruby floated a book around the room. “You’ve picked this up so fast! You’re quite talented. For a human, anyway.”_

_“Oh, no, it took a lot of practice,” said Ruby, wand in hand. “And breaking things.”_

_“Yeah, but you can do it now, and I bet you’ll be able to do other stuff soon, too!” said Steve, catching the book as Ruby let it drop._

_“I guess,” said Ruby, trying to hide a smile._

_“Does weight affect how easy it is to lift things?”_

_“No, but size does,” said Ruby. “Small stuff is easier.”_

_“What’s the biggest thing you’ve managed to lift?”_

_“My mattress.”_

_“Okay,” said Steve, rubbing his hands together. “Pick me up then! I’ve always wanted to see what flying is like.”_

_Ruby laughed, then pointed the wand at Steve and concentrated. Slowly, Steve rose into the air._

_“Whoa,” he said, glancing around and beginning to flail. “I changed my mind, I don’t like this, put me down!”_

_“Don’t struggle!” said Ruby. “It’s hard to concentrate and- “_

_She dropped Steve, and he fell to the floor with a crash. A moment later, Rachel was calling out from behind the door._

_“What happened?”_

_“Nothing!” Ruby called back, getting up to check Steve for injuries. “Just dropped something!”_

_“Are you okay? It sounded heavy.”_

_“It was!”_

_Steve lifted his head, stuck out his tongue at her, and blew a raspberry in Ruby’s face._

_“Shhhh! That’s disgusting!” Ruby hissed._

_“Well... if everything’s alright,” called Rachel._

_“It is!” said Ruby._

_As Rachel’s footsteps faded, Steve sat up and glared._

_“You still keep hurting me, even now we’re friends!”_

_“Hey, you asked for it this time,” said Ruby, shrugging._

_“I asked to be picked up, not dropped!”_

_“Well,” said Ruby, “I guess I’m sort of at fault. I shouldn’t have lifted you so high - you’re just not used to flying, like I am. I’ve done it five whole times, after all.”_

_“Don’t sound so smug,” said Steve. “That’s not actually that impressive.”_

_“Speaking of flying,” said Ruby, ignoring him, “How long do you think it’ll be until I’m able to turn myself into a fairy?”_

_“Forever,” said Steve. “That’s impossible.”_

_“I literally_ just _said I’ve been a fairy several times already.”_

_“Yes, but someone else transformed you,” said Steve. “You can’t do it to yourself.”_

_“Susan said something about that – but she also said she was able to do changing magic on herself, so I figured, since have_ her _wand...”_

_“It doesn’t work like that – the wand is just a conduit for magic. There’s nothing special about any individual wand.”_

_“So how am I supposed to get to Fairyland when we finally begin the revolution?” asked Ruby. “You said humans can’t exist there.”_

_“Make some fairy dust,” said Steve. “I don’t think it’s very hard, as long as you have a repository.”_

_“Repository?”_

_“Something specially designed to hold it. It’s kind of like how you can’t exist in Fairyland; fairy dust is pure magic, so it can’t exist here unless its container is magical too. Of course, only fairies can make dust or repositories, but that’s not a problem - I’m pretty sure that bag you used on me had just enough left for a short transformation. So do that, make some more and keep it in there.“_

_“Um,” said Ruby. “You, uh... you remember how I threw out all my rubbish at the end of last term?”_

_Steve pinched the bridge of his nose._

_“Fantastic.”_

_“I didn’t know! But look, don’t worry, I’ll find some more. Next time there’s a fairy, I’ll get one off her, alright?”_

_“Alright,” said Steve. “I trust you.”_

_They entered a companionable silence, engrossed in their phones. After a long while, Steve closed a tab, and looked over at Ruby._

_“So I’ve been reading more about gender,” he said. “It’s all very interesting.”_

_“Oh yeah? What sorts of things?”_

_“Well, I was trying to find out more about girls, and I discovered there’s something called ‘feminism’. I found it infuriating.”_

_“Tread carefully now,” said Ruby, narrowing her eyes at him._

_“I do not understand why you should need such a thing. Why would anyone treat you badly_ _because you’re a girl? You’re the best person I know.”_

 _“Ah._ That’s _where you were going with it. You’re right, it’s not fair. I’ll get you some books on it.”_

_Steve nodded and scrolled down a new page on his phone._

_“Oh, yes! After finding out about feminism, I clicked on some other links, and eventually I found some pages that said some humans aren’t male or female?”_

_“Uh, yeah... I think that’s called ‘non-binary’? I don’t know a lot about it,” said Ruby. “I never mentioned it to you because I didn’t want to get anything wrong, but I guess that’s what you are?”_

_Steve considered for a moment, then shook his head._

_“No. I don’t think it’s the same.”_

_“How so?” asked Ruby._

_“Well, this page says lack of gender is one of many gender identities. But I don’t have an identity. I’m just me.”_

_“Yeah, like I said- “_

_“No,” Steve said, “it’s like... if you went to another planet, like on that stupid show you like, and some of the aliens there had pink stripes, and some had purple, and so on, and also some had none at all. And you talked to the aliens and found out that stripes are really important to their social system. Which is interesting. But you don’t start identifying with the aliens who don’t have stripes, it doesn’t suddenly become part of who you are just because it is for them. You’re an outsider, it’s not your culture - so why would you have an identity from it?”_

_“I... guess I see what you mean,” said Ruby, titling her head. “Like I said, I don’t really get this stuff. But I, uh, support you, I guess? Is there a reason you brought it up?”_

_“No, not really. I was just reading about it and I wanted to know what you knew.”_

_“Well, I... huh,” Ruby trailed off, deep in thought._

_“What?”_

_“I don’t know everything about my world. Far from it. But you seem to know pretty much everything about yours - even the stuff that has nothing to do with you. Where did you learn it all?”_

_Steve blinked._

_“I... don’t remember. I just know. I’ve no idea how.”_

_“Huh.”_

_They returned to comfortable silence and scrolling. Another thought still nagged at Ruby._

_“Why were you researching girls?” she asked. Steve stared at his phone. The screen was blank._

_“I wanted to know what girls like,” he said._

_“We’re half the human population, Steve, we like a lot of different things,” said Ruby._

_“I gathered that from my feminism readings,” said Steve, still very deliberately not looking at Ruby. “...what do you like?”_

_“Me?”_

_“Yes... you are a girl.”_

_“That is true. Well, um... I like TV. And climbing, and spending time with friends, and learning things, and...”_

_“What about tangible things?”_

_“_ Tangible? _Big words... I, uh, I suppose... I like soup?”_

_“Soup?”_

_“Well, not_ only _soup but... that’s the first thing that came to mind? Guess I must be hungry.”_

_“Hmm,” said Steve._

_“Why did you want to know?” asked Ruby, suspicious._

_“I was just curious. That’s all,” said Steve._

“Very, very interesting, Ruby Cahill,” said Hester, wide-eyed.

“What was?” asked Kirsty. “Wait- did you- “

“Yes,” said Ruby. “And I’m not telling you a thing about it.”

She got up, gesturing for Hester to follow her to the other side of the room. Hester obliged, hovering close to Ruby’s face so they could whisper.

“Does the not-telling-people thing include everyone in Fairyland?” asked Ruby.

“Yes. My privacy magic is absolute,” said Hester. “That being said – there was some fascinating stuff in that memory. I would love to know more.”

Ruby narrowed her eyes.

“You can’t talk about anything you saw in a Recall without my permission. But if I tell you anything else, that _won’t_ be covered by the privacy magic, and you’ll be able to share it with whoever you like.”

A devious grin spread across Hester’s face.

“Clever girl, Ruby Cahill,” she said. “I think you are my favourite, too. Much better than that drama over there, at the very least.”

Meanwhile, ‘that drama’ were attempting to work out where to go next.

“So, what time did that shop you went to close?” asked Rachel, leaning over to look at her friend’s phone screen.

“11:00 PM,” said Kirsty, checking the website, “and I was in there five minutes before closing.”

“And when did you get home?”

“Ruby said it was around four.”

“So we need to work out what you could have been doing for those five hours,” said Rachel.

“And we’ve also got to work out where that goblin comes into it – and what happened to my necklace,” said Kirsty. “I don’t think I would have stayed in the park all night.”

“But what’s even open that late on a weekday in January?” asked Rachel.

“You know, Ruby said something earlier about drinking a lot of vodka being ‘on-brand’ for me and she,” she glanced over at Ruby to check that she was out of earshot, then whispered, ”kind of had a point – I _am_ an experienced vodka drinker. And I’ve definitely never blacked out on it before.”

“So?”

“So maybe I went to a club and drank something else there – that would be a sensible explanation for where I was, _and_ how I got messed up enough that I can’t remember anything.” She frowned. “The only problem is – which one?”

“Check your bank account,” said Rachel. “See where you last spent money.”

“That’s... really smart,” said Kirsty. Rachel grinned, and watched as Kirsty pulled up her bank statement and clicked through her transactions. “Huh. There’s nothing here after the grocery store. And I don’t carry cash, so whatever I did, I didn’t spend money doing it.”

“Not a club, then.”

”Oh, please do hurry up, Kirsty Tate,” said Hester, floating back over with Ruby in tow. “I do not like this place.” She glared at the ticket counter as if it had personally insulted her.

“Me neither, _Hester the Hangover Fairy_ , but unfortunately I can’t just magically remember stuff.” She folded her arms. “At least, I can’t without your pill’s influence, and I’ll remind you that _I_ wasn’t the one who lost it.”

“You _rude_ little- “ Hester started.

“Hey, Hester!” interrupted Rachel. “What’s up with the surnames thing?”

Behind Hester, Ruby made rapid ‘no’ motions with her hands. Hester turned to Rachel, eyes aflame.

“That is _none of your business_ – I keep all of your secrets! Why should I not get mine? Why do you keep asking?”

“S-sorry,” said Rachel.

“Hey, Hester, come on – she wasn’t there when I asked,” said Ruby.

“Surnames...” muttered Kirsty. “I think- I think there was- “

_“I- I am Kirsty Walker!” said Kirsty. Then she frowned. “Wait. That’s wrong.”_

_“Well, nice to see you again, Kirsty,” said the boy standing on the other side of the till. He was dressed in a hideous pink polo shirt that clashed horribly with his ginger hair. He leaned over on the counter, arms folded, somehow looking both exasperated and amused. “You may as well stay here. I’ve not got much to do but stack these,” he pointed to a package of medications at his feet, “and you seem... vaguely more entertaining. So, even though it’s breaking store policy, I won’t kick you out.”_

_“Thank you!” said Kirsty, tearing up. “I am so grateful to you- to you...”_

_“Sam,” said the boy and then, laughing. “Sam McKinley. Not that I think you’ll remember it.”_

“Sam McKinley,” Kirsty said aloud.

“Who the hell is Sam McKinley?” asked Ruby.

“Don’t know!” said Kirsty. “But I think I do know where I met him – and that might just be where I found the pill, too!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A note regarding Steve and gender - that explanation he gives is there for a few different reasons, the most meta being that I wanted to take the opportunity to clarify my intent with him. I never really meant for Steve to be an NB character - if I had, I would have written him very differently. Steve is far more the result of my fascination with the idea of cultures that lack concepts we consider fundamental - like gender. As he says, I think there's a distinct difference between his situation and gender identity as we know it. I hope it made sense?
> 
> That being said, if you want to read Steve (or, for that matter, any of the characters) as NB anyway, go ahead! I just believe that when it comes to this sort of thing, writers should always be honest with their audience about what they intended - even if what they're writing is Rainbow Magic fan fiction, and their audience is like ten people and their mum.


	29. #5 Hester the Hangover Fairy - The Longest Night

“Think about it!” said Kirsty as they headed out of the theatre. “Where could I have gone that was open all night, but wasn’t a club?”

“A bar?” asked Ruby.

“All night? Without buying anything?” said Kirsty.

“Okay, fine... but I don’t see what else would be open all hours- “

“Oh! I get it!” cried Rachel. “The 24-hour store!”

“Exactly,” said Kirsty. “I’m familiar with it, it’s huge, and the night staff don’t- uggggghhh.”

She clutched her head, then her stomach.

“It’s back?” asked Rachel.

“No, I’m doubled over like this for fun,” said Kirsty.

“I think it’s back,” Ruby told Rachel. Rachel put her arm around Kirsty sympathetically.

“So the effects truly were concentrated to that strange place...” said Hester.

“Let’s just find your magical object and put an end to this,” said Kirsty, straightening up and allowing Hester to transform her once more.

***

“God, I hope that’s the last time we have to fly before we fix this,” said Kirsty, landing in the shop’s car park and stumbling forward. She made it to the nearest car and collapsed against its tyre.

“Come on,” said Rachel, landing next to her and gently pulling her back up. “You’ve got memories to retrieve, remember? Let’s go find out if we’re in the right place.”

The girls headed into the shop, Hester hiding on Rachel’s shoulder. It was moderately busy, but not so much so that they had to wait for a chance to approach the tills.

“Hi,” said Kirsty, placing her hands on the counter. “Sam McKinley works here, right? Ginger, kind of skinny, about our age? We’re looking for him.”

“Um,” said the girl behind it, leaning backwards. “I, um, I- “

“She’s not supposed to tell us that, moron,” said Ruby, pulling Kirsty back. “Workplace protection. In case you’re like, his stalker or something.” She looked Kirsty up and down. “And considering how you look right now...”

“Shut up, Ruby,” said Kirsty. Ruby rolled her eyes and stepped up to the counter.

“Look, it’s okay,” she told the girl. “We don’t even know Sam, we just want any information you can give us because we need something from him.”

“I- uh- I _really_ don’t think- “ the girl stammered.

“Oh, for- “ said Rachel, rolling her eyes. She shoved Ruby aside and placed a hand on her own chest. “May I please speak to your manager?”

The poor girl nodded gratefully and pressed a button on her headset. A moment later, an older man came out of a nearby door. Rachel walked over to greet him, Kirsty and Ruby following behind.

“What can I do for you girls?” he asked.

“Stay back- I will do the talking,” Rachel hissed to the others, then turned to the man and gave him a beaming grin. “Hi! There’s this guy called Sam on my uni course, and he left his lucky pen behind in a seminar last term. He told me that he worked here, but I don’t know him super well, so I don’t have his contact details. I wanted to make sure that I returned it before the new term - we have a test first day back!” She fumbled in her pockets. “I know I’ve got it with me. My friend _Hester_ told me to keep it _right here_ so I wouldn’t lose it...”

There was a small flash, and suddenly Rachel’s right pocket was a little heavier. She reached inside and pulled out a pink, sparkly ballpoint pen. The manager raised an eyebrow at her.

“This is _Sam’s?_ ”

“I think it’s ironic?” Rachel said, shrugging. “Not sure. Like I said, I don’t know him very well.”

“I’ll make sure he gets it back,” said the manager, taking the pen and heading back through the door.

“You have been getting better and better at lying this year,” said Kirsty, raising her eyebrows.

“Not lying – acting!” said Rachel. “I’m a theatre kid now.”

“You haven’t even started. And you’re working backstage.”

“Hush.”

”Well, anyway,” said Ruby. “Now that we know he works here, that means we’re definitely in the right place. So you just need to find a Recall trigger.”

“I’d kind of hoped just walking in would do it,” Kirsty admitted.

“Maybe it’s harder since you were actually drunk at this point?” suggested Rachel. “Try really concentrating.”

“Alright...” said Kirsty, closing her eyes and letting the sounds of the shop surround her...

_It was all but silent when Kirsty stumbled into the 24-hour store. The only person inside was boy stood at the tills, who unapologetically did not look up from his phone as she entered. Kirsty grinned and made her way to him, leaning over the counter to see what was on the screen. The boy made no effort to stop her._

_“Tha’s a fanfiction website,” said Kirsty, grinning. “You’re a nerd.”_

_“And how do you know what it is?” said the boy, not looking up. Kirsty huffed._

_“You shouldn’t be on that. You’re at work.”_

_“And what are you going to do about it?”_

_“Call the manager!” Kirsty shouted, pointing into the air._

_“No you won’t.”_

_He still hadn’t looked up. Kirsty narrowed her eyes and gave him a scrutinous stare._

_“I know you!” she cried._

_“Don’t think so, sweetie.”_

_“No, no, I tooooooottttally do! You’re...” she screwed up her face, “Mia! You’re Mia’s roommate!”_

_The boy looked up at that, blinking as he saw Kirsty properly for the first time._

_“Oh, yeah! You’re one of those girls who came by after she broke up with Yuri for like a day.”_

_“You were nicer then,” said Kirsty._

_“I wasn’t at work then,” said the boy. Kirsty scowled._

_“You should be nicer always. Being nice is good. Rachel’s the nicest person ever and tha’s why she’s the best.”_

_“Get a job in retail and you’ll see why I’m not,” said the boy, rolling his eyes. “Who’s Rachel?”_

_“My best friend. I love her. She’s so pretty.”_

_“And who are you, then? Other than very drunk.”_

_“I,” announced Kirsty, “I am Kirsty Walker!” Then she frowned. “Wait. That’s wrong.”_

_“Well, nice to see you again, Kirsty. You may as well stay here. I’ve not got much to do but stack these,” he pointed to a package of medications at his feet, “and you seem... vaguely more entertaining. So, even though it’s breaking store policy, I won’t kick you out.”_

_“Thank you!” said Kirsty, tearing up. “I am so grateful to you- to you...”_

_“Sam,” said the boy and then, laughing. “Sam McKinley. Not that I think you’ll remember it.”_

_“I will remember it forever.”_

_“Sure,” said Sam._

_“What’s the shto- store policy you’re breaking?”_

_“I’m not meant to let drunk people stay in the store. You’re disruptive. But seeing as there’s no one else here...” Sam shrugged. “What the hell. It’s not like I really care.”_

_Kirsty narrowed her eyes and leaned towards him._

_“D’you wanna kiss me?”_

_“No,” said Sam, without emotion._

_“Why not?” Kirsty whined._

_“Well, in ascending order of importance – one, I am at work and you are a customer, two, I am quite gay, and three, you are clearly extremely intoxicated, which means it would be_ deeply _unethical of me to take you up on the offer.”_

_“Is it because you find me not attractive?” asked Kirsty, sinking to her knees and placing her chin on the counter._

_“I refer you to reason number two.”_

_Kirsty let out a long, dramatic sigh and turned to sit against the front of the counter. Sam leaned over to look down at her._

_“Nobody’s ever going to love me,” said Kirsty._

_“Oh, fantastic,” said Sam. “You’re a_ sad _drunk.”_

“If we ever do see Sam again, I will not be able to face him,” said Kirsty, having gone bright red. “I will die of embarrassment before words are exchanged.”

“That bad?” asked Rachel.

“Worse,” said Kirsty.

“Nice,” said Ruby. “Any clues, though?”

“Yes,” said Kirsty. “Last time, there was a bit where he mentioned shelving medications. And I just saw that bit again – so it must have been important, right? And since we’re looking for a pill...”

“On it!” said Rachel, leading them back over to the tills. The girl stood as far away as possible from them, wary.

“How can I help you three now...?” she asked.

“I just wanted to ask – which of those meds back there were most recently stocked?” Rachel said.

“Umm... probably these ones,” said the girl, running her finger over the tops of the boxes and stopping when she reached the only ones not covered in dust.

“Brilliant! I’m pretty sure those are the ones I’m looking for – I always prefer it when they’re fresh.”

“ _Fresh?_ ” muttered Ruby.

“...you want heartburn medicine for over-65s?” asked the girl.

“My medical needs are none of your business,” said Rachel, straightening her back.

The girl blushed and handed Rachel one of the boxes.

“That’ll be- “

“Hang on,” said Rachel, “we just need to check them.”

She handed the box to Kirsty, and the three gathered in a circle.

“Anything?” asked Ruby.

“Yeah... I recognise this...” said Kirsty.

_“Is’ not fair,” said Kirsty. She was sat on the anti-fatigue mat behind the till, watching Sam stack the medicine shelf._

_“Yeah, well, that’s life, isn’t it,” said Sam, slicing open the next package of medicine boxes with a box cutter. The plastic ripped in the wrong place, and little boxes scattered everywhere. “Exhibit A.”_

_Kirsty picked one up and began attempting to spin it between her pointer fingers. She failed miserably._

_“Tracy was perfect. She was cool and nice and good at everything and I told her my biggest secret and she was okay with it. And I messed it up anyway.”_

_“Sounds rough – give me that,” said Sam, leaning down and taking the box from her. As he did so, he knocked against one of the lower shelves, sending more boxes tumbling to the ground. He let out a long, deep sigh._

_“She was right though. She said she would always be second best, and she was right,” said Kirsty, picking up one of the new boxes to play with._

_“Second best to who?”_

_“Rachel,” said Kirsty. “Tha’s why is’ not fair.”_

_“Oh, I see - is this a classic ‘I fell in love with my straight best friend’ thing? How cliché.”_

_“Shut up,” said Kirsty, flopping over and burying her cheek in the mat. “Is’ worse than that.”_

_“How so?”_

_“Not fair of me.”_

_“How so?”_

_“My childhood was super weird.”_

_“Okay,” said Sam. “Want to tell me how that’s relevant?”_

_“Not really,” said Kirsty, voice muffled by mat. “Makes me feel bad.”_

_“Fine, fine. Let me guess, though – you’ve never told Rachel any of this?”_

_“Course not.”_

_“Figures.” He spotted the box still in her Kirsty’s hand. “Hey, give me that would you, it needs to go back on the shel- “_

_They were interrupted by the sound of the door opening. Kirsty pulled herself up to see the new customer – he was hunched over and buried in a ragged hoodie. As he walked past them towards the food aisles, a long, green hand reached up to pull back the fabric, revealing a bald head and pointy ears. Her eyes widened._

_“Tha’s a goblin!” she cried. She shoved Sam aside and lurched off in the same direction._

_“Gob- are you high?” asked Sam, following. “Because I_ definitely _have to kick you out if you’re high.”_

“Food aisles,” said Kirsty. Rachel turned back to the cashier.

“Sorry – we actually don’t need these after all! Thanks for your help!”

They left the baffled girl behind and headed off, following Kirsty’s lead.

“What are you doing?” Ruby asked Rachel, who had taken her phone out and was furiously typing.

“Saying nice things about that cashier on the store feedback form. She’s been putting up with a lot from us.”

“What a good idea,” said Ruby. “Retail workers do boring, exhausting and thankless jobs. We should _all_ take every opportunity to say nice things about them whenever possible.”

“Exactly. They’re essential workers in our society and deserve the utmost respect,” said Rachel. “Why are we going to the food aisles, by the way?”

“That goblin – this is where I saw him,” said Kirsty. “There’s no way he wasn’t part of this.”

“Oh?” asked Ruby, going slightly pale. “Just... one?”

“Yeah. Dressed in a hoodie. I think we know him.”

“Know him!? How could we know him, he’s a goblin, none of us know any goblins, unless you know goblins, but I definitely don’t. Know any. Especially not goblins that wear hoodies. Ha.”

“...I meant we’ve run into him before,” said Kirsty, giving Ruby a sideways glance. “You alright?”

“Yes, obviously, I’m fine, don’t be ridiculous.”

They arrived at the first food aisle, which was stocked with non-perishables. Rachel walked into it and picked up a can.

“Hey, Ruby, check it out! The fancy soup you like is half-off!”

“Soup?” said Kirsty.

_“Hey, you! Goblin,” Kirsty shouted, skidding into the non-perishables aisle. “Why’re you here?”_

_“I am here to shop,” said the goblin. Sam ran up behind them._

_“Sam! He’s here to shc- steal the shop! Is’ what goblins do.”_

_“Kirsty, that’s really rude. Sir, I am incredibly sorry, please do under-“ he choked on his words, “-green.”_

_“I have a rare skin condition,” said the goblin. “It’s chronic, but don’t worry, you can’t catch it.”_

_“Of course,” said Sam. “I’m sorry.”_

_“He’s lyin’ Sam! Sam, Sam, you’ve gotta listen, he’s a_ goblin _, I_ know _him, is’ what they- mff!”_

_Sam had covered her mouth with his hand._

_“I am_ extremely _sorry, sir,” he said. The goblin waved his hand dismissively and returned his attention to the shelves. Kirsty shook Sam off her._

 _“How come you’re being so nice to_ him? _” she whined._

_“Because he’ll actually remember this tomorrow!”_

_“I could use your assistance,” said the goblin. Sam turned to him, offering a friendly, fake smile._

_“Of course – how can I help?”_

_“These packets say they contain soup,” he shook one. “But soup is a liquid.”_

_“Um. Yes – those are our instant soup packets. Very good for students, you just add water.”_

_“I see,” said the goblin. He held up a can. “And this also contains soup?”_

_“Yes – we also have stock, and fresh ingredients, if you wanted to make it yourself?” said Sam._

_“I am not allowed to use the stove,” said the goblin, shaking his head._

_“Sammmm you gotta_ stop _him,” said Kirsty, shaking Sam’s shoulders. “He’s gonna steal the soup!”_

_“I am not!” said the goblin. “I have every intention of paying!” He held up a wallet. “I brought £50, and a UKIP membership card!”_

_Kirsty ignored him._

_“Goblins steal everything. Feathers, and party bags, and jewels, and pets and- and- and_ childhoods... _”_

_“The hell are you talking about?” said Sam._

_“Why do even want soup, you goblin?” asked Kirsty._

_“I am buying a birthday present for my best friend!” said the goblin, now a little indignant. Kirsty laughed._

_“_ Goblins _don’t have- “_

_“Okay, that’s enough,” said Sam. He grabbed Kirsty by the shoulders and turned her around. “Go sit behind the tills, Kirsty. The vape boxes are nice and colourful, play with them.”_

_“Do you_ promise _you won’t trust him?”_

_“Yeah, sure, whatever – just let me do my job, okay?”_

_Half an hour later, the goblin left the store, carrying three bags teeming with £47.65 worth of soup products._

“What. The _hell._ Was that,” said Kirsty.

“I concur,” said Hester.

“What happened?” Rachel asked.

“The goblin... only wanted to buy soup? He said he was,” Kirsty frowned, “’buying a birthday present for his best friend’.”

Rachel laughed.

“Weird. Who knew goblins celebrated- Ruby?”

Ruby was on the verge of tears.

“He said what?” she asked, blinking.

“...that he was buying a birthday present,” said Kirsty.

“For?”

“His best friend- are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. Completely. Everything’s normal,” said Ruby, unable to suppress the grin that had spread across her face.

“Right...” said Kirsty.

“So what happened after the goblin?” asked Rachel.

“Don’t know. I didn’t Recall that far,” said Kirsty. “I don’t know what to do next- “

“Ah! Good, you’re still here,” said a voice from behind the girls. They turned to see the manager, holding out the pen Rachel had given him. “I texted Sam – he said this doesn’t belong to him, and that he’d ‘never own something that tacky’.”

From within Rachel’s hair, Hester let out a small huff.

“Oh!” said Rachel, taking it back. “I’m sorry, I must have been mistaken.”

“He also asked if any of you were ‘Kirsty Walker’?”

“Kirsty _what?_ ” said Ruby, delighted.

“That is _not_ your name,” whispered Hester, indignant.

“Aww, Kirsty,” said Rachel. “Did you get mixed up and think we were sisters?”

Ruby made a choking noise and covered her mouth, tears once again appearing in her eyes.

“That would be me,” said Kirsty through gritted teeth.

“Yeah, that makes sense,” said the manager. “You look like you had a rough night. No offense.”

“None taken.”

“Sam thought you might come back here – he just wanted me to let you know that he looked after you and got you home safely, if you don’t remember.”

“Thanks,” said Kirsty, face scarlet and still fixed in a grimace. “That’s actually really helpful to hear.”

“No problem,” said the manager, waving as he walked away.

“ _Kirsty Walker_ ,” said Ruby. “Incredible. Truly incredible.”

“Shut up Ruby,” said Kirsty. “I was- “

_When the clock struck 3 AM, Sam hauled Kirsty up._

_“Alright, that’s my shift done. As soon as Mikhail gets here, we’re leaving.”_

_“Wanna stay.”_

_“No. You’re going home.”_

_“You don’t know where I live!”_

_“Well, if you don’t tell me, I’ll take you back to my flat and make you sleep on my sofa. Probably a lot less comfortable than your own bed, right?”_

_“Rrrnngh,” said Kirsty, pouting._

_“Exactly,” said Sam, and then, under his breath, “Like dealing with a little kid.”_

_The door opened, and an older man entered the store. Sam walked over, spoke to him briefly, then headed to the break room to clock out. As Kirsty and Sam left, the man waved to Kirsty from behind the till, and she waved back, grinning._

_“He looked nice!” said Kirsty as they stepped out into the night._

_“He is nice,” said Sam, shoving his hands in his pockets. “Which is why I’m taking you home now and not dumping you on him.”_

_“I can take myself home, you know!”_

_“I’m sure you usually can. But I’m not going to leave a drunk girl to wander around a city on her own in the middle of the night,” said Sam._

_“Such chi- chiv- you know. That noble manly thing,” said Kirsty._

_“I think it’s more just ‘basic decency’.”_

_They walked in silence for a while. Kirsty was slow moving, having entered a stage of sleepy drunkenness. Sam eventually found himself all but dragging her in the direction of the university. When they finally arrived at the entrance to the accommodation sites, he shook her._

_“So, are you going to tell me where you live, or are you sleeping on my sofa?”_

_“Just there,” said Kirsty, pointing at her building._

_“And of course it’s the one that’s furthest away,” said Sam, sighing. “Alright, come on.”_

_“Don’t wanna,” said Kirsty, dragging her feet._

_“And why is that?” asked Sam, pulling her forward anyway._

_“I’s ’cause I’ll have to tell ‘em Tracy’s over. Ruby’ll make fun of me, and Rachel’ll be real nice and supportive and ask what happened. And it’s all just gonna suck. I hate all of this sooo much.”_

_“Ah. Right, of course,” said Sam. “Hey – do you want to know something weird about my job?”_

_“What?”_

_“A lot of people overshare with me. I’m not sure why they think I’m... I don’t know, some kind of free therapist, but they do. Maybe they just want to vent.” He shrugged. “Probably doesn’t help that I work at night. Sometimes they tell me nice things, like about their kids, or pets. And sometimes it’s just really mundane stuff, like the specific reasons they do or don’t need a receipt – it’s like, lady, I do not care that you want a receipt because you need to compare it with last week’s shopping, or that you don’t want one because you have online banking and keep track of things there. Just_ leave, _god.” He cleared his throat. “But anyway – sometimes, it’s really heavy. Sibling rivalries, and nightmare in-laws, and estranged parents, and a_ lot _of romantic problems.”_

_“I would never,” said Kirsty. Sam gave her a look._

_“Seriously?”_

_“I’m not your customer. We’re_ friiiiieeeends!”

_“Sure, okay. Look, here’s my point - what I always end up saying to them is that I can’t do anything about it. The thing they should really be doing is telling the person who actually needs to know.”_

_He placed his hand on Kirsty’s shoulder. “So now I’m telling you, Kirsty Walker – if there is just one thing you remember about this night, please let it be this: you will never solve any of your problems if you don’t talk to the people who can actually help.”_

_“Your face is covered in spots,” said Kirsty, poking one of Sam’s freckles._

_“Why do even try,” said Sam, rolling his eyes and pushing her through the door. “Go inside. Drink some water and go to sleep. And the next time you get drunk – don’t come to my store, alright? Just go home.”_

_He started off into the night, but stopped when Kirsty reached out to put a hand on his elbow._

_“Thanks,” she said. “You’re a good boy.”_

_Sam snorted._

_“Thank you. You’re not so awful yourself.” He gave her a half-smile. “See you around, Kirsty.”_

Kirsty blinked.

“...he really was a good boy,” she said, smiling softly.

“Uh, okay?” said Ruby. “Anything useful in there, though?”

“No,” said Kirsty. “Well... not useful for this, anyway. Except that I now know where I went next.”

“Where?” asked Rachel.

“Home,” said Kirsty.

“So, what, we’ve been running around all day, and the answer was at home _the entire time?”_ asked Ruby. “Brilliant.”

“Well, I for one have found it all rather entertaining,” said Hester.

“I’m so glad for you,” said Kirsty. She sighed. “Guess we’ve got one more trip to make!”

***

The girls touched down back at their building, and headed up to the flat.

“I’ve just got to check on something in my room- “ said Ruby as they approached their front door.

“We’re nearly there,” said Kirsty. “Do it when this is all over.”

“Has it really not occurred to you at any point that I might have had other things to do today?”

“Well, funnily enough,” said Kirsty, slamming her hand down on the door handle, “I had other things I wanted to do this _year_ that didn’t involve magical fairy fetch quests, but this is our lot now, so _deal with it_.”

“You know, I didn’t have a problem with any of this until _you-_ “

“Guys,” said Rachel, placing calming hands on each of them as they entered the flat. “Let’s just find the next memory, okay? Kirsty, you got home – and Ruby, you saw her when she got back and...” Rachel blinked. “Wait. Why _were_ you in Kirsty’s room this morning?”

“Kirsty asked me to stay last night, so I did,” said Ruby. “Mostly because I didn’t want to feel responsible if she choked on her own vomit.”

“Aww, so nice to know you care,” said Kirsty, rolling her eyes. The group entered her room, and she flopped down on her bed, exhausted. Rachel sat beside her, while Ruby leaned against the wall.

“I would like to point out,” said Hester, “that we have a new advantage now, in that Ruby Cahill actually remembers what happened from here on in. If she simply tells us what she remembers, Kirsty can Recall the rest and we will surely find my pill.”

“Yeah, alright,” said Ruby. “I’ve been looking forward to this bit. So, it was almost four in the morning, and I was going to go out for... none of your business. And I hear someone trying to open the door...”

_Kirsty, having finally managing the get her key in the lock, pushed the door open to reveal Ruby brandishing a fire extinguisher._

_“Ruby!” she cried. “You’re dressed! Why’ve you got that?”_

_“Jesus,” said Ruby, putting it down. “I thought someone was trying to break in!”_

_“Is’ just me!” said Kirsty. “I’m sleepy.”_

_“Why are you- oh my god, you’re drunk,” said Ruby, pinching her nose. “Great.”_

_“Tonight has been horrible,” said Kirsty._

_“Has it really,” said Ruby, attempting to move around her and out the door._

_“I saw a goblin!”_

_“Really?” said Ruby, stopping. “And he was... safe?”_

_“Didn’t hurt me at all!” said Kirsty. “Just came and went!”_

_“Okay... good...” said Ruby, relaxing._

_“I have to go to sleep now,” said Kirsty. She collapsed to the hallway floor._

_“Good lord,” said Ruby. “Are you four? Does being drunk turn you into a four-year-old?”_

_She dragged Kirsty up and pulled her into her bedroom._

_“This is fun,” Kirsty murmured._

_“Don’t go to sleep yet. You need to drink water,” Ruby told Kirsty. Then she frowned. “Or is that after you wake up?”_

_“He said to drink water too!” said Kirsty._

_“Who’s he- I don’t care,” said Ruby, rolling her eyes and going to the kitchen to grab a glass. When she returned, Kirsty was staring at a box in her hands._

_“I_ stole _these,” she said, voice filled with wonder. “I’m Jack Frost now.”_

_“What are they,” Ruby asked, putting the glass down and taking the box. “Headache meds...?”_

_“Was an accident. Forgot they were in my pocket,” said Kirsty._

_“Well, these things cost like a quid, so I think you’re safe from Holmes and Watson,” said Ruby, smiling._

_Kirsty narrowed her eyes, deep in thought._

_“Do you like Sherlock Holmes, Ruby?”_

_“Um,” said Ruby. “Yeah?”_

_“Were you a fan of that BBC version?”_

_“Yes...?”_

_“And in the past... you’ve said you’ve watched Supernatural... and Doctor Who...”_

_Kirsty gasped._

“You were a _Superwholock!”_ Kirsty cried, pointing at Ruby and grinning.

“God, I forgot- I- I was- just because I’ve seen them doesn’t mean-” spluttered Ruby.

“No, you _totally_ were, it’s all over your face,” Kirsty crowed.

“Alright, _anime phase_ loser _,_ you already laughed enough last night!”

“Hey, no, _Rachel_ can joke, but you didn’t even know me!”

“How do you not see- god, Kirsty, you are such a- .”

“What is a ‘Superwholock’?” Hester asked Rachel.

“Superwholock was the combined fan community of the tv shows _Supernatural, Doctor Who,_ and _Sherlock._ The community had a reputation for being really, really annoying,” Rachel explained. “These days, no one really identifies with the term, and the accusation of being a Superwholock is generally viewed as somewhat insulting.”

“I see,” said Hester. “What a niche and ridiculous source for conflict.”

“Yeah, it is - wait...” said Rachel. She turned to Ruby and Kirsty, hands on her hips. “Good lord. Are you _actually kidding?_ Ruby, is this seriously why you’ve been- okay, guys. I’m settling this right now. Kirsty, when you were thirteen, you insisted on speaking in broken, borderline offensive Japanese. And Ruby, I didn’t know you then, but I’ll bet anything you used to scream at statues and tried to salt the postman, right?”

“Pizza guy, actually...” Ruby muttered.

“Same difference. My point is, you were as bad as each other. The main reason you find it embarrassing now because you were disruptive and obnoxious to other people over it.” She paused. “And also because you were thirteen, and no one’s proud of who they were at thirteen. Which means _neither_ of you have any room to be throwing stones. Not that you should be, because it’s okay to _like things,_ believe it or not. There’s nothing wrong with being super enthusiastic, or knowing lots of details about a show, or- “

“Or writing long, complicated, excessively political fan fiction about a children’s franchise,” said Ruby. The others all turned to stare at her.

“What?” asked Kirsty.

“Oh. Uh. Did I not tell you that I started writing _Night at the Museum_ fan fic over the break?”

When the others didn’t respond, she took it as invitation to continue.

“It’s called ‘Night at the Museum: Escape to Greece, and it’s about the Elgin Marbles? See, the magical tablet that makes the exhibits come to life was left in the British Museum at the end of the third movie, so the Elgin Marbles come to life and want to go the Acropolis Museum. The first half is about them doing that under cover of night, and then the second half is going to explore the socio-political fallout.” She looked between Kirsty and Rachel, who were still silent. “Also, the tiny Roman and the tiny cowboy kiss.”

“Well, um,” said Rachel. “That’s- my point exactly! That there’s nothing wrong with doing fun stuff that makes you happy! Even if it’s... that. So Kirsty, apologise for making fun of Ruby.”

“...sorry,” said Kirsty.

“Now, Ruby – I know what I just said, but like... seriously, you have to admit this was a really petty reason for you to have been so hostile all day. I think you owe us an apology as well.”

“What- no, no that’s not what I’ve been mad about,” said Ruby, blinking. Her face grew stony.

“Wait – it isn’t?” asked Rachel. “Then what _are_ you mad about?”

“It happened right after all that. Kirsty was about to go to sleep...”

_“Ruby! Get your TARDIS!” Kirsty cried, before collapsing into another fit of giggles._

_“God, I’m so glad you won’t remember this...” Ruby muttered. She lifted up the duvet and helped Kirsty get under it, then picked up the glass of water from the side. “Here, drink this.”_

_Kirsty took a sip, then grabbed the box._

_“I should have one,” she said. “Don’t want headache.”_

_“I’ve heard that’s a good idea,” said Ruby. Then she frowned. “Or was it that it’s_ not _a good idea and you shouldn’t take it while the alcohol’s still in your system...”_

_“Gonna do it,” said Kirsty, breaking a tablet out of the packaging and swallowing it before Ruby could stop her._

_“Alright – but you’re not having any more.” She took the box away from Kirsty and placed it in a drawer behind Kirsty’s back. “Good night, Kirsty.”_

_“Please stay,” said Kirsty, grabbing Ruby’s hand. “Don’t wanna be alone.”_

_Ruby stared at her._

_“Well... I...”_

_“Please,” said Kirsty._

_“Oh, sure, why not,” said Ruby, getting into bed next to Kirsty._

_“Hey, hey,” said Kirsty, grabbing Ruby’s hair. “Take your plaits out.”_

_“No. I redo them in the mornings. My hair will get messy if I sleep with it down.”_

_“Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeee,” said Kirsty, and then, after taking a breath, “eeeeeeeeeeease-“_

_“Fine!” said Ruby, removing her elastics and smoothing out her hair so it flowed around her, almost looking to glow in the dim light. “Are you happy now?”_

_Kirsty stared, unblinking for so long that Ruby was clearly growing unnerved. Finally, Kirsty shook her head._

_“Nope,” she said. “No good. Still hate your face.”_

_Ruby’s breath caught in her throat._

_“You... what? Why do you-?”_

_“Makes me sad,” said Kirsty, flopping back, rolling over, and falling fast asleep._

“Oh,” said Kirsty. “I... I said...”

“That you hate my face, yes,” said Ruby, voice so cold that Kirsty reflexively shivered.

“You said _what?”_ said Rachel.

“I... I’m so sorry, Ruby, I didn’t- I don’t- “ Kirsty stammered.

“ _In vino veritas_ , Kirsty,” said Ruby.

“Oh come on,” Kirsty laughed nervously. “That’s not a real- I mean- I don’t! Your face is fine!”

“ _Liar_ ,” said Ruby. “I don’t know why I was surprised. It’s always been obvious you don’t like me.”

“Ruby...” said Rachel.

“Well, it’s true, isn’t it?” said Ruby. “You’re dismissive, you’re condescending, you have implied, _more than once,_ that you don’t care if I get hurt or even _die_ \- “

“That’s not true!” said Kirsty.

“It _is_.”

“Look, I- I’m _sorry_ , okay?”

“Oh, you’re sorry? Well, that makes it alright!” She crossed her arms, fingers gripped so tight they were losing colour. “I’m glad I know where I stand, at least. Don’t worry. These days, I have better friends. I don’t have to take this kind of thing anymore.”

“Ruby, I- Rachel!” Kirsty grabbed her arm. “ _You_ know that I didn’t mean it, right? Tell her.”

“I...” Rachel trailed off. “It’s really not like you, but... Ruby’s kind of right. You’re not. Um. Always very nice to her.”

“She’s not always very nice to me!” said Kirsty. Ruby rolled her eyes.

“I give what I get.”

“Oh, really now?” said Kirsty, whirling on her. “Because I said a stupid thing – that I _did not mean,_ while _plastered_ – and you’ve been berating me all day. That’s proportionate.”

“Yeah, well, _you- “_

A sound of crunching from above interrupted them. Hester had summoned a box of popcorn.

“Do not mind me,” she said. “I am just enjoying the show.”

“Shouldn’t you be worrying about getting the pill back?” said Rachel, giving Hester a desperate smile. “I mean – we got to the end of the night, apparently, and nothing...”

“Oh, no – I know what happened to it now,” said Hester. “It seems I will have to wait a while before I can retrieve it. So, as you were.”

“What do you mean you know where it is?” asked Kirsty.

“We just saw, in your Recall. You did not notice it?”

“No – I didn’t find any magical objects. I came back to my room, talked to Ruby, took some medicine, and- “

A look of horror spread across her face.

“Wait, what- oh,” said Ruby, grinning as though she’d just been handed a million pounds. “Oh. Oh my god.”

“No,” said Rachel. “You don’t mean- “

Kirsty nodded, absolutely and completely miserable.

“I ate it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pretty much all the OCs in this thing have shown up in the same order they were created in. However, there are two exceptions - the fairies, who my mum and I came up with together in one go, and Sam. Despite his proper debut coming so late, Sam was a very early creation. It was ages ago now, so I don't fully remember, but he might actually predate Ruby. His personality has changed a lot since then, though. Mostly as a result of me giving him a retail job. Sorry, Sam.
> 
> Also, it's probably obvious, but I also work retail! I hate it!
> 
> I know the Superwholock bit is basically meaningless if you weren't on certain parts of the internet around 2012, but I realised I had accidentally set Ruby up for it perfectly, and I couldn't resist. She totally would have been one, right?
> 
> Night at the Museum is my no-joke favourite film trilogy. When all this is done, international relations experts are very much invited to get in touch and help me make 'Night at the Museum: Escape to Greece' a reality.


	30. #5 Hester the Hangover Fairy - Sobriety

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why is Kirsty still here? Just to suffer?

“This does explain a lot,” said Hester, thoughtfully. “It seemed strange to me that you were able to Recall after only coming into contact with the pill – but since it has been _inside_ you the whole time, that makes a lot more sense.” 

“This is amazing!” said Ruby, through hysterical laughter.

“And it also explains how Rachel Walker and Ruby Cahill were able to Recall. You were touching them at the time.”

“ _Brilliant!”_

“Not to mention, the reason your hangover is so cripplingly bad! You have haywire magic in your stomach.”

“Best day of my entire life!”

“ _Shut up, Ruby!”_ said Kirsty, sitting down and placing her face in her hands.

“I literally can’t,” said Ruby, who was now on the floor and gasping for breath between peals of cackling.

“Well,” said Rachel. “I can’t think of a single solution to this that won’t be incredibly gross...”

Kirsty groaned, which set Ruby off again.

“Hmm,” said Hester. “Perhaps... if force was applied to the pill’s location...”

Ruby shot up.

“Ooh! Ooh! Me!” she cried, waving her hand in the air like a school child. “Pick me! I volunteer! I’ll punch Kirsty in the stomach!”

“You will _not_ ,” said Kirsty.

“I am inclined to agree,” said Hester. “A more delicate touch will be required, I think. Apologies, Ruby Cahill.”

“Don’t apologise to her!” said Kirsty.

Hester pulled out her wand and pointed it at Kirsty’s abdomen.

“Do not worry, Kirsty Tate. This will only be very uncomfortable.”

A spark flew out of Hester’s wand and hit Kirsty in the stomach, where a small silver glow appeared. It slowly rose up Kirsty’s torso, guided by Hester’s steady hand.

“Aaaauuuugh,” Kirsty groaned.

“Please keep still,” said Hester, as Kirsty convulsed.

Finally, it reached Kirsty’s throat. Hester jabbed her wand forward, and Kirsty retched, sending a little white object flying across the room. It bounced off the blinds, and landed on the desk.

“I have never felt worse in my entire life,” said Kirsty, collapsing into her pillow.

Ruby walked over to inspect the pill.

“It’s so tiny,” she said. “Amazing how something that small caused all this chaos.”

“Could use a clean,” said Hester. She waved her wand and summoned a miniature sponge, bar of soap and bucket of water. With another flick, they were animated and scrubbing the pill.

Rachel stroked Kirsty’s hair, inadvertently brushing her scarf aside.

“That must have been uncomfortable- hey! Wait a minute.” She stared down at Kirsty’s bare neck. “Your locket! We never found out what happened to it!”

Hester stared at Ruby, gears clearly turning in her brain. Ruby, in response, watched Hester warily. Just as Hester was about to open her mouth, Ruby surreptitiously moved her little finger and pressed it against the pill. 

_She watched as Kirsty’s breathing slowed, already fast asleep. The room was silent, only lit by the moonlight coming through the window._

_Hours ago, she’d been woken up by the sound of Steve stumbling around. He’d vanished before she could ask what he’d been doing, and still hadn’t returned when Kirsty arrived. She’d been on her way to look for him – something she now realised would have been pointless. How did she think she was going to find one goblin, in a whole town, in the middle of the night?_

_She just worried, was all._

_She supposed she should just go to sleep, but now she was caught up in thinking about what Kirsty had said. It was probably a long time coming, she supposed. She’d just hoped that their relationship was more... sitcom argumentative, and it wasn’t that Kirsty really did hate her._

_Almost as if she knew Ruby was thinking about her, Kirsty stirred. As her head moved, so did her scarf, exposing a gold chain._

_She was reminded of their conversation that previous evening. The locket was clearly important to Kirsty. She had said she couldn’t imagine life without it._

_She had also mentioned that it was full of fairy dust._

_Only minutes ago, Ruby would never have considered it. But now, quietly pulling out her wand and gently, very gently using it to unlock the clasp and slowly float the locket off Kirsty’s neck? It was the obvious choice._

Hester looked over at Ruby, expression carefully neutral. Ruby swallowed, and did her best to school her face into a matching look.

“I’m afraid I can’t tell you anything that would help you,” Hester said to Kirsty and Rachel. “I’m sure you will get it back eventually, though.”

“It’s weird we never found out...” said Rachel.

“There will always be some mysteries,” said Hester. She flew over to the pill. “Hmm. Looks clean enough.” She tapped it with her wand, and it shrank to an absolutely minute size. “You should be feeling better now, Kirsty Tate.”

“Yeah, I am,” said Kirsty, sitting up. “Thanks, Hester.”

“Of course. One other thing, Kirsty Tate.”

She flew over, hovering directly in front of Kirsty’s eyes.

“Um. Yes?” said Kirsty, leaning back.

“I have seen your files. You have a bad habit of using alcohol to cope with difficult emotions, especially feelings of uncertainty or lack of control. That is unhealthy. I suggest you work on developing better coping mechanisms – unless you want a visit from Irene the Intervention Fairy.”

Kirsty folded her arms.

“You just don’t want to have to come back here again.”

Hester let out a short laugh.

“Oh, Kirsty Tate,” she said. “You are, of course, correct. But – despite the fact you are very stupid – I have found that I actually do care about your wellbeing. That goes for all three of you.”

“That’s... actually really sweet, coming from you,” said Rachel.

“I know.” She flew back over to the desk and gave a short bow. “Goodbye, Rachel Walker, Kirsty Tate, and Ruby Cahill. I have some research to do on theatres and...“ she gave Ruby a long stare, “...goblins.”

With a small burst of blue sparkles, she was gone.

An awkward silence fell across the room.

“So... Ruby... “ Kirsty said. “I don’t suppose you’ve...”

“No,” said Ruby, walking out and shutting the door.

***

“Hey! You’re back!” said Steve, looking up from his phone. He was lying on his stomach on Ruby’s bed, feet in the air and interlocked.

“So are you,” said Ruby.

“I don’t know what you mean. I was never gone,” said Steve, glancing about shiftily.

“Sure,” said Ruby, smiling. “Alright.”

She began walking around the room, glancing under the desk and quietly opening drawers. Steve watched, head titled.

“Where were you?” he asked. “You weren’t here when I got ba- I mean, woke up.”

“I’ve been on a fairy adventure,” said Ruby, opening the wardrobe. She spun around dramatically. “And I got _this!”_

Steve stared at the locket dangling between Ruby’s fingers.

“Kind of basic,” he said. “I’d have got a green one, personally. But I support your fashion choices.”

“It’s got fairy dust in it, Steve!”

“Oh!” said Steve, sitting up. “That was fast. How did you get it?”

“I... actually kind of stole it,” said Ruby. “But I’ll give it back once I don’t need it anymore, obviously.”

“Won’t the person you stole it from miss it?”

“Yeah, but it’s like when you steal wallets – she deserved it,” said Ruby. She took the wand out of her pocket, and placed it and the locket in her bedside drawer. “The point is, I now have a reliable way to get to Fairyland!”

“Excellent,” said Steve approvingly.

Ruby glanced in the mirror.

“Forgot my hair was still down,” she muttered, sitting on the bed and reaching for a brush. She began the process of retying her usual plaits.

“I _was_ wondering where the weird ropes were,” said Steve.

They sat in comfortable quiet for a moment as Ruby wrangled her hair into its normal style.

“You know, I also had a chance to test a theory today,” she said, as she finished off her plaits and leaned down to look under the bed.

“Oh?”

“It’s about how magic works,” said Ruby, crawling underneath the bed. “See, the others told me that they’ve always been instructed to let magic come to them, right? Which they’ve been assuming was just, like, a mystical saying – but I think there’s more to it. Things keep... _twisting_ to be convenient when we’re on fairy adventures. And last time, see – the wand got lost, right? And I was able to find it, not by looking, but by _wanting_ to find it and then deliberately not looking. Then I tried that again today, I wanted to run into my friend, so I... willed him, I think, to show up. Like, there was a reason he was there, but... it _just_ happened to be one that had him break from his normal schedule to appear at the exact time we needed him?”

“That could still be coincidence,” said Steve.

“Well, I have an idea for another test – and if it succeeds, we could get you your own wand.”

Steve gave a her a sceptical look as she heaved herself back out from under the bed.

“What, you’re going to get a wand by not looking for it and really, really wanting one? Is that what you’re doing right now?”

“Right now?” said Ruby innocently.

“Well, you’re clearly searching the room for something.”

“Then that must not be what I’m doing, because, as I just explained, the key is _not_ looking.”

“So you admit you _are_ looking for something.” Steve grinned at her, triumphant. 

“Clever goblin,” said Ruby. “Alright. I know where you went last night.”

Steve’s smile dropped.

“What! How?”

“Fairy magic – I’ll explain later. Point is, I know you went to the 24-hour shop and bought soup as a birthday present. So where are you hiding it?”

“Ah... yes, about that,” said Steve, rubbing the back of his neck. “I, ah... well, I may have been overzealous when I stepped into Fairyland to travel back, and I kind of... dropped everything I bought for you off a cliff.”

“You what.”

“In my defence, it was me or the soup!” said Steve. “And you wouldn’t have been able to receive it without a me to give it to you! It’s all gone now, though. There was an ocean at the bottom of that cliff, and the mermicorns are vicious.”

“ _Mermicorns_ \- that’s not the point.” Ruby made eye contact with him. “So, this gift- it was definitely for me?”

“Yes. Who else? It’s your birthday,” said Steve.

“It’s just,” Ruby looked down at her feet. “You said it was a gift for your best friend.”

“Of course it is. You are my best friend,” said Steve, thoroughly confused by this line of questioning.

“You mean that?”

“Why would I lie about it?”

Ruby swallowed.

“I’m sorry, it’s just... I’ve never had a best friend before. I’ve never been that good enough for anyone. Everyone I’ve ever known has always had someone else they were best friends with instead, or they had a girlfriend, or a boyfriend, or they thought we were ‘too old for best friends’, which I guess wasn’t _untrue_ , but was also definitely just a way to get around having to admit that I didn’t matter as much to them as they did to me.” She sighed. “It... It’s selfish. But I’ve always wanted to be the most important to _someone_ , you know?”

“You’re the most important to me,” said Steve.

Tears sprung out of Ruby’s eyes, and she lunged forward to wrap her arms around Steve’s bony waist.

“You too,” she whispered. She pulled back and gripped him by the shoulders. “Don’t worry about a present, okay? You saying that I’m your best friend is the best gift you could give me.”

“Wow,” said Steve, staring into her eyes. “That’s really, really sad.”

“Yeah, heard it as soon as I said it,” said Ruby, stepping back.

“How about I take you out for dinner? I can drop by the Home Secretary’s place and get some funds?”

“I’d love that,” said Ruby, grinning. “How does Italian-Japanese fusion sound to you?”

***

That evening, Kirsty called Rachel into her room. She’d spent most of the day sleeping off the remaining effects of her miserable night, and upon waking up had spent another few hours thinking.

“I need to talk to you,” she said, as Rachel sat down next to her on the bed.

“Um, okay?” said Rachel, nervous. “Is... is this about the thing with Ruby?”

“No. I know what that was about... I just didn’t want to say. It’s one of those things I think I’ve always known, really, but I didn’t want to deal with it.”

“I know that feeling,” said Rachel, looking away.

“Yeah. But that’s not fair of me, so I’m going to talk to her, too, and explain things. Hopefully she’ll understand.”

“You don’t have to tell me, just...” Rachel bit her lip. “You don’t _actually_ hate her, right?”

“No,” said Kirsty. “I don’t. I mean, I can’t say I like her very much right now, but I don’t hate her. Never have.”

“Okay. Good. So what _is_ this about?”

Kirsty took a deep breath, and turned to face Rachel.

“So... last night, Sam told me that when I have problems, I should talk to the people who need to know. Who can help. Which is like, obvious, but I think I still needed to hear it. And that’s why I’m talking to you.”

“Oh. Oh! This is about Tracy,” said Rachel.

“What- I mean, I guess _kind of_ , but- “

“You want her back, and you want my advice.”

“No! No, I don’t.”

“Really? I just thought... well, I guess you never said why she broke things off.”

Kirsty sighed.

“That’s kind of what I wanted to- “

“I just don’t _get_ why she would- “

They paused to stare at each other.

“You go first,” said Kirsty.

“Okay. So, I don’t know what happened, but I just need to tell you... if she doesn’t want to go out with you, that’s her loss, alright?”

“Rachel...”

“It _is_ , Kirsty.” She took Kirsty by the hands. “I mean... Tracy’s cool. But you’re the most amazing, wonderful, incredible person I’ve ever known, and you deserve everything you want.”

“Everything?” Kirsty whispered.

“Everything. I mean it. And if Tracy can’t see that, then- then she’s just wrong. I’ll always be here, and... and whatever it is she had a problem with, I don’t care. I could never. I promise.”

“Oh my god, Rachel,” said Kirsty, shaking her head. “You’re so stupid.”

Rachel shot up.

“I’m _what!?_ ”

“No!” cried Kirsty. “No, no- I didn’t- “

“I just said all of that – after looking after you all day, _by the way_ \- and your response is that I’m _stupid?_ ”

“No, Rachel, I didn’t mean- “

“Oh, well, you’re saying a lot of things you don’t mean today, aren’t you!” said Rachel, turning her back on Kirsty.

“I’m _sorry!_ Just- just let me explain.”

“No. I cannot think of a single good explanation you could possibly have.”

“I know, but please – I only, I’m sorry, I- “

“Save it.”

“I just wanted to talk!”

“Yeah, well, it takes two people to do that, Kirsty, and I _don’t want to talk to you_ ,” said Rachel, heading for the door.

“Rachel, wait- “ said Kirsty, grabbing her arm.

“Let go of me!” Rachel cried, shaking Kirsty off. “You- you don’t get to do that! You don’t get to tell me what to do, or treat me like a child or- or- or make me feel like I’m not good enough! You’re not in charge of who I get to be! I- I am _adequate!”_

“Rachel, what are you- where’s this coming from?” Kirsty asked, stepping back.

“I am _strong_ , and I am _capable_ , and I am _not stupid!_ ” Rachel yelled, face red and eyes burning. “And I’m not going to just sit around waiting for you to get sick of me, because I deserve better than that!”

“Get _sick_ of you- Rachel, I would never, I don’t understand- “

“I don’t need you, Kirsty! Just leave me alone!”

Rachel opened the door, slammed it behind her and stormed out into the hallway. A moment later, Ruby poked her head into the room.

“You heard all of that?” asked Kirsty.

“Wasn’t hard. So Rachel hates you too, now?”

“Did you say something to her?” Kirsty asked, glaring.

“Not a word. Promise.”

Kirsty gave Ruby a long stare, before concluding that she was telling the truth.

“I don’t understand. I know I screwed up, but what was all that other stuff? What did she mean by ‘adequate’?“

“Maybe you would understand if actually paid attention to her,” Ruby said, shrugging.

“What are you- of course I do!

“Which is, of course, why you understand the deeper reasons she’s upset.”

“And you’re claiming you do.”

“Maybe. Not telling you,” said Ruby, flashing Kirsty a grin. “She passed by me in the corridor just now, by the way. You realise you made her _cry,_ right?”

“Try not looking so happy about it if you want to claim moral high ground.”

“I’m not happy!” said Ruby. “I don’t want _Rachel_ to be sad. I like Rachel.”

“Shut up, Ruby,” said Kirsty.

There was a long pause.

“Well, I’ve got to go. I’m going out for dinner,” said Ruby.

“Alone?”

“No. With a friend. I told you, I have other friends now.” She smiled sweetly. “ _I_ don’t need you, either.”

Kirsty glared at her.

“That was just mean.”

A flash of guilt appeared on Ruby’s face, quickly replaced by careful detachment.

“Can’t say I care.”

She disappeared. From outside her bedroom, Kirsty could hear the front door open and shut. She fell back on her bed and reached for her locket, only to find bare skin.

Everything sucked.

She couldn’t even drink this one away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After the last one, my mum made fun of me for always ending on such dark notes. Guess I took that as challenge.
> 
> (Not really. I already knew how this one was going to end.)
> 
> I promise the next one will be happier, Mum.
> 
> Thank you again for reading, I hope it was worth the wait. Petra the Procrastination Fairy is next, so let's hope that title proves ironic.
> 
> Next time: Everyone deals with this chapter's fall out, Rachel hears a Cinderella story, Kirsty isn't ready to be older, and Ruby does some questionable spellwork. Also, more Hamlet-But-Everyone's-A-Snake!


	31. #6 Petra the Procrastination Fairy - Quiet Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's an update! A Christmas update! Except it's not actually that Christmas-y. But if you don't celebrate, or are reading this on literally any day other than the one it was uploaded on, I guess that doesn't really matter, does it? 
> 
> (Though Christmas does - completely coincidentally - come up more than once in these chapters!)
> 
> Before we begin, a few months ago I was sent this [ absolutely amazing fan art](https://www.instagram.com/p/CGUARQnp-0U/?igshid=la9xjdt0k5zr) by [j0ell0](https://archiveofourown.org/users/j0ell0/pseuds/j0ell0). I love it and it's brilliant and you should go check it out immediately.
> 
> It is still beyond unbelievable to me that people are so much as reading this, let alone writing lovely comments, let alone doing something as cool as making art inspired by my work. Please know, it is *all* deeply appreciated.
> 
> ...I don't think I have to warn, at this point, that this is a story about people with mental health problems? Blanket warning for the rest of this whole thing, right now. Also, for these chapters specifically, there's some very light and brief mention of certain characters having bad relationships with their parents.
> 
> As always, I hope you enjoy.

Rachel Walker finished packing her bag, zipped up her coat and silently opened the door to her flat. She headed downstairs and out of the building, beginning her walk down the road towards campus.

It wasn’t a short walk. Doing it alone gave her a lot of time to think.

The adventure with Hester had happened almost a month and a half ago. She hadn’t spoken to Kirsty since - at least, not beyond the necessary exchanges for flatmates, anyway. Ruby wasn’t speaking to Kirsty either, but was friendly enough to Rachel when they saw each other. That wasn’t often, though – Ruby was spending more time than ever holed up in her room. Sometimes, when Rachel was out in the corridor, she could hear laughter coming from inside.

But aside from that, everything had been quiet. In both the figurative, and the very, very literal sense.

She reached the edge of the accommodation site, the last of the buildings fading into a tree-covered walkway.

It wasn’t that she was necessarily still _mad_ at Kirsty. It had taken a few days, but she’d eventually come to the conclusion that while Kirsty had been very wrong to call her stupid, her own reaction hadn’t been entirely fair either. She hadn’t let Kirsty explain or apologise, and had projected her issues onto the argument, despite Kirsty not having had any way of knowing about them.

Which was rather embarrassing, really.

She sighed, letting out a puff of visible breath. She had reached the end of the path. From here, she could head through campus, or go around. She checked her watch – the latter route would take longer, but she had time. Why not? She turned right and began to make her way down the outside road.

There were three reasons she hadn’t made up with Kirsty yet. The first was pride. She didn’t especially want to have to admit that she had overreacted, and was even more reluctant to admit the reasons for it. Secondly, fear. Would Kirsty even want to be friends again? And what _had_ she meant when she’d called Rachel stupid?

The way Rachel saw it, as long as they continued not speaking, there could exist a possibility that both of those questions would have nice answers.

She reached the end of the road and stepped out onto a bridge. She was nearing her destination.

The final reason was the strangest. It wasn’t fully formed, more of a gut instinct – she wasn’t sure where it came from, just that it was there, and it was weighing on her.

Despite the situation being miserable, Rachel felt like there was something she was meant to gain from it. Something she was going to get out of the whole experience, some lesson she was meant to learn. And she didn’t think she was there yet.

She sighed.

Of course, that was probably just an excuse. 

Everything was at a stalemate, and it didn’t seem like anything was going to change until something happened to break the equilibrium. She wished that would happen.

She crossed to the other side of the bridge, and turned the corner to entrance of the Half Moon Student Theatre.

“Hey, Rachel,” said a man standing at the entrance, shivering. “Was just about to unlock the doors.”

“Hi James,” said Rachel, smiling. “What are we doing today?”

“Oh, what aren’t we doing!”

***

Kirsty Tate sat at her desk, carefully making notes from a reading on Mesoamerican archaeology. She’d been doing exceptionally well, academically, in recent weeks.

Of course, that was because everything else in her life was awful, and she’d needed any distraction she could get.

She’d lost her closest friend, plus... whatever Ruby had been to her, by the end. She’d tried to keep up a texting relationship with Tracy, but she couldn’t bring herself to reveal what had happened between her and Rachel – it was just too humiliating. So that had petered out. And it was from there that she had been forced into the uncomfortable realisation that she did not, in fact, have any other friends in Rainborough.

(She _had_ considered heading back to the 24-hour store and trying to find Sam, before quickly deciding that she was already plagued by enough shame, actually.)

It wasn’t that Kirsty considered herself unsociable – she liked people just fine - but the nature of her life had led her to become used to maintaining distance with anyone who wasn’t Rachel. It was something she’d always suspected on some level was not a good thing, but she had rather hoped that she would never be confronted with proof.

Tracy might have been able to close that distance, had they met under different circumstances. Hell, _Ruby_ might have, if it wasn’t for...

Kirsty shook her head.

She’d also been following Hester’s instructions to stop drinking. The rational part of her brain knew this was a smart decision. Hester had, admittedly, been correct about her using alcohol as a coping mechanism, and the way things were going she would have been liable to set a couple of liver poisoning records.

The sadder, and much louder part of her brain resented having had to experience the past month and a half sober.

In effort to fill her new free time with something other than studying, she’d been trying to find a job – but unfortunately, no one seemed to be hiring. She’d even been turned down for volunteer work, which felt rather insulting, really.

She’d tried stopping by university societies, but by this point in the year everyone knew each other, leaving her feeling completely out of place.

One weekend, overwhelmed with loneliness, she’d gone back home. It had been a mistake – both of her parents had kept asking after Rachel, and, not wanting to admit the truth, she had lied, and then closed herself off in her room for most of the trip.

It had been nice to see her cat, at least.

Those first few days alone, life had felt like a thick fog. At this point, though, it was more like Kirsty was a robot. She did the things that needed doing, performed the actions that needed performing, but she felt no connection to them. Someone far away was giving her body the orders, making sure it went through its necessary routine, and she was simply carrying them out. There was only one emotion that broke through the detachment – sticky, clammy anxiety.

It was stupid, and irrational, and she’d been trying so, so hard since November to push it down, but every time Rachel was out of Kirsty’s sight, she was afraid. It had been there for years, quietly humming away in the background like a livewire – but now it was like a swarm of wasps, angry and buzzing under her skin.

Somehow, she thought desperately, she might be able to get it back under control, if they were friends again. If they were friends again, everything would be okay. It had to be. She _knew_ it.

But she also knew that telling Rachel any of that would be unfair – manipulative, even. Her former friend was an immensely caring person, and despite everything, if she knew how badly Kirsty was doing, there was no doubt that she would return in an instant. And Kirsty didn’t want that. Things were hard now, yes, but Kirsty could live with it. She couldn’t live with the knowledge that she had guilted Rachel into being her friend when she didn’t really want to be.

So Kirsty was going to wait until Rachel was ready – if that day ever came at all.

***

“And you’re _sure_ I’m ready?” asked Ruby Cahill, pacing back and forth across her room.

“Of course!” said Steve, Ruby’s goblin best friend, who was currently lounging on the bed watching her. “You’ve been practicing for weeks!”

“What if I fail step one?”

“Then we won’t need to worry about the rest!”

“Step two?”

“You’ve succeeded at every practice spell you’ve done on me for the past three weeks. The real thing can’t be that much harder.”

“And what if we need to use the emergency step?”

“I have no idea how good you are at the emergency step. Which must mean you’re pretty good!” Steve gave her what was probably meant to be a reassuring smile, but instead came across as highly devious. Although, maybe that _was_ reassuring to goblins, Ruby thought.

“You’re sure?” she asked.

“Of course. I have complete faith in you.”

“Oh, wow, no pressure then.” Ruby sat down next to him, fists clenched into her jeans. “Are you sure we’re doing the right thing?”

“It was your idea. You said it was necessary.”

“I know, but... it’s like, the reason we’re doing this, it’s a really good reason, obviously. We’re trying to stop an atrocity against your people.”

“Yes, of course.”

“And it’s only right if you’re an equal participant in it all, so we need to do this, it’s just... I mean, we have a _good reason_ , but we’re still going to be doing a bad thing to an innocent person.” Ruby chewed her lip. “And it’s not like the last times, this time it’s completely premeditated. And... and I know we’re going to undo it in the end, but... that doesn’t mean we won’t have done it at all.”

“I see where your concerns come from, even if I don’t share them,” said Steve. “And I don’t want you to do anything if you really don’t want to.”

“But you _do_ want to go through with the plan otherwise?”

“Yes. You’re right – it didn’t occur to me before, but if you’re the only one of us who’s able to threaten Jack Frost, then it won’t truly be goblin self-liberation - it’ll just be a human coming to rescue us. So I need a wand too.”

“Okay,” said Ruby, standing up and walking over to her desk. ”Let’s do it right now, while I have the nerve.”

Steve grinned, then pulled back her duvet and buried himself under the covers. Ruby sat down in her desk chair, opened her laptop, and pulled up an essay document. She then picked up her phone and opened Twitter. As she scrolled though posts, she spoke aloud.

“Gosh, I just have _so much work_ I should be doing! But I think I will put it off until I’ve done this! Or maybe I’ll wait until tomorrow? Perhaps even the day after!”

Steve poked his head back out.

“You are a horrible actor.”

“Shush.” Ruby stretched out her arms, leaning back in her chair. “Oh, what a shame it is that I cannot stop myself from _procrastinating!_ ”

In the corner of her eye, Ruby caught a small burst of sparkles on her bedside table. She titled her head just enough that she could see the little fairy trying to hide behind her lamp. She was especially small, even by fairy standards, with brown skin and russet hair, tied in twin bunches on either side of her head. She wore a white dress shirt and a short, black, pleated skirt – it almost resembled a school uniform.

“Poor girl...” the fairy muttered. “If only I had the calendar... maybe there’s something I can still do, though?” She pulled out her wand.

In a flash, Steve launched himself out from under the covers, grabbed a glass off Ruby’s bedside table, and slammed it on top of the fairy. Ruby pulled out her own wand and pointed it at the glass, making it shimmer a glittery red. The fairy, quickly recovering from the shock, pointed her wand at the sides of her prison, only for nothing to happen. She whirled around in circles, thrashing at the sides of the glass, before finally turning to Ruby and Steve, seething.

“Let me out right now, you creeps, or so help me I will- I will- I will rain needles down upon your eyes, and I will summon maggots to crawl into your ears and noses and devour you from the inside, and I will curse your throats with those scratchy tickles that won’t go away no matter how much you cough and- “

“Good lord,” said Ruby, a little taken aback. “Look, I’m sorry – Petra, right? It’s nothing personal, I promise, we just need something from you.”

“This is _not_ a good way to earn my favour,” said Petra, fists clenched.

“Yes, I know, it’s just... we need your magic wand. Well, actually he needs it.” She pointed at Steve, who waved politely.

“And you _actually_ thought that even if you hadn’t trapped me, I’d give my wand to a goblin?” asked Petra, folding her arms and huffing. “As if!”

“Yes, well, we thought you’d say that,” said Ruby. Petra narrowed her eyes.

“I recognise you. You look exactly like Ruby the Red Fairy. So that means your name is Ruby too, and _that_ must mean... you’re the girl the others told me about, the one who’s been working with Kirsty and Rachel! Do they know about this?”

“No,” said Ruby.

“Of course they don’t! Everyone knows that _they’re_ good people, they wouldn’t do something like this! Just you wait until I tell them- “

“Looks like we’re going to need the emergency step,” said Steve.

“Unfortunately, yes,” said Ruby, raising her wand.

“What- what’s the emergency step!?” cried Petra, backing away.

“I’m really sorry about this, Petra. I promise I’ll undo it as soon as I can – and you can totally hate me for it forever.”

“No, don’t just- what are you going to- “ Petra collapsed before she could finish speaking, having been hit in the head by a beam of light from Ruby’s wand. Steve lifted the glass and moved back as Ruby gently poked the unconscious little fairy.

“She’s out, like you were when I practiced on you. Hopefully that means it worked, but we won’t know until she wakes up.”

Carefully, she pried Petra’s wand out of her tightly balled fist. She handed it to Steve, and watched as it expanded in his hand.

“ _Awesome_ ,” he said, staring down at it in wonder.

“You’ll need to practice with that – _not_ on my stuff, though.” She gave him a wicked grin. “Maybe go into Kirsty’s room while she’s out and try it there.”

“I think she’d notice if all her things were destroyed,” said Steve, frowning.

“Fair point,” said Ruby, sighing. “Go down to the courtyard or something, then. We’ll need you ready when we... do whatever it is we decide to do.”

She picked up Petra, and gently carried her out of the room, down the corridor, and into the empty kitchen. She laid the fairy out on the arm of the sofa, careful to balance her so that she wouldn’t fall off, and returned to her bedroom.

***

Ten minutes later, Kirsty was startled by a high-pitched screech coming from the kitchen. She got up and ran for the door. As she raced down the corridor, Ruby quietly opened her own bedroom door and followed, careful to keep her footsteps light. As Kirsty threw open the kitchen door, Ruby quickly ducked behind it.

“What’s going on!?” Kirsty asked, glancing around and eventually spotting a fairy standing on the sofa arm, head gripped in her hands. “Who are you?”

“Petra,” the fairy whispered, knuckles turning pale. “Petra the Procrastination Fairy.”

“Okay. Hi, Petra. What was that scream about?”

“I left Fairyland for the human world... and then I ended up here... and between those two things... between them...”

“What?”

“Someone stole my wand and _wiped my memory!”_ Petra shrieked, head snapping up to glare at Kirsty, brown eyes burning with rage.

“Who did it?”

“I don’t know, _idiot,_ what part of ‘they wiped my memory’ don’t you get!?”

From behind the door, Ruby let out a sigh of relief.

Her spell had worked perfectly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god you guys there's an entire scene in there with no dialogue. I'm not sure I've ever done that before. 
> 
> Before writing this, I had mostly only written comics and scripts. Maybe it's been obvious.


	32. #6 Petra the Procrastination Fairy - The Put-Off Fairy

“Calling me an idiot feels a bit harsh,” said Kirsty, folding her arms.

“Don’t ask stupid questions, then,” said Petra. She flapped her wings and launched up into the air, glaring down at Kirsty.

“What’s going on?” asked Ruby, stepping into the room. As the others turned to face her, Petra narrowed her eyes. Ruby swallowed.

“My wand has been stolen, and my memory has been erased. Would _you_ happen to know anything about it?” asked Petra, flying over to hover right in front of Ruby’s eyes.

“What? No! No, why would I know what happened? How could I- “

“Of course she doesn’t know anything,” said Kirsty, rolling her eyes. “But maybe I can help? I have... experience, when it comes to memory loss.”

“Yes, Hester told me all about that – see, though, the difference is that _I_ didn’t lose my memory by doing something utterly moronic- “

“Okay, no,” said Kirsty, reaching up and gently poking the little fairy. “This is not going to work if you keep insulting me. I get enough of that around here. But I haven’t done anything bad to _you_ , so stop it.”

Petra made a face. Ruby, meanwhile, quietly raised her eyebrows and frowned.

“I’m sorry. And it’s kind of you to offer,” said Petra, after a moment. She relaxed her shoulders and sighed. “But I don’t think you’ll be able to help with this. Whatever it was that happened... it’s not haywire object side effects. Someone did this to me – my memories aren’t going to come back through random triggers. You’d need some kind of clairvoyance ability to find out who it was, and magic reversal abilities to undo it.”

“How do you know that it was done to you deliberately, though?” asked Kirsty. “Are there no other possible explanations?”

“I just _know_ ,” said Petra. “Whoever it was, they were incompetent enough to leave me with that information.”

“Well, they clearly did a good job at removing everything else, so they couldn’t have been _that_ incompetent,” said Ruby, and then, quickly, “...whoever they were.”

“Yeah, okay...” said Kirsty, giving Ruby a bemused look. “So, Petra – why were you in the human world in the first place? Is it time to hunt for your magical object?”

“I... suppose so,” said Petra. “I felt an extremely strong pull to come here – and then right after I arrived, it felt like there was someone in need of me, so I went to find them...” She frowned. “And that’s where it all goes dark. But I can tell my object is still in the human world, so whoever it was probably hasn’t stolen it or anything.”

“Yet,” said Kirsty. “We should hurry and look for it. What is it?”

“A desk calendar,” said Petra.

“And do you have any clue where it is?” asked Ruby.

“Somewhere at this university.”

“Well, that’s helpful.”

“We should probably go down to campus, then,” said Kirsty. “Maybe, once we’re there, it’ll be easier for you to work out where we go next?”

Ruby nodded, started for the door, and then stopped, frowning.

“Hang on. All this ‘we’ stuff. Are the two of us just supposed to work together?”

“Yes,” said Kirsty, heading out into the hallway.

“But- after everything that happened last month- “ said Ruby, following.

“You don’t like me,” said Kirsty, opening her bedroom door. She disappeared for a moment, then returned wearing a coat. “That’s completely fair. I wouldn’t choose to do this together either. But we’re the only ones who can, so we’re just going to have to deal with it. Aren’t you going to get your own coat?”

“But- but- maybe I don’t want to work with you, so you should just stay behind!”

“That’s a bad idea. Always better to have more people.”

“We haven’t spoken in a month and a half, how are we meant to- “

“We’ll manage.” Kirsty frowned. “You really should get a coat, it’s below freezing out there.”

“I could go get Rachel instead!”

“She’s busy, you shouldn’t bother her. It’s better if it’s just us. We don’t have anything better to do.”

“Well, maybe I do! Maybe I should just stay behind and let you deal with this!”

“Maybe you should. What do you think, Petra?”

Petra, who had been watching the back-and-forth like a ping-pong match, jumped.

“I... would prefer if you both came along,” she said. “Though of course I cannot force you.”

Ruby let out a huff, shook her head, and opened the flat door, heading for the stairs.

“I seriously think you should get a coat first!” Kirsty called after her.

“Shut up, Kirsty!”

Kirsty didn’t move.

Less than a minute later, Ruby stomped back in, swearing under her breath through chattering teeth. She threw open her bedroom door, and slammed it behind her.

When she returned, wrapped up in two scarves, a hat and the thickest fleece she owned, Kirsty silently opened the front door and led the way downstairs.

***

“Bloody cold snap,” grumbled Ruby as they walked down the path to campus.

“Yes, you’ve said,” said Kirsty. “Any chance of some magical handwarmers, Petra?”

“I don’t have a wand, remember?” Petra replied, shooting Kirsty a look. Kirsty held up her hands, then immediately shoved them back into her pockets.

“So, this is something I’ve been meaning to ask for ages now,” said Ruby, looking to change the subject as quickly as possible. “What exactly is it that makes magical objects go haywire?”

“Yeah...” said Kirsty. “And on that note, why is it only ever one object at a time? It’s always been that way, even when we were little.”

“Well, when an object is first lost, the impact is neutral. It doesn’t actively cause problems - _but_ if problems do occur, we can’t fix them. It’s only when someone shows up to look for it that havoc breaks loose,” explained Petra.

“But that’s... hmm,” said Kirsty.

“As you know, fairies can sense their object’s presence, though not its exact location,” Petra continued, “and the opposite is also true. If a magical object is lost, it knows when a Fairyland creature is about and searching for it.”

“The _object_ knows,” said Ruby.

“It is magical,” said Kirsty, shrugging.

“However,” said Petra, “the magical objects, being, well, objects, can’t directly communicate with us. Nor can they tell _which_ Fairyland creature is searching for them – they don’t know if it’s their owner, or a goblin, or something else entirely. So, the object begins doing the opposite of what it’s meant to, which inevitably creates chaos.”

“Like a... self-defence mechanism?” asked Ruby.

“Yes!” said Petra. “Which also doubles as a way to help us recover them. We can concentrate on searching in places where problems are occurring, but the bad magic doesn’t affect the object’s owner, so we stand a stronger chance of finding it than anyone else does. Especially when we have help – oh, yes, also, it doesn’t generally affect you guys as badly as other humans because you know what’s going on. In case you were wondering.” 

“Interesting...” said Ruby.

“No one ever told us this when we were kids,” said Kirsty. “We were just told that objects being missing caused problems, so we needed to help find them.”

“Well, that is the simplified version,” said Petra, shrugging. “And it’s not like that’s entirely _wrong_. See - take my magic, as an example - when there are no magical objects in play, a person – or goblin, or fairy - procrastinates as much as they naturally would. And if you’re used to living in a world where we alleviate issues whenever we can, of course our absence is going to result in an increase in problems - even though it’s really just the way things would be if our influence had never been there in the first place.” She shrugged again. “So it works out that right now, everyone’s procrastinating _more_ than usual, and once I’m back at full strength, I can help them do it _less_ if they so wish. Same logic for all of our magic.”

“What about Kirsty’s question, though, about it all happening one-at-a-time?” asked Ruby.

“We’ve always felt it fairest on your world if only one of us comes to search at a time,” said Petra. “And while I cannot speak for the goblins and Jack Frost, I would imagine that they simply don’t want to have to deal with the effects of more than one haywire object, so they also only set their sights on one each time.”

“Does it matter which one of you shows up first – fairy or goblin?” asked Ruby.

“Not really. And the impact’s the same, so one side’s presence will always alert the other.”

“And when you came this time...?”

“Well, it was a little strange actually – I didn’t decide, exactly, to come and look, and I also didn’t sense that I needed to intercept any goblins. I just... it’s like I said before, I just got this very strong feeling that I needed to come today.”

“Okay, but...” Kirsty frowned. “One more question. This has been bothering me for a while. When we were kids, whenever we helped a set of fairies, it would only take a week - sometimes less, even. We would have an adventure every day. But _this_ time, it’s taken months. Why is that?”

“Well... my magical object is missing.”

Kirsty and Ruby both stopped walking. They made eye contact with each other, silently asking if they had understood what Petra had just said correctly. When Kirsty finally spoke, it was slow, and steady, and utterly furious.

“So, you are telling me,” she said, turning back to Petra and visibly shaking, “that the reason we’ve been having to deal with this crap for half a year is that _you’ve all been procrastinating!?_ ”

“Well, are you really surprised?” said Petra. “We’re the University Life Fairies!”

***

When they arrived on campus, the girls were surprised to find that everything looked relatively normal. Students were milling about as usual, wrapped up in big coats and long scarves – aside from one boy dressed in a t-shirt and shorts, who was loudly declaring to anyone who would listen that it wasn’t _that_ cold.

“Weird...” said Kirsty, glancing around. “Nothing’s weird. You sensing anything, Petra?”

“It’s definitely somewhere on this campus,” said Petra, who had taken up residence in Kirsty’s coat pocket. “But I don’t know where to start.”

“Can we get some coffee?” asked Ruby. “I need something warm to drink.”

“You really can’t deal with cold, can you?” said Kirsty.

“And what of it?” Ruby snapped.

“I didn’t mean anything by it. Was just an observation,” said Kirsty mildly. “The nearest coffee shop is beneath the government building.”

“I know!” said Ruby, pushing past Kirsty and leading the way. Kirsty shrugged and followed.

The coffee shop was packed with students hiding out from the cold between classes. With no seating available, the girls leaned against a wall at the back after collecting Ruby’s drink.

“It’s very loud in here,” said Petra, wrapping her arms around her head.

“Yeah,” said Kirsty. “Can barely hear myself think.”

“That’s winter for you,” said Ruby, curling her hands around her drink and sighing. “Outside too cold, inside too noisy and crowded. I hate this stupid season.”

“I didn’t mean that kind of loud,” said Petra. “I meant that way too many people in here are procrastinating. It’s doing my senses in.”

“Are they now...” said Kirsty, glancing around. Most of the other students had their laptops and notebooks open, but as she looked from person to person, she realised most were not working. One girl was doing some online shopping. Another was playing a browser game. A boy was switching from tab to tab, refreshing social media sites. Still more had essays open, but were looking at their phones instead.

“Is _anyone_ in here working?” Ruby asked.

“He might be,” said Kirsty, pointing to a young man sat a few tables away. He was typing furiously at his laptop. Ruby straightened up and walked over, surreptitiously glancing at his screen.

“...and further, in comparison to, for example, STV’s rounded Droop quota, we can see that proportional representation systems - oh, yeah, he’s definitely not procrastinating,” she murmured, reading his work aloud to herself. She circled the room, checking on the other students.

“Well?” asked Kirsty when she returned.

“Four working students,” said Ruby. “Pretty much everyone else look like they’re putting things off.”

“Those four will be people with unusually high levels of motivation and organisation skills. Very specific mental health make-ups too, most likely,” said Petra.

“What’s mental health got to do with procrastination?” asked Ruby.

“Oh, everything!” said Petra. “Now – the fact that there are people able to work at all, or even set up to work, means this place isn’t the worst hit by the storm, so to speak. The calendar’s somewhere else. Probably nearby.”

“So we have to check the surrounding buildings to see where people aren’t working,” said Kirsty. “Cool. Let’s go.”

“Not cool. Freezing,” said Ruby, crossing her arms and following Kirsty. They headed back out, looking around in attempt to determine where to go next.

“You know,” said Kirsty, watching people walking about. “It makes sense to me now, that everyone’s just normal. I wasn’t expecting it, because most times the magic makes people do strange things – but this is a type of magic that makes people _not_ do things!”

“I think they’re pretty strange,” said Ruby. “All hanging around out here.”

“The coffee shop _was_ very full.”

“So go to a different one. Or go home. Or go to the library.”

They both stood still for a moment. Without a word, they glanced at each other, nodded, and began sprinting up the path.

***

“ _Why did we run here!?”_ Kirsty asked, breathing heavily.

“Why are you so out of shape?” asked Ruby, grinning. She stretched her arms above her head. “I’m all warmed up now!”

“Good for you,” said Kirsty, opening the library door and stepping inside.

The building was empty.

“Yep. We have the right place!” said Petra, flying out of Kirsty’s pocket to float between them.

“I guess everyone’s so unmotivated by the time they get here that they can’t even step inside,” said Ruby. “I mean... honestly, the main thing I really want to do right now is leave and go watch telly.”

“Well, the faster we get this done...” said Kirsty. Ruby narrowed her eyes.

“Don’t you mean ‘how is that different from normal, Ruby, you huge nerd’?” she asked.

“You said it,” said Kirsty, heading over to the lifts. She carefully stepped around a maintenance worker’s abandoned kit – it appeared that one of the lifts had been undergoing repairs before the magic hit. “There are five floors, including the ground floor, so this could take a while.”

“Hmm,” said Ruby. She strode forward, closed her eyes, and ran her hands over the call buttons. “Fourth floor,” she said as she reopened them, and turned back to Kirsty.

“What?” asked Kirsty.

“She’s... right,” said Petra, flying forward to inspect the lift. “Now that you point it out, I _am_ sensing a strong magical presence on the fourth floor.”

“But how did you do that?” asked Kirsty.

“That’s for me to know,” said Ruby, grinning and pressing the button.

“No, seriously. _How_ did you do it?” Kirsty asked again, brows furrowed. “It’s not the first time, is it?”

“Wouldn’t you like it if I told you?”

“ _Petra_. How did she do it?”

“I don’t know either,” said Petra. “Would you be willing to tell me, Ruby?”

“Absolutely. Once Kirsty’s not around,” said Ruby, smiling sweetly.

The lift chimed, and Kirsty stepped inside, shaking her head and eyeing Ruby suspiciously. Ruby sauntered after her, a self-satisfied grin spread wide across her face.

They arrived on the fourth floor. The lifts opened out at one end of an open area, with bathrooms, group study rooms, and a staircase at the far end, and seemingly endless rows of bookcases spread out on either side. Just behind the column of lifts, a rounded balcony looked out over the floor below. That floor was a reverse of the one they were on, exactly the same except for the balcony and additional amenities being at the opposite ends. Each floor of the building followed this alternating pattern.

As the girls exited the lift, Kirsty turned to face Ruby and Petra, hands on her hips.

“Right. We’ve got an entire floor to search. We’d best split up and each take a section- “ she paused. “...unless Ruby can just find it instantly?”

“No problem!” said Ruby. She made a show of stretching out her arms, then closed her eyes and walked forward. After walking several paces, she opened her eyes and glanced around.

“Well?” asked Kirsty.

“What- why didn’t it work!” cried Ruby, stamping her foot.

“Old fashioned way it is then,” said Kirsty. “So I’ll take the left side- “

“You’re not going to make fun of me for failing?” asked Ruby.

“No. Can you take the right side of the floor? And then Petra can search the centre area?”

“I- you- ugh!” said Ruby, turning on her heel, stomping off into the stacks and, as she turned the corner, almost running face first into a goblin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Full disclosure - that thing about the fairies procrastinating was not planned. The real reason for spreading the story out over a year was that I wanted to do more character and relationship development than a week would really allow for. But one evening, completely out of nowhere, I came up with that whole explanation in the shower. I had to sprint to my laptop after getting out so I wouldn't forget it, lol


	33. #6 Petra the Procrastination Fairy - Hit the Books

“Why are _you_ here?” Ruby hissed, pushing the goblin further into the stacks. Two others weren’t far behind him, and as Ruby looked between them, she realised that it was the same group they’d all encountered before.

“We’re on assignment, dumbass,” the goblin responded. He was the largest and meanest looking of the group, and looking back on their encounters over the past few months, it occurred to Ruby that he was probably the leader.

“I thought you weren’t doing that anymore,” she replied, straightening her back in attempt to emphasise her height advantage.

“We never agreed to that. Not that we even have the option, as _you_ know,” said a second goblin, arms folded.

“You didn’t come last time,” said Ruby.

“Because we thought you and Steve would have figured out your whole plan by then,” said the third goblin. “We got in huge trouble for that, by the way.”

“ _Have_ you got a plan?” asked the first goblin.

“Welllll,” said Ruby, pressing her pointer fingers together, “kind of? We have supplies, we’re just... figuring out what to do with them.”

“Knew it,” said the third goblin, shaking his head. “Don’t know why I got my hopes up. Same old useless Steve.”

“If you just give us a little more time- “

“No,” said the first goblin. “And we have a job to do, so enough talking.” He pushed past her, and all three goblins took off towards the centre of the room.

“Kirsty!” Ruby shouted. “Look out!”

“Oh, fantastic,” said Kirsty, peeking out from behind a bookcase to see three goblins running straight towards her. “Petra, can you, like, blast them, or- “

“I can do nothing,” said Petra. “Why do you keep forgetting? I really thought you were meant to be smart.”

“Well, I’m sorry,” Kirsty hissed, “I’ve just never dealt with a magic-less fairy before. And you are _one to talk_ about forgetting things.”

Petra scowled at Kirsty, then flew up above the shelves.

“We’re over here!” she called, waving at the goblins.

“Two fairies in a row that hate me!” Kirsty said, throwing up her hands and stepping out from behind the shelf. The goblins ran up and surrounded her, backing her against the side of the bookcase. Kirsty looked up at Petra, who flapped her wings pointedly, stuck out her tongue, and zipped away.

“Where’s the magical object?” demanded one of the goblins.

“I don’t know yet,” said Kirsty, crossing her arms.

“Don’t lie!”

“I’m not lying. And even if I was, what are you going to do to me?” asked Kirsty. “You don’t have any magic, or weapons...”

“We’ll... uh- “ started another of the goblins, but he was cut off as Ruby raced over and shoved him out the way. She grabbed Kirsty by the arm and dragged her off towards the other side of the room, weaving between stacks of books until they were over in a corner by the windows.

“You are freakishly strong,” said Kirsty, rubbing her wrist.

“Thanks,” said Ruby, placing her hands on her hips. “So what’s the plan?”

“The plan?”

“Yeah, the plan. You’re the ideas girl, right?”

Kirsty blinked, then considered.

“I... guess I am. Okay, so, um... we need to get rid of the goblins.”

“Obviously,” said Ruby, rolling her eyes.

“Yes. So, to do that...” Kirsty looked around them, trying to figure out if there was anything other than books at their disposal. “We know the calendar is somewhere on this floor, so the first thing we need to do is get them away from here.”

“Well, that means we need them to either go down the lifts, or the stairs,” said Ruby. “Or throw them off the balcony, that works too.”

“That’s it!” said Kirsty, slamming her fist down in her palm.

“What’s it?”

“Ruby, think about how this building is constructed. Each floor is a reverse image of the last, which means there are two sets of staircases, one on either side. So each set only goes to- “

“Every _other_ floor! So since we’re on the fourth floor, if we can get them stuck on an odd numbered floor, they won’t be able to use the stairs to get back up here!”

“The odd numbered floors’ staircase starts on the first floor,” said Kirsty, grin spreading across her face. “There’s an emergency staircase on that floor, too, but it leads directly outside. The door locks behind it, so it’s one way, and it leads to the back of the building...”

“Which would give us enough time to run down and lock the front entrance!” Ruby finished.

“Yeah!” said Kirsty. Without thinking, she held up her hand, and Ruby, on instinct, high-fived her. Then, suddenly remembering themselves, they both stared at each other, unsure what to make of the moment.

“Well, uh,” said Ruby, coughing. “That still leaves us with the problem of the lifts. And getting the goblins to an odd numbered floor in the first place...”

“There are two working lifts. We could emergency stop one of them here, then send them down in the other one somehow, then call it back. It’s either that, or just throw them over the balcony, like you said.”

“I’d rather not _actually_ do that,” said Ruby, hugging her elbows and looking away. “I don’t want to hurt them.”

Kirsty raised her eyebrows.

“Ruby, they’re _goblins_ , who cares!”

“I do!” Ruby snapped. “Where did Petra go, by the way?”

“She flew off and abandoned me, the little... ugh. She’s definitely my least favourite, I’ll say that.”

“Well, I can’t say I like you very much, either,” said a voice above Kirsty’s head. Kirsty looked up, and let out a sigh. 

“Oh, so you’re back, are you?”

“Naturally,” said Petra.

“You... could be good bait, actually,” said Ruby contemplatively. “Like, if we had them chase you into the lift.”

“Yeah, that works,” said Kirsty. “We get back over there and draw their attention, make them think Petra has the calendar. They chase her into the lift, Petra presses the button once they’re inside – probably best to go for the third floor, so you won’t be in there too long – then flies back up over the balcony while one of us calls the lift back, and the other runs down to lock the front door! Sorted!”

“What are we waiting for, then?” asked Ruby. “Let’s go!”

They headed back over to the central area, where the goblins were spread out, searching for the calendar.

“You should run down, once they’re in the lift,” whispered Ruby as they watched from behind a shelf. “My endurance is better, but you’re faster.”

“Got it,” said Kirsty, nodding.

Ruby ran out, Petra flying beside her.

“Petra, over here!” she shouted, pressing the button to open the doors. “Take the calendar that you definitely have with you downstairs!”

The goblins’ heads snapped up.

“After her!” the closest one shouted, gesturing to his friends. The second goblin ran over, watching as Petra darted back and forth above their heads, too quick to properly make out. Once the goblins had reached the lifts, she flew straight for the open doors, goblins following as she hit the buttons inside. They descended. Kirsty headed for the stairs, while Ruby called the second lift and activated the emergency stop. A moment later, Petra zoomed back over the balcony and up to the ceiling, triumphant.

“That was so easy!” Ruby exclaimed, calling the first lift and activating its emergency stop as well. “Too easy, really.”

She frowned, walking over to the balcony. Down below, two very annoyed goblins were glaring up at her.

She realised that, by now, she was able to tell them apart. The one on the left was the goblin who had mentioned being afraid of rats, back when they’d met at the theatre. The one on the right was the one who was always calling Steve useless. She narrowed her eyes at him, and he made a face back. And that third one, the biggest one-

Wasn’t there.

“You know,” said Kirsty, re-emerging from the stairwell and breathing heavily, “it occurred to me, while I was running back up the third flight, that we could have walked down to lock the doors _before_ we executed the plan.” She blinked, then broke out into a dash towards the balcony. “Ruby, behind you!”

Ruby spun around to see the goblin reaching out to grab her by the plait. She yelped, and swung her fist, catching him in the chest and knocking him back. The goblin stumbled, and Ruby lunged forward, grabbing both of his arms and holding him by the wrists, trapping him in place. The goblin attempted to shake her off, but Ruby held fast as Kirsty stopped beside them, leaning over to catch her breath.

“Nice try,” said Ruby. The goblin stuck his tongue out at her.

“That was... _how?_ ” Kirsty said.

“Like you said. I’m strong,” said Ruby. “Or... maybe it’s just that this goblin’s really weak – Rachel also took him down once, remember?”

“Are you implying Rachel isn’t strong?” Kirsty asked, frowning. “Rachel’s super strong, she could take you.”

“Uh, cute that you think that and all, but while Rachel’s definitely stronger than _you_ , I work out four times a week, so...”

“Doesn’t matter, Rachel would still win in a fight.”

Ruby raised an eyebrow.

“I mean, maybe in terms of the fact that I don’t actually _want_ to fight her, so I wouldn’t be trying very hard. But if was to go all-out against her, I’d totally win.”

“Well - I’d never let her fight you anyway.”

“I think Rachel can make her own decisions, can’t she?”

Kirsty winced and stepped back, looking away. Ruby, not quite knowing what to say next, simply stared at her.

“So, are you going to let me go, or...”

They turned their attention back to the goblin, who was sneering at them.

“Are you going to leave?” asked Ruby.

“Obviously not.”

“Well, then,” said Ruby, picking him up and holding him in a bridal carry. “I guess we’ll have to do this the hard way.”

The goblin struggled, attempting to lash and scratch his long fingernails against Ruby’s face. Ruby reached over and held onto his hands, as though she were restraining a very large cat. She carried him over towards the balcony. He hissed under his breath at her as she walked. 

“Of course you’re betraying us. I don’t know why we ever thought we could put our trust in a human. Let alone _Steve.”_

“I’m not _betraying_ you,” Ruby whispered back. “I never said I’d help you steal from the fairies. I just said I’d help you guys escape Jack Frost.”

“Should have guessed you’d be useless if Steve wanted to join up with you.”

“Stop insulting him! He’s my best friend!”

They had reached the balcony. The goblin let out a barking laugh.

“That is so sad. None of the humans want you, then?”

Ruby stiffened, then lifted the goblin over the railing.

“Plenty of humans like me. I just happen to like Steve more than them.”

“Nah, no way. No way any human has ever liked you if you’d settle for _him_ ,” said the goblin, grinning nastily.

“Don’t get me wrong,” Ruby said quietly. “I still want to help your people, because what is being done to you is a moral injustice. But I can’t say I like _you_ personally.”

“The feeling is mutual,” the goblin replied.

Ruby dropped him over the edge.

“Nice job,” said Kirsty, walking over and placing her hands on her hips as she leaned over the balcony. The goblin had got up almost immediately, bruised, but otherwise uninjured. He made a rude hand gesture at them. Ruby returned it, then turned to Kirsty.

“They’re stuck down there, now,” she said, a somewhat manic smile spreading across her face. “But that’s not to say they won’t find some other way to cause problems. I say we try to get rid of them entirely.” She glanced back down. “Or at least, get rid of _that_ one.”

“Hmm... I agree,” said Kirsty. “I propose that we approach this guerrilla-style. We wait until they separate, and then, to get the first goblin, we’ll construct a line of books across this floor leading to the side of the balcony. We’ll make sure one of them stays in the area below by luring them with a bag of crisps from the vending machines, and then we’ll put... something heavy at the balcony end, and then, utilising the domino effect- “

“Or we could just throw books at them,” said Ruby, pulling one off the shelf.

“ _Ruby!_ No! We can’t _throw_ books around! Books are precious things, you have to take care of them, you can’t ever damage or- “

“This is Nick Clegg’s autobiography.”

“Oh. Well, that’s alright then, go ahead.”

Ruby dropped the book over the edge of the balcony and watched as it fell, hitting the goblin below directly on the head. He yelped, and looked up.

“Sorry,” said Ruby, grinning and waggling her fingers.

The goblin narrowed his eyes, then walked away. Ruby turned back to Kirsty, expression smug.

“See, I told you. Simple solutions are- ow!”

A book had come flying over the balcony and hit her in the back of the neck. Kirsty leaned down to pick it up.

“ _Frankenstein,”_ she said, clearly amused.

“Frankenstein!?” said Ruby, spinning around to glare down at the goblin. “ _Rude!_ ”

“I’ll get more ammo,” said Kirsty. Another book flew past her head as she turned to the shelf. Ruby caught it and looked down.

“ _Of Mice and Men._ They’re in the classic literature section!”

“Oh, those are _definitely_ not okay to throw!”

Within minutes, an all-out flurry of pages surrounded both groups. Ruby tossed book after book on Thatcherism, while Kirsty made strategic drops of heavy tomes on neo-classical economics. The goblins returned the onslaught by lobbing everything from _The Odyssey_ to _Anne of Green Gables_ to the complete works of Shakespeare.

“This is getting ridic- agh!” said Kirsty, taking a copy of _All My Sons_ to the face.

“On the plus side, I think we might have accumulated Jane Austen’s entire canon!” said Ruby, glancing around her, and narrowly avoiding getting hit in the side by a book on Egyptian mythology _._

“How is that an advantage?”

“You don’t like Austen!?”

“That’s not- duck!” shouted Kirsty, bobbing down as _War and Peace_ shot above their heads. She glanced back at it. “How did they even manage that? They’re not very strong, and it’s huge!”

“Well... they are magical creatures, I guess,” said Ruby. “They don’t always make sense. Anyway, I don’t think we’re going to win this. It might be time for strategic retreat.”

“No kidding,” said Kirsty. They backed away from the balcony.

“Where’s Petra gone, anyway?” asked Ruby.

“Up here,” said a voice above them. They both looked up – a few feet away, Petra was hovering around one of the building’s air conditioning ducts. As they got closer, they could see that there was a small grate in the tube, presumably for releasing cold air when the system was on. Something sparkly appeared to be wedged inside.

“The calendar!” said Kirsty.

“This is the spot I picked earlier!” said Ruby, looking around. “I just didn’t realise I had to look _up!_ ”

“I noticed it after I flew over the balcony,” said Petra. She floated down to stand on the bookshelf next to them. “I’ve been trying to work out how to get at it while you two were doing...” she looked over at the mess of books disdainfully, “...whatever that was.”

“Oooh, yeah,” said Ruby, standing on her toes. “Those gaps in the grille look too thin for even a fairy.”

“I just need to be able to hold it,” said Petra. “Do you two know of any way to get into the duct from here?”

“I doubt there is one,” said Kirsty, frowning, “and even if there is, it’d all but certainly be behind a locked door.”

“Maybe if we removed the grille,” said Ruby. She got down on one knee and held out her palms in front of her. “Here, I’ll give you a boost onto the shelf so you can have a look.”

Kirsty stepped into her hands, then clambered onto the shelf. It wobbled beneath her, and she held out her arms to steady herself before looking up.

“Yes... the grate isn’t built into the duct, it’s attached! We could unscrew it, and the calendar would fall right out,” she said. She reached up, but found that there was about a half-foot of air between her hand and the vent.

“I bet I could reach,” said Ruby.

“Probably. But this shelf wouldn’t hold your weight,” Kirsty replied.

“Rude!”

“Factual.”

The shelf shifted underneath Kirsty, as if to prove her point. She stumbled forward, and Ruby reached up to steady her before she fell.

“Well... if it can’t even hold someone _this_ light,” she conceded. She picked Kirsty up by the armpits, as one might a small child, and set her down on the floor. She gave Kirsty an expectant grin.

“Thank you,” said Kirsty. Ruby narrowed her eyes, but Kirsty ignored her, turning to Petra. “That leaves you. If we find a screwdriver, you should be able to remove the grille. We’ll catch the calendar, return it to you, job done.”

“Where are you going to find a screwdriver in a library, though?” Petra asked.

“Um... oh! The maintenance kit!” said Kirsty. “The one someone was using to fix the lift, down on the ground floor! I bet that would have a screwdriver.”

“On it,” said Ruby, heading for the stairs. She returned a moment later with an assortment of little blue screwdrivers.

“Wasn’t sure what size or head we needed,” she said, “but one of these is bound to work, right?”

“Yeah... this one’ll be perfect,” said Kirsty, selecting one of the larger tools. She took it from Ruby, and held it out to Petra. Petra wrapped her arms around it, then immediately plummeted towards the ground.

“Whoa, _whoa_ ,” she said, dropping the screwdriver to the floor and shooting back up. “Can’t you give me something a little lighter?”

“Umm... well this one isn’t quite right, but it might work...?” said Kirsty, handing her a much smaller one. This time Petra did not immediately sink down, but was still completely unable to manage any upward movement. After a minute, her arms gave out, and she dropped the second screwdriver on top of the first, creating an unpleasant metallic chime. She scowled down at them as though the sound were a personal insult.

“You seriously can’t lift either of them?” asked Kirsty. “I’ve definitely met fairies that could lift a screwdriver before.”

“She’s pretty small though, even by fairy standards,” said Ruby, thoughtfully. “As least, as far as I’ve seen. And she’s as bony as you – I bet you couldn’t lift a screwdriver in fairy form either.”

“I am not _bony_ ,” said Petra, glaring at Ruby.

“Fairy form...” said Kirsty. “Hey, that’s it! One of us just needs to transform into a fairy! Then we can lift it together.”

“Like when Rachel and I jammed that giant polo roll into Ste- I mean, that goblin’s stomach!” said Ruby.

“Exactly,” said Kirsty.

“Well, what are you waiting for?” asked Petra, tapping her foot. “My King and Queen granted you a fairy dust repository, did they not?”

“A what?”

“She means your locket,” said Ruby, deliberately avoiding eye contact.

“Oh. That, um. That was stolen last month.”

“Of course!” said Petra, throwing her hands in the air. “Of course you managed to get robbed!”

“Alright then, why don’t you turn me into a fairy with your magic wand – _oh wait_ ,” Kirsty snapped back.

“That is different!”

“ _How?_ ”

“Rachel still has a necklace,” Ruby interrupted.

Kirsty and Petra turned to look at her.

“Well, she does,” said Ruby, shrugging. “And she’s only over at the theatre.”

“We’d have to leave the building, though,” said Kirsty.

“You could just open a window for me, and I could go find her,” said Petra, shrugging.

“She’s... really busy though,” Kirsty said, chewing on her lip and fidgeting her hands.

“But this is important. She’d want to help,” said Ruby. “And by your own logic, it is the best solution.”

Kirsty had to admit that this was true. She swallowed, then lead Petra over to the west side of the library and twisted open the window lock.

“Keep going that way until you see the sports centre. It’s round the back of that, next to the river. She’ll most likely be somewhere in the underground space once you’re inside.”

Petra did a mock salute, and flew off.

“So,” said Ruby, sidling up behind Kirsty, “just the two of us for a while.”

“Yep,” said Kirsty, turning around and walking back towards the centre of the room once again.

“You must not be very happy about that. You must be pretty frustrated with me that I’m too big to stand on the shelf.”

“You can’t help the way you’re built. And most of your weight is muscle, which is quite admirable.”

Ruby frowned.

“It was my idea to get into that book fight, and it gained us nothing. What a waste of time. I’m so dumb, right?”

“It wasn’t your best idea, but I went along with it, so I think we’re equally to blame, really.”

Ruby openly glared.

“Well, I’m also _really_ annoying- “

“What are you doing? Why do you keep talking about yourself like that?”

Ruby stopped and threw up her hands.

“God – Kirsty, it’s weird, okay? You’re not insulting me anymore, and it’s weird, because you are a _mean little girl_.”

Kirsty stopped and turned back, eyebrows raised.

“I am of perfectly average height. You’re just a giant.”

“See! That’s what I mean, that’s what I miss!”

“You _miss_ it? You asked me to be nicer, so I am trying to be nicer. And now you’re telling me that’s weird and you miss me being a jerk to you.”

“Yes!”

“Why!?”

Ruby clenched her fists at her sides and looked away.

“Because at least that was _real_. This is just... I don’t even know you right now!”

“I don’t- why does this keep happening? _All year_ people have been telling me that they don’t like things about my behaviour – so I try to change! I try to be better! To be less overprotective, to be more open to new people, to be _nicer!_ And it’s never good enough! What do you all _actually_ want from me?”

“Maybe we just want you to be honest, Kirsty.”

“Yeah, well, I tried that too. And I messed it all up and now Rachel doesn’t want anything to do with me.”

Kirsty turned away and walked over to the balcony, deliberately avoiding Ruby’s gaze. Ruby stared after her for a long moment, before clearing her throat and speaking again.

“Well. Then you need to practice.”

“Practice?”

“Practice being honest.” Ruby folded her arms and glared at the back of Kirsty’s head. “You can start by explaining why you hate me.”

“I don’t hate you,” Kirsty replied quietly.

“You told me you did, in the clearest possible terms.”

“No, I didn’t. I never said I hated you. I said that I hated your _face_.”

Ruby rolled her eyes.

“How is that different?” she asked.

“Well, _you_ are not your face, are you?”

“I- what- fine. Fine. Why do you hate my _face_ , then?”

“I don’t want to- “

“ _Tell me_ , Kirsty!”

Kirsty whirled around, eyes brimming with tears.

“Because you look like _her!_ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Could I have cut the book fight scene? Probably. But then you wouldn't have got to read that hilarious and *very* topical Nick Clegg joke.
> 
> (For those who don't know who Nick Clegg is - don't worry about it. The joke is not actually funny. Or remotely topical.)


	34. #6 Petra the Procrastination Fairy - Wants and Needs

“So – of all the things we’ve got to do, what’s first today?” Rachel asked, following James into the theatre.

“A trip to the vault,” James replied, tossing his keys in the air and catching them with one hand. He looked back at Rachel and grinned. She clapped politely.

“What for? Ooh, please tell me we’re using that giant lawn flamingo for some reason!”

“Afraid not,” said James, laughing. “We’re going to go look through the old costumes.”

“Costumes?” asked Rachel.

“Well. You know our _Hamlet_ production?”

“Yes? Of course? We’ve been working on it together for a month and a half?”

“We need to pick out the costumes.”

Rachel titled her head.

“...why? Shouldn’t the costume people do that?”

“Yes. They should. But see, the thing is, Henry,” said James, voice lowering to a growl as he spoke the name of the play’s director, “has been making things _so_ unpleasant for them that I couldn’t not take over.”

“Why you?”

“The costumes department is full of nice, sweet little 19-year-olds. I am 27. I have seniority here. I am so dead inside from my PhD that has taken much, much longer than it should have that I no longer feel a thing when people insult me. It’s only fair.”

They had reached the vault door. James unlocked it, allowing Rachel to step in ahead of him.

“So what are we looking for?” asked Rachel as they descended down the staircase.

“Well, Rachel – little exercise. You are putting on a play in which all of the characters are portrayed by _puppets_. How would _you_ dress the actors?”

“Uh,” said Rachel, not sure if this was a trick question. “I would... have them wear all black to keep the audience’s attention away from them, and on the puppets?”

“Yes. That would be a sensible choice. Now, what do you think Henry has specifically told us _not_ to do?”

“Seriously!?”

“He thinks it will look ‘tacky’ and ‘amateurish’,” said James as he pulled out a rack of costumes.

“...we’re an amateur student theatre.”

“I know.”

“So what’s he proposing?” Rachel asked.

“Full, colourful period wear.”

“That’s... uh...”

“Henry’s not smart. Anyway, I told him absolutely not, so now we need to find a compromise. Do you see anything here that will work?” asked James, pushing clothes down the rack.

“Well... you’ve got a lot of old suits here,” said Rachel thoughtfully.

“Yeah, we did _Twelve Angry Men_ a couple years ago,” said James, looking up. “Was pretty good, actually. Juror 8 even made it into the acting industry after graduation.”

“Plays?”

“Soap advert. It’s on Channel 4 a lot.”

“Ooh, I think I’ve seen that. He’s got nice cheekbones.”

“Yeah, that’ll be him. Really lovely guy, hope he gets to do better stuff soon,” said James, smiling fondly.

“It is a good advert, at least. I like the jingle,” said Rachel. She sang the first few words, and then, remembering herself, blushed and stared at the row of suits, avoiding James’s eyes.

“Why’d you stop?” asked James, tilting his head. “You’ve got a nice voice.”

“No, no, I- “

“You do. Don’t sell yourself short.”

“I, um... thanks,” said Rachel, blushing harder. “So! Um, the reason I mentioned the suits was that, uh, I thought maybe they could work for _Hamlet?_ I mean, they’re dark colours, so they won’t be a distraction, but they’re also smart, so Henry can’t call them tacky? And also there are twelve of them, and we’ve got twelve actors in _Hamlet_ , so...”

“Yeah...” said James, looking them over. “I mean, they are all men’s, so they’d need to do some serious altering for the girls. I’ll have to ask the costumes people if that’s even possible - I don’t know, I can’t even sew a button... but, at least for the blokes, this could definitely work!” He looked at Rachel and grinned. “Well done!”

“Thanks,” said Rachel, blushing again.

“Stop getting embarrassed and help me bring these upstairs,” said James, laughing and pulling the suits off the rack.

***

“Dr. Lister.”

A wiry young man had thrown open the props room door, startling Rachel into almost dropping the skull she’d been painting. He was staring at James with one eyebrow raised, voice dripping with sarcasm. James sighed, pushed his glasses up his nose, and spoke without looking at the intruder.

“Not a doctor yet.”

“Of course, I keep forgetting. Really feels like you _should_ be by now.”

James turned to face him, tone menacingly calm.

“How can I help you, Henry?”

“Heidi just told me that you’ve taken over costume selection. Show me what you’ve chosen, I need to approve it.”

James pointed wordlessly at the suits piled on a nearby table. Henry stalked over and made a great show of inspecting them. After a minute, he looked up and ran a hand through his blond hair.

“These are adequate,” he said, clearly begrudgingly. “I’m surprised, James. I didn’t think good clothing choice was something you had in you.”

“Well, actually,” said James, “since you like them, you can thank Rachel here. They were her idea.”

Rachel gave Henry a little wave. Henry looked at her, then back at James.

“Who is she?”

“Rachel,” said James. “I just said. And you’ve already met her, twice. And both of those times, I introduced her to you as my new assistant.”

“Does she have any experience?”

“No, but as I have told you before, that doesn’t matter, because this is a student theatre and the point is that we’re all doing this for fun.”

Henry scowled.

“You’re calling my life’s work... _fun?_ ”

“You’re calling Shakespeare with snakes your life’s work?”

“Snakespeare,” Rachel muttered under breath, and giggled. Henry snapped his head to her and glared.

“What was that?”

“Oh, um...” Rachel blinked, then grabbed her copy of the script and scrambled through the pages. “I, ah, had a question for you. Regarding the Yorick scene – you have Hamlet holding the skull, and a knife, and a glass all at once, and I’m just wondering... how?”

Henry puffed up his chest and stared down at her. Rachel shrank back.

“Are you questioning my vision?”

“Yes,” said James, placing his chin in his hand and raising his eyebrows. “We are. Your ‘vision’ would have Kevin holding three different props, plus the Hamlet-Snake puppet, and last I checked the boy only has two hands.”

“Stop being insubordinate, James.”

“I am _not_ your subordinate, and even if I were, it will still be a completely valid logistical question.”

Henry let out a huff, turned on his heel, and stormed out of the room. James got up and closed the door, then glanced back at Rachel, giving her an apologetic look.

“I really shouldn’t have brought you on for this one,” he said, sighing. “I promise, most of the directors aren’t like that. Henry’s just a pompous ass. I’ve known the kid since he was a fresher, he’s always acted like this. Glad he’s graduating this year.”

“So you’ve been here a while then, I guess.”

“Longer than anyone really should be,” said James, sighing again and sitting back down. “I was... kind of in and out when I was an undergraduate, and then I got my MSc here too. And like I’ve told you, I’m doing a PhD now, but I’m also working a real job so that I’ll have, you know, money to eat with, so it’s taking forever.”

“You can’t ask your parents for help or anything?”

“We’re... not on the best terms,” said James, suddenly paying very close attention to one of the snake puppets. Rachel looked down at the skull, face pink.

“Oh. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have- “

“It’s fine. And anyway, uni and work suck, but being at this place is a good thing. Met pretty much all my friends here, met my fiancée here- “

“You’re engaged!?” asked Rachel, head shooting up. “How did you meet? How long? What are they like?”

James laughed.

“Like I said, we met here – she was a director, and a much better one than Henry, I should mention. Did a really great _Twelfth Night_. I asked her out at the wrap party. We’ve been together for years, and we’ve known we were going to get married some day for ages now, but I officially proposed this past Christmas. And... she’s amazing.”

“That’s so sweet,” said Rachel, pressing her hands to her heart. “What’s her name?”

“Ophelia.”

“ _Ophelia._ ”

“Yep.” James grinned and leaned back in his chair, clearly having had this conversation before. “Gorgeous name, isn’t it? I call her Fee for short.”

“But Ophelia is her real name, and you met her here, where she was directing a Shakespeare play.”

“It’s, uh, whatsit... nominative determinism!” said James, snapping his fingers. “She’s brilliant – graduated with a first, fantastic cook, champion swimmer...”

“No she’s not.”

“She is!”

Rachel rolled her eyes.

“And what’s she doing now?”

“Well, right now she works at a florist.”

“A florist. Oh, and let me guess, her dad was stabbed to death too?”

“Actually, yes. It was really traumatic for her.”

Rachel stared at him in horror.

“Oh. Oh my god, I’m so sorry, I didn’t- “

“No, no, I’m messing with you! That didn’t happen. The rest is true, though.”

“You- “ Rachel stared at him and shook her head. “I felt really bad!”

James just grinned and turned back to fixing Snake-Gertrude’s tiara.

They were silent for a moment, each at work.

“...so she _is_ a real person, just to be clear?” asked Rachel.

“You still don’t- look, here,” said James, pulling out his phone and showing Rachel his lock screen. “Right there, that’s Fee. Real human woman.”

There was, in fact, a picture of James, looking more cheerful than Rachel had ever seen him, with his arm around a beautiful woman. She was wearing a daisy-chain crown in her dirty blonde hair, and looking up at him with an expression of absolute adoration. A familiar feeling of envy wrapped itself around Rachel, and she handed the phone back to James.

“You guys look really good together,” she said, smiling.

“Thanks,” James replied, putting the phone back in his pocket.

“So is she done with theatre stuff, then?”

“No,” said James. “She’s still looking to get into producing. And she deserves it, she’s _so_ good, but it’s competitive, you know? Doesn’t help that she’s a woman, either. She’s done some one-off stuff with our friends, and all, but I know what she really wants is something that’ll get her some actual recognition.”

“And what about you? Are you going to try to do theatre stuff, after you finish the PhD?”

“Nah. Well, not professionally, anyway.” He leaned back in his chair. “I’m going to go be a meteorologist, and spend all day just talking about the bloody weather. But I’ll also try to find a little amateur place, or something, and volunteer in my spare time.”

Rachel put down the skull and stared at him.

“Why? I mean... the fact that you’ve been here so long – I figured it had to be because you love this.”

A half-grin slowly appeared across James’s face.

“You know, you’re not the first person to ask that. I guess I get to tell you the story now.”

“What?”

“Have I told you yet, why I do this?”

“...no?

James had fully spun in his chair to face her. He leaned forward, and cleared his throat. The words he spoke were clearly well-rehearsed.

“When I was five years old, my parents took us to see a touring production of Cinderella for Christmas. I don’t think it was the first play I ever saw, but it is the first one I can remember. My big sisters were so excited – and I was miserable. Cinderella was a _girl_ story, obviously, so how could I _possibly_ enjoy it. I remember sitting there, arms crossed, with the biggest scowl on my face, to make sure that no one there thought for even a second that I was having a good time.”

Rachel laughed softly, and motioned for him to continue.

“And then, about half an hour in, the Fairy Godmother showed up. She had this big sparkly dress, and a crown and a magic wand, and my sisters were shoving each other because they were so excited... And she waved her wand, and the lights went down, and there was this big crackling shimmering noise, and a huge puff of smoke, and suddenly Cinderella was wearing a dress that was even more beautiful than the fairy’s, and all I could think was _this is the most magical thing I have ever seen in my entire life._ ”

“That’s so sweet,” said Rachel, sitting back and smiling.

“Not done just yet,” said James, waving a finger. “So I left that theatre in total awe. We stopped by a shop on the way out, and then we started heading back to the car. On the way, we walked past the bus stop. And there was Cinderella.”

“The actress, you mean?”

“Yeah, of course. Her hair was in a messy ponytail, and she was wearing this really ugly, orange coat, and I think she also might have been smoking. And I realised – she wasn’t the perfect princess I had seen on stage. She was a completely normal person. No different than my parents, or my sisters, or me.”

“Okay?” said Rachel.

“Well, you know, I was five, so I didn’t know much - but I did understand that what I had seen back in that theatre wasn’t _actually_ magic. I got that it was make-up and lighting and special effects, and stuff. It just wasn’t until I saw Cinderella at the bus stop that I realised that it _really_ wasn’t actually magic. I had seen a fairy wave her wand and a servant girl become a beautiful princess, but that didn’t happen by itself. It came from costume designers that made the dress, lighting technicians who created the atmosphere, sound designers, stage managers, the actresses themselves...” he gave one of the snakes on the table a nudge with his finger and grinned, “and, of course, someone who made sure that the fairy had the wand in her hand, and that it looked perfect. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I _was_ five, so obviously I didn’t really understand it to that level. But what I did understand was that the magic I had just seen didn’t come from a wand. It came from people. And _that_ , I thought, is better than any fairy.”

“Huh,” said Rachel, quietly. Something about that last bit felt strangely important, in a way she couldn’t quite place.

“Are you okay? Most people’s response is to tell me how cheesy that all is,” said James, cocking his head.

“Oh, well,” said Rachel, shaking her own head a little and setting those thoughts aside for later, “it totally is. But it’s nice, too.”

“You think?” James asked, grinning. “Not everyone I’ve told that story to gets it at first.”

“I think I get it. But... I don’t get why that means you don’t want a job in theatre?” 

“Yeah, well... hmm. Look, I get that not everyone thinks this way. But after that day, the _only_ thing I wanted to do was theatre stuff, right? I had my toys put on shows, and the moment I was old enough I was helping with school plays... and everything else, school work, homework, _bloody_ P.E., those were just the things that needed to get done so I’d be allowed to keep doing what I loved. I hated school, good lord did I hate school, but I loved doing those shows, and that made it worth it. Then my parents said they’d cut me off if I went to uni for anything other than a science, so I went with physics since I hated it least, and that ended up leading me to meteorology. Weather’s actually kind of cool.”

Rachel gave him a look.

“Okay, no it isn’t, but I do like it. More than anything else scientific, anyway.” James leaned back. “At least, I think it’s cool whenever I’m not being forced to sit and write about it. Because that’s the thing. You know the real reason I hated school?”

“No?”

“Rhetorical question, for dramatic effect,” said James, waving his hand in front of him. “See, I didn’t really hate any of the things we learnt at school. What I hated was that I _needed_ to do it. I enjoy doing maths, but learning maths for a test was miserable! I liked making art, but not for a grade! And weather patterns are fascinating, but I’m lucky if I can get fifty words down in a day because just the knowledge that writing about them is something I _have_ to do destroys my motivation.”

“But you don’t feel that way about theatre.”

“Never,” said James, soft smile spreading across his face as he stared up at the ceiling. “Theatre has always been something that I _wanted_ to do. And the way I see it... the things that you love, that are the most important to you – those aren’t the things you need. They’re the things you _want_ , the things you make the extra effort to have around, even though you could survive without them. That’s how you know something really matters to you.” He paused. “I mean, if you’re the kind of person who can actually enjoy things that you need to do, that’s great! Fee’s that kind of person, I think, and sometimes I envy her. But ultimately... I not sure that you can ever be truly happy if you don’t have some things you _just_ want. So for me, theatre can never become something that I need. Because I’d never fill the gap. I’d rather not do it at all than love it less because I _had_ to do it.”

They were both silent for a moment, Rachel not knowing quite how to respond.

“Or maybe I’ve no idea what I’m talking about,” James said, sitting up and shrugging. “I have accidentally inhaled a lot of hot glue in here, over the years.”

“No, I... I think I understand,” said Rachel. “You’re saying that... a desire to keep something around is more meaningful than an obligation? That it’s all about having the choice?”

“Yeah – I guess that’s another way of putting it,” said James, shrugging. He started moving to pick up the snake he’d been working on, but paused. “What do you want, Rachel?”

“I- uh- “ Rachel stammered, startled. James blinked, then held up his hands. 

“Sorry! Don’t know why I asked that, I shouldn’t have. Very personal question.”

“Well, you just shared all that stuff with me...”

“Yeah, but I tell people that story all the time. Everyone here knows the whole thing.” He smirked. “Well. Almost everyone.”

“Henry?”

“Bingo. Why should I impart my,” he wiggled his fingers in the air, “grand wisdom upon a guy who sometimes makes me doubt that entire lifelong love I just droned on about? Now, show me that skull, would you?”

Rachel handed it over for James to inspect.

“Ahh, very good!” he said, giving it an admiring glance over. “Very creepy, this will work. So next, could you run out to the storage cupboard and grab me the fabric paints?”

“Sure!” said Rachel, getting up and heading out. She walked down the corridor to the cupboard door by the stairs. Just as she was about to open it, something hit her in the face.

“Ow!” said the something.

Rachel blinked, then smiled at the little fairy floating in front of her.

“Hi!” she said, giving her a wave. “Are you alright? Which fairy are you?”

“I’m fine. And my name is Petra the Procrastination Fairy.”

“Ah!” said Rachel. “Great! I guess I should go call the others, so we can get started looking for- “

“No, no – Kirsty and Ruby and I already found it,” said Petra, shaking her head. “But we need your help to get it. I’ll explain on the way.”

“Oh. So you all... went off without me...” said Rachel, frowning.

“I don’t think it was personal. They said that you were busy and they didn’t want to bother you. Are you coming or not?”

“Yeah, yeah, of course! Let me just- one second,” said Rachel, opening the cupboard door and fishing around for a few moments. She pulled out a box of fabric paints, then hurried back over to the props room.

“Hey, thanks!” said James.

“It was no problem – so, um, something’s come up at my flat and I have to run home. I’ll try to be back when I can?”

“No worries,” said James, waving his hand for her to leave. Rachel gave him a thumbs up, and followed Petra up the stairs and out of the building. As she stepped outside, she was instantly hit by a wave of apathy so staggering that she had to lean against the doors to regain strength.

“What are you doing?” asked Petra.

“Bad magic... always gets me worse than the others,” Rachel said, heaving herself up. “Avoided it last time because I’m teetotal, but now... no motivation...”

“And you weren’t affected before because...?”

“There’s... something about that theatre,” said Rachel, gathering all her determination and pushing the desire to procrastinate deep inside herself. “But no time for that right now - we’ve got to go help Kirsty and Ruby!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So hey, James is back. He was never meant to be more than a one-off plot device/very obscure reference that only I find funny, but apparently people liked him, and I did too, so he gets a whole basically-monologue now. Cool!
> 
> I'm sitting here writing this like... good lord, James, and I thought *I* was a dramatic theatre nerd.
> 
> James's surname, Lister, is a reference to Dave Lister from Red Dwarf. Henry is a reference to both Henry Hidgens from The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals, and Henry Higgins from My Fair Lady (I really feel the need to stress that I've never met anyone like Henry irl - I just think the stereotype is funny). Heidi is a reference to the musical [title of show], which I saw for the first time last month via digital ticket. My adoration of the song [ 'Nine People's Favorite Thing' ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tbuy9BR6WdQ&ab_channel=VariousArtists-Topic) truly cannot be put into words.


	35. #6 Petra the Procrastination Fairy - The Other Ruby

“What do you mean, ‘ _her’?_ Who is ‘her’?”

Back in the library, Kirsty had turned around again, and was gripping the balcony railing, knuckles white. Ruby marched over and tapped her on the shoulder.

“I’m serious Kirsty, who are you talking about?”

“Ruby,” Kirsty whispered.

“Yes?”

“No, I mean... the other Ruby.”

“...Ruby the Red Fairy. The first fairy you met.”

“Yeah.”

The two were silent. Kirsty turned forward and slumped down against the balcony railing. After a moment, Ruby joined her on the floor.

“Why is that a bad thing?” she asked. Kirsty groaned and dropped her head to her knees.

“It’s complicated,” she muttered.

“Well, we’ve got a while.”

Kirsty didn’t move for a long minute. Ruby sat, watching as Kirsty slowly steadied her breathing, then turned to look Ruby directly in the eye.

“Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if we never turned over that pot.”

“...I’m sorry, you’ve already lost me.”

Kirsty groaned again.

“Ugh... see, this is why, there’s so much to explain – okay. Look. Did Rachel and I ever tell you the story of how we met? The whole story.”

“Only that you were on holiday together. And that you met the fairies there, too.”

“That’s right. This is what happened,” Kirsty said, taking a deep breath. “When I was eight years old, my parents took me on a trip to Rainspell Island. It’s this tiny little place, right off the coast - total tourist trap, really. We were going for a week, to stay in a cottage by the beach. While we were on the boat taking us out, it started to rain, and the most beautiful rainbow I’ve ever seen appeared in the sky. I was totally captivated, didn’t even notice how wet I was getting. And then this girl came up behind me.”

“Rachel,” said Ruby.

“Yeah. We just... stood there and looked up at the sky. The rainbow never faded. And I remember looking around, at the sea and the cliffs, and...” she sighed. “I’ve always _known_ that magic is real. Like, I didn’t just believe it. I knew, somehow. I’m sure of it. And when we were approaching that island, I could tell, I could see it everywhere – it was a magical place. And... this girl next to me, she was a magical person.”

“Rachel’s _magical?_ ” asked Ruby.

“Oh, um... no, I don’t mean... That was probably just, like, baby bisexual brain, you know?” Kirsty frowned. “Although... well, anyway, even with everything else going on, it was still obvious that the rainbow was the most magical thing about the island that day. We arrived, and we unpacked our stuff, and it was still there, so we decided to go search for the end.”

“A year ago, I would have said that was impossible,” said Ruby.

“Well, our parents clearly thought that was the case. But we were only eight, and we promised we wouldn’t go far. So we set off for the end of the rainbow. And in a clearing in the woods, we found it.”

“Of course you did.”

“Do these things really still surprise you?” asked Kirsty, allowing herself a small grin.

“Well, they definitely shouldn’t, but...” Ruby shook her head. “What happened next?”

“There was a pot. I thought it was a pot of gold, like in the myth. When we got closer, we realised that it was upside down, so we turned it over. And inside... was the other Ruby.”

“That must have been quite a surprise.”

“Yeah, I mean... like I say, I was certain magic existed. But I never thought I’d see proof. Much less proof that looked like...” she looked Ruby up and down, “well, you. But small and sparkly.”

“Not sure how to take that.”

“It’s a neutral statement.” Kirsty took another deep breath. “Ruby – the other Ruby - told us all about how she and the other Rainbow Fairies had been banished to the island by Jack Frost. There were six others, and she needed our help to find them. So we did. We spent our whole holiday finding them all, and reuniting them. And- and it was _fun_ , because we were kids, and we were being helpful, and it was _real life magic_. We helped seven fairies – seven magical creatures from another world! It was this amazing thing that we were always going to remember, and we did it _together_. I just knew, on some level, that no matter what happened in the future – we’d have a bond for life, after sharing that experience.”

“Well, of course you would,” said Ruby quietly. “Who wouldn’t?”

“But then... It kept happening,” Kirsty continued, as if she hadn’t heard Ruby. “We went home, and then, a few weeks later, we were summoned back to Fairyland, because this time the _Weather_ Fairies needed our help. And then it was the Christmas Fairy, and then the Party Fairies, and then the Holiday Fairy, and then the Jewel Fairies, and then a _different_ Christmas Fairy, and... and it just never stopped. Any time we were together, oh no, the fairies need help _again!_ Time works differently in Fairyland, so I think they were able to sort of... schedule it, or something, for when we were together. I mean, they definitely have a means of guaranteeing _where_ their missing stuff ends up – or, you know, guaranteeing the general area, at least.”

“That’s... kind of taking advantage of you, isn’t it?”

“Maybe. But we didn’t mind. It was still the most exciting thing that had ever happened to either of us, and I got to do it all with Rachel. It was everything a little girl could ever want.” She paused. “Except... it was dangerous. That second day on Rainspell, that was the first time we encountered goblins. It was so cold. I remember, I put my arm around Rachel while we hid, and I thought, ‘I have to protect her’. And then, on the fifth day – we met Sky the Blue Fairy, and she was... fading, because of what Jack Frost and the goblins had done to her, and I think that was the first time I properly realised that there was a very real _threat_ that we were fighting. I wasn’t totally conscious of it yet, but something in my head shifted that day, and my new priority was making sure that _nothing like that ever happened to my new best friend._ ”

Kirsty’s voice began to rise. Ruby placed a hand on her shoulder, but Kirsty had become completely lost in memories.

“But I _failed_. Do you know how many times Rachel nearly died? How many times I _saw_ her nearly die? She- she’s been shot at by lightning, almost eaten alive, had razor-sharp icicles rain down upon her, been frozen solid in mid-air and left to _free fall_. That _actually happened_ to us, we were _children_ , not even out of the single digits, and I couldn’t...” She choked back a sob, and suddenly whirled around to face Ruby. “It was _fucked up._ ”

Ruby stared back, silent. She thought back over the past five and half months, remembering how strangely protective of Rachel she’d always thought Kirsty to be, from the very first moment they’d met.

It made sense, now.

“You’ve been really scared, haven’t you?” Ruby finally said, as gently as she could. Kirsty snorted.

“No kidding.”

They both were quiet again. After a long moment, Kirsty spoke once more.

“And then there’s the time loop.”

Ruby blinked.

“The... what?”

“We know that having thirteen Christmases when you’re nine isn’t actually a universal experience, okay?”

“I’ll admit, I had been wondering about that.”

“I- I don’t actually remember when my birthday is. So Christmas is the only real way to count it. What I know is that at some point after we met the fairies, I turned nine. We both did. And then it was Christmas. And then, a year later, it was Christmas again, and we were nine. And then that happened again, and again, and again, and... it didn’t seem strange, at the time. The years went by, and we were nine. The world moved on around us. Kids we went to school with grew up. Technology and politics and culture all progressed. And we were nine. For thirteen years.”

“I... I don’t even know what to say to that.”

Kirsty let out a hysterical laugh.

“Me neither. Like, what does that mean, really? That we’re _thirty?_ I don’t want to be thirty, I’m not ready to be thirty, _do I look like I’m ready to be thirty to you, Ruby? Do I look thirty!?”_

She had grabbed the collar of Ruby’s shirt and pulled their faces close together. Ruby, startled, leaned away. As Kirsty stared at her in desperation, she placed her hands on Kirsty’s shoulders and slowly pushed her back. She held on as Kirsty caught her breath, letting go when she was finally ready to continue.

“My memories of that time are... fuzzy, I guess. Like, I don’t _feel_ like I lived for over a decade before I was 10. And right now, I _feel_ 18.” She swallowed. “I don’t know what I am. Maybe... I like to think that maybe we’re both just misremembering things. That the year we were nine was one, normal year. But I know it can’t be, because we have those boxes with all the gifts, the proof that it all happened, more things than could ever have happened in that short a time period. And that means the loop was real... which means I have to wonder...”

“Why,” Ruby supplied.

“Exactly. Sometimes I can’t help but think – nine’s just the right age. Just old enough to be useful, just young enough to still be enthralled and not ask too many questions.”

“O-oh,” said Ruby. “Oh. I see.”

“But that can’t be it,” Kirsty continued, curling her hands into fists so tight that her nails dug into her palms. “Because the fairies are good. Magic and fairies are _good_ , they _have to_ be good. Because if they’re not... then what was it all for? So it can’t be that. It’s something else. I just don’t know what.”

“Of course,” said Ruby, quickly. “So, um... how will you know when you’re 19, if you don’t know when your birthday is?”

“Rachel and I chose the day we met to be our birthday. That’s when it all started, after all. She frowned. “Shows up on legal documents too, somehow. We checked our birth certificates.”

“And there’s no chance that really was your birthdate- “

“No. Our birthdays used to be three months apart, I’m sure of that,” said Kirsty, shaking her head. “Also... the year it lists would make us 18, but I know I wasn’t actually born that year.”

“That’s... incredibly spooky,” said Ruby.

“I don’t particularly like thinking about it,” said Kirsty, bringing her knees up to her chin and wrapping her arms around her legs. “Let alone talking about. So we don’t, much. It’s just so weird to think that my life was changed forever, in ways no one would ever imagine happening to them, because I turned over an old pot in the woods when I was eight.”

“So that’s why you don’t like looking at me. Because I look just like the person who started all of this, and you wish it hadn’t happened.” 

“No... that’s not it,” said Kirsty, curling into an even tighter ball. “Not quite. The thing is... even after everything, I know that if I was somehow sent back in time to make that decision again, I’d still do it. I’d still turn it over. Because if I hadn’t done it, I wouldn’t have had Rachel.”

“But- you still would have met and become friends, right?”

“Yeah - on holiday, as kids. We would have been friends for a week, then gone home. We almost certainly wouldn’t have seen each other again. That’s just how life works. But discovering that the laws of reality aren’t what most people think they are...”

“Bonds you for life,” said Ruby, echoing Kirsty’s earlier sentiment.

“Exactly.”

“So you _don’t_ regret it.”

“No. And I hate myself for that.”

Ruby stared at her incredulously.

“...why?”

“Because – I just told you! All of that horrible stuff that I described, that I promised myself I’d protect her from - I’d let it happen again, just because I don’t want to lose her! I’m so- so _selfish_.”

Kirsty buried her face in her knees.

“But how do you know she wouldn’t say the same thing?” Ruby asked.

“That- that’s not the point!”

“It... kind of is though? Like, if she also wouldn’t give it up- “

“Ruby, you don’t know what all of this... this _fear_ feels like. I do. And when you... care about someone, you should _never wish it upon them_ , for _any_ reason.”

“Does Rachel feel the same way as you about it all, though?”

“I don’t... I don’t know. But it can’t just be me, right?”

Ruby bit her lip.

“Have you ever, you know... tried _talking_ to her about this?”

“No. I...” Kirsty shifted uncomfortably, “I should. But I’ve always been scared to... mostly because I’ve been afraid that I’ll let the _other_ thing slip.”

“The other thing.”

Kirsty gave her a meaningful look.

“No, seriously, what’s the other- ohhh.”

“Yeah.”

“You mean- “

“Yes.”

“How you’ve got a huge crush on her.”

“Oh, _god_ ,” said Kirsty, shoving her face into her knees again. “Did you have to?”

“Sorry.”

“I mean, it’s not like you didn’t _know_.”

“Sorry.”

Ruby patted her on the shoulder awkwardly, then took a deep breath.

“Can I ask about that, though?”

“You might as well,” said Kirsty, sighing. “Get all my secrets out there, why not?”

“So... how long?”

“Probably from the moment we first met, if I’m being honest. But I wasn’t aware of it until... towards the end of the time loop, I guess. I don’t remember a specific moment.”

“That’s a really long time,” said Ruby, not sure whether that was romantic or sad.

“I know. And I’ve always known it was never going to be requited. But I’m okay with that. I just want Rachel to be happy. If she’s happy, then I am.”

“...I’m pretty sure I’ve heard, like, fifteen sitcom characters say exactly that.”

“What’s that meant to mean?”

“That you’re a cliché. And a liar. No one ever means that.”

Kirsty lifted her head to glare at Ruby.

“You think I don’t want her to be _happy?_ ”

“No, I just don’t think you’re completely okay with her not returning your feelings. You know how I figured out you liked her? It was how you acted about Trevor.”

“Trevor was an arsehole. You hated him too.”

“Oh, yes, undoubtedly – but I just hated him because he was the worst. _You_ were also acting _jealous_.”

“Well, so what if I was,” Kirsty snapped. “That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t be okay with someone who actually deserved her.”

“Oh, so if that James guy from the theatre- “

“Well, yeah, of course I’d have an issue with that - he’s like ten years older than her, gross.”

“Okay. You said that Sam guy was nice- “

“Gay.”

“Oh for- “ Ruby rolled her eyes. “Fine. My friend Yuri breaks up with Mia, waits the appropriate amount of time that it will not be considered a rebound, and then asks Rachel out. You would have no problem with that?”

Kirsty stared down at the floor, chewing the inside of her cheek.

“I rest my case,” said Ruby, crossing her arms and sitting back.

“Fine,” said Kirsty. “It would absolutely kill me if Rachel got into a happy relationship with a nice guy, okay? I’m awful. Are you satisfied?”

“Yes – though, I don’t think you’re awful.”

“Well, that’s one of us.”

Ruby shook her head.

“No, seriously – there’s nothing wrong with admitting that you want to, you know. Be together, or whatever.”

“I’m not sure I do want that, though.”

“Okay...” said Ruby, frowning. “Look, my understanding of romance is not that great, but like... when someone likes someone else, I think that means they want to date them? I mean, that’s always been my understanding, so- “

“Look. When I was younger, it was different. We lived in totally different places and only saw each other in person a few times a year. I dated one or two other people when I was a teenager – those pretty much always ended because Rachel had come to town and I had been reminded of the difference between passing infatuation and how I feel about her.”

“So, why- “

“I’m getting to it. We both came here, right? So we’re suddenly together all the time, and it’s both really great and really hard because of... everything. It took some adjusting, and this mess from my childhood reappearing did _not_ help, but it was okay, really. Because ultimately, we were together – and it all made me more certain than ever that there was never going to be anyone but her. And then Beth showed up.”

“The Bad Break-Up Fairy.”

“The very same. There was something she said to me.”

“...what was it?” asked Ruby warily.

“She said ‘Rachel is the only other person in your life who can understand what you’ve gone through. It makes sense that you’d want to hold onto that.’”

“Well, yeah, that does make sense. But... so?”

“ _So_ , it got me thinking - what if my attachment to Rachel is really just, like... a manifestation of all my issues, since she’s the only person who can possibly get it? What if I don’t actually like _her,_ I just like having someone around who understands? In some... some hypothetical world where she did like me – wouldn’t that be _incredibly_ unfair to her?”

“Ah. So then, Tracy...”

“An opportunity to move on. But I couldn’t even manage that.” Kirsty brought her hands to her face. “Because of Rachel. That was the reason it didn’t work. Again. And it might all be because of this horrible.... magical near-death time loop nonsense fixation.”

“I see what you mean,” said Ruby, slowly. “But I don’t think that’s actually the case. I think... Beth said herself, people don’t have bad break-ups because their relationships are healthy. Which means she must see a lot of toxic relationships in her line of work, and that means she’s probably developed a very pessimistic attitude about anything remotely questionable in other people’s relationships. So of course that would be something she’d notice.”

“So you agree that it’s unhealthy,” said Kirsty, sighing.

“Well... yeah, kind of. But that doesn’t automatically mean it can’t get better, you know?”

“I don’t understand.”

“Okay, so – you’ve just told me all of this, haven’t you? And like, sure I wasn’t there for it, but I _get_ it. So are you attracted to me, now?”

Kirsty stared at her, looking faintly disgusted.

“Not at all. And it’s not even a ‘you have the face of all my inner conflict’ thing. It’s just that you’re... you.” She blinked. “Uh. No offense intended.”

“None taken! I do try,” said Ruby, shrugging. “But you see what I’m saying, right?”

“Not really. Look, I know what you’re trying to do, but it’s like you just said – you weren’t _there_ , so it’s different.”

“Maybe. But I think I have a point here,” said Ruby, speaking carefully. “You’ve mentioned before that you’ve been afraid to form meaningful relationships with others, because of your past. So Rachel has been the most meaningful relationship in your life for a long time. And that’s made you worried that you only have romantic feelings for her out of that bond, rather than because of anything specific to her.”

“That’s... basically it, yeah.”

“But if you form meaningful relationships with other people,” said Ruby, “and you still have feelings for Rachel – that means it’s all her, not what happened to you.” 

“So basically you’re saying I need more friends,” said Kirsty, a little bit sceptically.

“I can think of one or two candidates,” said Ruby. She held out a hand. “Including someone in this room.”

“Are you serious?” Kirsty asked, staring at Ruby’s hand. “After... everything?”

“Yep.”

“Ruby, I was _awful_ to you, just because you happen to look like someone from my past and that brought up uncomfortable feelings. _You_ did nothing wrong. I don’t... I don’t think I deserve- “

“Yes, you did do that. And it wasn’t okay. But it doesn’t matter. I get to decide whether to forgive you, and I’ve decided that I do. And anyway...” she looked away, going slightly pink, “...I kind of did a bad thing, too.”

Kirsty tilted her head.

“What is it?”

“I, well... back in November, I started teasing you about your crush because I hoped it would push you to tell Rachel how you feel. I mean, it works on TV and in fan fiction and stuff, so I thought... well, it didn’t work, obviously.”

“You wanted us to get together?” Kirsty asked.

“Yeah. Even went and asked Yuri and Mia for advice on how to push it. That’s why I hated Tracy too, by the way. Very unfair of me, I know.”

“That’s... sweet, I guess, in a weird way? That you cared enough to want to do that?”

Ruby groaned.

“No. It isn’t. I had a very selfish motivation.”

“How could you possibly- “

“I was never anyone’s favourite person when I was growing up. Not even my parents’. I mean, don’t worry, they weren’t, like, _abusive_ or anything... but they’ve never been very interested in me. And I had friends, but never a best friend, and it got even worse when we were older and everyone around me got interested in dating, and I didn’t- well, it was just kind of amazing to me how quickly peoples’ priorities shift when romance is involved. Suddenly your good friend can tell you to your face that their boyfriend of two months is more important than you, their friend of two _years_ – and if I ever complained about that, _I_ was the weird one? Everyone just said I was jealous, and I mean, I guess I was, but not for the reasons they thought.”

“Well, that is pretty rude,” said Kirsty. “But... it is normal, for people to prioritise their romantic partner, I guess.”

“Right. I get that. It just sucked being the friend left behind, you know? People just... they would disappear from my life, and into the relationship. I didn’t matter anymore. Sometimes I think people view their friends as a placeholder for something better.” Ruby’s voice was very small. “Or maybe that’s just how everyone viewed friendship with me.”

“Oh,” said Kirsty.

“And then I met you two. You already had this... this impenetrable bond. I was never going to be as important to either of you as you are to each other. But at least I knew where those boundaries were, and that they could include me, at a distance. And _that_ meant I could have reliable, stable friends.”

“But if one of us was to date someone _else_...” said Kirsty, catching on.

“Then you might leave,” said Ruby. “And then, who knows if the other would stay with me – I knew I could be friends with both of you, but could I be friends with either of you one-on-one? Risky.”

“So you hated Tracy... and then, when you decided you didn’t like me, you were suddenly fine with her...”

“Because I no longer cared if you left.”

“I see.”

“That’s not my motivation anymore, to be clear. But I did try to meddle out of my own self-interest. And that wasn’t okay of me.”

“Well. It’s like I said. I took out all my self-loathing on you because you happen to look like someone you’ve never met. So we’re at best even.”

Ruby let out a laugh.

“You know, I actually do have a best friend now,” she said.

“Really? Who, Yuri?”

“No... someone else. You haven’t met him.”

“When can I?” Kirsty asked.

“I don’t know. He’s... shy.”

“Well, I hope I get to, one day.”

Ruby gave her a funny smile.

“...me too.”

Kirsty returned the grin.

“So is all of that why you’ve been so secretive for the past few months?”

“Oh!” said Ruby, blinking. She had briefly forgotten about her other secret, morally dubious activities. “Um... that’s something else.”

“What?”

“I...” Ruby looked away. “I know how bad this will sound, after you’ve just told me so much... but I can’t tell you. Not yet, at least.”

“That’s okay,” said Kirsty. “I... I think I was ready to tell someone all of my stuff. I just needed a little push. But if you’re not ready to share yours – that’s fine.”

“Yeah?”

“Just... whenever you _are_ ready, you can tell me,” said Kirsty, smiling gently.

“Thanks,” said Ruby, a stab of guilt stronger than any before piercing her through the gut. “Someday, I will.”

“So, um. You said you miss me making fun of you?” Kirsty asked, sitting up properly and turning to face Ruby. “Does that mean I can keep doing it?”

“I mean, it’s better than weird Kirsty who ignores every opening I give her,” said Ruby, glad of the subject change.

“Good. It was killing me, letting you off the hook all day!” Kirsty frowned. “But... maybe we should set some ground rules.”

“Okay,” said Ruby, considering. “I... don’t mind if you want to tease me about my appearance, or when I make mistakes, or about my hobbies. But I really don’t like jokes that imply that no one likes me, or that I have no friends.”

“That’s fair,” said Kirsty, nodding. “I also don’t mind if you want to make fun of how I look, or my interests, or about Rachel – as long as she’s not around! I don’t want you to joke about any of the other stuff I told you about today, though.”

A cocky grin spread across Ruby’s face.

“...does that mean I can make anime phase jokes?”

“Always got to work that one in,” said Kirsty, rolling her eyes.

“Alright, alright. So we agree to these terms - and also to tell each other if we go too far?”

“Yes, I find that acceptable,” said Kirsty, holding out a hand. Ruby took it, and they shook.

“Tiny, dainty hands you’ve got there. Like a little bird,” said Ruby.

“My hands are perfectly normal. You have bear paws.”

“Ha! Joke’s on you! Bears are _awesome_.”

They made eye contact, and burst out laughing. Neither had actually found Ruby’s comment that funny – it was simply the relief of so many secrets finally being out on the table. After a long few minutes, Ruby finally caught her breath.

“So... what now?”

“You mean... for us...?”

“No, I mean literally right now.” Ruby gestured around them. “We’ve still got time to wait, seems like.”

“Well, we’ve got a lot of books on hand,” said Kirsty, shrugging.

“That’s a point, actually,” said Ruby, looking around. “All these books that got thrown up here earlier...”

“What about them?”

Ruby got up and walked over to a nearby wall, where a floor map outlined the different sections of the library.

“Look. I was only half right before – the section directly beneath us is classic literature, _and mythology_. I think I was nearly hit by something on Egypt, actually...”

“So... you want to read about, like, Anubis?”

“So maybe there’s also something on the mythology of fairies.”

That got Kirsty’s attention. She got up, and walked over to join Ruby, looking over the mess.

“What are the odds the goblins would have thrown something that relevant up here, though?” she asked, furrowing her eyebrows.

“Better than you might think,” said Ruby. “That thing I did earlier, with the lift... I worked something out a few months back.”

“What?”

“Let the magic find you.”

Ruby put her hands on her hips, grinning proudly. Kirsty stared at her, not getting it.

“...yeah, that’s something the King and Queen always said?”

“Well, it works,” said Ruby. “It’s how I found Susan’s wand, and how I got Yuri to show up right when we needed him, and how I chose the right floor. You close your eyes and just... let it come. You find things by not looking for them, and letting them find you.”

“That... but how does it _work?_ ”

“No idea. But it does,” said Ruby. “Try it. Look for a book about fairies by not looking.”

Kirsty shook her head, but closed her eyes and stepped forward. She walked through the scattered volumes, eventually stopping and getting down on her knees, feeling around until she found a book. She opened her eyes.

“No way.”

“What is it?”

Kirsty held up the book.

“ _A Comprehensive Guide to Myths of the Fair Folk.”_

“What did I tell you,” said Ruby, placing her hands on her hips and grinning.

“That is... so, so weird.”

“Well, I think what’s weird is that you two never figured it out!”

“Fresh perspective, I guess,” said Kirsty, slowly turning the book over in her hands. “I suppose we should see what it has to say.”

Ruby walked over and leaned over Kirsty’s shoulder as she opened the book to its table of contents.

“Ugh. Academic language,” she said, sticking out her tongue. “Just one scholar who writes in plain English, that’s all I ask!”

“Pagan tradition, Christian tradition... Celtic, Scandinavian... Eastern equivalents...” mused Kirsty, not sure where to even start.

“Try closing your eyes and opening to a random page,” said Ruby. 

Kirsty did just that, and found herself in a section on legends of fairy behaviour.

“It’s very densely written,” she said, after a moment. “But what I’m getting is that historically, fairies were believed to be magical tricksters.”

“I think Yuri mentioned that to me, once.” She glanced at Kirsty. “I think he also said something about ‘kidnapping and manipulating children’...”

“Yeah, that’s right here,” said Kirsty, turning the page. “According to this, they’d swap them with something called a changeling, which was like a person but... off. Apparently, the modern explanation is that the ‘changelings’ were likely kids with developmental disorders that didn’t show up immediately at birth.”

“Makes sense,” said Ruby. “Our fairies don’t have any reason to kidnap children, anyway - do they?”

“No, I don’t think so. There’re also descriptions here of fairies leading travellers astray, forcing people to dance until they collapse, and...” she frowned, “messing up people’s hair while they’re sleeping.”

“Petty. I like it.”

Kirsty turned the page.

“Not all of these myths are awful. According to this story, they’ll leave you gifts and do you favours in exchange for offerings. Oh and... here’s a story about fairies blinding people... and here’s one about them trapping people in the fairy realm until _three centuries_ had passed in the human world...”

“That’s pretty horrible.”

“Yeah.”

“Got to say, I’m really surprised by all this,” said Ruby, frowning.

“What do you mean?” asked Kirsty, looking up.

“Well, like I said - Yuri once said something about this kind of thing. But he’s really into all that old mythology stuff. It’s never really been what _I_ imagined when I thought of fairies.”

“What did you imagine?” Kirsty asked.

“I don’t know. If I think back to before I knew they were real, I mean, I guess... I’d sort of imagine the fairies we’ve met, actually. Little winged girls that look after people and the world.” She considered the thought some more. “Though, I don’t think I ever pictured them dressing the way our fairies do. I’d always pictured something more, I don’t know... nature-y.”

“I think that’s probably true of most people,” said Kirsty. “The trickster thing seems to have fallen out of fashion in the popular conception.”

“So do you think all this... means anything?”

“I’m not sure,” said Kirsty, flipping to the next page. “Might be useful to keep in the back of our minds though. Never know.”

“We really don’t, do we?”

“We’re back,” shouted a voice from nearby. They both looked up to see Petra floating above them.

Kirsty quickly slammed the book shut. She wasn’t sure if it was just paranoia, but she felt that she probably shouldn’t let Petra see what they’d been reading.

“Where’s Rachel?” asked Ruby.

“Right here,” called another voice. Rachel swooped overhead, turned a flip in the air and landed between Kirsty and Ruby. “Let’s go!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually wrote a version of this chapter almost a year ago (on my phone, in a train station, at like 10 PM). It was very interesting to go back and see what had to be changed (a lot of things), and what I had stuck to all this time (also a lot of things). 
> 
> All of those near deaths actually did happen in the books (for example, go read Lucy the Diamond Fairy, easily the scariest book in the series to five-year-old me). They're not super frequent - most of the adventures were very safe. But, like, you know. Drama!
> 
> James, as we have learnt this chapter, is of course technically three years younger than Rachel. But the girls are mentally 18, so Kirsty's still justified in finding Ruby's suggestion gross.
> 
> Most of my knowledge of fairy lore comes from Wikipedia. I apologise to any fae experts (faexperts?) in my audience.
> 
> While in this story Kirsty and Rachel don't remember their birthdates, the books establish that Kirsty's is around Easter, and Rachel's is three months after. I therefore declare that their original birthdays were April 2nd and July 31st - mine and my mother's birthdays, respectively. (Edit: Upon reading that I had made this declaration, my mother informed me that she thought it was 'cute, if a bit weird'. Fair enough, lol.)


	36. #6 Petra the Procrastination Fairy - Imperfect Happiness

“Rachel!” said Kirsty, swallowing. “Hi, um... thank you for coming. I know you were busy.”

“Never too busy for a fairy adventure!” said Rachel. She was, to Kirsty and Ruby’s surprise, clearly in a very good mood. “So where are those screwdrivers, huh?”

“R-right here!” said Kirsty, picking them up so quickly she almost dropped them. “This one would be the best to use, but it’s a bit heavy- “

Rachel flew forward and pulled it out of Kirsty’s hand.

“No problem!” she said, grinning and starting to fly up to the vent. Then she glanced over at Petra, who was blatantly sulking. “Though, uh... I could use some help from my fairy friend, of course!”

“Get my wand stolen, lose my memories, can’t lift a human object, being pitied by a human...” Petra muttered under her breath as she flew over and wrapped her arms around the other half of the screwdriver. Together, they flew up to the vent and began the painstaking process of removing each screw. Ruby stood underneath to catch them as they fell to the ground. Finally, all four were gone, and Rachel and Petra took either side of the grille in hand.

“Ready?” Rachel asked.

“Yep!” said Ruby. Rachel and Petra pulled the grille away, and Ruby caught the calendar as it fell into her waiting arms. Kirsty held out a fist, which Ruby bumped in return.

“Well, that went smoothly!” said Rachel, floating to the ground. She opened her locket, sprinkled the remaining fairy dust on herself, and returned to human size.

“Very,” said Kirsty. She glanced around. “...we should probably all clean this mess up, and then go outside before we give it back to you, Petra. We don’t want to be the only ones around when things go back to normal and everyone comes back.”

“Oh, come on,” said Rachel, pouting. “Cleaning duty? I wasn’t even here!”

“Well, blame Ruby,” said Kirsty, looking over at Ruby and grinning wickedly. “It was her dumb idea.”

“That you went along with,” said Ruby, returning the expression. “Making you the world’s worst peer reviewer.”

Rachel glanced between them, eyes narrowed.

“...something _happened_ between you two,” she said. “What was it? Tell me!”

“You don’t have to help us clean up,” said Ruby, patting Rachel on the head. Rachel balled her hands into fists.

“Avoiding the question!”

“We just had a chat, that’s all,” said Kirsty, picking up the book closest to her and winking at Ruby. “A chat with my most obnoxious friend.”

Ruby turned away, just to make sure no one would see the goofy smile that had spread across her face.

***

“Well, that was a lot,” said Kirsty as they left the library. The returns cart had been all but overflowing with books by the time they were done. The girls had no idea what the librarians were going to think.

“The sun’s already setting,” said Rachel.

“I hate winter,” said Ruby, scowling and shoving her hands into her pockets.

“You haven’t had a problem with it up until now,” said Rachel, surprised. “It’s February.”

“Well, it’s been unusually temperate up until now,” said Ruby, burying herself deeper in her coat. “Bring on global warming, I say!”

“You know climate change is a lot more complicated than ‘things getting hotter’, right?” said Kirsty, grinning.

“Shut up, Kirsty.”

“Those two are so annoying,” Petra whispered in Rachel’s ear, balancing on her shoulder. “I don’t know how you put up with them.”

“Oh, they’re not so ba- guys, look!” Rachel gasped, and pointed to three figures making their way around the side of the building towards them.

Kirsty snapped her head around.

“The goblins! I forgot all about them!”

All three girls tensed as the group approached. They stopped a short distance away, whispering to each other furiously. The largest goblin broke from the group and walked up to them.

“I have something to say,” he announced.

Rachel furrowed her brow. Ruby folded her arms and glared. Kirsty stepped defensively in front of the other two.

The goblin shuffled his feet, then faced Kirsty head-on, looking her right in the eye.

“We were never trying to kill you, you know.”

Kirsty blinked.

“What?” she asked, not knowing what she had expected, but certain it wasn’t that.

“All those times when you were children... and in the last half a year. We never wanted you dead or seriously injured. I mean, don’t misunderstand, we definitely wanted to annoy you, and we also think it’s hilarious when you get a little bit hurt... but none of us ever wanted to hurt you _that_ badly.”

“I- were you listening, earlier!?” asked Kirsty, face first paling, then turning scarlet.

“What else did we have to do?” said the goblin, shrugging.

“That’s- well- why are you telling me this?” Kirsty demanded.

“Just thought you should know,” said the goblin. He turned around, and ran off after his friends.

“Okay, I _know_ I missed something big now!” said Rachel.

“Well, I’d quite like to get going,” said Petra, flying off of Rachel’s shoulder and onto the calendar still resting in Ruby’s arms. She sighed. “Can’t change it back to my size without a wand... this’ll be a pain. You _might_ feel residual effects of the broken magic until I can get a new one.”

“I’m sorry we never found a way to get your memories back,” said Kirsty.

“Don’t worry. I’ll book an appointment with Rixia the Retrograde Amnesia Fairy when I get home,” said Petra. “I expect she’ll be able to offer some assistance.”

“Wow, how soon will you be able to get that and how effective will it be?” asked Ruby. “Asking for a friend.”

“A _friend?_ ” said Rachel.

“Don’t know,” said Petra. “Depends how busy she is. And time works differently in Fairyland, anyway.”

“Well, good luck!” said Kirsty.

“Thank you,” said Petra. She paused, then flew up to hover in front of the girls, glancing between them. “Before I go, there’s something I want to ask you three.”

“Sure. Go ahead,” said Ruby.

“Do you know why people procrastinate?”

“Uh... is this a trick question?” asked Kirsty. “People procrastinate because they don’t want to do something. Simple as that.”

Rachel and Ruby both nodded.

“Sometimes, yes,” said Petra. “But have you ever found yourself putting off something you _did_ want to do?”

All three deliberately avoided looking at anyone else. Petra continued.

“Procrastination is something that’s commonly thought to be the behaviour of the lazy. But you are just as, if not more likely to do it because you’re scared. Maybe you’re scared to ask important questions in case you don’t like the answers, or share your feelings in case you’re rejected, or do something ambitious in case you fail. As long as trying is something that you’ll do in the future, instead of right now, perfection can still feel like a possibility. And really, deep down, you know that the perfect answer, the perfect response, the perfect success – those _don’t exist_. But as long as you procrastinate, you can pretend.” She took a breath. “Equally – procrastinating means the worst can’t have happened yet, either. And there’s comfort in that too.”

“This feels very harsh,” Rachel muttered.

“I don’t mean it to be,” said Petra, voice gentler than it had ever been. “Fear is not a personal failing. It’s very, very natural, to be afraid of getting hurt. But the fear will _never_ go away until you’ve done the thing you’re scared to do – unless, of course, you put it off for so long that you lose the opportunity all together.” She looked between each of them in turn. “A chance at imperfect happiness, or guaranteed regret. It’s your choice.”

She flew back down towards Ruby, and landed on the top of the calendar. Both disappeared in a shower of glitter.

***

“So, Rachel was being awfully friendly earlier,” said Ruby, taking a long sip of tea.

“You’ll burn your tongue like that,” said Kirsty.

They were sitting on opposite sides of the table in their flat’s kitchen. After Petra had left, Rachel had headed back to the theatre, while Kirsty and Ruby had gone home. Ruby took another long sip, just to be defiant.

“Stop deflecting,” she said, putting down the mug. “You know I’m saying it seems like she’s not mad anymore. I guess all you guys needed was some fairy drama to break the ice.”

“Yeah, maybe... I don’t want to get my hopes up,” said Kirsty, sighing.

“Oh, Kirsty, she was always going to forgive you, in the end,” said Ruby. “She adores you. She just needed some time.”

Kirsty raised an eyebrow.

“You’ve been lecturing me about this stuff all day. Since when are _you_ an expert?”

Ruby waved her hand.

“Classic dramatic tropes.”

“Ruby – and I’m saying this because I care – _please_ get a life.”

Ruby laughed. 

“So. ‘Scared to share your feelings in case you’re rejected’, eh?”

“Ah, so you noticed how pointed that speech was, too,” said Kirsty.

“How could I not?”

“Yeah, well... to be honest, that wasn’t actually the bit I felt was most aimed at me,” said Kirsty, sitting back. “See, I have a plan now.”

“Oh, really?”

“I’m going to continue my friendship with you. I’m going to get back in touch with Tracy. And I’m going to work on making new friends who have nothing to do with any of this. I’ll start talking to my course mates, or make a real effort to join a society, or something. Not sure yet, but I’m going to do it. And then, if my feelings stay the same – I’ll tell Rachel. Assuming she really has forgiven me by then.” She lifted a finger to point at Ruby. “ _That’s_ not procrastinating. That’s being responsible.”

“Fair enough,” said Ruby, holding up her hands. “So what did you think was aimed at you, in what Petra said?”

“I think it was the bit about asking important questions,” said Kirsty, sitting back up and wrapping her hands around her mug. “It’s the only way I’ll ever find out the truth of what happened to us... but Petra was right to suggest that I’m scared I won’t like the answers.”

“Well... yeah, that makes sense.”

“So, were you ‘scared to share your feelings’, or ‘scared to do something ambitious’?” Kirsty asked, smiling.

“Wouldn’t you like to know,” said Ruby, lifting her mug to her lips to hide her face.

“Hey, I’m back!” called Rachel’s voice from the corridor. A moment later, she entered the room, stripping off her coat and collapsing on the sofa. She opened the bottle of fizzy water she was carrying and took a long drink.

“Rough day?” asked Ruby.

“So much to do!” said Rachel. “We open in two weeks, and I don’t know how we’re going to finish in time.” She sat up. “You two are coming, by the way.”

“Must we?” asked Ruby.

“I already got your tickets.”

Ruby snapped her fingers in performative disappointment.

“Of course we’ll come support your work, Rachel,” said Kirsty.

“Aww, thanks,” said Rachel, lying back down. “So was the courtyard you guys, too?”

“The courtyard?” asked Kirsty, confused.

“Yeah – I went out to get this from the vending machine,” she held up the water bottle, “and it looked like a bomb had hit it. The hedges are messed up, branches everywhere...”

“ _Steve_ ,” Ruby hissed under her breath. Kirsty glanced at her, and she attempted to smile innocently.

“That’s weird,” said Kirsty, turning back to Rachel. “But this is a uni – it was probably some just drunk guys messing about with a football or something.”

“One of Yuri’s flatmates stole two traffic cones after a club night,” said Ruby, nodding. “People do weird stuff around here.”

“I mean, that’s true. It’s just... like, when Susan lost her wand, I didn’t think much of it. But then you had your necklace stolen, Kirsty, and then Petra’s wand _and_ memories were taken – I guess I’m just starting to think that all these things might not be coincidences.”

“That’s kind of scary to think about,” said Kirsty, frowning.

Ruby started resolutely at her tea.

“I think we should be really careful, moving forward,” said Rachel. “Maintain a proper look out for anything suspicious.”

“You should keep an eye on your locket, then,” said Kirsty. “Since I already lost mine, it’s not unreasonable to think they might want yours, too.”

“Or maybe they just needed the one for something really, really important and they’re totally going to give it back,” said Ruby, still avoiding eye contact.

Kirsty and Rachel both gave her baffled looks. Ruby shrunk down in her chair.

“...anyway,” said Rachel, “I don’t think anyone would want it. I’m out of fairy dust, remember? Petra couldn’t refill the locket after I used my supply earlier.”

“Oh, that’s true,” said Kirsty. “I guess you’ll need to get yourself a top up next time, whenever that’ll be.”

“That could be really soon, actually,” said Ruby. “Remember, Petra said the only reason it’s taken so long is that the fairies and goblins have both been procrastinating. And now she’s got her calendar back.”

“Well, the next University Life Fairy is Steph the University and College Union Strikes Fairy...” said Rachel. She blinked, and tilted her head. “Huh. Guess she’s also the last one, isn’t she? Wow.”

“Then we know exactly when it’s going to be,” said Kirsty, straightening up and grinning.

“We do?” asked Rachel.

“Two weeks,” said Ruby, deep in thought.

“Yeah,” said Kirsty, nodding. “The lecturers are all striking. Or at least they are in our departments.” She gestured to Ruby. “Maybe STEM isn’t bothering, I think your guys are better paid anyway.”

“No, now I think about it, I’ve heard about this,” said Rachel. “So I guess there’s no way Steph won’t be at the strikes then.”

“So we’ll go along, help Steph, put all this behind us – and help our lecturers get fairer pay in the process!” said Kirsty.

“Sounds good,” said Rachel.

“Yeah...” said Ruby, standing up. “Um... I just remembered, I’ve got to go do something. I’ll be back in a minute.”

She walked over to the door and left the kitchen.

“What do you think that was?” Kirsty asked.

Rachel shrugged.

“While she’s gone though... we need to talk about something,” she said, getting up from the sofa and moving to join Kirsty at the table.

“Um. Yeah, we probably do, don’t we?”

Rachel took a deep breath.

“I don’t need you, Kirsty.”

Kirsty’s stomach sank through the floor. Rachel seemed to see it in her face, and quickly held up her hand.

“Wait. I don’t mean it how you’re thinking. Let me...” she paused. “I’ve missed you a lot these past few weeks. I never said so because... well, mostly because of all that stuff Petra said, really. I was scared. And, honestly, a bit ashamed.”

“You have nothing to be ashamed of, I was- “

“Please let me finish.”

“Yeah, of course, sorry.”

“Okay.” Rachel said. “I also felt like there was something... something left for me to realise. And today I did. Because, see - as much I’ve missed you... I still survived without you. I survived without you being a part of my life in _any way_. And I haven’t done that in a _really_ long time.” She took another deep breath. “More than survived, even. I lived. I ate all my meals and went to... some of my classes, and I hung out with other people and did things that made me happy. I _was_ happy, at times.”

Kirsty swallowed.

“I see.”

“No, but that’s the thing!” said Rachel, grabbing Kirsty’s hands. “I don’t need you. I can live without you. But I _still missed you_. Because I _want_ you around, even though you don’t have to be. _That’s_ what I had to learn – because for so long, all these years, I’ve been so afraid... but it doesn’t have to be that way!”

“Afraid?” asked Kirsty, slowly. “Of what?”

Rachel bit her lip.

“It doesn’t matter. I’m not anymore, I don’t think.”

“So does that mean,” Kirsty started, a small feeling of hope budding inside of her, “you want us to be friends again.”

“Yes!” said Rachel, grinning. “As long as... that’s what you want, too?”

“Of course it is!” said Kirsty, smile growing to match Rachel’s.

“Yay!” cried Rachel, swinging their hands up over their heads. Kirsty laughed, and looked down at her best friend, taking in the pure joy on her face.

For a moment, every concern and fear and painful memory seemed as far away as Fairyland itself.

“Shouldn’t we talk about the fight, though,” she said, always one to be her own worst enemy.

“I don’t think so,” said Rachel.

“But don’t you want to know why- “

“Not really,” Rachel said, letting go of Kirsty’s hands and looking away. “Or maybe... We should. But I just don’t feel ready yet?”

“Honestly, same,” said Kirsty. “Petra did say there would be residual effects, didn’t she?”

“I guess,” said Rachel. She straightened up and looked Kirsty in the eyes. “Okay then. Two weeks. In two weeks, this will all be over. And then we’ll talk. About _everything._ ”

“Everything?”

“I’ve been keeping some secrets this year... longer, even. And I think you have been, too. Not to mention... there’s other stuff we’ve never really talked about. Not properly. So we’ll spend the next two weeks doing whatever we need to do to emotionally prepare, and then we sit down, and share it all. Deal?”

Kirsty stared at her for a long moment.

“Deal.”

***

“Steve!” said Ruby, throwing open her bedroom door, and slamming it shut just as quickly.

“Ruby!” said Steve, from where he was lying down on her bed. “I _may_ have to ask you to give me some help with wand practice. And I’m very sorry about your courtyard.”

“We’ll fix it tomorrow,” said Ruby, waving her hand dismissively. “And then we’ll do an intensive magic crash course, because we need to be ready in two weeks.”

“That soon?” asked Steve, sitting up. “What’s happened? You finally have a real plan?”

“Yes! We’ve been doing all this... vague scheming and stuff, and never coming up with anything that would actually be effective, and I think it’s because I’ve been scared, because having a real plan means it could fail - which was very unproductive and I’m not totally sure I like what it says about m- “

“Ruby,” Steve said, grabbing her wrist. “What is the plan?”

“Right! See, the moment I accepted that I needed to look past my own personal fears, I started seeing ideas everywhere, and then – oh, Steve, it’s like the perfect idea just fell into my lap!” She paused, considering. “Or rather – it will in two weeks.”

“But _what is it?”_ asked Steve, nails digging into the skin of her wrist.

Ruby pulled away and placed her hands on her hips, grinning triumphantly.

“Steve, what do you know about strikes?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promised this one wouldn't have a depressing ending, for once, didn't I?
> 
> I also once lived with someone who stole two traffic cones on a night out. We ended up decorating them with tinsel and using them as Christmas trees :D
> 
> Fear-procrastination is the biggest killer of my motivation for writing. It's probably no surprise to hear that I struggle with anxiety, considering what I choose to write about. All that stuff Petra said... I can't stress how much I needed to hear it, the first time someone told me about it (ironically, that scene was really hard to write because I wanted it to be perfect - even though the whole point is that perfection is impossible, and that's okay!). To anyone else who is like me - we are not just lazy. And we deserve every single one of our imperfect happinesses.
> 
> Next time: Action! Politics! Fire!? Much needed conversations! Oh, and a long awaited pay off to a certain character's oft discussed, but never used special skills...
> 
> Before you go - tell me your who your favourite Rainbow Magic Christmas-themed fairy was in the comments (if you like). It's a hard pick for me, but I really loved Stella the Star Fairy. Though upon discovering her existence, I have developed an amused appreciation for Alyssa the Snow Queen Fairy, who is *definitely* Not Elsa, no siree. 
> 
> No matter what day you're reading this on, and whether or not you celebrate any holidays associated with it - I hope it's a good one. See you at the strikes.


End file.
